I’m trying to laugh about this week’s topic because it hits so close to home today. And if I laugh, I can sort of disguise how nervous and uncomfortable it makes me. How do we cope when we come unglued?
I’ve been stuffing my emotions all day in an effort to not come unglued. (Lysa Terkeurst wrote a really wonderful book called Unglued- and she says there are two categories of behavior when we come unglued. We either “stuff” or we “explode.”)
I’m typically an exploder. I may wait a few minutes before I actually explode, but the words come out, my emotions come out. I don’t hide it.
I yell. I say things I instantly regret. I explode just to try to get the result I want, and it’s not pretty.
And yet, today, I’ve been stuffing. It all starts in the car when my kids are fighting over a song or a toy. And then the day goes on and the bickering continues, back talk happens. There’s whining and fussing and spills and utter chaos.
This isn’t an attack on my kids. Please hear me say that. Kids are kids. They all misbehave. They talk back. They argue and they aren’t perfect. That’s just a given. But I love them more than words can even say.
But some days, my blood pressure goes up, and I just want a few minutes of peace and quiet. I want the bickering to stop so I can fix dinner and not spend the day playing “referee.” Or so I can attempt to cross any of the things off my list that I need to do.
So what do I do when I have these feelings like I’m going to stuff and stuff and stuff until I explode? How do I cope?
Just recently, our pastor talked to us about using our words wisely, and understanding the power that our words hold. The damage that our words can do.
I’m sure we all have some kind of story about someone in our life who said something that hurt us, scarred us, and we carry those words with us where ever we go.
Mine happened in college, when I saw some really hurtful words that a supposed friend wrote about me critiquing my weight. It was awful. It tore me up. I’ve carried those words with me ever since that day.
Can you imagine if those words had come from a parent?
Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit.
Proverbs 15:4
I can honestly say that the last thing in the world I want to do as a parent is crush my kids’ spirit!
He suggested that when we have those moments as a parent when we feel like we’re going to explode, then we need to walk away. Go to a room by yourself and shut the door until you can come back without saying something that would be hurtful or damaging.
I had to use this exercise last week when I was at my wit’s end with Hudson and his “mouthy” ways. I can punish him without hurting him. So I walked away and closed the door until I could approach him without “exploding,” as Lysa says.
I cannot imagine trying to take on motherhood without my gracious and forgiving God. And His wisdom. I pray all day long. I pray out loud. When my kids are fighting in the car and won’t stop when I ask them to, I pray out loud. (This usually causes Hudson to say, “Mommy? Are you talking to God?” And he quits arguing with Hayes.)
Of course there are good days and amazing moments. Those moments when I feel like a great mother. I feel like my kids are “getting it” and like I’m doing something good in their lives.
And, of course, there are the days when I wonder where I’ve gone wrong. Why am I failing? And on those days, I just shut myself in my room for a couple of minutes until I can get it together.
But, like I said, kids are kids. All moms have bad days.
And you know what’s funny? I can pinpoint when I’m going to come unglued.
I come unglued on days when I have too much on my to-do list. I come unglued when I’m trying to take on more than I should. I come unglued when I’m completely disorganized and don’t have a decent plan for the day and have left my kids to entertain themselves while I try to get everything done. I know my triggers.
It’s up to me to avoid those moments.
I choose to focus on the good, despite the frustrating days where I feel like I just can’t “stuff” anymore. It’s not my kids’ fault. It’s usually my attitude and my taking my focus off the Lord that gets me to that place.
I’m so thankful for the testimonials from other moms like Lysa that help me see that we all react in one of these two ways. But I’m also thankful for God’s word, and that I know where to go for wisdom to figure out how I can help prevent these situations.
What about you? I am so excited to read all of your posts on this topic. Be sure to link up with us!
And in honor of Mother’s Day, Lysa Terkeurst is giving away an Unglued bundle. This bundle includes the Unglued book by Lysa Terkeurst, the Unglued devotional, and two Unglued key tags.
To enter, just leave a comment on this post telling me how you cope when you come Unglued. I’d love for you to be the winner– this book is so good!
You can order the bundle at a special discounted price here!
Courtney, Kelly, and Jennifer are also giving away this same bundle on their blogs. Visit them and read about how they cope when they come unglued.
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I rarely come unglued, but when I do I have to walk away! Take a few moments to think and breath. Then pray for the Lord to guide me through the situation!
Unfortunately, I explode. Today I will try walking away for a few minutes. Thanks for the words of wisdom. I have been wanting to read this book!
I try to get out of the house…go window shopping, get a pedi or go through the McDonalds drive thru for a coke 🙂
This speaks right to me these days! I need to carefully choose my words, and walk away. Very good advice!
When I come unglued, I have to walk away and breathe! Sometimes I get out a good, quick cry too 🙂 I’d love to win this bundle!
I’ve always been a stuffer, until I explode. I always feel so badly afterwards, like I’ve failed as a mommy or a wife. I definitely need to remind myself about choosing words carefully.
Would love to win this book! Love Lysa TerKeurst!!
I’m working on not exploding, but taking a few minutes by myself to calm down. I appreciate your honesty on your blog. It is such an encouragement to me as a wife and mother.
I usually take a few minutes and take a couple deep breaths on focus on Jesus and how he would react. I stuff a lot, but have been working more on sharing my feelings and sometimes I just let it go to God.
My small group is reading this book right now and we love it! We are all single women who do not have children yet, but have found the lessons and topics apply to any stage of life. The comparison chapter particularly hit home for me! I constantly struggle with this and then become “unglued” with emotion whenever I start to compare. Great book and a great topic.
Becoming a mom really punctuated my tendency to come unglued. I struggle with rarely being able to complete tasks and then I just explode! I really need to read this book!
I come unglued when I haven’t had my quiet time in the morning or adequate time to prepare for the day – I don’t do “rushing” well. I try to wake up at least an hour before the kids for that purpose. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way and then I find myself in a series of explosions the rest of the day. What kills me is that I know it isn’t them, it’s me…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate it!
