Erin Akin Carroll

Hudson and Hayes moved into a room together just after Christmas. It was Hudson’s room, but now it has two matching twin beds and houses the often wild, excited, sweet, sometimes restless nights of two brothers sharing a room.

Hudson is 5 and Hayes is 3, and they’re both so excited about meeting their new baby brother. But Hudson is my big boy and rule follower. He knows that when lights are out, it’s time to get serious and go to sleep.

Hayes is still so excited to be in the room with Hudson that he giggles and tries to get Hudson to laugh while Hudson stays as still as possible and ignores Hayes. Todd and I typically have to go into their room about three times to remind Hayes to go to sleep and be quiet.

Last night at bedtime, Hayes was extra tired and extra emotional. Hudson had won the “race” to see who could get pajamas on and get in bed first. He cried for me to come hug him. So I hugged him, but he continued to cry. I put him in my lap and swayed back and forth, but he continued to cry.

I asked him, “Do you want to go rock in James Walker’s room?”

The nursery is almost set up. Nothing is hung on the walls, but the furniture is all in place just waiting on our newest baby boy.

But last night, I carried my 45 pound 3.5 year old into the nursery and sat in the rocking chair. He nestled himself right above my large baby bump and squeezed his legs up into the chair. He rested his head on my shoulder as his hot tears continued to fall. He asked me to sing to him.

And at first I was thinking that I needed to make sure Hudson was okay. That I needed to get downstairs to finish folding that laundry.  That I needed to finished my grocery list so I would be ready to get to the store in the morning.

But as I held my big preschooler, and looked out the window at the stars in the clear sky, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever rock him again. He hasn’t asked to be rocked in years. A baby is about to be here and will be occupying my arms as we sit in that chair that has rocked all of my babies.

And I decided that I’d sit there and rock him until he decided he was done. So I smelled his hair and rubbed his back and said a little prayer over him, and after about five minutes, he was ready to go back to his room and go to sleep.

We can’t wait to meet James Walker, but it is heavy and humbling on my mama heart as I think about how much I’ll be needed by all three of my babies. Needed in three very different ways. And I know that God will equip me and cover me with His grace as I sort through how to be the mama they each need me to be.

So if I’m rocking a 3 year old and a newborn at the same time, I’ll just have to celebrate the fullness of blessings in my arms. Because I’ll never know when it will be the very last time that one of them wants to be rocked.