Erin Akin Carroll

Hudson's tonsillectomy

Apr102014

Hudson had a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy yesterday. Yesterday morning, we woke Hudson up at 7:00 and put his shoes on, gave him his lovie, and got in the car. We told him we had to go to see the doctor so she could look at his nose and throat. We told him it would hurt a little, but that we would be there to help him with the pain.

We hadn’t told him in advance because I didn’t want him to be too anxious about it and constantly thinking about it. Todd and Hayes stayed behind so Todd could take Hayes to school. (We didn’t want Hayes running around the surgery center.) So Hudson and I talked on the way to the surgery center about what would happen and I told him that I had gone through it when I was 18 years old. (Not recommended to wait that long!)

He was so sweet in pre-op. I helped him put on his little gown. When he had his tubes at 21 months, he wore this same Looney Tunes gown and it practically covered his whole body. This time he had to keep his pajama pants on to cover his bottom half. I can’t believe how big he is!

We read books and colored while we waited for the ENT and the anesthesiologist. He told me that when he’s scared, he knows that God is always with him and Jesus is in his heart so he can be brave. And then I cried.

The nurses were so sweet to him, and when it was time for him to go back, he willingly took their hands and walked back. And, goodness gracious. There is nothing at gut wrenching as watching your child walk away toward an unknown situation holding a stranger’s hand.

I teared up a little, texted Todd and our families and a few friends, and then waited. About 30 minutes later, the doctor came to talk to me. She said that Hudson had done great. His tonsils were really big and causing some sleep issues. Hudson sleeps 12 hours every night and never gets up, but he snored like a freight train and I would often hear him holding his breath. Then the doctor told me that his adenoids were even bigger than his tonsils. It’s remarkable that he’s such a content kid, because he’s been living with this for so long. I’m glad we went forward with the surgery.

She said that he had been really brave and asked for his mommy when he woke up.

They kept him in recovery for about 20 minutes before I could see him, and just before I went back, Todd got there to be with us after dropping off Hayes at preschool. When we got back to see Hudson, he had just gotten sick (something he gets from his mommy) but he was so happy to see us. He never cried and just stayed so strong. He ate a popsicle and drank some Gatorade.

I got him home and set him up with a little bed on the couch. He dozed on and off all day and was content to watch movies, eat applesauce and sleep. He hasn’t complained about the pain and we’re trying to stay ahead of it with his meds.

I’m praying that as the days go on that he stays comfortable. My mom is coming today to visit for spring break and Easter and Hudson and Hayes are so excited to see their KK.

Thank you for all of your kind words on Instagram. He’s been such a sweet little patient.

on getting fired up!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Apr82014

Over the past year, I have noticed this trend that I know is intended to inspire. People are becoming cheerleaders. Books and posts and movements have started that are encouraging people to think big. Don’t settle for small. Make an impact. Do great things.

And that is awesome, right?

Except if it’s just not what you want. And not because you don’t want to make an impact, but I just cringe at all the pressure that causes us to question if we’re enough. If we’re doing enough.

For me, I know that it was a good day if I had special moments with my kids where we connect and we really listen to each other. I know that it was a good day if I don’t feel anxiety at bed time over the piles of laundry. I love family meal time, so I know it was a good day if I cooked (and I love to cook!) and we sat down together as a family. I know it was a good day if I made time for the Lord and talked to Him throughout my day. I know it was a good day if I laughed and if I got outside for either exercise or just a walk with my family.

Those things aren’t big. But, to me, they’re not small either. And there are days when some of those things don’t happen. There are even days when none of those things happen. And on those days I don’t want to feel like I failed. But I know that I have to have the little things that light me up and ignite my spirit. So that I can give that same fire to the people I love.

I recently attended Making Things Happen and one of the things I learned is that there are some non-negotiables that fire me up in my every day. And I haven’t always given these things a place in my day. So I wanted to share the list of what fires me up.

dance parties

family walks

time with the Lord first thing in the morning

playing games with the boys

singing

laughing with Todd

fresh flowers

Dance parties around the house are the best. It was my “trick” during the witching hour when the boys were babies and it’s still my trick to distract them until Daddy gets home. They love to dance. Yesterday, a friend came over to visit and we were watching Frozen. Hayes looked like he was just dancing, but he was actually doing every movement that Elsa did. He has seen it enough to sing the song and act out the song exactly like Elsa, and it was truly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen that kid do.

When fresh flowers are in my home, my mood shifts. It sounds silly, but it’s true. So every Sunday, I buy a few inexpensive stems at Trader Joe’s and set them out on the kitchen counter. When I start my morning reading my Bible and praying, it sets the tone for the whole day and I know that I’ve put God first. I love to sing, so I love to have music playing in the house. My mood lifts. Things shift. It could be Fleetwood Mac. It could be Katy Perry. Or it could be worship music.

There are days when Todd and I don’t connect. We’re tired. He’s worked all day and we’ve gotten the boys to bed and we just zone out… and then I fall asleep on the couch. Laughing with him fires me up. He’s the funniest guy I know.