I would love to read this book!
Oh, how I would love to write and entire blog post on this but truly- I’m very swamped and unglued right now. Typically, coping involves a lot of prayer and a perspective check via a good heart to heart with my husband.
I takes a lot for me to come “Unglued” but when I do, it’s not pretty. With a quiet prayer, a few deep breaths, and 10 minutes to myself, I can become ME again. Thankful for His grace!
I used to go for a walk (which was good – it kept me in better shape!) Typically now, I’ll ask God to show me what’s causing me to feel like rippin’ into someone/something; it’s often not anything related to what’s going on but from a past hurt that’s been hidden, and, as He reveals it, I deal with the original offense & it defuses the current situation.
i actually became unglued last night in response to my 3 year old…. and now i am feeling guilty thinking about it. thank you for the reminder that our Lord is sovereign! and He forgives and thankfully my sweet little 3 year old loves me unconditionally as well 🙂
I come unglued when I feel stressed. If I stop, breathe and pray it goes much better! But sometimes I don’t go through this process, unfortunately.
I usually have to take a minute to myself and then come back and apologize.
I try and take the “unglued” moments in pieces. This help me keep perspective. I’m always looking for fresh approaches to these hard times.
When I become unglued, I ask my husband if he can say a prayer for me! He says the best prayers, even if its just a few words. And it helps so much!
Erin, Thanks for sharing this! What you describe as normal days happen so frequently the same for me! Some days I do have the patience to keep calm and chill everyone out, some days I try and let them work it out on their own, other days I do have to walk away or as you mentioned, I too pray out loud so the kids do hear what I am saying. It does stop them and also to me is another type of teaching moment where they see in action, how in times of stress or trouble, sometimes praying is the only thing you can do to get hold of that moment. Thanks again and Lysa’s books are fabulous!
I try to do exactly what you do and walk away. Even if it is to just go to the bathroom, I remove myself from the situation before going back.
I tend to be a stuffer…Until I reach a certain point. And when I hit that point, the explosion is inevitable and usually includes week’s worths of frustrations and anxieties. I am working on being more mindful of this and talking through those unglued ‘stuffed’ moments before they become explosions, but I still have a long way to go! I love that you take a minute for yourself when you need to calm down and help ensure that you don’t say things you don’t mean in anger or the heat of the moment. I think that would work well for me, and I am going to try it!!!
All I can do is vent to friends and beg God for forgiveness.
I have 2 kids, ages 3 and 1, and unfortunately I feel like I often come unglued! I try to get away for a moment to gather my thoughts, buts sometimes its just so hard. Thank you for recommending this book. I will check it out!
Unfortunately I come unglued I yell, this post has really made me think about my words. I have thought about them in the past but it is always a good reminder to read that other mother’s experience this also.
Learning to stop, walk away and pray before reacting.
When I come unglued, I have to get away and escape for a minute before I totally lose it.
I am so much like what you posted. I explode and it’s usually on days I’ve packed too much in and/ or I’m extremely exhausted. I love that you pray out loud in times like when your kids are bickering. I am SO stealing that idea and the next time my children pester, bicker or annoy each other I am going to pray out loud! Thanks!!!
I’d love to win this bundle and read Lysa’s book.
Often times I yell which I am not proud of. I try instead to walk away for a few seconds or hand my son off to my husband when I can.
If I can get control before I become completely unglued and lose it, I say this verse from Isaiah to myself:
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” The Lord uses it to help me when I let Him!
Would love to get this book!
I just recently discovered your blog! Thanks for the awesome advice! I would love to read this book and figure ways that I can not come “UNGLUED”!
It is such great advice to just leave the room when you feel like you might say something hurtful. I wish more people would take that tip and use it. Great post Erin!
Oh how I wish I could have had this book when my children were babies. It might have helped prevent un-intended hurtful words through the years. I pray that I have not crushed their spirits in my crazy momma moments. Coming unglued is something I am all too familiar with. Now that they are in college, those moments are few and far between and I am wiser now. What I would give to have gained that wisdom many years ago.
God’s word is the only thing that helps me in those unglued moments! Repeating scripture or just remembering He is there! I would love a daily devotional!
Unfortunately I have many unglued moments when I am trying to finish work (I work from home) and the kids come and disturb me yet again! The only thing that really helps is a quick prayer, asking God for patience and strength. And the prevention: spending time with the Lord in the morning before anyone else gets up. I ask for wisdom, patience and for me to give my kids the attention they need. Those days go the smoothest.
With two little boys (5 and 2 next week) and a super rainy spring, I have shut myself in the downstairs powder room for “time out” and prayer for 5 minutes every once in a while. Would love to have this book!
Having 2 kids 2 and under and a third due in September I have a daily struggle with coming unglued. I need to learn to stuff it more than just exploding and saying things that I instantly regret to the ones I love the most in life and the ones who are there to help me and “build me up”. Thank you for this post! Such a great reminder!
This is such a great topic and one that encouragement from other women is so beneficial!! I have told my boys many times that mommy needs a “time out”!! Just a few stolen moments to get control of my frustration can make all the difference!
You, too? I feel like I didn’t “explode” until I became a momma, and now I want to smack myself sometimes. My sweet husband is so patient, but I’ve been reading more and trying to just step back and see how my frustration impacts my little family. I want them to be built up, not torn down, and I know that who they are and how they feel is a direct reflection of how they’re treated. Thank you for your post!
Thank you! I Love your blog 🙂
When I come unglued, I release – words, yelling, you name it. This is definitely something I’m aware of, and have decided to work on.
I seem to be unglued more than glued lately, I really should pick up this book!
For me, a walk or a bubble bath gives me some quiet alone time to pause and reflect. If I am really feeling unglued, I often realize that I am also not making enough time for prayer. I really liked what you said about just praying aloud when you need it.
I’m a stuffer until I explode when I come unglued. It’s a bad combination as I don’t seem to process things while I stuff them. This book looks like a great book!
