I’m trying to laugh about this week’s topic because it hits so close to home today. And if I laugh, I can sort of disguise how nervous and uncomfortable it makes me. How do we cope when we come unglued?

I’ve been stuffing my emotions all day in an effort to not come unglued. (Lysa Terkeurst wrote a really wonderful book called Unglued- and she says there are two categories of behavior when we come unglued. We either “stuff” or we “explode.”)

I’m typically an exploder. I may wait a few minutes before I actually explode, but the words come out, my emotions come out. I don’t hide it.

I yell. I say things I instantly regret. I explode just to try to get the result I want, and it’s not pretty.

And yet, today, I’ve been stuffing. It all starts in the car when my kids are fighting over a song or a toy. And then the day goes on and the bickering continues, back talk happens. There’s whining and fussing and spills and utter chaos.

This isn’t an attack on my kids. Please hear me say that. Kids are kids. They all misbehave. They talk back. They argue and they aren’t perfect. That’s just a given. But I love them more than words can even say.

But some days, my blood pressure goes up, and I just want a few minutes of peace and quiet. I want the bickering to stop so I can fix dinner and not spend the day playing “referee.” Or so I can attempt to cross any of the things off my list that I need to do.

So what do I do when I have these feelings like I’m going to stuff and stuff and stuff until I explode? How do I cope?

Just recently, our pastor talked to us about using our words wisely, and understanding the power that our words hold. The damage that our words can do.

I’m sure we all have some kind of story about someone in our life who said something that hurt us, scarred us, and we carry those words with us where ever we go.

Mine happened in college, when I saw some really hurtful words that a supposed friend wrote about me critiquing my weight. It was awful. It tore me up. I’ve carried those words with me ever since that day.

Can you imagine if those words had come from a parent?

Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit.

Proverbs 15:4

I can honestly say that the last thing in the world I want to do as a parent is crush my kids’ spirit!

He suggested that when we have those moments as a parent when we feel like we’re going to explode, then we need to walk away. Go to a room by yourself and shut the door until you can come back without saying something that would be hurtful or damaging.

I had to use this exercise last week when I was at my wit’s end with Hudson and his “mouthy” ways. I can punish him without hurting him. So I walked away and closed the door until I could approach him without “exploding,” as Lysa says.

I cannot imagine trying to take on motherhood without my gracious and forgiving God. And His wisdom. I pray all day long. I pray out loud. When my kids are fighting in the car and won’t stop when I ask them to, I pray out loud. (This usually causes Hudson to say, “Mommy? Are you talking to God?” And he quits arguing with Hayes.)

Of course there are good days and amazing moments. Those moments when I feel like a great mother. I feel like my kids are “getting it” and like I’m doing something good in their lives.

And, of course, there are the days when I wonder where I’ve gone wrong. Why am I failing? And on those days, I just shut myself in my room for a couple of minutes until I can get it together.

But, like I said, kids are kids. All moms have bad days.

And you know what’s funny? I can pinpoint when I’m going to come unglued.

I come unglued on days when I have too much on my to-do list. I come unglued when I’m trying to take on more than I should. I come unglued when I’m completely disorganized and don’t have a decent plan for the day and have left my kids to entertain themselves while I try to get everything done. I know my triggers.

It’s up to me to avoid those moments.

I choose to focus on the good, despite the frustrating days where I feel like I just can’t “stuff” anymore. It’s not my kids’ fault. It’s usually my attitude and my taking my focus off the Lord that gets me to that place.

I’m so thankful for the testimonials from other moms like Lysa that help me see that we all react in one of these two ways. But I’m also thankful for God’s word, and that I know where to go for wisdom to figure out how I can help prevent these situations.

What about you? I am so excited to read all of your posts on this topic. Be sure to link up with us!

And in honor of Mother’s Day, Lysa Terkeurst is giving away an Unglued bundle. This bundle includes the Unglued book by Lysa Terkeurst, the Unglued devotional, and two Unglued key tags.

To enter, just leave a comment on this post telling me how you cope when you come Unglued. I’d love for you to be the winner– this book is so good!

You can order the bundle at a special discounted price here!

Courtney, Kelly, and Jennifer are also giving away this same bundle on their blogs. Visit them and read about how they cope when they come unglued.

