*Note: In response to some of the comments, I want to say that this post is not meant to be a debate on SAHM v. working moms. I have no desire or intention to work full time and do find my job with Hudson to be completely fulfilling.
I was thinking earlier today that I’m currently feeling a little bit of disappointment in myself. I’m sure I just need to break out my copies of So Long Insecurity and Cure For the Common Life to snap out of it and seek the Lord’s will, but I thought I’d share it here to get it out.
I have not once regretted my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom. I love the way I spend my days and I love getting to spend so much time with my precious boy. We definitely have our share of trying days and it’s not the most glamorous life, but my home is my workplace and I love doing my best to make it the best home that I can. I find ways to challenge myself at home to keep things exciting for me and comfortable for my family.
I don’t miss my former job (I miss the people). I don’t miss the schedule or the unpredictable workload. But I do miss the sense of pride and security that I feel in knowing that I am doing something that I’m good at. We all have our talents and it’s good for us to exercise those talents. Lately, I’ve had some feelings of inadequacy when I see friends that are finding ways to explore their talents and hobbies, maybe even make a little money doing it, and don’t seem to have fears about doing it.
I’ve always thought that I’d love to plan events and get paid and do it on my own terms. After planning Hudson’s birthday party I would love to start a small-scale party-planning company and think it would be wonderful to exclusively plan children’s parties. But there’s the fear of putting it out there and failing. Will people in Columbia even pay for someone to plan their party?
I also have fears of biting off more than I can chew. I can plan a party and I can raise my child without help every day. But can I do both?
Recently, I’ve committed myself to being the chair person for my Junior League committee, running the puppets class for our church’s music camp, and working Vacation Bible School at church. These are all things that I’m very excited about and I am not diminishing the value that each of these things holds for me and for those affected by it. But I do have this little nagging feeling that I want a little more.
But how much more? This isn’t about contentment or money. I just want to make sure that if I ever look back, I feel like I’ve lived up to my potential. Raising Hudson is the absolute best, most rewarding job I could ever take on. And maybe it’s something I should reevaluate when he (and our other future children) are in school.
Because one of my fears is committing to something that I can’t complete, I want to make sure that I’m completely invested, ready, and committed to whatever I decide to do.
Maybe this is all in my head and I’m putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I often have feelings like I should be “pulling my weight more.” And when I stop to think about that, I think it’s completely ridiculous that I could think that way. We are a family. A unit. We work together.
Maybe I’m rambling, but is this something that other stay-at-home moms have faced? I have found ways to keep completely busy and sometimes find myself to be busier than I was when I was working outside of the home. But I just want to make sure that if there is an avenue I can pursue to keep my creative juices flowing and still keep my day job with Hudson that I pursue it.
If you’re not a mom or a stay-at-home mom, do you find yourself wondering about the other job you could/should be doing?
I’ll be asking the Lord to guide me, to give me courage, and to make it obvious where he wants to use me.
being someone who is dealing with infertility, I actually have the reverse of this… the “shouldn’t I be at home taking care of a child?” feelings. I think it’s normal especially in today’s society where women are expected to take on the role of “earner” and “momma” at the same time, to feel like whatever you’re doing isn’t enough. It sounds to me, like you’re definitely doing a lot!! If you decide to party plan, you could always do just a handful (more exclusive if you will) maybe one-two a month that way you still have plenty of time with Hudson. I would definitely say to pray about what the Lord wants you to do.
wow..Erin just what I needed to hear today.. after a long day today. I have been thinking the same things lately.. & yes I do think it is in your head, mine to haha. [i mean that in the best way] I love what I do as a stay at home mom, but I have always worked full time before so there is that little something missing. If you can handle it go for it girl! I loved Hudson’s party theme.. and they will only get better!
I’ve kind of got the reverse (although I don’t have kids yet). I’m in law school and planning to practice after I graduate next year. I’ve invested so much of my life (all of high school, college, and the past 2 years, so an entire decade) into this degree and this career. I very much want to have a family some day, but have had to wrestle with the fact that I will, in all likelihood, never be a stay-at-home mom. I’ll miss a lot. And that stings quite a bit. But when I think about NOT using my (ridiculously expensive) law degree…I can’t really fathom that.
I think it’s true that women today are juggling so many different hats. A lot is expected of us, but I think our generation expects even more from OURSELVES. And sometimes those expectations aren’t manageable, and we have to deal with that. I think that if this business idea is something you’re really interested in, you should pursue it at whatever pace is best for you.
My two cents 🙂
I’m not a stay at home mom but I think about the other job that I could be doing Every. Single. Day. I don’t feel fulfilled in my job at all. For a small bit of time I had too thought of about being an event planner and running my own business. I’m in the process of planning my wedding now and it’s been a lot of fun. I could definitely do that for a living. I’m actually going back to school for nursing because I really want to help people and having a more fulfilling and admirable career.