I’m an exploder and I’ve seen what it does to my precious husband and precious 2 year old son. I don’t want to be the person who makes them feel like that! I like what you said about knowing your triggers. I need have better self awareness of my triggers so I can combat the situations before they start. Or, at least, be mentally prepared so I can handle the situation better. I would love a copy of this book! I’m about to have our second son and transition to be a stay-at-home-mommy and I KNOW I’m going to need these lessons imprinted on my heart.
Lately, I feel like I am always unglued!
I think I explode with my fiance by am a stuffer otherwise. I think (unfortunately) it is easer to take my frustrations out on him and so I don’t hold back but in the workplace or with friends I tend to stuff it inside and hope it goes away. In order to prevent coming unglued I like to read. It takes me away from the situation and allows me time to calm down…even if I just read a chapter or two.
I’m a stuffer too. Thanks for the reminder inspiration to study Proverbs 15:4. Love this series ya’ll are doing!
I explode. All over the place. With hurtful words that I IMMEDIATELY regret. There are times I physically have to put my hand over my mouth or do damage. Today, I will try walking away. Thank you for sharing and being real!
Praying and just saying the name of Jesus helps me in these moments. Love to win this. Thank you.
i have to remember that an unglued mama stirs up her kids and makes all situations worse!
I am glad I just found this series, as it piggy backs off of my having a conversation with another mother about how I feel like the problems I am having with my kids and how I view my success as a mom (I feel like I am failing and lost most days) is shared by others.
I don’t feel so alone and this series broadens that audience of not being perfect. I’m learning to be ok with that (now that I am working full time again). Would LOVE the bundle to help me on my journey.
MY SON CAN PUSH MY BUTTONS LIKE NO OTHER PERSON IN THE WORLD, AND
THERE HAVE BEEN MANY TIMES WHEN I HAVE COME UNGLUED AND EXPLODED.
I STILL HAVE SORROWFULL REMORSE OVER THE MANY TIMES THAT I HAVE
WOUNDED HIM WITH MY WORDS. MY REMORSE IS COMPOUNDED BY THE FACT THAT HE HAS ASPERGER’S SYNDROME, AND COMMUNICATION MISUNDERSTANDINGS ARE USUALLY THE SOURCE OF MY FRUSTRATION. BUT I AM BLESSED THAT HE READILY FORGIVES ME WHEN I APOLOGIZE.
Chocolate, I usually have to step away from the situation and breathe
Being a stay at home mom of 7 children, I find myself coming unglued more than I like to admit. I am learning to look at the big picture and ask myself if what I am getting upset about is really worth it.
I feel unglued when I’m tired or sick. I’ve had some issues with my allergies and fatigue for some time. I finally went to the doctor. It’s so hard for me to put myself first, ever… I find when I make time to care for myself through studying the Word, fellowship with sisters in Christ, prayer, and exercise I am able to keep it together so much more.
Laprochaine@gmail.com
I would love to say that I always respond appropriately, but I don’t. It’s much easier with my son than with my husband or anyone else. And I would say a lot of times I avoid confrontation at the risk of being mean. I definitely need this book 🙂
Pray! Pray! and Pray!
I’m so glad that I am not alone in this world of motherhood. And it is so funny how I can relate so much to the blog that you have just written. The triggers that allow you to come ‘unglued’ are the very triggers that I have when I’m having an ‘unglued’ moment as well. I also find that my ‘exploding’ comes from being out of routine. I am a single momma of 3, which in itself is no easy task, and being in a routine is key, however, I find that if I am not in my routine, especially in the evening, that I am more likely to explode. I do feel the shame that comes with that. I apologize to my children every time I come unglued.
Thanks so much for your words. They are so encouraging.
As a very type-A person, I have a hard time dealing with chaos and messes. Something I have learned to do is stop and ask myself “does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? is it really worth getting in a tizzy over THIS?!” It helps me keep things in perspective and learn to relax a little.
I would like to say I never come “unglued” or even that I rarely come “unglued” Truth is…I do frequently and in those times I either shut down or freak out. Would love to experience the book and study.
I am an exploder also. It takes a lot of prayer and hot tea to cope at times! 🙂
It usually takes a lot for me, but I will scream. As loud as I can, but I always feel better and its not directed at one particular person. I hope I win this bundle so I can learn better ways to cope without blowing up.
I would love to win! Thanks for the chance. And thanks for sharing.
Most of the time, I have to stop & breathe ~ PRAY. It pains me that I struggle with this with my four children but I am trying to do better ~ God willing.
I’m learning to walk away when I get close to exploding. My best strategy is something I learned from reading “Sacred Rhythms” called the breath prayer. I say it countless times a day, mostly when there is a whiny boy at my feet in the kitchen or the 15th time I’ve been asked the same question. “Lord, take me the rock that is higher than I.” It focuses me back on God and the purpose he has given me to raise Godly children (who just might need a Godly mother to look to!). Would love this book and my boys would like me to have it, too!
Walk away! Take a deep breath and pray. Remind myself that God didn’t promise easy, or that life would be fair. That being a mother is the job God has called me to. Lately my go-to verse is (can’t remember the reference!): “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world.”
I would love to win. I don’t cope very well when I become unglued.
I don’t cope and that is the problem!
I usually come unglued before I can walk away. I appreciate this topic – especially today and more recently. I am a single mom and my ex-husband lives in another state so I’ve been a little more stressed lately. I just need to remember to stop and walk away and come back when I won’t explode. Thank you for your words of affirmation and the tips you provided.
I would love to win this package! I’ve definitely had an “unglued” morning myself with my 3 year old and 18 month old little girls! Pray, pray, pray. That’s usually what I do when I come unglued. I also have a mom’s group at our local park that could definitely benefit from this devotional – we just finished Jen Hatmaker’s book Out of the Spin Cycle and need something new!
I head out to the garden for a little dirt therapy. I find that a little time in the dirt I get a whole new outlook.
I become exacerbated way too easily these days. I’ve been unglued due to work stress and, unfortunately, taking too much of that home with me. I definitely need some new coping skills for this crazy time!