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Today’s Build ‘Em Up topic is something that I think makes most women fairly emotional. At least that’s how it has been for me.

I live in a wonderful Southern city that can sometimes feel like a very small town, but really isn’t all that small at all. It’s an old city and it can feel small because so many people have lived here all their lives. It’s one of the things I love most about living here.

But I haven’t lived here all my life and didn’t move here until I started graduate school.

The friends I made in graduate school mostly all moved away to start jobs and I stayed. I made some other new friends and then they left town.

When Todd and I got married, it was tough for a while to find that group of friends. We had lots of acquaintances, but just didn’t yet have that group of people that we knew we’d “do life with.”

That was until we joined our church and then joined our newlywed Sunday school class. I touched on this before when I talked about what the body of Christ means to me, but that newlywed class was the beginning of some incredible friendships.

As we got more involved in our church, and met more people, I got to know many more women who have become great friends.

And then we were the first ones to have a baby. For a while that kind of changed things because our social schedule was a little different than everyone else’s. And it can feel a bit isolating to be the only ones at home with a baby and limited availability to go out with your friends. But one by one, others started to have babies and we started spending more time together as families.

I know this sounds a little funny, but my children have opened the door to some incredible friendships, as well. Two of my dearest friends are also members of our church and Sunday school class, but our friendships were formed as a result of our children being in the same preschool class.

My precious childhood friends, college friends, grad school friends are so very special to me, even though I see them a lot less. Staying in touch isn’t easy when families and responsibilities come in to play, but we do our best.

This blog has also provided some of the most amazing friendships in my life. Some of my very best friends came from blogging, and I am so thankful for their perspective, loyalty, and sweetness.

(I wish I could find a picture of every single girl that I text and email all the time!)

Sometimes I don’t feel like the best friend that I can be. Life gets busy. We all have obligations and commitments. There are jobs and housework and families and kids’ schedules. But I think the mutual grace and understanding goes a long way in friendships. A quick text to say hello and the understanding that every family is busy, and every mom is doing her absolute best, is all we need to get back on track.

So, here are my take aways on friendship….

1. You have to put yourself out there to make friends. Church, Sunday school, small group, Junior League, play groups, and even social media. But finding those couple friends that can support you, love your family, love your kids, and be a group of people to do life with and have fun with is so valuable.

2. If you’re nervous about putting yourself out there, just remember that there is someone there just like you, who is also hoping to meet a new friend.

3. Friendship should be full of grace. If you don’t have tons of time to call or visit or get together, that’s okay. Maybe it’s just a 30 minute coffee date. Or maybe it’s just a quick text to say, “I’m thinking about you.” I know that when I get those texts it makes me so happy.

4. Maintaing friendships can be one of those “mandatory fun” things. I love “mandatory fun.” My group of girlfriends recently started a once a month girls night. We get together one Sunday night each month to go to a movie or to dinner or to get cupcakes. It’s so much fun to have a night when I know Todd is home that I  can go out and meet my friends for a little mandatory fun.

How about you?

How do you maintain your friendships as you juggle life and everything else? Link up with us and share your story!

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And don’t forget our upcoming topics!

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This is our third week for the Build ‘Em Up series with Kelly’s Korner, Lil Light O’ Mine, and Life in the Green House.

Today we’re talking about how we make time for ourselves, what we do when we make time for ourselves, and how to remember ourselves in the hustle and bustle of life. This is for moms, non-moms, working women, and women who have given so much of themselves to something or someone else. 

So rather than write a beautiful post on this topic, I thought I would put my thoughts into bullet-point form because that’s about the way they’re floating around in my head.

I’ve been a mom for almost four years now, and since becoming a mom, I’ve definitely let go of a lot of things about myself. I used to work out for almost two hours every day. I made time to hang out with friends and never forgot a birthday or forgot to return a friend’s phone call. If a new movie came out, I went to see it. My DVR wasn’t full of shows I didn’t have time to watch and I read every book I wanted to read.

I had actual hobbies! I had even gotten into yoga in the year prior to having Hudson. (I still can’t believe I did that.)

