just one more rock

Hudson and Hayes moved into a room together just after Christmas. It was Hudson’s room, but now it has two matching twin beds and houses the often wild, excited, sweet, sometimes restless nights of two brothers sharing a room.

Hudson is 5 and Hayes is 3, and they’re both so excited about meeting their new baby brother. But Hudson is my big boy and rule follower. He knows that when lights are out, it’s time to get serious and go to sleep.

Hayes is still so excited to be in the room with Hudson that he giggles and tries to get Hudson to laugh while Hudson stays as still as possible and ignores Hayes. Todd and I typically have to go into their room about three times to remind Hayes to go to sleep and be quiet.

Last night at bedtime, Hayes was extra tired and extra emotional. Hudson had won the “race” to see who could get pajamas on and get in bed first. He cried for me to come hug him. So I hugged him, but he continued to cry. I put him in my lap and swayed back and forth, but he continued to cry.

I asked him, “Do you want to go rock in James Walker’s room?”

The nursery is almost set up. Nothing is hung on the walls, but the furniture is all in place just waiting on our newest baby boy.

But last night, I carried my 45 pound 3.5 year old into the nursery and sat in the rocking chair. He nestled himself right above my large baby bump and squeezed his legs up into the chair. He rested his head on my shoulder as his hot tears continued to fall. He asked me to sing to him.

And at first I was thinking that I needed to make sure Hudson was okay. That I needed to get downstairs to finish folding that laundry.  That I needed to finished my grocery list so I would be ready to get to the store in the morning.

But as I held my big preschooler, and looked out the window at the stars in the clear sky, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever rock him again. He hasn’t asked to be rocked in years. A baby is about to be here and will be occupying my arms as we sit in that chair that has rocked all of my babies.

And I decided that I’d sit there and rock him until he decided he was done. So I smelled his hair and rubbed his back and said a little prayer over him, and after about five minutes, he was ready to go back to his room and go to sleep.

We can’t wait to meet James Walker, but it is heavy and humbling on my mama heart as I think about how much I’ll be needed by all three of my babies. Needed in three very different ways. And I know that God will equip me and cover me with His grace as I sort through how to be the mama they each need me to be.

So if I’m rocking a 3 year old and a newborn at the same time, I’ll just have to celebrate the fullness of blessings in my arms. Because I’ll never know when it will be the very last time that one of them wants to be rocked.

What I Want for 2015

Over the last year, I have come to love goals. I was never a resolution gal except for the annual declaration that I would lose 15 pounds and then I’d fluctuate for the next year. But I love having a place to write down things that I want to accomplish and a way to hold myself accountable.

In 2015, though, we’ll be welcoming our third baby boy. Okay, in the next five weeks we’ll be welcoming our third baby boy. Five weeks! How did this happen? And with a third baby, I’m not really sure what to expect. I’ll have a good bit of weight to lose. I’ll want to get more sleep, but I know that with a baby, sleeping regularly takes time. I’ll want to read more, but know that I’ll have my hands full, my mind occupied, and just be doing my best to adjust to our new normal.

So what do I want for 2015?

Time outside with my boys. Hudson is going to “big school” next year when he starts first grade. Hayes is growing up so much every day and as a soon-to-be middle child, I want him to have his own little life aside from Hudson’s life. And I just want us to soak up time outside. Playing on the playset. Swinging. Riding bikes. (Hudson can ride his without training wheels now!)

Exercise. After months of pain and carrying around extra weight, I want to move more. I want to push my sweet newborn in the stroller and have meet ups with friends at the gym.

Binge-watching television. I know. Who makes goals to watch more TV? Some of my best memories are from when Hudson and Hayes were born and my mom was staying with us. My mom and I would binge watch shows. Todd and I watched all of Friday Night Lights when Hayes was born. It’s just something we love doing and we can do it together- at the house, while holding a sleeping baby.

Open doors and family dinners. With our third baby, it’s unlikely that life will come to a screeching halt. We want friends visiting and eating dinner with us. We want as much normalcy as possible for our kids’ sake and for Todd and me to maintain our friendships that are so special to us. Our community is important to us and I want these people in our home and in our lives.

Less obligation. I want that the things I do to be done with my whole heart. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, blogging. I can love those things! I want to step away from the things that I find I’m not doing with my whole heart. The things that are better suited for someone else. The commitments and obligations that take me away from doing other things well.

Thanks for your patience as I’ve been enjoying a little hiatus. I’m excited about 2015 and so excited to get back to recording memories as we welcome James Walker!

Conversation Starters for Families

Happy New Year, y’all! I have so much to catch up on, and I will get to all of that one of these days!

I’m over on Every Day Cheer today sharing 20 conversation starts for family dinner time! Pop by over there to check it out!

family conversation starters

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