Oh Erin.
First of all – would parents in Columbia pay for you to plan their child’s birthday party? I don’t live there, but I am thinking that it is hell to the yes. Bookoo bucks too!
Anyway, I think we always want more. Women are just naturally these crazy creatures who aren’t content unless they have a hand in every fire, yet we’re constantly looking for new gratification trying to prove ourselves. It’s exhausting.
I, personally though, am on the other side of the coin. I busted my behind to graduate college early (after interning every summer) just so that I could climb the corporate ladder faster as a PR executive. I never wanted kids, and I always told myself that I didn’t go to school to be someone’s mother. However, the older I get, the more unfulfilled I feel. On paper, I have a great career, but nothing I does makes a difference. At least one that outlasts a news cycle. But I want a family, and the thought of sending my children to a daycare for their first years of life is terrifying to me. So to me – more is being there to watch my children grow-up in front of me.
The irony is, I know that when I have that opportunity someday, I am going to still need to work to fulfill the sense of achievement I’ll want. Maybe I’ll get that satisfaction when my toddler uses the potty for the first time, but I know myself well enough to know that I will probably have to have a company at home, or at least do freelance work just to feel like I’m still using the talents God gave me.
I think society has tricked us into thinking that we can have it all, when in reality, we can’t. At least not all at the same time. We just have to prioritize and keep things proportional to our values. I think as long as you stay focused on what’s important, you can certainly supplement with things that utilize your skills and talents that are outside of the scope of your day-to-day life, as long as you stay balanced. But we’ll always want more, regardless of what we have. At least in my opinion.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck as you try to figure all this out, but know we’re all right there with ya. But know that being a mom is an amazing opportunity and probably the biggest contribution a woman can ever make to the world. Don’t underestimate the value you’re bringing to your family.
Look at it this way – if you put yourself out there, and you do fail, you’re not any worse off than you are now. You will still be sitting at home and not planning parties. However, if you DO succeed (and seriously, Hudson’s party was one of the most amazing at home parties I’ve seen, and I’ve seen a lot on line. You should be submitting that to Hostess with the Mostess) you will be so glad that you took that leap!
Hi Erin
My husband and I are about to start trying for a baby. I am so torn in half about what I want to do. Half of me would love to stay home, have a bunch of babies real quick (I am 32 so it has to be pretty quick), and be an amazing SAHM. I want the big house where all the children bring their friends after school. I want to be on committees and baking for bake sales etc.
I am also a lawyer. I am good at what I do. My whole living memory has been studying at High School, getting the grades to get into Law School, Studying at Law School and now as a lawyer. I am so unsure of who I really am without that huge element of my life.
I am also the primary breadwinner at the moment and I hate that being a factor. I want to make the right choices for family based on our needs and values not on material things – but it does creep in.
Not sure if that helps at all. I certainly can imagine what you are experiencing.
I say – launch your business. Do it from home with no overheads. All you need is a website and I think you have the know-how for that. You can take one client at a time – more for your own self than for any huge money making reasons. Put it out there and see if it works. Maybe do a survey at your church or other groups about whether families with similar life styles to you would hire a party planner.
You have to be the best mother you can be and you can only do that if you are happy.
Do what will make you happy!
Love
Elle
I am not a mom but I have to tell you that it is SO refreshing to hear this! I think that as women we all struggle with whether we are enough – smart enough, hard-working enough, and on and on and on.
We are our own worst critics!
I know that I think once a day that I should be doing more with my life… but then I realized that life only happens one day at a time – and that I can only do the most I can, each day. Nothing more.
Based on the pictures from Hudson’s party, I would definitely pay you to plan my child’s party. Amazing job!
No advice here. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 2 boys for a year, but I’m definitely ready to re-enter the workforce outside of my home. And I feel a wonderful peace about it that only comes from the Lord. Praying that God will make your decision perfectly clear. You will be great at whatever you decide to do because of who you are.
I have been reading your blog for some time now, I think it is great. I have recently began to struggle with the same thing. I have an 18 month old and work full time, but always wish I was at home. I think it is important to find a balance in life, that is something I don’t feel like I have right now. You should definitely consider starting your own business, if that makes you happy and gives you a sense of self, that is worth more than anything anyone would pay. Thanks for yuor blog, I always look forward to reading it.
Not a mom- but I can tell you that I feel the same thing as I sit in my office through the summer months. Nothing goes on and it gives me times to evaluate where I want to be and where I should maybe go next. The hardest part for me is taking the plunge whether that is to look for new jobs, or resign myself to staying put for a little longer. Not that I don’t like my job and am not happy to have it – but I think I want more.
