Today’s post was written by my dear friend, Ellen. Ellen blogs at Sweetwater and her words and heart flow so beautifully and effortlessly together in her writing. When Ellen speaks (yes, she’s now a speaker, too!) and writes and prays with you, I see the Lord in her. I hear the Lord in her words. He has done a beautiful work in Ellen’s heart and she shares it. I had the incredible privilege of coming together every Tuesday night this summer with a group of women at Ellen’s house to study the Word. Ellen tells that story beautifully in today’s post.

(And if you were considering going to Influence, but you’re on the fence about it, please go. Ellen will be there as a community leader with many other fabulous community leaders who will be there to encourage you. And hug you!)

On a Tuesday night in early June I welcomed twelve women into my home to read, study the Word and fellowship. It was a beautiful night. We laughed and cried and my heart felt like it might explode right there. It was a far cry from the defeat I’d been feeling just a few months earlier as I sat in the pew on a Sunday morning.

I’m the introverted type. My list of friends is short but deep and, even though I’m 30something now, I still struggle with insecurity about that. I have the most lovely and wonderful friends. Sometimes I forget to remember that. I have a little hamster wheel in my brain just for friendship insecurities: I don’t have enough; I’m not good at them; I try too hard; I don’t have a group.

Instead of having a group that I do absolutely everything with, I have friendships scattered throughout my little life. It’s a bit of story woven through, how I have remnants of college and being newly married and a new mama and a school mama and serving and writing all wrapped up in my friendships. And I forget to remember how great that is.

So. On a Sunday morning in a wooden pew with my eyes pinched tight so tears wouldn’t overflow, I decided to lean into how friendship looks for me right now. It wasn’t my idea. It was His.

I sent emails, facebook messages and texts. I wanted to know? Would all of these women like to meet for just two months at my house? We would study something together and we would get down to the rough and raw of real fellowship (at least, I hoped).

I was afraid. Afraid that everyone would say no. Afraid that I would pick a dumb book. Afraid that it would be too awkward.

And then that first night in June happened and I sat there in my den as fat tears of laughter and joy rolled down my cheeks. And then another night when I heard a “Me, too” from woman to woman. And then another night as I listened to how God was taking deep hurt and turning it into hope.

Over and over again, I’ve been so thankful for this group of women. If I have a tribe, surely they are it. They may be gathered from all different corners but they are God’s faithfulness to me.

I had been wading through discontent and insecurity. With a gentle nudge, God asked me to just do something about it. It hasn’t changed much about my life, this group. But it’s changed the way I see it. That’s what He’s in the business of doing: revealing beauty where we see none. I’m so thankful for it.

Envy is a weird thing.

Somedays I find myself completely at peace with where I am. Content with my living situation. Content with my family life. Content with my job status and not feeling overwhelmed with a need for possessions. Content with the direction my blog has taken and how that affects my daily life.

And then other days, I find myself listening to the lies of the enemy.

I see other successful, beautiful daughters of the Lord with different talents than mine. They’re being asked to do bigger things than I am. Their opportunities are more important and get more recognition and so they must just be “better” than I am.

They could be asked to serve in a specific way at church or be honored with a prestigious award. Maybe they never falter or get nervous and are always asked to speak at events and minister to a crowd. Or they get picked to partner with an amazing brand or they get picked to go on TV because their blog post went viral.

And the enemy lies to me and tells me that her purpose is more important than my purpose.

(Yes, I’m still soaking up every life-giving word in A Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson. And I’m loving it.)

So when I get fed those lies, I question myself. What could I be doing differently? What should I change about what I’m doing? And then the enemy occasionally sends me to an ugly place and jealousy takes over. I don’t just beat myself up, but I start to critique the person who has been blessed with these gifts that I wish were mine.

“What has she done that’s any different than what I’ve done?”

In A Beautiful Purpose, I came across this one little line that said that when Susie Larson started to feel that way, she heard God say to her, “Can you honor the Me in her?”

(p. 43, A Beautiful Purpose)

And wow, y’all.

These women are my sisters in Christ. God loves them just like He loves me. And my talents and gifts may not be the same or as recognizable or as public as someone else’s, but they are important. They are there. I was blessed with talents and gifts and I just use them differently than the woman with all the recognition. And God is opening doors every single day for us to use the gifts He has given us.

It’s not her fault. She loves the Lord just like I do.

And when I can take a step back and remember that the things I do, the talents I use, and the gifts I share should be used for His glory, I can stop thinking about myself and start being happy for her.

I can use my talents to the best of my ability, glorify God through my talents, and stop wishing for her talents!

Then I can support her, and pray for her, and honor the Him in her.

(*If any of this is also on your heart, I strongly encourage you to read A Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson.)