How do I deal with Unglued moments? Well my only hope is…increasingly better than I did with the last one. No promises but I have slowly improved over the years with a LONG way to go!!!! PHILIPPIANS 1:6!!!!!!!!!
This is an area where I struggle. As someone with a dark past full of rejection, abuse & being someone else’s doormat; I had to learn to defend myself and not be used the way I was for so long. Unfortunately, my defense mechanism was to change my “stuffing” ways and explode about everything. I went from one extreme to the other. Not good. Thankfully with the help of Jesus and my amazing husband I am learning that not every situation is as big a deal as I once believed it to be. I’m learning to take a minute to think before I speak or respond to emails/texts/social media. When I find my blood boiling over something I simply pray and ask God to speak through me and to guard my tongue. Now I’m no where near perfect; I mess up daily and blow up or hold it all inside (again). But gradually I’m getting better about seeking God first and asking Him to deal with things out of my control–because really, doesn’t He do that already?! 😉
One thing that seems to hellos if I just back away even if only for 10 seconds. Just think to myself, we are gonna make it through this, we can do it! It gives me just enough time to calm myself down a few notches before I explode in front of the kids and regret something.
I struggle with coming “unglued” at the place I work. I could use this package
I am a stuffer in every sense of the word! I try to stuff it in and cover it with a cookie. I sometimes wish I could explode instead of stuff.
Well, I am a stuffer, but you can only stuff so long, then you are bound to explode! I need Unglued!!
I try to leave the chaos and pray, pray and pray some more. I have so enjoyed reading these. Knowing that we are not alone is so wonderful!~!
I’ve been looking at this book for a while, considering purchasing, would love to win it! Lately I’ve struggled with coming unglued, it seems to be a stressful time in our lives right now. I try to stay in the Word and seek God throughout my day, but with kids, sometimes the stress of it all is just really overwhelming.
I am so encouraged by your blog! I am also a “boy mom”. I have two boys under 3 and I am truly and honestly exausted everyday! I love being a stay at home mom and feel so grateful to be with them all day every day, but this does cause me to have many moments of becming unglued! After reading your post, I know I absolutley need to read this book. How I react in stressful/crazy moments has been a huge part of my prayer life and I feel that this book would be so helpful and I wont feel so alone!! Thank you!!
I have been struggling through some challenging times with an increasingly strong willed 3 year old and very active 1 year old. I try to keep calm but there have been a few times where I have stepped out for a quick 10 second breather!
I’ve been wanting this book for a really long time. I love Lysa and look forward to my Proverbs 31 daily devotionals every morning. I just started Karen Ehman’s Pause Before You Pounce challenge too. God has definitely been challenging me in the area of impulse control lately. 🙂
BTW – I’m stopping by from Shay’s post today. Glad we got to contribute together! I love your blog already.
Alison
This was what I needed to read today, actually should read
this every day. What a sigh of relief knowing I’m not alone in feeling less of
a mother, cranky, tired, and most times just overwhelmed with all the bad
feelings at once. I ask God often how He would expect me to be the mother He
would expect me to be let alone be a mother at all. Lately I’ve had so much
anger build up that I get short with the kids and just wish it would only get
easier, which I know it doesn’t but I keep praying it dose. I’ve slowly learned
to ask for the Lords help, to help control my anger and short temper. Some days
have gotten better but they are few and far between. I can make excuses, blame
something or some else or have a pity party, but that only makes my matters
worse. I feel like I focus on all the bad and none of the good. I’m going to be
missing so much if I don’t change now and that scares me. I want to be the
perfect mom because I’m the perfectionist. Thing is no one is perfect, certainly
not me. I would love the Unglued package, maybe it can keep me glued together.
Aw thanks for sharing, I loved reading your insight!
Gosh, I can certainly use a tune up!
I try to always remember to pray, but sometimes I’m so caught up in things that I forget 🙁 I really need this!
It would be wonderful to win this, especially as a homeschooling mom of 4. I hope that you are praying for guidance in the process of choosing the winner. 🙂
Hi! I’m new… 🙂
The problem is – I’m not handling the unglued moments very well… At all… which is why I need to read this book and get re-focused! 🙂
I turn to God when I am becoming unglued!! The serenity prayer is where it’s at!
Remember who my focal point is…
In the midst of chaos, I first pray and then try to find the humor in the situation. Knowing that God is in control, and this moment is temporary helps me to find the lighter side of the situation.
Unfortunately, when I become unglued I yell. How I want to act and what actually happens are two different things. It’s hard to change your first reaction but I’m trying.
I yell. Then call my husband and yell. And he calms me down.
I can’t say I always cope well. This is still a learning process for me. I try to take a deep breath and pray.
Wonderful giveaway!
I really don’t do very well at all , when it comes to coming unglued. But I have found the only thing that will help is taking a deep breath at the same moment saying (sometimes out loud ) Help me Jesus.
I have 4 kids under 4. Two of them have autism. Need I say more? Being unglued is a regular event around these woods. I cope by rolling with the punches. Theres no sense in trying to control the chaos, so I just let it ride. I haate bible study Beth Moore types, but I picked Lysa’s book up at B&N one day, and found myself amused and challenged. I’d love to get a copy of the book and devotional. I’ll pass on the key tags 😉
I come unglued more often than I would like to admit 🙁 I thought it would get easier as I got older, you know “with age comes wisdom”. Not so much patience though. I am 51 and still a work in progress 🙂
i pray hard
I have wanted this book all year, but my husband is on furlough so I have to be budget conscious…I have 4 kids and would love to learn more about how to keep myself from becoming “Unglued.” I love reading Lysa’s books and am so encouraged by her insight and authenticity. Thanks for the opportunity! ^_^
Thank you for your encouraging words! It really puts you in perspective! May God bless you with a stress~free week!
Thanks for sharing, I come unglued, and sometimes need to take time to think over things when i say things I don’t mean when i get upset. It helps to pray to God and ask him for wisdom in different situations.