As you can probably see from my blog (in comparison to when it began in 2007), my life revolves around my kids. And that’s the way it should be in these years. I’m raising two little boys, and they constantly need me, and I need them, too.

But I know that I have to remember to nurture my mind, my spirit, and my body.

So what are the things I love to do that help me clear my mind and get that breath of fresh air that I need?

1. Reading- I find that if I am in the Word, and am doing my quiet time regularly, I am more balanced, and have better perspective. I also love to lose myself in books. I absolutely love to read, and if I make the time to do it, I’m always happier for it.

2. Movies and Television- I think I’ve said this before, but I love going to movies alone. It’s stress-free, I can “lose myself” in a movie and unwind for a couple of hours. I also love mindless television. And I absolutely love lying on the couch and watching movies that I’ve seen 100 times before. That doesn’t happen– ever– but it’s one of those things that brings back my energy.

3. Girls Nights- Back in January, my girlfriends all decided that we’d like to set up a “mandatory,” once-a-month, girls night on one Sunday night per month. I look forward to this so much! We go to dinner or go to movies, but just knowing that I will see them, have great conversation, and have a night out help me stay encouraged.

4. Blogging – Blogging has been great for me. It has given me such a great outlet and a fun sense of community. It helps me to write, but I also have set up some boundaries and filters in the last year. I love to read blogs for encouragement, too, but I also reach a point where I get overwhelmed by the encouragement and advice. Sometimes I just have to take a step back and find that my mind is clearer if I’m not reading.

5. Pure Barre and Walking– I’ve started going to Pure Barre classes recently, and truly, when I am in that class, I don’t think about anything else other than being in that class. It is fantastic. I also love to go for walks. Taking the boys or Boudreaux for a walk is always great, but it’s not very quiet. Walking alone gives me some good time to have a quiet environment or to just listen to music that I love.

6. A little pampering– Getting my hair highlighted or going for a pedicure can help me find myself again when I look in the mirror. Having someone take care of me for a little while so I can look a little more normal is always good for the soul. Or even taking the time to blow dry and curl my hair and put on some makeup. It makes me feel like a brand new woman.

There is nothing I love more in this life than being the mom to Hudson and Hayes. But I am also so very thankful for a husband who understands the need for and encourages girls nights.

I’m so thankful for in-laws who understand that Todd and I need time to ourselves and will keep our kids so we can do that. And I’m so thankful for babysitters for when my in-laws are unavailable.

I’m thankful for a hair dresser who doesn’t “shame” me when I visit him after not coming in for five months. (This is not recommended!)

And I’m thankful for sweet friends who are full of grace. They understand that family comes first and a good friend doesn’t necessarily mean a perfect friend with unlimited time.

Giving that grace to myself is another biggie. And not being a martyr is important, too. I take the time to myself when I can get it. And if I really need it, I ask for it. But if I miss a workout, don’t get my hair highlighted, don’t blog for a few days and can’t make it to a girls night, I just remember not to beat myself up over it.

And if I can’t get the time to myself, I stop and remember that this time with my rowdy, sweet boys is so special and it does feed my soul.

What about you? What are the ways that you nurture your spirit? I’d love your tips!
So link up with us or leave a comment.

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Y’all. I have just been loving this series. I have loved reading your encouraging words. I have loved taking time to focus on the good stuff. I have loved finding new blogs to read. And I have loved so many of your tips and bits of wisdom.

I have also loved getting to know these three friends of mine even better. Kelly, Courtney, and Jennifer have all encouraged me so much over the years and if you don’t know them (though I’m sure you do), here’s your chance to learn a little bit more.

Visit Kelly’s Blog

Visit Courtney’s Blog

Visit Jennifer’s Blog

 and this one’s mine

We wanted to give y’all a heads up on our upcoming topics. We’ll pick back up next Tuesday with “remembering you.” I know that I struggle with this one and would love to hear how some of you are able to maintain hobbies and make time for yourself.

And we’ll continue to host the link up every other Tuesday until y’all say you don’t want to do it anymore. We’ve loved this so much that we don’t want it to end, and we have lots of topics in our back pockets for you.

Thank you so much for participating and for reading along with each other and encouraging each other. I can’t wait to read more from you!

What topics would you like to see us discuss?