These are the essentials to having my best day. They seem simple, and they really are. But they fire me up and keep me focused on what’s most important in my life.

What’s on your list? What fires you up?

a little college reunion

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Apr72014

On Friday morning, I got up at a completely unreasonable hour to get ready to catch at 7:00 a.m. flight to Dallas. My best friends from college were all gathering to host and attend a baby shower for our dear friend, Catherine, in Shreveport. Catherine and I were sorority sisters and best friends at Louisiana Tech and then she moved here to Columbia after college for grad school and we lived together here for a year before she moved back to Dallas.

Jennifer and her daughter, Elise, picked me up from the airport on Friday morning, and we headed to get lunch. We needed to kill some time before picking up Malain from the airport. Early Friday morning, I texted Todd and my parents to let them know I boarded and my plane was about to take off for Dallas. And my parents both responded and said that they were in Dallas! (Not sure how we hadn’t figured that out already.)

So Jennifer and I met up with my mom and dad at Taco Diner and had a quick lunch together. But, gosh, it was so good to see them!

After we picked up Malain at the airport, we got back in the car to make the drive to Shreveport for the baby shower. It was Jennifer’s birthday, so we had a lot to celebrate! The road trip was so much fun. It had been way too long since I’d been cooped up with my college friends in car for a road trip.

We got to Shreveport, dropped off Jennifer’s daughter with grandparents, and headed to Superior Grill for a birthday celebration. We met up with Catherine, Kelly, and Grace, and had the best time laughing and telling stories.

(And we have two of the very best photo bombs in the picture below. I can’t stop laughing at the guy’s face or of the curly ponytail coming off the back of Grace’s hair!)

On Saturday morning, we rushed around to put finishing details on all of the baby shower plans. Planning a baby shower long distance is a little interesting, but we pulled it off! We wanted it to be so special for Catherine and for her to feel celebrated and surrounded by loved ones. We’re all so excited about her baby boy!

Because of distances and schedules, I only see these girls a couple of times a year, at most. I’m so thankful for the opportunities to get together to celebrate major milestones or to just get together to talk and laugh about the old days. In recent years, I’ve been a little disappointed in my memory. I just don’t remember many of the little moments from college and there are so many people from high school and college that I’ve just forgotten because I’ve not seen them in 10-15 years.

I loved this weekend so much because, through talking and telling stories, I was able to remember so many events and people that I’ve forgotten over the years. So many memories and road trips and hilarious moments that were just hanging out back there in my rusty memory. These are girls I’ve lived with and traveled with and celebrated marriages and new babies and graduations and job opportunities.

My friendship love tank is full today!

a sweet rhythm

Filed Under: Faith

Apr42014

I can’t believe that Hayes will be three in a month and Hudson will be five in two months. And that means that it has been three years since I’ve had a baby. Since I’ve carried a baby to term.

And, y’all. Life is in this super sweet spot. I don’t have tons of stories of meltdowns and tantrums. They cry and there are behavior issues, but the weary mom days are a thing of the past. (I’m almost laughing at myself for writing that. I’m absolutely going to regret writing that.)

They talk their heads off at the grocery store and I think people can hear Hayes from the other side of the store. They love to chase each other and push each other down. Hudson is in a phase where he doesn’t really ask for things, he just immediately jumps to whining and demanding things. But I feel like we’ve got a handle on this. I know that the seasons are fleeting.

Each season, I remind myself that I can fight a bear for a little while. So that bear may be the phase of grocery store parking lot meltdowns over fruit snacks. I’m fighting that bear. And I’m going to win. And I know that the end is near.

But right now, in this sweet spot, I’m loving all of our new freedoms.

We can travel as a family! We’ve always wanted to travel as a family.

We can go to the park on a moment’s notice without disrupting the schedule or sending someone into distress.

We can say “yes” to random requests like donuts for lunch or carriage rides in Charleston because the boys are old enough to handle change in routine.

We can go out to eat after church! I repeat… WE CAN GO OUT TO EAT AFTER CHURCH!

Hudson and Hayes will sit and entertain each other, and laugh and play while I cook dinner. I can cook dinner and stay relatively stress-free!

I should know better than to write something like this because Hayes is about to enter the “terrible threes” and we’ll potty train him in the next few weeks and move him to a big boy bed. The boat is going to be rocked and I’ll be kicking myself for ever admitting that things had actually gotten easy!

Hudson is about to start kindergarten and we’ll have a whole new adventure and set of issues that come from school work and routine and structure.

But here’s the truth. I want another baby. I want that boat to be rocked with sleepless nights and bottles and baby gear explosion. After last year’s miscarriage, though, I’ve been so afraid to try out of fear of rocking the boat. I want to rock it and I’m afraid to rock it. I’m afraid of disrupting the sweet spot and the tidy little rhythm we’ve established. And, of course, the fear of losing another baby is the most terrifying thing of all.

I know that as soon as I admit that it’s gotten easy and I’ve got this under control, I’ll quickly remember that I was never actually in control.

Motherhood is constantly changing and I’m just thankful that I can change and adapt with it, and enjoy the adventures in each new season. And every day I’m asking God for clear direction.

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