When I come unglued, I take a long shower. I can usually sort things out better once I’m more relaxed.
I would love to read and share this book with others. The little bit I have read – it sounds like it was written for me.
I don’t often cope correctly and that is why I would love a chance to delve into these insightful truths and get a fresh start
i’m an exploder … bleh.
it hits you square between the eyes though when you see your child mimicking your exploder tendencies. so i’m working on it. making millions of little decisions each day to not explode but to just show grace. show love. and since i’m obviously not perfect i’m continually teaching my kids about asking for forgiveness when we’ve screwed up.
The only way I can cope with raw emotions is through prayer and godly friends! God has blessed me in this regard and I would love to win this bundle so that I can share/study this book with them…as I just recently started reading it and am thoroughly enjoying it and Lysa’s blogs/posts/tweets.
Erin,
Thanks again for hosting this series. I have really enjoyed it – especially today. I am posting a prayer I found the other day on Pinterest that so speaks to my heart on this topic. I have prayed it every day since I found it.
Oh give me patience when wee hands
tug at me with their small demands.
And give me gentle and smiling eyes.
Keep my lips from hasty replies.
And let not weariness, confusion or noise
obscure my vision of life’s fleeting joys.
So when years to come my house is still –
no bitter memories its rooms may fill.
-Author Unknown.
so real, and so true
I would LOVE to win this book.
Music and prayer … LOTS of prayer!!!
Thank you for sharing. I am a mom of 3 boys and I struggle with patience and not losing my cool a lot. It is a on going battle that I am determined to win.
when I become unglued..I give myself a time out. Just to get myself back together
This book looks so encouraging! What a gift it would be!
When I start to become unglued I just keep saying the name of “Jesus”, changes my perspective and reminds me where my focus needs to be.
I usually don’t cope well! That is why I could really use this book! I do try and recite scripture! Deep breathing and walk away if possible!
how much the words in Proverbs have been calling me to listen to what is coming out of my mouth!
and how the unglued series has taught me so much on how to change my perspective!
i would love to be able to share this book with our MOMS group and give the bundle as a prize!
I’m learning to cope with Unglued moments by being honest. Our girls are 4 and 6, wonderful, rambunctious and full of life. When their energy pushes me to the point of AHHHH, I’m learning to take a breath and say “Please listen/obey etc, this isn’t working and I do NOT want to get angry at you. It only makes us both feel bad”. Admitting I”m human too seems to help HUGELY at getting through to them and past their emotions.
go to my room where I can stop and cry, pray and count my blessings
I would love this book- I have 3 kids under the age of 7!!
When I catch myself beginning to fall victim to becoming unglued, I walk away from the situation, ask for the Lord’s grace to shower me and I pray for the patience in controlling my tongue. I try to always be mindful of the words I choose to speak over my kids and the tone I use with them. I am determined to communicate with them in such a way that they will know they are loved.
I love being a mother. I have always tried to teach my kids that above all else, always do the right thing. The right thing is not always the easiest thing, but still always do the right thing. If I am going to get that point across to them, I have to live it, too.
I am a typical “stuffer” as well. I hold it in and then I explode. Being a single mother to a toddler I have found myself trying to prove I can do it all alone. I am slowly allowing myself to realize that I cannot do it all alone and I need to ask for help. With help I think I would have fewer “unglued” moments. (I hope!)
I find myself coming “unglued” more often than I care to admit! I have to take a breather, find some space, and collect myself.
Well, normally when I get flustered, I sit down in my perfectly clean living room & take a few deep breaths & time for myself as I gracefully recompose myself & watch my 9 month old daughter play quietly on the floor.
J u s t k i d d i n g .
After life’s drama, dirty laundry & my to-do list pile up, so do my emotions. If I need to sit down, I inevitably stub my toe on a toy on the way to the couch, where I have to push my dog aside to even make room for myself. I usually can’t hear myself think over the sweet screeches from my beautiful little one who has discovered she can control the volume level & pitch of her very own voice. I can catch my breath for about, oh, 45 seconds before I’m needed elsewhere again. And that’s on a very uneventful day. Being a first time mommy, I have come to the conclusion that I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This causes me to fall at the feet of the cross every single day & rely solely on Him. And I would have it no other way. It is not always easy, but it is necessary. He is my source of life & daily renewal. He is the only source for true contentment, peace & calm…even in chaos.
If Jesus can love me for the beautiful mess I am, then so can I. And I will continue to strive to be more like Him…even if I constantly have Cheerios in my hair, bags under my eyes & haven’t shaved my legs in 7…ok, 9 days. Thank you Father that you do not call us to be a perfect, just willing!
Oh yeah, sometimes I cry too. 😉
Learning to let go and let God!
I cope to often with food when I become unglued or trying to just walk away a lot of the times and collect myself and then try to handle the problem. I yell and I’m trying to change that nobody hears you when your yelling.
Desperately need to read this book as I have spent my life getting unglued after holding things in for so long and I have damaged many relationships.
Sometimes just taking a break in the bathroom to be a lone or listening to praise music helps direct my thoughts back to where they should go. Being out in the sunshine helps a lot too.
I’d love to win this book for my summer devotional. I struggle here too.
I’d love to win the bible study book. Lord knows I need it. Lately if I can wait, like even 10 seconds before I blow up, I can hear a little “stop.” It’s like the Holy Spirit whispers, “Don’t say that” and “Stop now.” If I go full speed ahead with my emotions, I just keep yelling even when I feel the need to pull back. Any delay in releasing all that ugliness usually works out in my favor (and keeps me from looking like an idiot in front of my precious family).
My ‘triggers’ are exactly the same as yours! By God’s grace alone, I am able to recognize that it is a passing moment and not me or my child being “bad”. Thanks for a hot topic for this weeks Link up, got me thinking. And thanks also for the giveaway!
