Erin Akin Carroll

*I previously wrote Now That I’m a Mommy… This is similar to that.

It’s so easy to lose yourself to motherhood. In fact, it’s almost impossible not to lose yourself. The love for your children is so consuming that everything you do and every choice you make leads back to your kids and their needs. It’s pretty incredible!

But just because I’m a mommy…

…it doesn’t mean that I don’t long for just one day to sleep until 11:00 a.m. in my bed.

…it doesn’t mean that I should allow myself to become a tired-looking frump. Makeup never hurt anybody.

…it doesn’t mean that my sense of humor needs to fly out the window. Kids are supposed to make us laugh more!

…it doesn’t mean that I don’t have dreams of my own or things I’d like to accomplish. And yes, maybe I can even do some of those things while being a stay-at-home mom.

…it doesn’t mean that I don’t love a nice, silent car ride. By myself.

…it doesn’t mean that I have any idea what I’m doing when I find myself in new territory. Or old territory.

…it doesn’t mean that I’m nothing like I used to be. Motherhood has certainly changed me in major ways. But I’m still myself.

…it doesn’t mean that I don’t crave days spent with girl friends or a nice, quiet afternoon in a movie theater.

…it doesn’t mean that I have all the answers or don’t need my own mommy on a daily basis.

…it doesn’t mean that I know how to be strong when my heart breaks and when I’d like to just take a time out and cry.

…it doesn’t mean that I became a domestic goddess overnight. I need a live-in Ina Garten!

…it doesn’t mean that I don’t lose my temper and behave the way my toddler behaves every once in a while.

I am a mommy. And I have a very large responsibility on my hands. There are a lot of really fun, superficial things about being a parent. There are a lot of not-so-fun, challenging things about being a parent.

The rewards trump both of these things, though. It’s not about cute nurseries and adorable matching outfits. And it’s not about tantrums in public that make you want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

It’s about what I’m expected to teach them. The things that will grow them into the people that I’ve asked God to help me with in raising them. And then finding out, in their time, what they’ve learned. It’s about seeing the sweet souls that they are and hearing from them just how much they love you when you tell them how much you love them.

• The Golden Globe Awards were on last night. I absolutely love this stuff! In the last couple of years, I’ve become increasingly irritated with the coverage of celebrities and the glorification of their lifestyle. While I’m not really into their lifestyle and care less and less about what they’re doing in their lives, I still love movies, television, award shows and fancy gowns. I wanted to share some of my favorite gowns from last night’s Golden Globe awards. (And let’s not forget that Homeland won!)

Elle Macpherson (her hair! her body! her hair!), Julie Bowen and Charlize Theron

Loved these ladies in their edgier dresses… Evan Rachel Wood, Claire Danes and Laura Dern

I loved Reese Witherspoon’s hair and her general look of sheer happiness! George Clooney and Stacey Keibler were the prettiest couple last night and Viola Davis just looked radiant. I love her.

• Don’t forget to check out the Shrimp & Grits Kids trunk show!
• Please keep this family in your prayers. Courtney’s little fighter, Tripp, went to be with Jesus this weekend. While I know she is rejoicing that he is no longer in pain, she misses her son. Sweet Tripp has touched so many lives, including mine. What an incredible story of faith, family and love.
• The winner of the Baby Einstein Discovery Pack Kit is Jenny Hanson. Congratulations, Jenny!

We had a simple, quiet Saturday at home. We hung out, did laundry, vacuumed, cooked a yummy lunch and just enjoyed not having any plans until this evening. I did manage to take a few pictures.

Hudson has a basket of all of these little figurines of animals, dinosaurs, Sesame Street and Disney characters. He carries it around from room to room and plays with them and then we pick them up and put them back in the basket. These are his favorite toys at the moment.

Dumping them out and picking them up again. He loves all these tiny little toys. Fiona doesn’t seem very amused in the background.

She does a really good job tolerating Hudson’s antics. He tries his hardest to torment her, but she stays as patient as possible. She definitely lets him know when he’s gone too far.

This old boy is just the sweetest. He spent most of the day napping. He actually currently smells like he rolled in something dead. Yuck. But he does love our boys, especially Hayes.

I’ve been getting up early to do my quiet time and Bible reading, but today I did it during nap time. I am really enjoying it. I really had no expectations and I know this project is a marathon. I have to stick with it every day of the year. But I really am enjoying it.

And this sweet fella? He is such a joy! He seems to be on the mend after his third round of antibiotics for this ear infection. But he’s just so sweet. We’ve adjusted his feeding schedule a little bit so he has his last meal of solids around 4:30 p.m. He has started babbling more and is started to say “ba ba” for “bottle.” Love watching him grow!

I hope you all had a great Saturday!

I think moms who blog sometimes get a bad rap. We probably come off as complainers. We have an opportunity to put our feelings and worries out there and hit “publish.” For me, personally, it makes me feel better to just get it out there and get it off my chest. It’s better than lying awake at 3:00 a.m. as I worry about what happened and how it could have been handled differently.

Sometimes all you want when you write is to know that some other mother went through it. Someone to say, “me too!” It makes me feel better to hear it and I hope it makes her feel better to know she’s not alone.

We all know our kids better than anyone. I know their little personalities. I know that there is a true emergency if Hayes is crying. I know that Hudson can now make himself cry to get attention. Those personalities and quirks make them all different.

In those situations, the last thing I want to hear is, “It’s life, honey. Don’t overreact about it and don’t worry. In five years you won’t even remember this.”

I know comments like that are supposed to make me feel better, but they mostly just send the message that my perspective is “off.” And maybe it is. But I can guarantee that some of these embarrassing, challenging, make-me-question-how-well-I’m-doing-this-mommy-thing moments won’t be forgotten soon.

But maybe they’re right.

Maybe I will forget it and when I look back in twenty years, I’ll remember only the best. I’ll remember happy days and all the laughs and those tantrums will only be stories on my old blog.

I just think it’s a natural progression that I need to experience for myself. I hope that my perspective changes. Those precious little two year old moments will outshine the tantrums and the “scary mommy” memories will be extra hazy and fuzzy.

Right now I’m a young, immature mommy. I have so much to learn and I may even hurt myself a few times along the way. But, just like my stubborn toddler, I want to do it myself.