Oh how I relate!! I recently went back to work part time after five years off as a SAHM. It was out of necessity but has turned out to be a great thing for all of us. I work opposite shifts from my husband so one of us is still home with the kids. My children have come to realize that I am a person and not just “mom”. My husband has an appreciation for my job at home that he did not have previously and he has grown in his relationship to our kids. It has been a win win overall but not without its struggles. Balance is hard and only God can help you find it. I pray that you are clearly led in the direction you should go!!
I am a SAHM and there are days when the same things cross my mind. I work so hard around the house and raising our little girl, but at times feel like it isn’t enough. I think it is a matter of finding that balance and I have been trying to do that for a year. I love being home but always want to make sure I am doing enough. I say pray about the party planning idea and see where He leads you. Thanks for voicing this-it helps me see I am not the only one.
I’m not a mom yet and I currently work as an event planner and I’ve thought about going out on my own because I’m good at what I do but I’m too scared that no one will hire me and then I’ll be a failure. I also stress that if I started my own company I would never have time to raise a family or give them the attention they need. I’ve also considered taking a few years off (once I have kids) when they are young and then starting a business once they’re in school. It’s hard for me to imagine my kids in daycare but it’s hard for me to imagine being a SAHM. I think it’s something most women our age struggle with- you’re not alone!
Hi Erin:
I am not a SAHM, I am a full-time working mom and here are my activities: Church, Junior League (chairperson of fundraising), starting up a Girls on the Run in my county, blogging, sewing (Etsy shop) and I have the most unbelievable relationship with my daughter, husband and of course, God. It is possible and yes, I’m afraid I will fail, but who doesn’t feel this way? That’s part of our inherent personalities since Adam and Eve. But, you never know until you try.
I had a friend, going back to work full-time after 3 years and two kids. She asked me how I do it. I can’t explain it because it’s different for everyone. But I did tell her #1) give yourself some time. Don’t decide after two weeks of trying, that it isn’t working, keep at it and at least finish your first project. How do you know until you finish something? This is for a project for a SAHM, like your party planning, or for someone going back to work #2) you must take some time for yourself (which it sounds like you do with JL and church). After that, you make the decision for yourself, but hey, you’ll never know til you try!
And as a working mom, I’ve had LOTS of judgement from SAHM’s who think I do too much – one thing I’ve learned and this took a lot of Bible reading is about being judgemental. YOU make the decision and don’t let anyone judge you or vice versa. What goes on behind closed doors with you and your family is your business and even your closet friends and family don’t know and therefore, it is not their place to judge. You do what is right for YOU and your family and that is noone else’s business. Sorry to get blunt there, but over the years, I’ve had lots of SAHM’s (not saying you’re like this at all, I dont’ know you), but I’ve had lots criticize my lifestyle. I don’t criticize theirs, it’s just what works for us and we and our daughter are very, very happy and we have an amazing bond. I’ll pray for you!!! 🙂
Erin –
I recently stumbled across your blog and actually also live in Colmbia. As for your question about paying to plan a children’s bday party – I say a resounding YES! My son will be 1 in early October and I’m freaking out about everything that needs to be done to make it the event he deserves. Let me know if decide to persue this, as I would definately be interested in your services.
I work full time and went back when my son was 12 weeks old. We struggled for a long time to have a child and he will be our only one. I am constanly pulled between what I need and should do – work vs. stay home. I’m always trying to figure out what I can do from home to still make money but that would allow me to spend more time with him. For financial reason, I have to work so that makes it even more difficult. I constanly struggle with the areas in life that I feel are weak but I’ve recently decided the one thing that is most important is to be the best mom possible to my son.
Uhh…wow…that was alot of babble that didn’t make much sense.
My husband and I are trying to get pregnant. So technically I don’t know all of the emotions and feelings that go into being a mother. I can only assume how I will feel after a baby actually arrives. And based upon those assumptions, I have decided to get a teaching certificate and be a middle school teacher. Currently, I’m an account. I have my master’s degree in accounting (from La Tech…go dawgs :)) and I have been working for 3 years. The emotional part of me feels like I will be giving up everything I’ve studied and worked so hard to be. The rationale part of me knows that I would never be completely satisfied working full time with a baby (more than 40 hours a week) or being a stay at home mom. I need something in between. And being a teacher will provide me with that. Plus, I LOVE kids. So to me, this feels like the right thing to do. Follow your heart. If it’s telling you to plan a party. Then help plan one for a friend with a young child. If that goes well, plan another. Being a party planner doesn’t mean you have to jump in head first. Just follow your heart. It won’t lead you astray.