Whitney
Too often I “stuff” things until it builds to overflowing and then I “explode”. Over the years I have learned to control the explosion by walking away and finding a place to be alone for a few minutes. But, I have to admit, my family do not always get that option. It is so much easier to explode on the ones we love, but they too deserve to be treated kindly. So, I have been forcing myself to walk away, go sit on my patio and just be alone with God. It gets easier as time goes on.
I so need unglued right now!
Work in progress! I try to remember to take a breath and focus on seeking out love rather than justice/being right/my own selfishness. Praying about this!
When I become unglued I try to remember everything I have to be thankful for and how many people around the world have so little and are dealing with much bigger problems (like hunger and disease) everyday. It certainly alters my perspective!
The times I come unglued are when my very independent 2 year old pitches a fit in public. I have to stop, breathe, say a quick prayer and then find a secluded area to try and deal with the issue! 😉
Jodi
I love this post! I’ve found that scheduling time for regular exercise really helps me to better manage my stress levels.
This book & bible study have helped me so much! I thought I was the only one like this! I really would love to win this to share with my daughter! Thanks for the opportunity!
My son is only 15 months, so I haven’t really came unglued with his behavior yet. But, when I think about the future and raising him to be Godly man, I definitely come unglued. I start to doubt my abilities and figure I should just go ahead and give him up for adoption because I feel so unqualified. But, then I just have to bring myself back to reality and remember that God purposed for my son and I to be together. And that as long as I cling to the Lord and be transparent in front of my son, He will (hopefully) see Christ through me and lead him to the cross. I get excited thinking about the (hopeful) day my son will accept Christ as his Savior. That will be the shining moment in my life, that I know my son will live beyond this old life here on earth! I wanna shout just thinking about that day!! 🙂
I am also the mom of two amazing kids. I come unglued when they do not listen! Or listen immediately to what I want them to do. I also was not angry until I had kids. I do better if I am living in the moment and if my husband and I remember that I need at least weekly alone time to regroup and be quiet.
I find myself frustrated when my son completely ignores me. I find myself calling his name numerous times as he chooses to tune me out. Frustrating! I love your idea to pray out loud during these moments. He does respond to prayer so hopefully this will help. Thanks for the honest post.
With four kids, two dogs, and a hubby that frequently suffers from depression, sometimes I just have to sit down, remind myself that I am NOT in control, and have a few quiet minutes with God. I would love to have a chance to win this!
Time Out for Mommy is how I cope!
When I come unglued, I put myself in timeout and pray, HARD! I REALLY could use this! Just gained a four year old foster daughter that REALLY provokes me to come unglued! Lol.
Thank you for being honest. As one who’d like to go back and redo a few years with my kids, I am just glad that we are being honest. Sometimes, we scream. Strange thing is, I don’t even know if we knew we could scream until we had children. I once heard a comedian say her brains were being sucked out while she nursed her kids. You suppose that’s when this inability to cope without the occasional screaming session started?
A couple of friends of mine hope to do this study together this summer. Many times when I explode, it’s probably because I tried to stuff. I have been a wife for 24 years and a mother for about that same amount. I have learned a lot about what sets me off. My insecurities as a mother, daughter, wife, friend and even God’s child can feed my soul with negativity. Knowing who I am in Christ, slowing down, allowing clear thinking to break through can really change the way I see everything and then the way I react.
Keys to coping: Saying no. Getting enough sleep. Exercising. Listening to music with Christian messages. Celebrating the small things and not with anything extravagant, just acknowledging that something, anything was good about today, the moment, the week, the breath. Accepting who each of my kids are and not trying to make them alike or turn my introvert into an extrovert because I don’t understand introverts. lol! Just being me and nobody else, because I am me and I am exactly who God made me to be at this moment in time. Blessings!
I have a 7 year old daughter who has an answer for everything! She tests my patience daily. I try so hard to breath deep and whisper a prayer before I respond to her but sometimes she gets the best of me… more times than I’d like to count. I would love to read this book! Thank you.
love your honesty! with my two boys about the same age as yours, i find myself coming unglued a lot! prayer, running, bible study, and a hot shower, all help me when i feel totally overwhelmed. also accepting God’s Grace and apologizing to the boys when i do lose my cool. They aren’t perfect and I’m not either. Sometimes I just kneel down in front of their little bodies and apologize for getting upset and not being patient enough with them. I would love a chance to win such a wonderful book and devotional!
Walk away it takes 2 to fight
I had 5 boys and one girl, and I am ashamed to say, I frequently came UNGLUED!! I had to work full time most of the time and my husband was an alcoholic, so stress was a way of life. Back then, when I went postal, I screamed and hollered a lot, a LOT. I truly wish I had been more active in church back then but it was more of a hit and miss thing. I couldn’t depend on my husband to take them and as a nurse, I had very few weekends off to take them myself. And now that they are all grown and I live alone, I wish I had some of those days back, it would have been a lot different. One of my sons was saved , but then was killed in a auto accident a couple of years later, but I am at peace with it, knowing he is in heaven. My daughter and her family and another one of my sons are saved and attend church regularly. The other three, I pray for regularly. And that is what I do now when I start to come unglued. I pray, asking the Lord for patience and compassion, and he never fails to give it.
Thank you so much for the chance to win. I am a mother of 5 BOYS. very stressed. We all try to better ourselves we just sometimes need help.
I pray: JESUS HELP ME!! Learned that simple 3 word prayer a few years ago. PRICELESS.
It would be such a blessing to win~
When I become “Unglued” I stuff my emotions and start cleaning my house. After I get my emotions under control and house, then I want to talk about a problem. Sounds crazy right?
spending time with me and God…love that kind of quality time.
Would love to win the devotional! I have “Unglued” and it is such a great resource. Love what you all are doing and reading about how we are all in the same boat here. I have found that my day goes a lot better if I get my morning quiet time before everyone awakes. I also have realized that exercise helps me so much, and I’m working towards getting a routine back again now that my youngest is 2 and easier to work around.
I hadn’t thought about whether or not I could identify my triggers for becoming unglued but you are so right that they are there when I stop and think about it. And yes, having too much on my to-do list or being hungry (for me) are huge ones.
