Boy mom.

I hear this title used a lot. It’s not a title I ever thought I’d have. I always imagined myself having two girls and then having a baby boy. You know, when I’d play M*A*S*H in school and plan out my life with a mansion, a Ferrari (just like the one in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) and my two girls and one boy.

I’ve been writing this post in my head for so long and I’ve just been afraid to put it all down. But I do want to talk about it.

When I first got pregnant with Hudson, I was convinced I was having a baby girl. I only browsed the girl aisles in stores and was looking at bows and sweet shoes. I would talk with my mom for an hour on the phone every day and imagine my life someday having the same conversations with my daughter.

And then we found out that we were having a baby boy. My first thought, if I’m being honest, was, “I don’t know anything about little boys. What do they like?”

But I figured it out. I figured out that he is mine and he is a perfect little person who has crazy wild moments and super sweet tender moments. After a day of letting it set in that I was not having a girl, I finally understood that the gender just did not matter at all. I mean, duh. This should be obvious, right?

With Hayes, I just always knew that he was going to be a boy. It was just a feeling I had. I knew that Hudson was going to have a brother and they would (hopefully) become best buddies. Hayes is so different than Hudson was because he, too, is his own little person. But I wanted him to be a boy. I knew that if another little boy was anything like Hudson, it would just be the best thing in the world.

I was talking with a friend the other day. She’s a boy mom, too. And we discussed the part of being a boy mom that is “hard.” It’s the pressure from other people. And there’s the “loss” and mourning of that future mother/daughter relationship when I’m 50 and I’m an empty-nester.

Because I’m in the social media world a lot, I get to eavesdrop on conversations. I have seen so many sweet friends announce their pregnancies and then announce the sex of their baby. And, I honestly don’t think I’m making this up, I see a lot of people say, “oh! I hope it’s a girl!” And that really hurts this boy mom’s feelings. Why would someone else hope that the pregnant gal would be having a girl? Why wouldn’t someone want a boy? What happened to just wanting a healthy baby?

And what about these statements from a pregnant celebrity/girl mom?

When I got pregnant with Hayes, I felt this strange, unspoken pressure/hope/rooting from other people for him to be a girl. A lot of people said, “I know this is a girl” and when I did announce that he was a boy, people even said, “don’t worry, baby number three will be a girl.”

My friends aren’t saying this to be rude. And there may always be a place in my heart that I have reserved for a daughter. But if I have four boys someday, I will be happy. And maybe I will even be spoiled by them someday?

I know that if I don’t ever have a daughter, my life will still be complete and wonderful and full of happiness.

I read this article and felt like someone finally got my thoughts out there.

I adore my family and I adore my boys. The sweetness mixed with the hilarity can’t be matched and that has nothing to do with them being boys. It’s just because of who they are and who they’re growing up to become.

I’ve said before that I want what my own mom and I have with a daughter someday. And I may always want that if I don’t have a daughter. And if I never get to use my girl name that’s on reserve, I’ll just buy a fish and give it the name!

Kidding.

Maybe.

I often feel the need to shout from the rooftops about how wonderful boys are. I know that prom planning, wedding planning and grandbaby planning won’t be as much fun without a daughter to keep me in the loop and gab with on the phone for hours, but believe me. I am counting my blessings. My precious guys are everything I have prayed for my whole life and never knew it.

Tonight, we were playing hide and seek in the house with my mom and Hudson. My wild boy was having the absolute best time. The smile on his face as he ran through the house just made my heart explode. And later in the evening, when he had calmed down some, he was sitting in my lap and we were singing songs. He accidentally hit me in the face and I pretended to cry. (I know, that’s kind of mean.) But he immediately said, “What’s the matter, Mommy? I’m sorry, Mommy.” Gah. My heart.

Are there any other boy moms who have felt this way? Has anyone ever looked at you and laughed because you have all boys? (If not, consider yourself lucky) We can even discuss the annoying boy clothes that mostly look like teenage boy clothes or a costume. What’s with all the writing on everything?

I was talking to my friend, Molly, the other day and I have decided that if there is a baby number three, I’d really like to not find out the sex before he or she is born. It’s truly the last real surprise! I think it would be so much fun.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

I say things like, “Because I said so” and “go to your room.”
I find myself counting to three and taking deep breaths to avoid confrontation with family members.
I know how to change a diaper in random places and can finish by the time Hudson counts to “ourteen.”

I know the value of observing nap time even when your toddler isn’t actually sleeping.
I always know where the wooden spoon is… just in case.
I know that disciplining my child really does hurt me more than it hurts them.

I don’t judge other mommies when their kids are crying in public. Kids get tired and have an off day. Most of the time the mommy can’t help it.
I definitely don’t judge other mommies with screaming babies on airplanes. It makes me grateful that mine aren’t screaming, but I’ve had the screaming baby before.
I still judge mommies who let their kids run around a restaurant and don’t make them sit in the high chair. I can’t help it.

I blog because I like it and it’s a fun hobby.
I also blog because it helps me buy cute clothes for my kids. And sometimes fun things for myself!
I see most of our money go into retirement and college savings. And another big chunk pays for all different types of insurance.

I realize how lucky I am to be responsible for two precious people.
I sometimes miss the carefree days when I could be as wild and free as my 2-year-old.
I am lucky to get a shower.

I have a commitment to only attempt to leave the house once a day to save sanity!
I have chosen to be a stay-at-home-mom and “staying home” is exactly what we do.
I sometimes wonder how in the world I got here. I am a mommy?!

I have to remind myself to have dance parties in the living room at the end of the day to unwind. But after we do it, we’re so happy!
I listen to Disney tunes in the car and know every word to “Jimmy Crack Corn.” So does Hudson.
My kids’ health and happiness is my long term goal. I force myself to look at the big picture. This is why I’m okay with a little bit of crying in the night.

I’ve lost some of my sense of humor because I get tired and stressed. My husband and my funny kids remind me to laugh and stop taking life so seriously.
I am confident that I can fight a bear for a little while.
The fear of being thrown up or pooped on is gone. I can survive that.
I am afraid of no diapers and having poop or pee on my floor! Can I survive that?

I get dirty outside and know how to get stains out of white jeans!
I play the way a little boy likes to play with trucks and animals and monsters.

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I know that there is no love like the one I have for these two little guys