As women, we all struggle with this issue. I was raised in a home where my mother always worked, so it never occurred to me to be a SAHM, so my decision was easy. I also love my job (most days) at least the field I’m in and I’ve made it a career, not just a job, so to me I’ve just figured out how to balance things. When I’m home I devote all of my time to my son and he’s never known the difference. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything and he loves going to school every day, which also makes it much easier. Most of my friends are SAHM and although they seem to enjoy it, I think it’s funny how they can’t wait for summer to be over so their kids can go back to school or how they spend half of their days at the gym and their kids are in gym daycare and then they lock them in their rooms for two hours in the afternoon for their rest time. Then they go out every other night with their girlfriends or for their volunteer activities. I feel like I see my little guy more than they see theirs sometimes! As the post above says, I do what works for me, not what anyone else thinks, and that’s why I’m happy I think. My son and I are very close and he’s happy and mama’s happy – so that’s all that matters!
You know I think you’d be an amazing party planner! Good thing is there’s not much overhead and you already have a great start to your portfolio! You could start small, with just friends, then word will spread and you could start to charge more and then you’d take off! Just remember though, it does take a lot of time to run your own business! But I know you’d be great at it! When your kids grow up, it will give you something to have for yourself! And let me know if you need any help with a logo design for your business! 😉
I will pray for you! I admire you for sharing your feelings. I am kind of on the other side of it. I work full-time as a lawyer and miss time with my 6 yr old son…
I understand how you are feeling and often feel the same way. I too was an event planner, but I quit 17 months ago when I had J. I miss the feeling I get when I work on an event and I often look for something to recreate those rushes. But, I can’t imagine missing a single minute of J’s life right now. I mean I had tears in my eyes when he said “cracker” for the 1st time the other day. I guess I don’t really have any advice except I’m always here to talk. =) Let me know if you figure out a solution b/c I want in!
It is obvious that so many other people are torn between these two worlds. I currently work fulltime and have an almost one year old. Every day I think about staying at home! I have also considered doing some event planning as I have some experience at work but am not sure where to start to get things going. I also live in Columbia and do believe there is a market for such things here! Hudson’s party was gorgeous, I am in the process of planning my little ones party too and most of the steps you followed are the same ones I use. 🙂 God will surely show us his plan and provide us with guidance!
I’ve been a reader of your blog for about a month now. This post is so true for all women! I do not have children yet, but I deal with these issues everyday because I know one day I want to leave the workplace and be a SAHM. I often wonder, will that be fulfilling enough for me? I am working on my master’s degree now so I can have it finished before children, in the hopes that I can find something “on the side” to do while being a SAHM. But will I be able to handle it? THANK YOU for this post! It’s nice to know others struggle with this too!
I think I know exactly what you mean, minus the mom part since I don’t have that experience. I wonder constantly if I’m doing enough, enough to keep myself occupied, to do enough good in my community, to have something to look back on and feel proud of myself. For me, I watch my husband work toward something very concrete, something tangible. I work at a job I could take or leave, come home, and have endless free time. When he has a graduate degree to show for his three years after college, what will I have? What will I have done with my life in the time that he’s continued to pursue his goals? I just want something to show for myself, that I did something worth doing. And I don’t know what that something is.
I say go for the party planning! Start with friends and do it on the side and see where it goes! The most wonderful woman I had the privilege to know and work for ran a VERY successful interior design company, and it all started when her friends kept saying how wonderful the elaborate drapes she made for her own home were. She started making them drapes, and it built from word-of-mouth. Sounds like a strategy that would work for your party planning services 🙂
Erin,
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and honestly….I had a hard time getting past your comment about raising your child without help. To me that would be a lonely world for my child. I’ve been a sahm and a ptwohm (working more as my children have gotten older and now working a bit less now they are tween/teen) and have felt a lot of this over the years….but I never looked at being home as raising my child without help because when I was a sahm, I wasn’t rasing my child without help. I had the help of my husband, family, friends, church and so forth….
My advice is to not look at this as an either/or type of decision….because well, frankly it’s not.
I can totally empathize with you on this situation. After graduating with my undergrad (in a field other than education), I went back to get my teaching certification. Now, three years later, I am finishing up my master’s and schools in MS are letting teachers go, not hiring. I know the Lord led me to go back to school, but I often catch myself questioning why. I feel like I have no direction right now. Nat Kat has been great for me, but I have invested a lot of time in furthering my education and want to use it. I know He as an amazing plan for me (and you, too!) and it will be revealed in His perfect timing. As I continue to pray for direction and guidance in my life, I will pray for you as well.
I’m not a mom, but my mom stayed at home while we were small, and she wound up going back to work after we went to school. I have always thought that i would like to stay home when my kids are really little, but then give myself a day or two a week that they are in daycare (at 2 or 3) so that i can do other projects and errands, so that the time spent with my kids is just that. Then when they go to school i think i would want go back to work during the day, but in a way that i get to be there when they get home from school. I think that’s the ideal life for me, a balanced one where i have time to be a great mom, but i also get that fulfillment that i know i would need outside the house. That’s probably a lot about my personality though, because i have never been a homebody – i love being outside the house even if it’s just going out to walk through target!
