Today’s Build ‘Em Up topic is something that I think makes most women fairly emotional. At least that’s how it has been for me.
I live in a wonderful Southern city that can sometimes feel like a very small town, but really isn’t all that small at all. It’s an old city and it can feel small because so many people have lived here all their lives. It’s one of the things I love most about living here.
But I haven’t lived here all my life and didn’t move here until I started graduate school.
The friends I made in graduate school mostly all moved away to start jobs and I stayed. I made some other new friends and then they left town.
When Todd and I got married, it was tough for a while to find that group of friends. We had lots of acquaintances, but just didn’t yet have that group of people that we knew we’d “do life with.”
That was until we joined our church and then joined our newlywed Sunday school class. I touched on this before when I talked about what the body of Christ means to me, but that newlywed class was the beginning of some incredible friendships.
As we got more involved in our church, and met more people, I got to know many more women who have become great friends.
And then we were the first ones to have a baby. For a while that kind of changed things because our social schedule was a little different than everyone else’s. And it can feel a bit isolating to be the only ones at home with a baby and limited availability to go out with your friends. But one by one, others started to have babies and we started spending more time together as families.
I know this sounds a little funny, but my children have opened the door to some incredible friendships, as well. Two of my dearest friends are also members of our church and Sunday school class, but our friendships were formed as a result of our children being in the same preschool class.
My precious childhood friends, college friends, grad school friends are so very special to me, even though I see them a lot less. Staying in touch isn’t easy when families and responsibilities come in to play, but we do our best.
This blog has also provided some of the most amazing friendships in my life. Some of my very best friends came from blogging, and I am so thankful for their perspective, loyalty, and sweetness.
(I wish I could find a picture of every single girl that I text and email all the time!)
Sometimes I don’t feel like the best friend that I can be. Life gets busy. We all have obligations and commitments. There are jobs and housework and families and kids’ schedules. But I think the mutual grace and understanding goes a long way in friendships. A quick text to say hello and the understanding that every family is busy, and every mom is doing her absolute best, is all we need to get back on track.
So, here are my take aways on friendship….
1. You have to put yourself out there to make friends. Church, Sunday school, small group, Junior League, play groups, and even social media. But finding those couple friends that can support you, love your family, love your kids, and be a group of people to do life with and have fun with is so valuable.
2. If you’re nervous about putting yourself out there, just remember that there is someone there just like you, who is also hoping to meet a new friend.
3. Friendship should be full of grace. If you don’t have tons of time to call or visit or get together, that’s okay. Maybe it’s just a 30 minute coffee date. Or maybe it’s just a quick text to say, “I’m thinking about you.” I know that when I get those texts it makes me so happy.
4. Maintaing friendships can be one of those “mandatory fun” things. I love “mandatory fun.” My group of girlfriends recently started a once a month girls night. We get together one Sunday night each month to go to a movie or to dinner or to get cupcakes. It’s so much fun to have a night when I know Todd is home that I can go out and meet my friends for a little mandatory fun.
How about you?
How do you maintain your friendships as you juggle life and everything else? Link up with us and share your story!
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And don’t forget our upcoming topics!
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I’ve been living in Scotland for 5 yrs and I still don’t have the group of friends. Or a friend for that matter…
I’ve been praying for one.
I met my closest friends in Sunday school too! And yes, children do open the door for fabulous relationships! I couldn’t agree with you more!
I’m so glad you posted this. We moved almost a year ago to a new town where I know, not a soul. I am not one to “want” to put myself out there but I know I have to in order to meet some friends. It took some time, but did meet a really nice girl from my son’s preschool!
Making friends as an adult is tough!! Don’t you wish there was some adult “play group” where everyone was nice to one another, no one judged or gossiped and everyone played nice 🙂 ME TOO! Love you friend and thankful for our friendship!
My closest friends are still those I made in high school and college, but since then we’ve moved to Atlanta to start our life together – and have had to make all new friends here. My husband and I are in sort of an awkward phase of life when it comes to friendships. A lot of our friends are either single, or married with children. As a married couple who is not yet ready to start a family, it’s been difficult to find people are on the same page as us – much more so than I ever would have thought. And as tough as it is, I’ve re-evaluated a lot of friendships I’ve made and focused more of my time on the ones that have been most valuable to me. I’ve found as I get older that quality sure beats quantity, especially in friendships.
Love these posts on Build Em’ Up! Friendship is so important. I have found the MOMS Club to be a huge source of fun and friendship. Look up Moms Offering Moms Support. It is similar to MOPS but not Christian based meaning that our meet-ups occur in homes, parks etc. rather than church. I would not be able to make this motherhood thing workout with my Mom friends from church, MOMS group, old friends etc.
Finding friends in the same stage of life is definitely challenging. We recently started going to a church since moving and were hoping to find couples our age there. It’s hard to walk up to another mama on the playground and introduce yourself, but I’m going to keep trying!
My best friend and I live several hundred miles away from each other and have since college, when we became friends. We have made it a priority to email several times a week, and it works out to be usually every single day, and we’ve done this now for FOURTEEN years. 🙂 Her friendship is the most important to me outside of my husband, and you better believe I make time for her, and I even did so when I was a brand-new mom with bleary eyes and milk leaks and spit-up all over me, LOL! I’ve found that when you make it a priority, the investment pays off a million-fold. And like you said, sometimes just “checking in” is all it takes to maintain that friendship.
Love this post!!!
My town is about the same size as Columbia, and I am blessed to have the same best friends here that I have grown up with. However, our circle has expanded to include lots of newcomers, and people who remained in Knoxville after college. Most everyone has children now, so it is fun getting all the kiddos together. I keep in touch with my close college friends as well- thank goodness for cell phones and e-mail!
This is agreat post! I love your perspective. I often feel like that bad friend. The one who gets bogged down by family obligations and work responsibilities, but I’m so thankful we live in the time of text messages….text friends can be the best friends sometimes! 🙂
Love this post and you! Finding friends now can be so hard, but so glad to call you a friend of mine! Xoxo
I love that line you used, “I don’t feel like the best friend I can be.” That really resonates with me. We always want to be the best we can at what we do and not disappoint others, but friendships are tough. It’s so hard being a new parent and watching your friendships change. Some times it’s for the best – I’m much closer to my other mom friends than I could even imagine. And some times it’s not – my friends without kids have a hard time understanding my lack of time and interest in doing things without the baby. My time is so precious to me these days, I think other moms get that. I constantly have to remind myself that my friendships with my friends without kids isn’t over, it’s just changed, and (hopefully) if/when they have children of their own we’ll be able to pick up right where we left off.