Erin Akin Carroll

*Note: In response to some of the comments, I want to say that this post is not meant to be a debate on SAHM v. working moms. I have no desire or intention to work full time and do find my job with Hudson to be completely fulfilling.

I was thinking earlier today that I’m currently feeling a little bit of disappointment in myself. I’m sure I just need to break out my copies of So Long Insecurity and Cure For the Common Life to snap out of it and seek the Lord’s will, but I thought I’d share it here to get it out.

I have not once regretted my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom. I love the way I spend my days and I love getting to spend so much time with my precious boy. We definitely have our share of trying days and it’s not the most glamorous life, but my home is my workplace and I love doing my best to make it the best home that I can. I find ways to challenge myself at home to keep things exciting for me and comfortable for my family.

I don’t miss my former job (I miss the people). I don’t miss the schedule or the unpredictable workload. But I do miss the sense of pride and security that I feel in knowing that I am doing something that I’m good at. We all have our talents and it’s good for us to exercise those talents. Lately, I’ve had some feelings of inadequacy when I see friends that are finding ways to explore their talents and hobbies, maybe even make a little money doing it, and don’t seem to have fears about doing it.

I’ve always thought that I’d love to plan events and get paid and do it on my own terms. After planning Hudson’s birthday party I would love to start a small-scale party-planning company and think it would be wonderful to exclusively plan children’s parties. But there’s the fear of putting it out there and failing. Will people in Columbia even pay for someone to plan their party?

I also have fears of biting off more than I can chew. I can plan a party and I can raise my child without help every day. But can I do both?

Recently, I’ve committed myself to being the chair person for my Junior League committee, running the puppets class for our church’s music camp, and working Vacation Bible School at church. These are all things that I’m very excited about and I am not diminishing the value that each of these things holds for me and for those affected by it. But I do have this little nagging feeling that I want a little more.

But how much more? This isn’t about contentment or money. I just want to make sure that if I ever look back, I feel like I’ve lived up to my potential. Raising Hudson is the absolute best, most rewarding job I could ever take on. And maybe it’s something I should reevaluate when he (and our other future children) are in school.

Because one of my fears is committing to something that I can’t complete, I want to make sure that I’m completely invested, ready, and committed to whatever I decide to do.

Maybe this is all in my head and I’m putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I often have feelings like I should be “pulling my weight more.” And when I stop to think about that, I think it’s completely ridiculous that I could think that way. We are a family. A unit. We work together.

Maybe I’m rambling, but is this something that other stay-at-home moms have faced? I have found ways to keep completely busy and sometimes find myself to be busier than I was when I was working outside of the home. But I just want to make sure that if there is an avenue I can pursue to keep my creative juices flowing and still keep my day job with Hudson that I pursue it.

If you’re not a mom or a stay-at-home mom, do you find yourself wondering about the other job you could/should be doing?

I’ll be asking the Lord to guide me, to give me courage, and to make it obvious where he wants to use me.

I have to brag on my little guy for a minute. He’s a great sleeper and, for the most part, he’s a very happy kiddo. This first year with him flew by and he made it pretty easy on us.

Don’t get me wrong. He’s a rowdy little boy. He’s into everything and he gets irritated when he has to be confined because he’d rather be up and moving around. But he also knows exactly what time it is and what he needs at all times. And that makes it easier on me.

Hudson started sleeping 10 hours per night at 3 months and 12 hours per night at 4.5 months. This has been so nice for Todd and me. He doesn’t even want to be rocked. We give him his milk, read to him, say goodnight and he gets himself to bed. Then we go into the living room and hang out all night.

So I thought I’d share our “tricks” of the first year with my new mommy friends and for the future mommies that may be interested in this someda down the road.

Get on a Schedule

This takes a few days– especially if your baby is getting his days and nights confused. We printed out a spreadsheet and kept it by the rocking chair in the nursery. Every time Hudson ate, I wrote down what time he ate and how much he ate. When he played, I wrote down how long he played. When he slept, I wrote down what time he went to sleep and what time he woke up. The spreadsheet was broken down into sections for times with three categories in each section: eat, play, sleep.

Each day, I attempted to recreate the schedule from the previous day. I fed him every three hours. Sometimes, if he acted like he needed it, I may have fed him every two an a half hours.

Hudson was such a happy baby because he knew how his day was supposed to go every day. He knew when he was supposed to eat and when he was supposed to sleep. I know that consistency makes me happy, so why wouldn’t it make your baby happy?

While we were on a schedule, we also left a little wiggle room so that he could make it an extra hour if he had to on a day when we were out running errands or having lunch with friends. But we also made sure to not go for too many outings before he was settled into his routine. We spent a lot of time at home in the beginning, but it paid off in the end.

Harvey Karp and Happiest Baby on the Block

My cousin gave us the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD before Hudson was born and TC and I watched it twice before we went to the hospital.

Then we showed it to my mom the day we got home from the hospital.

Dr. Karp teaches us the 5 “S”es for soothing your baby. And all 5 worked like a charm! This guy is a genius and I recommend the video to any new mother. The 5 “S”es are Shushing, Swinging, Sucking, Side/Stomach position and Swaddling. Which leads me to…

Swaddle, Swaddle, Swaddle

The tight swaddle was the magic trick for calming Hudson and getting him to sleep instantly. I love the Swaddle Designs blankets and we became master tight swaddlers.

I’m not a fan of the Miracle Blanket or any of the other simple swaddlers. I prefer to use Dr. Karp’s tight swaddle method.