I was recently hurt by some words from someone I trusted and looked up to. Thank you so much for the reminder about how powerful words are and how powerful my words are as a mother. Children are so gracious and they forgive me when I confess that I am wrong and ask for their forgiveness, but, and I know, sometimes the sting lasts long after forgiveness has been granted. Oh, I pray for wisdom with my words so I will not leave a mark that stings long after my anger has passed on the hearts of my precious children.
Well, well your story sounds very much like mine. It must be that we are in the same boat. Most of the time I’m like you were I explode and let hurtful words slip through my mouth but I’m trying my best to say Prov 15:4. in my mind or out loud in times when I loose control and get angry (in order to help me grow patience(a beautiful fruit of the spirit…one that I lack a little too much). When I cry out or in my mind I say Prov 15:4, I agree with what a friend said to me the other day, I aloud God to present in that moment. The thought of him, bringing God in the situation change the whole perspective of any situation and I also feel inspire to do as He says and not my will during that “bad-break”.
I would love to win this bundle for my daughter. She loses her patience quite often with my grandaugher & it seems like she does a lot of screaming. She is recently a new Christian & would benefit from this book by Lysa. I love everything Lysa has to say.
Making a list of things I am thankful for helps me remember to focus on Christ.
When I feel unglued I will usually ask my husband for a little help. He is my rock and helps me to stay calm!!
As I read this I am waiting for dinner to finish cooking, my 2 year old is dumping dirt in her hair with her father outside, I know my day is no where near done and I am dangerously close to coming unglued. God has recently asked me to do more in the Women’s Ministry at our little church as much as I enjoy it, it is another thing to do and I have my moments that it becomes overwhelming to think of all that needs to get done in a week and that next week the same cycle will begin again. So today, I am going to focus on the scripture I learned recently, (Thank you, Lysa) Proverbs 17:1,” Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.” Tonight as I eat with my family and get my children in to bed, it is better for my heart and home to filled with peace than for it to be spotless and for my children to go to bed with hurt in their heart because mommy wanted everything to be perfect. I hope you all a blessed evening and remember that at the end of the day, there are more important things than an accomplished to do list and the Lord sees straight to your heart and will give you what you need to end today peacefully. God bless.
I try to pray and just take a deep breath to help-it doesn’t always work! 🙂 I would love to read this!
Unfortunately becoming unglued has been happening a lot at my house. I have a 7 year old that behaves like a 2 or 3 year old and so she fights with her 3 year old brother all the time! My poor 5 year old will do something that isn’t that bad but because of my frustration with the other 2 I explode at her.
I am just learning to keep my calm. I try to breathe deep and pray. 🙂 I would love Lysa’s book to help me.
I have been devouring this book. I am finding so many things that are exactly what I need to hear. I’m working on accepting the fact that I am making imperfect progress. And falling down doesn’t mean I’m out.
Being a new mommy has really been a challenge. I would love to read ths book!
I have been wanting this book since I read about it a couple months ago. I struggle with this and am working each day to be better. Thank you for sharing!
I wish I knew how to prevent myself from coming Unglued. I feel like yelling at my children (I have a 6 year old girl, a 3 year old boy, and an 8 month old boy) is the only way to get them to listen. Some days I feel unglued before I even get out of bed! Others start great then something goes wrong. I am so glad to know I am not the only one and would love the chance to read unglued and follow the devotional also!
A friend of mine told me she informed her daughter that she must “taste her words before she speaks them”. I wish I could learn this discipline. Grace is needed in my life in abundance and I think it is most difficult for me to give it to myself. My husband forgives. My children forgive. My God forgives. It’s me who wants to keep beating myself up over it. I must seek forgiveness, embrace forgiveness and forgive myself in these moments and move on.
a deep breathe, and I find singing silly songs helps diffuse the moment.
I would love to read this book. When I become unglued, I try to breathe deeply.
Thank you.
As a 4th grade teacher and a mom of a 21mth old who is allergic to dairy/eggs/nuts/shrimp AND is a texture sensitive eater who still doesn’t sleep through the night consistently, it’s tough to stay glued, but as the breadwine, it’s part of the job. When I get unglued, I try to take a Starbucks break, go to the gym, find a friend’s should/ear to lean on, and, of course, prayer, especially to my dad who passed when I was 10.
With 3 little lovelies ages 6, 5, 1 I definitely have my moments! Many times I just need to just walk away and sit in my room and take deep cleansing breaths! 🙂 Would love to win since I still haven’t read Lysa’s books
Loved this … “It’s usually my attitude and my taking my focus off the Lord that gets me to that place.” … This is SO true! Thanks for sharing. This is something I really need in my life right now!
Would love to win this! I have a 9, 8, 6, and 3 year old. I come unglued more often than I’d like to. I’m trying to have verses posted around my house to help me not come unglued as quickly/frequently.
A long hot bath almost always helps.
I have been wanting to read this! Heard it was awesome from so many people. This is definitely an area I struggle with daily and can’t get a handle on. God has been showing me the best thing to do is to stay focused on Him throughout my day. I try by having praise music playing or if I feel like I’m gonna lose it jyst break out singing a praise song. My kids think I’m crazy but it braks up the moid! 🙂 Think this book would help me get some advice and not feel alone in the battles.
I have 1 and 3 year old girls, and come unglued more often than I like to admit, especially with my 3 year old. It’s refreshing to hear from other moms feeling the same way!
I still become “unglued” with my adult sons. Often it’s when I have too much on my plate, OR when I am too self-centered – focusing on my needs/desires. I do pray for wisdom and patience and much love.
When I come unglued I take a breather, a few min or an hour depending, to collect myself. And I pray…hard!
So I too become unglued at times. Like you said, it’s important for me to identify and avoid those factors that trigger stress for me. Also it’s very important to be sure to apologize when I’ve become unglued. Even with my children, I need to go to them and say I’m sorry and ask for forgiveness. I’d really love to hear more tips in this book. Hope I win!
