This post is intended to be an update on how our childbirth classes went, but I have a feeling it’s going to turn into a little more than that.

Todd and I arrived at our all day Saturday childbirth class at the hospital with two pillow and a blanket in tow (for the dreaded lamaze/breathing portion). There were three other young couples in the room and one of the other couples also got the memo about the pillows and blanket. The lovely, sarcastic, and perfectly perfect nurse told us that she doesn’t believe much in that so we should just take the pillows and blanket back to the car. Score! The day started off perfect!

So that’s my lamaze experience. Nothing. No breathing. No “hoo hoo heeeeee”. Nada. Her response was, “that’s why there’s the epidural. If you really want the lamaze I can put you in touch with someone who teaches those, but it’s not me.” I loved her.

The class was very much like any other classroom experience. Lots of Power Point, lots of questions, and a few much too informative videos. I’ve watched “A Baby Story” on TLC a couple of times, but things are often blurry. Nothing was blurred out in this video. And nothing was pretty. These women were completely exposed from head to toe.

Now, I like clothes. I even like hospital gowns if it means that a doctor, an anesthesiologist, two nurses, a scrub tech, and my husband aren’t going to be staring at every inch of me for God knows how long while I scream and sweat and push a baby out. Why weren’t these women wearing their robes?! Do they think it’s organic and natural for a woman to be totally nude?

Seriously, the first question asked after the video by one of the husbands was, “Where are the hospital gowns?!” The second question was, “How can I sign up for a c-section?”

That leads me to my next point. Baby Boy Carroll is still breech and I pray every night that God will let him stay in that position. Please don’t flip, Baby Boy! Keep your c-section criticism to yourself. I want one! The little incision is tiny and no one would ever see it. It’s scheduled. I’m an event planner for crying out loud. I need schedule.

Here’s my rationalization (I’m a pretty irrational person, by the way): I’m going to have some significant recovery either way I go. I’ve heard horror stories about the natural delivery (even with epidural) aftermath. I think no one ever wants to share those stories because they’re afraid that they’ll seem like childbirth wasn’t beautiful.

Here’s the thing…. a baby is beautiful. Why does childbirth have to be beautiful?

We also toured the hospital after all the videos were over. It was a very informative day. Possibly the funniest part of the day was when the nurse showed us the labor and delivery room and told us that some moms want to see the baby coming out. (WHY?!) She told us that one option was to request “a meerow.” (A mirror) Then she kept saying it. “A lot of couples like this big standing meerow because the mom can see everything while she’s pushing.” Todd and I don’t have a lot of tolerance for bad grammar or mispronounced words, so we just cringed every time she said it.

Good news: I have a baby shower/luncheon tomorrow with some of my coworkers at one of my favorite Columbia restaurants. It’ll be nice to get out of the office and get away from golf tournament and party planning for a couple of hours to watch some of my favorite people drink yummy lunch cocktails!

This year, on American Idol they’ve introduced a fourth judge. And I happen to love her. Kara DioGuardi brings a lot to the judge’s table with her real knowledge of music, star quality, and her ability to recognize a talented person when she sees him or her. She’s also gorgeous (and she reminds me of one of our favorite bloggers, Nina).

We’re off to church, so I don’t have time for a full post about how special today is, but wanted to let you all listen (if you want to) to my one of my favorite songs that our choir sings. {My parents’ choir in Dallas also sings this and my sweet mother knows how much I love this song. She called me from choir rehearsal a few weeks ago so I could listen in on the phone.}

I’m not sure if my blog gives this away or not, but I’m kind of jaded and pessimistic about some things. Pregnancy is one of those things. Maybe it’s because I spent 18 weeks of my life either throwing up or trying not to throw up 24 hours a day. I loved this baby from the moment I found out about him, but it’s hard to see the beauty in pregnancy when your experience is so bad.

I’ve been pretty realistic about pregnancy and I’ve approached it with no expectations. I’m planning on doing the same thing with childbirth and motherhood. A lot of people have shared their opinions and advice with me. There are a lot of people whose opinions I value and others that I just don’t…

Try this method, don’t try that method, you have to breastfeed, breastfeeding destroys your boobs, you need a detailed birth plan, throw the birth plan out the window because it won’t matter anyway, don’t resign yourself to a C-section, try to get the baby to flip on your own, epidurals are huge no-nos… blah, blah, BLAH!

It all begins to sound like a broken record and a whole bunch if gibberish. My mother had two healthy babies and had two C-sections. For a long time, that was the only “birth story” I’d ever heard. I don’t have negative opinions about C-sections. A lot of my friends and family members ended up having to be induced and then ended up having C-sections after many many hours of labor. Lots of healthy babies there, too.

I’ve approached baby reading cautiously and taken it all with a grain of salt. (I hate that expression) I will definitely be listening to my pediatrician and taking his or her advice, but with so many differing opinions, too much reading can lead to a lot of confusion.

Tomorrow we’re going to our childbirth class. We chose to knock it all out in one Saturday rather than attend five different nightly sessions over five weeks. We may not come back after lunch if we think it’s a bunch of phooey anyway.

I may get some hate mail for saying this, but I just don’t think that learning how to breathe during a class when I’m not experiencing severe discomfort and the worst pain of my life will be beneficial to me when I’m actually going through it. I don’t think I’ll remember a thing about lamaze in those moments! And I’m fairly certain that anyone that tries to tell me how to breathe will get a fist to the face. We almost didn’t sign up for the classes at all, but I decided we needed to in order to feel like I covered all the bases.

The one thing I’m looking forward to about tomorrow is the part where we get the tour of “The Stork’s Nest” (where the babies are born) and the part where they tell us about anesthesia. God bless anesthesia.

ETA: I forgot to mention that I asked my doctor what on Earth a birth plan actually is and she said, “Don’t worry about it. You’re definitely not a birth plan kind of girl.” Told you so!