Because Hudson was such a big baby, he outgrew the swaddle blankets by 3 months and we had to switch to the Woombie. He was out of the Woombie and transitioned to the Halo Sleep Sack by 5 months.

Books

When it came to issues like sleep, we read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and The Baby Whisperer. I didn’t follow either of the methods completely. I just kind of skimmed the books looking for specific answers to our questions. And I also used my own common sense about what I knew about Hudson to apply to some of the books’ suggestions.

Cry it Out

I’ve said it before, but this isn’t for everyone. But it was for us. We got the “okay” from our pediatrician that Hudson was big enough and didn’t need to be eating during the night. She also told us that crying it out would make him a confident sleeper in the long run. It only took one night for it to work.

During the day, however, he was always comforted when he cried.

And since he was 3 months old and cried it out, he has only woken up in the night twice since then. And he was sick at the time– and of course we went to him to comfort him.

Black Out Lining

My mom was very smart when she advised us to use black out lining on the draperies in Hudson’s nursery. No matter how sunny it is outside or what time of day it is, his room is always dark if the curtains are closed. So during daylight savings time, when Hudson goes to bed and the sun is still up, he still thinks it is night time.

When he takes a nap at 10:00 a.m., it’s dark in there and he can sleep. Love that black out lining! I know that even Wal-Mart sells black out curtains!

White Noise Machines

We started with the Sleep Sheep, but in the end it didn’t work for us because it didn’t play long enough and it wasn’t loud enough.

We ended up getting a Brookstone sound machine and combined it with one of the white noises from the Happiest Baby on the Block CD. So he has two noise machines going at once and it’s great!

I have to sleep with a fan to give me a bit of white noise and my little boy likes his white noise, too.

In the beginning it was helpful to him because it recreated the sounds of the womb, but now it is just habit for him and he’s most comfortable with the noise.

Those are some of my tricks for getting through the first year! What else would you recommend to a new mommy?

I’ve spent so much time this week writing about the birthday party, I haven’t updated on what’s going on!

1. We’re in Dallas visiting my parents. I’m really here to help my mom recover from some surgery she had early this week. She just started a blog to tell her story and it’s called What’s The Plan? You can read it here.

I haven’t mentioned it on my blog because it’s not my story to tell, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been affecting me. Please keep her in your prayers.

She’s the strongest person I know and I cannot get over the strength she has shown during this time. She and my dad are always so positive and upbeat and I only hope that I can be the same way and show that same example to my kids. Replace worry with prayer.

2. The Glee season finale was this week and I cried no less than five times. Quinn having her baby and wanting Mercedes in the room with her, Rachel and Finn singing “Faithfully”, all of the New Directions singing “To Sir With Love”, Idina Menzel adopting Quinn’s baby and naming her Beth, and Mr. Schuester singing “Over the Rainbow” to his glee club with Puck singing backup. Mr. Schuester singing anything is always bound to bring me to tears for many different reasons.

Which song from the finale was your favorite?

3. I’m going to break down and read Twilight. I think it must be the end of the world and Jesus is coming soon because I said I’d never get into this. I think it’s because I’m almost finished with my 2010 reading list and know the Twilight books are easy reads. A 70 year old grandmother in front of me on the airplane today was reading Eclipse. I figure if she’s not a fuddy duddy I shouldn’t be a fuddy duddy. It’s time for me to embrace Twilight. But not Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison. Sorry, girls.

4. We took our family pictures/Hudson’s 1 year pictures with Tracy Turpen this week. Tracy took our family photos when Hudson was about four months old and they turned out so great! I’m so excited to see how these turned out. I’m sure I’ll be stalking Tracy’s blog until I get a glimpse of the photos!

We had so much fun playing with Hudson on the beach and ended up a sandy mess by the end. It was so much fun and I’m so thankful we’ve found a great semi-local family photographer in Tracy.

5. Last, but certainly not least, my sweet friend Megan had her precious baby Cohen this week. Cohen has a few heart problems and is currently at Childrens Medical Center in Dallas. Megan and her wonderful husband, Brent, are going to have a long road ahead of surgeries, going back and forth from their home to Dallas, and just the general stress and worry that comes with having a newborn undergo serious surgeries. Please keep their family– especially Cohen– in your prayers.

Sometimes in these situations it’s easy to feel helpless. I know that I want to know exactly what I can do to make life easier for their family. If you’d like to help their family, visit Send Love to Cohen for more information! I know they would appreciate the prayers and support.

And hold the phone! This is my 600th post!

I hope y’all have a great weekend and spend it with people you love!

I guess we celebrated Hudson’s birthday for a whole week on this blog! Thanks for hanging in there.

A few people asked about the invitations, so I thought I’d show you a piece of it. I worked on them with my dear friend, Nina. She was so kind to “gift” them to Hudson for his birthday!

I wanted the guests to feel like they were opening a copy of Green Eggs and Ham. The outside of the invitation looked like the front and back cover of Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham.

So, naturally, the inside text had to rhyme– like a Dr. Seuss book.

It read:

On June fifth, two thousand and nine,
We welcomed our baby for the very first time.
We had waited so long, we waited, we two,
And when he arrived, we dressed him in blue.

A whole year has passed, and oh what a joy,
to see this sweet baby become a big little boy!
He is growing and growing and growing so fast,
And we can’t believe how the days quickly pass.

Please join us on Saturday, the fifth of June
As we sing to Hudson the happy birthday tune.
The party’s at noon, so please don’t be late.
We’ll serve lots of food and cake on a plate.

You’ll laugh a lot and have a good time
Almost as much fun as reading this rhyme!

Here’s a party you won’t want to miss:
A Green Eggs and Ham celebration like this!