Indeed to become unglued!
I have a 3.5 year old boy who can def get mouth and try my patience and a newly turned 2 year old girl who is already very sassy. When I’m about to lose my cool, I pray for patience, close my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths.
When I am stressed at work, or home (bills, messy house) I tend to have a shorter fuse. I know God provides trying times to shape me more like Him, so I try to praise Him and thank Him for providing each situation.
My best way of coping is to walk away, breathe, and pray.
I have a tendency to come unglued and explode as the day goes on..I have 4 children whom I school at home, plus a husband who seems not to listen at times..like almost all the time.
Once again you have written a post that is so close to my heart. Thank you. When my husband comes home and sees the look of stress and desperation in my eyes, he takes the kids and brings them to Lowes. They won’t even buy anything. They just give me time to chill and relfect on how to make the next day better!
A girls night out! Spending time with my best girlfriends makes me feel normal again 🙂
I am 4* and still remember comments made by my mom, they ring in my ears and place a little hint of doubt in my challenges, it is a battle overcoming them, daily I pray that I never do this, but I am sure that I have and I know that as a human we all make mistakes. That is where God steps in and says “you are beautiful and loved, you are mine” so maybe these things happen for a reason, if it draws us closer to Him. Love reading everyone elses comments thank you for sharing your stories! Tristi, thank you, I read your comment and it sums up how I feel nice to know I am not the only one who forgets to forgive herself. =)
Would love to win a copy of Lysa’s book. When I come unglued I try to step away from the situation for a few minutes.
I’ve become an exploder:( and I’m looking for ways to to deal with my “unglued” moments
Oh I have been there. I am now a grandmother and it is so much easier. Would love to win the book.
When I’m about to come unglued, I try to go to my bathroom and if possible at that time I jump into a hot shower. When I feel the water wash over me, I am strengthened and calmed at the same time. by the end of my shower, most of the time, I am over coming unglued.
I pray hard or try to get away in a room by myself for 30 seconds. =)
The thing I do most often to help with coming unglued is start my day off by spending time in God’s word and in prayer. But in all honesty I still struggle so much and really need advice and help so I can teach my children by example how a Godly woman should react in challenging situations.
I really try to see their point of view, get down at their level. Otherwise I pray or give myself a timeout!
I am also an exploder and a stuffer! I can stuff and stuff (I am trying to stop this practice) until I explode in a major way!. I have a multitude of health issues that give me chronic pain, and my son is ADHD, anxiety ridden and has many other issues. What works for us today may not work tomorrow. I am trying like you to walk away until I am calmer, and then deal with it. I stop, close my eyes, and pray and when that isn’t enough , I go for some me talking deep breaths and trying to calm myself down! It is great to know I m not alone! I always thought it made me a bad mom!
I love that you pray outloud when the kids won’t listen. Praying and walking away and taking a break are a must not to explode. Putting that book on my reading list for sure.
With a nearly 3 year-old, and a 3 month-old, I seem to be finding myself coming unglued pretty frequently these days. This post really spoke to me, and I am trying my hardest to take a deep breath, count to ten, and ask The Lord to guide me through those moments.
I have been in your shoes before, the same shoes you were in during college. I can pinpoint when I’m about to come unglued too, and in the midst of it, I realize it. I get so frustrated or irritated that I can’t let it go. I need to start praying or walking away (actually, both) when I have those moments. Sometimes, I’m just too stubborn.
I have to take a moment and breathe and ask for wisdom!!
I know exactly how it feels and I hate it SOO much. Makes all the good I did that day go away. . .but I’m human. Thanks for this!
Thank you for sharing Proverbs 15:4 with us. What an awesome verse to remember when you are about to explode! Thank you!
Not sure how I cope, which is probably why I need the book! Thanks for you open honesty.
I usually cope by trying to focus on the truth of God’s word, and He never promised it would be easy!
This is something I REALLY struggle with! My parents were not good at being calm and I definitely have their exploding tendencies! I am working on doing what you just said – walking away, putting myself in time out, until I’m calm. And I LOVE the idea to pray out loud. My kids would totally pick up on that and if nothing else at least I’m showing them to go to God when you need help! Thanks for sharing!!!
Just last week my daughter Sara who is 14, asked me nicely if her dad & I could please not yell when we get upset with her & her brother. My husband & I have been working hard this past year on communicating with each other without yelling during conflicts and I have to say, practice makes perfect, or at least close to it ! After 18 yrs. of Marriage & with the help of Awesome mentors to my husband and I, our Marriage is better now than it was10 years ago ! We sat down with the kids the other day and disgussed what Sara had asked and told the kids that we will really work on that. I would love to have this book not only for myself but my husband as well as I’m sure we will both get so much out of it. Thank you for sharing with all of us Erin !
I do a horrible job at handling my unglued moment but sometimes making some funny noise or animal sound helps.
I truly need to read this book~ So many Unglued moments! Especially being the mom of two little ones. I’m such an exploder. I don’t want to be one though, I need to learn how not to be!
I am dealing with chronic illness so it seems like I come “unglued” with my family all the time 🙁
definitely come unglued, mostly when it’s time for me to leave my newborn for the work day. i hate saying goodbye, but there’s work to be done, and i end up taking out those feelings of sadness in an angry way on others around me. i want to stop stuffing and learn more with this book. thanks so much!
Seems so many of us suffer these same pains.
I just try and remember that before I know it, my littles will be off living their own adventures. That usually helps. But there are times when before I know it, I’ve tested my own boundaries. Thanks for your very relevant post.
I take a “sick day” and literally retreat to my room to rest and decompress. Something happens when MOM says she doesn’t feel good. My kids learn to be self sufficient and even try to do what they can to help me “feel better.” It just seems to reset the house and I am able to start anew the next day.
I try to not come unglued…. because it is soo not pretty when I do. I hate myself when I do. I have grandchildren living with me and I am trying to not repeat the mistakes I made with my children. So I pray pray pray..