just one more rock

Hudson and Hayes moved into a room together just after Christmas. It was Hudson’s room, but now it has two matching twin beds and houses the often wild, excited, sweet, sometimes restless nights of two brothers sharing a room.

Hudson is 5 and Hayes is 3, and they’re both so excited about meeting their new baby brother. But Hudson is my big boy and rule follower. He knows that when lights are out, it’s time to get serious and go to sleep.

Hayes is still so excited to be in the room with Hudson that he giggles and tries to get Hudson to laugh while Hudson stays as still as possible and ignores Hayes. Todd and I typically have to go into their room about three times to remind Hayes to go to sleep and be quiet.

Last night at bedtime, Hayes was extra tired and extra emotional. Hudson had won the “race” to see who could get pajamas on and get in bed first. He cried for me to come hug him. So I hugged him, but he continued to cry. I put him in my lap and swayed back and forth, but he continued to cry.

I asked him, “Do you want to go rock in James Walker’s room?”

The nursery is almost set up. Nothing is hung on the walls, but the furniture is all in place just waiting on our newest baby boy.

But last night, I carried my 45 pound 3.5 year old into the nursery and sat in the rocking chair. He nestled himself right above my large baby bump and squeezed his legs up into the chair. He rested his head on my shoulder as his hot tears continued to fall. He asked me to sing to him.

And at first I was thinking that I needed to make sure Hudson was okay. That I needed to get downstairs to finish folding that laundry.  That I needed to finished my grocery list so I would be ready to get to the store in the morning.

But as I held my big preschooler, and looked out the window at the stars in the clear sky, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever rock him again. He hasn’t asked to be rocked in years. A baby is about to be here and will be occupying my arms as we sit in that chair that has rocked all of my babies.

And I decided that I’d sit there and rock him until he decided he was done. So I smelled his hair and rubbed his back and said a little prayer over him, and after about five minutes, he was ready to go back to his room and go to sleep.

We can’t wait to meet James Walker, but it is heavy and humbling on my mama heart as I think about how much I’ll be needed by all three of my babies. Needed in three very different ways. And I know that God will equip me and cover me with His grace as I sort through how to be the mama they each need me to be.

So if I’m rocking a 3 year old and a newborn at the same time, I’ll just have to celebrate the fullness of blessings in my arms. Because I’ll never know when it will be the very last time that one of them wants to be rocked.

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  1. LeighAnn says

    Erin, this brought back such sweet, beautiful memories. It seems like yesterday that I rocked our two/almost three year old little boy for the last time in the rocking chair. I remember it vividly, although, it was thirty years ago. It was a Sunday afternoon and his four year old sister and daddy had gone on a bike ride around our neighborhood. Jack was tired and upset that he could not go on the ride with his sister and daddy. I picked him up to soothe him and he asked me to sing the song I always sang to my babies while I rocked them. I sat down in the rocker and started to quietly sing. We stared into each others eyes for a minute and then he was asleep. I still sat there and rocked him for the next hour. Something inside of me knew this would be the last time we would share this experience. That hour was one of the most precious of my life. I am so thankful I didn’t distract him with a toy or snack so I could get on with my own agenda that day.

    God bless you and your sweet family…….LeighAnn

  2. jenny says

    okay, that totally made me cry! i miss those days so much – my children are 9, 7 and almost 5. i hate how quickly the time is passing.

  3. says

    Yep, tears over here too! And don’t worry, you will rock him again. I just rocked my 8 year old a few weeks ago….love, love, loved it!

  4. meryl says

    Oh, Erin, I’m trying to keep my contacts from washing out. We are at that baby/toddler/big boy transition phase too and it’s beautiful, but bittersweet. That was a special moment right there between you and Hayes. And it’s a nice reminder for us all too. Take that moment and hold on to it!

  5. Sandra says

    Beautiful words. My youngest is four, and the only boy of our bunch (3 older sisters). With that being said, he’s often known for being loud and rough and constantly picking on the girls. But, there are so many sweet, random moments during the day that make my heart melt into a million pieces. Hearing him tell me he loves me or when he asks me to kiss his boo boos away makes me fall in love with him over and over again. My prayer for that sweet boy is that I can be the mom God intended for me to be to him….and in the process he will develop a sweet, kind, and caring personality with a heart to serve othes and the Lord!

  6. says

    Oh goodness! It is so amazing how much we need each one of them and they need us. I’m so glad we have a Lord that gives us enough love to go around…we can love them like he loves us.

  7. says

    About 2 weeks before we were redoing my youngest one’s room and giving away our rocking chair, my big 4 year old woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep. I took him into the chair and rocked him until he fell asleep, which he hasn’t done that in a very, very long time. It was a sweet reminder of my last moment to rock my “baby” and I thought of it as God’s little gift in that moment.

  8. says

    I remember that exact same feeling when Mark was a baby. He was only 17 mos. old when Laura and Lindy were born. I remember rocking him only I was the one crying!! Just wondering if I could handle all those little people and feeling very inadequate. I remember thinking that Mark was still a baby himself and now I was having two more! But God did give me everything I needed to get through those first few years. And I know he will do the same for you! xoxo

  9. Kristi says

    I loved reading this – I, too, sometimes get focused on my to do list, but when my son wants to cuddle or hold my hand or want me to read a book to him, I do it. Because I don’t know how much longer he’ll let me.

  10. Erica says

    I rock my almost 4 year old boy, my last baby, every single night. Not until he falls asleep, just enough to connect with him, sing a few songs, and say prayers. And it’s one of the best parts of my day. I will rock him until either he stops it, or his feet drag the ground!

  11. says

    This post really got to me. I think about this so often with my boys. When will be the last time I carry them, kiss them on the lips, help them take a bath…I love each new season with them, but it is so hard seeing them grow up. Thank you for sharing.

  12. says

    It’s so hard to take that break from our duties and just hold a child who need to be held, but so rewarding too. I always forget how little they are!

  13. says

    Tears. Complete tears. My boy is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 1 1/2…and you’re right…you never know when it will be the last time. We want them to grow and become independent, but still rely on our parental wisdom. Sometimes I want to record every minute of every day just so it seems as if I’m actually living in that moment. Luck you, though – you have more beautiful moments to come. Moments filled will even more love and happiness. Congrats. 🙂

  14. Catherine Lockhart says

    I took my daughter to choir at church on Wednesday evening. It was too cold and dark already for my son to play outside so we went inside to kill some time. The nursery was unlocked so we went in there and he started messing around with some of the toys. I invited my 7yo sweet boy to climb in my lap and rock in one of those big padded rockers. It was divine. Loved that moment (didn’t last too long) and I thought of this blog post. 🙂

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