I always wonder when people decide to stay home if they ever have a plan for when or if they want to go back to work. Maybe when Hudson is a bit older you could work from home as a planner while he’s in school, then you can still be there when he is home from school, but get to go after your party planner dream!
Ok I just had to leave a comment on this one too.. Currently I work with my dad (he runs a small HVAC business). After my baby is born in September I plan on working from home part time and this scares the heck out of me. How am I going to focus on being a new mom and work at the same time?? I really feel an obligation to keep working for dad and like you said we do associate a certain amount of pride with a job well done.
In terms of “success” I think of you as a highly successful person. You seem to be a wonderful person and terrific mother. You are very involved in your community and church. I think these are the things you look back on in life and can be proud of. Even your blog brings women together and I have learned so much from other mommies and wives out there! However, I believe everyone must decide what fulfills them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling unfulfilled because you do not have the opportunity to stay at home with your kids or because you chose to stay at home. I think everyone wants to live up to their potential as cliche as that sounds. Regardless of what you choose I have no doubt you will succeed.
No kids, just the pup, but I also do events and the travel/late nights it requires has limited my charity work that I used to find so fulfilling. I truly miss my philanthropies more than the free time. Your volunteer positions are something to be really proud of and demonstrate your success as well! Can’t we just have time for it all? 😉
I think as women we always wonder if we are not doing enough. It’s not as black and white as SAHM vs. working mom (although all my SAHM friends wonder if they are doing enough to be “accomplished” while my working mom friends wonder if they are doing enough in their kid’s lives). We all want to be Superwoman! Don’t be too hard on yourself!
I heard a quote once that really motivated me. I’m not sure who said it or what the exact quote is, but it goes something like, “Later is the enemy of never.” With our dreams, we would never say “I’m giving up on accomplishing that, it will never happen” but we always say “I’ll do it later” – until, really, later becomes never. Start your party planning business; Hudson’s party looked great!
I often have the thought “we only have one life” pass through my head. I often wonder about my career, my family, my vacations, etc. – Have I done (am I doing) everything that I want to. We don’t get a second chance at life.
And BTW, your party planing dream, you should totally go for it!! Hudson’s party was A-MAZ-ING!! You clearly have a gift.
Erin,
I live in Charlotte and I know that folks here would pay big bucks for you to plan their parties! Go after it! Start slow at first and see if you can handle it. If you think you can take on more, do. If it becomes too much for you, scale it back. My wedding planner quit her job as a fancy Country Club event planner to have her son. When he was 3 she launched her own company. She only does 8 events a year. Whether that is a wedding, corporate event or party. She says that has helped her keep her balance with her son! Email me if you want her information. I think she’d be a lot of help on the situation.
Katie
I don’t have any kids yet, but I’m going through something similar with my job. I say job, not career, because I am not satisfied by it at all. Not in the least bit. I do love my co-workers, but it’s a struggle to get up each day and come to work. Over the last 6 months I have been toying with leaving my position. I would like to get into the hospitality field, but I don’t have any experience. However, I’ve been applying to any positions that I come across. No luck so far, but I keep trying. Last weekend I came to the conclusion that I am 99% sure I will be putting my two weeks in this Friday. I am just miserable and life is too short for this. I am trusting in God to see where he takes me. I might end up totally failing by leaving, but without taking the chance I will never know. So, what I’m saying is you should totally go for with the party planning business! Try it- you only get one life. Good luck!
I would look at it this way…if you start your own business what’s the worst that could happen? It flops? Big deal. You would just be in the same position that you are in now- a SAHM. It doesn’t hurt to try. The best that could happen is that it takes off and it is a huge success (which could be a negative at the same time if it becomes too much for you). You will never know unless you try. That’s how I try to think of things.
Before I graduated from hs my teacher who ran the school newspaper wanted me to meet a friend of hers who worked in advertising(at a big magazine) in NYC. She thought that I would be perfect for an internship there and that I could really succeed in advertising. I was scared. I never had been out of my bubble and was afraid of failing. So I didn’t do it. It’s probably one of my biggest regrets even though I love being a teacher. It’s just a different side of me that is sad about it–the always curious, “I can do anything” attitude. But I am so thankful for my job I have and know that if I had taken that internship I would have probably never met my husband. Like you, I’m not trying to figure out how what to do with that other side of me aside from my full time job. I want to continue teaching, but I want more.
I wish you all the best and no matter what you do I know you will succeed!
I am expecting a child in September and have struggled with the “do I want to be a SAHM or working mother” question. Even more than than, I have dealt with judgments by others about what I should or shouldn’t do as far as work and child-rearing is concerned. My hubby and I made the decision that I will be a working mother, and I have come to terms with our decision because it is our child, our family, and our finances, and we made the best possible decision for our whole unit. It doesn’t make it any easier, though. I think about the things I will be missing out on with my child while I am at work. The grass always seems to be greener on the other side…no matter whether the choice is to be a working mother or a SAHM.
I wonder about this a lot. I’m not currently a mother, although our plan is for me to be a SAHM when we are parents. That being said, I find myself holding back thinking about the future and is it morally right to seek out a promotion knowing I’ll want to be at home one day. And, on the flip side I have to remind myself it could take a long time to get pregnant so I should reach out for more.
And, then I worry about being a SAHM. Will I like it? Will it fulfill me? Can we really, truly live on on income? Will it change our relationship? If I decide to back to work after a few years will I be able to find a job I’ll enjoy? And, the list goes on…
Erin, just wanted to let you know you are not alone on this. Though I am not a SAHM, but I can relate to the feeling that I’m not putting my god-given talents and abilities to good use, the feeling that I could always be do something more. And to be honest, sometimes we’re doing more than we think. You are so talented and creative and would so love to see you desire to be a children’s party planner come to fruition. Don’t EVER be afraid, because when we step out in obedience, we’re still scared, but carried by grace to see it through!
Hey Erin,
I think that you should explore the party planning idea. You can start putting your feelers out and starting out a little at a time, and then devote more time when Hudson goes to school.
I don’t think that any job, corporate or otherwise, is completely fulfilling. Do what you WANT to do, not what you think you SHOULD do…you will be much happier in the end :o) Good luck!
I think you should definitely pary about this. I do think it is a common thiing to struggle with when you decide to stay at home. My mother was home until I went to junior kindergarten and then she would work while I was at school. She always loved working so it was wonderful she was able to go back into finance. I have an aquaintence that start a children’s party planning business in California and she has had a lot of fun with it. I think it sounds like a great idea, just do not spread yourself too thin!!!
Erin I have read your blog for several months now and as a new SAHM (I’m just starting my second week) I am struggling to find a routine. Even though I am loving being home with my 7 mo. old son, I too miss the interaction with other adults and the praise/recognition that I received at my former job. I also feel guilty that the time at home with my son is not truly quality time with him as I struggle to get the house cleaned/organized. I would be interested in hearing how you and Hudson stay busy and what quality playthings you do together. Also, I think about starting a blog as I find so many other young moms that I feel I can relate to and I love reading about other moms making blog friends, yet I am hesitant to open up my home life to the world. Do you struggle with the lack of privacy sometimes? I would love to get involved into some type of play group/circle but am not sure where to look. By the way, I loved Hudson’s birthday party. You actually got me motivated to start planning my son’s 1st birthday as well. My husband thinks I’m crazy considering its still 5 months away!
I feel the same way sometimes. I wish I had more time for volenteering or hobbies, but at this point in grad school I think I’m just in survival mode an can’t find a way to add things in I love.
As a SAHM who started a business, I say go for it! It gives me the avenue to express my creativity, and I think that makes me a better mom. Sure, there are weeks where I’ve got a ton of orders, and Ella is sick, and I’ve volunteered for something at church. But those moments are fleeting.
I love owning a business, and while the extra cash wasn’t my motivation, it sure is nice!
And would people pay for you to plan a party? Yes!!
honey i could have written this post to the T! i feel the exact same way! EXACT! it’s a constant balance but I wouldn’t trade my job for anything! But i also want to do things for ME! i think it’s important. I also fear failure. whether it be me or society or whatever… it’s there lingering in my mind! pray pray pray about it friend. God will give you guidance!
I am not yet a mom but hope to be soon (my husband and I are adopting). I can relate to this only a tiny bit. People ask me if I will stop working when we adopt. The honest truth is that I have never considered not working. Now, as I said, I am not a mom and maybe my mind will change. But, for now, as much as I think I will love being a mom, I also love my job and what it does for my self-esteem and feeling of accomplishment. So I can sort of relate to your situation. All I can say is this: find something that makes you happy because if you are happy, you will be a better mother.
I stayed home with my two girls until my youngest was about 9 months old. While I was at home with them, I used to wonder the same thing… I would go to bed at night not feeling like I really DID anything that day. Yes, I cleaned up and played with the girls, but that’s what Moms would do anyway. I felt like a part of me was unfulfilled, even though I LOVED being able to spend that time with my daughters.
Now that I am working (even though it’s only 20-30 hours a week) I now feel like I can’t get it all done… It’s hard to go to work, spend time with the kids and be at all of their activities, AND keep a household running. I look at other women who seemingly have this great balance, and I just wonder how they do it! I have felt torn either way, working at home, or outside the home. Each one has it’s own pros/cons…
What a worthy post, Erin. 🙂 I am a stay-at-home mother of one (so far!) and am actually in the process of starting a small business. The stream of great ideas and perfect opportunities was too strong to ignore. My husband’s delightfully wise grandmother has developed a great acronym, T.I.D.E., that you may find useful:
T-Try everything!
I-Identify your talents.
D-Develop your talents.
E-Evaluate what is worth pursuing.
I can’t help but feel that you’re on to something with your party planning idea, but, either way, I’ll just add my personal witness that the Lord does care about these things. I’ve been amazed and delighted to learn how much He cares about a line of swimsuits for tall women! Who would’ve thought? I say give it a go and enjoy the fruits of the attempt, whether they be a fun little business, a great learning experience you’d otherwise miss, or whatever! Good luck!
I totally know how you feel! I don’t have kids yet, but I do feel lately that I’m just doing the norm… going to work, coming home, doing things around the house… the same old thing. I feel sometimes like there is more I could be doing with my life but I am scared to try those things and fail. I started making jewelry and thought I could have an etsy site and make some money at doing something I absolutely loved. About 6 months went by and I sold well, nothing! It did not turn out the way I had planned and it was too expensive to make all this pretty jewelry and never sell any of it, so I had to stop. I guess it just wasn’t in the plans for me to have my own jewelry business! But all you can do is try. You will never know what could have been if you don’t try it. My advice is don’t have any expectations going in… just do what you love and enjoy it, then if it takes a while to get going you won’t be sad! I think that was my downfall… I wanted to be successful now and got discouraged when it didn’t happen right away.
Go for it and good luck 🙂
When I first graduated from college my mother fell ill and I had to stay home and take care of her rather than go out and get a job. For seven months I cried thinking no one would ever hire me. Of course my mom got better and I eventually found a job and went on to have a very successful career. One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn’t allow myself to enjoy that time in my life. I didn’t have to get up and go to work, I got to hang with my mom all day, it was the last time I would ever really be “free” and I was miserable.
I’m now a SAHM to two little girls, one month and three years, my father died 6 weeks before the baby came and my mother, who is once again sick and unable to live alone, has moved in indefinately. Needless to say I have a lot on my plate. But rather than count the days until I have my house back, or the kids are old enough to be more self sufficient, I am working very hard to enjoy this time. It won’t last forever. I don’t want to look back and regret wishing this time away.
So that’s my advice. Enjoy this time with your son. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
I’m not a mom, but I agree with what you said. We all do need a way to be creative and successful outside of the home. I would love to be a SAHM one day, but I would definitely miss the feeling of accomplishment that I get after a great negotiation or after agreeing on a contract.
I think you would b excellent as your own boss planning parties. Why not try to just put your name out there and take on one at a time? If it’s not too overwhelming then then really get the business together and up and running. You could even hire an assistant if that would help!
If you feel like something is missing, then listen to your heart!
Erin, I’m not a stay-at-home mom and I still wonder this sometimes. I think it’s natural (if you’re a go-getter like we are!) to want to be sure you’re living up to your fullest potential and using the talents God gave you. I am always wondering if I could be using my talents better, so you might wonder too even if you were working! I’m not sure if that will help your thoughts on the topic, but I just wanted you to know it’s not a SAHM-specific concern. 🙂
Erin thanks for a great post — I’ve definitely had feelings like this in other areas though I’m not yet a mother. But I’m planning to become a SAHM when we have our first child, and I KNOW I’m going to doubt myself along the same lines. Thanks for being so open and honest about it — I’ll pray that you see the right path for you and your family!
I’m not a mom, so who knows how I will fee when that time eventually comes. I think if you’re wondering if there is more for you to do, then you want more to do or something new to add. From the pictures, it looks like you could plan some incredible parties and I’m sure people would be interested. Start small…maybe advertise/get the word out with church friends/other friends/family and see if you can handle planning other events and still stay as committed to your son and your home as you want to. You never know what might happen. And, as you said you were, ask God. He will guide you to what you are supposed to be doing.
Hi Erin – I have been a longtime reader of your blog and this post really spoke to me. I am not a mom (although I hope to be one day in the future) but have struggled lately with what I am currently doing and having a sense of fulfillment. I often question if there is something else I could / should be doing and also worry about failing if I were to venture off into something new. I decided the best thing to do is to pray about it and see what might happen! The pictures from the birthday party show that you have such an incredible talent for event planning so I say go for it!
It’s hard being a parent. We all want the best for our children and unfortunately, there is not a handbook or checklist to ensure that we will raise healthy, happy, well adjusted children. I think it can be particularly hard to be a mother because as women, we are far more judgmental than our male counterparts. So, here’s my 2 cents.
Women have come a long way in the working arena and have careers that are far more demanding than our mothers and grandmothers ever dreamed. Personally, I think the world is a better place because of this. For example, my daughter just went to the dentist who happened to be a mother. Let me tell you, this dentist office was far more kid-friendly than any dentist office I ever visited as a child, thus actually exciting my child about going to the dentist! (Were you ever excited to go to the dentist? I sure wasn’t!) I work for a government and was recently a part of a discussion about funding parks. Because I am a mother, I had very specific recommendations about restrooms and park equipment that would be friendlier to children and families. As a result, our community will have a better park. Furthermore, my husband plays a more active role in parenting and also provides insight in his career that helps families. This list goes on and I could provide you with a 100 examples of mothers and fathers in the workplace that are making our community better simply because they are parents. I think it is important for us all to remember that it is psychologically unhealthy and virtually impossible to be everything to our children – as much as we may want. We all want our children to be happy, well-adjusted people and to reach their full potential and develop their special talents. We, as their #1 role model, should set that example. Additionally, we should accept our shortcomings and learn to outsource those – be it housekeeping, dental work, meal planning, party planning, teaching, accounting, legal advice, whatever. I would totally pay you to plan my child’s party just as I’ll pay the dentist to provide a happier environment for my children and your taxes will pay me to plan a better park for your child. So use your talents to fulfill your dreams and remember to lean on and support other women to make life better for everyone! I firmly believe that it takes a village to raise a child and that we all can have it all if we all work together!
Oh do I ever hear you!!! As a SAHM of 3 young children, I too have had your EXACT thoughts over the past few months! After my first 2 children were born, I took 6-8 months off after each birth before returning to my career on a part-time basis. Then, I decided to “retire” after being back at work for 1 year after my second was born. My third was born last fall, and I can’t help but think about going back. I’ve done exactly what you’ve done by playing a bigger role at my kids’ schools and at church, but I am missing “something.” I love planning my children’s parties (often beginning 6 months in advance!) and have seriously considered venturing into starting a children’s party planning business as well…but I have your same concerns! I’m actually giving serious consideration to returning to corporate america 2 days/week, which I think is a nice balance – now that I’ve been on the stay-at-home-side for almost 3 years! It was great, but for me (notice I said “me”), I think I need my own goals and sense of accomplishment that are not solely defined by my children.
Erin,
Sweetie what you are going through with this is totally normal. Don’t feel at all guilty. As a 52 year old with two kids (actually they are no longer “kids” they are 21 and 18) I understand your feelings. I worked long and hard on my career before having my babies and it was important to me. My advice, for what it is worth – work part time. I tried all the options – didn’t work at all (SAHM), worked full time with babies at home with an in-home nanny, and worked part time. The part time option was the most rewarding. It really is the best of both worlds but it is not easy to work out. The best way to do it — be spectacular in your full time job and then negotiate moving to part time. It will fullfil the need to be with your child and also fulfill the need to be in the work force. Just my opinon from someone who has been there, done that.
Best wishes.
This is very typical of us SAHMs. We are sitting there considering where we are in life. We just have time to evaluate ourselves a little more. This is a great time to get your library card filled. Go start a series of books. Teach yourself something. Give yourself a break. You are going to look back on this time and be glad you cherished it, not worried you weren’t doing enough. God will guide us like you say.
I have two children and stay home with them. I schedule things to do with them, I workout, I clean house. I do things for church. I keep a pretty busy schedule. I have a MOPS group.
I recently started my own business. A photography business. I really love it.
There is no pressure to make my family survive on this so it’s just for me. I can really carefully build this the way I want. Save up, learn new skills in my nap times, Etc.
I think you should embrace your love. Start building small. Doing things smalls o you don’t take away when your hubs is home all the time, but just your own thing. You can do it!!
It will give you that filling need that you are working on something just for you. Give you a little exra money for yourself. Or for your family. Just make sure you dont’ let it overtake you. But you have nothing to lose.
I’m new to your blog and I have never commented on a blog before. However, my intention is not to tell you much about myself. I feel the Lord is working through me and I felt the need to tell you more about you that maybe you don’t see right now. You have a very smiley baby… that doesn’t happen on it’s own. I’ve seen pictures of one of the parties you coordinated…. that takes talent and investment. You invest time and energy to the Lord… this takes dedication. You have this awesome blog… that inspires and reaches out to others.
You said you miss the people at work but not the job. This means your a people person. Do ALL the people following your blog/life count. Just to name a few.
It is natural for people to step back and wonder what else they can have or should be doing. If you don’t do anything more than what you have done, know that people (myself included) have been affected by you in a positive way.
I hope, if anything, this gives you peace of mind and content, if only for a moment.