Faith

what's been missing

Filed Under: Books, Faith

Jun212012

On January 1, 2012, I committed to read the entire Bible in a year. Our church gives us a reading plan every year in October so we can pray and prepare to commit to this year-long process.

I rarely use the word proud to describe how I feel about anything I’ve done, but I am proud to say that I am still sticking with it. I’m right on track. It’s a great plan that has me reading two Old Testament chapters and two New Testament chapters at a time. Sometimes I don’t want to put it down.

In addition to this reading plan, I also do a daily devotion out of the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Whenever anyone asks for a devotion recommendation, this is it. The sense of peace that I feel every day just from this devotion is indescribable. It somehow always manages to have a short message that is exactly what I need to hear for the day, and gives some recommended scripture reading.

On Monday, June 18, we had a house showing. I’ve stopped really getting my hopes up, and have really started to feel a little bit like, “what’s the point?” But when we have a showing scheduled, we clean and pick up and mow the yard and do our best to make the house smell great. We give it our best shot.

And then after every showing, I dwell. And I worry. And I start going through the “what ifs” and it’s just a ridiculous cycle. I am rolling my eyes at myself, believe me.

So I called my mom on Monday and I was talking through all of this with her and I’m sure she was rolling her eyes at me. And she said, “Have you read your Jesus Calling today?”

“No,” I said.

“Hang up and go read it. Then you can call me back if you want to.” My mom always has an answer for everything. Usually a right answer for everything.

So we hung up and I ran upstairs to grab my copy of Jesus Calling. And the words on the page for June 18 left me breathless.

via Sarah Young

“Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment.”

Ouch.

My hope and my future are rooted in heaven. In heaven. Not here. Not in this house and not in our future house. In heaven.

And. AND! What am I doing trying to predict the future? Why do I continue to waste time wondering who is going to buy this house and who will put a house on the market that will one day become ours?

Why do I spend time anticipating the future for anything at all?

So what’s been missing?

Despite spending time every single day in God’s word, and feeling Him with me as I go through my day, and being committed to my faith…

My prayer life is seriously lacking.

I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to keep myself from getting distracted and I don’t know how to quiet my mind. This is why I removed Twitter and Facebook from my phone. I don’t need anymore distractions.

And while I love Jesus Calling, I want to feel that peace all throughout the day in my conversations with Him that aren’t read in my favorite devotional book.

I used to pray in the car while I was driving. With my eyes open, of course. But my car time was my quiet time. This was three years ago when my car was a quiet place.

I spend a good bit of time praying for other people and other families. But not enough time praying about the every day stuff and praying about the things I can’t see. Certainly not enough time praying about this move and the preparations being made for our ultimate landing spot in this process.

How about you? Do you ever feel like you have almost all of the pieces coming together?

What’s missing? What is your best advice for carving out time for prayer and quieting your mind for that time?

I need help. There. I said it.

Filed Under: Faith

Jun142012

I was recently asked by Courtney DeFeo , “What surprised you most about motherhood?”

I thought it was an interesting question. It took me a while to think of my answer.

There have been so many things that have surprised me about motherhood and parenting. I am surprised on a daily basis. There are very few things that are actually predictable.

And then it hit me.

Before Hudson was born, I was protective. I think I was mostly protective of myself and my time with him. So many people were eager to meet him and hold him, and all I could think of was how much I wanted to keep him all to myself and with TC. And I didn’t want to ask for help. I was determined to not need help.

I refused help, and was just determined to get it all done myself. Not the smartest plan, really.

Because while that may have worked alright with just Hudson around, it certainly wasn’t going to last much longer when we found out we were pregnant with Hayes.

So what has surprised me about motherhood?

I need help.

I need help and I need wisdom. I need advice and I need support. I need it from the new moms, the experienced moms, and the women who just love my children and love me.

It takes a village to raise a child, right? It doesn’t take a martyr mom who is overtired and bitter because she refuses to accept help.

I need the wisdom, council, love, prayers, and extra hands from the women I love. Some of them have ideas and they’ve been there. Some of them have a sweet smile and comforting hug to offer when things are tough. And some of them have extra hands and lots of energy when I need to get out and run errands.

My boys have amazing grandmothers who would drop anything for them or for TC and me. We have an incredible babysitter who is like family to us now. I have supportive friends who hold my kids and comfort them if they fall down and I’m not there. We have a support system who has loved on us and brought meals or sat with one child when the other had to be rushed to the doctor.

So I think that’s what surprised me most about motherhood. I thought I could be supermom. But I can’t. Supermom, to me, is made up of about 20 other women in our lives and they are the ones that help me keep it together.

God bless them all.

What has surprised you the most about motherhood?

accentuate the positive

Filed Under: Faith, Uncategorized

Jun132012

I see a lot of stereotyping around the blogosphere. Some moms are accused of being too positive. Some moms are accused of being too negative. Some moms are praised for keeping it real even if it is negative while others are criticized for writing with the same language. It’s tough to find a good balance. We all want to share our realities.

Because, let’s face it. The days are hard. They can be really hard. Especially when you’re new at it. Any time a new person is added to a family, boats are rocked. Little lives are changed and big lives are loaded up with more responsibility. It’s just part of the routine.

It may take a year or two to create a new routine and find your new dynamic. And for some people it just comes more easily. A new baby is born and they’re out jogging around the block with a quadruple stroller the next day. No big whoop.

It wasn’t that way for me when I lived in that season. The months after Hayes was born (and honestly the months right before he was born) were tough for me. I was tired and stressed. I felt completely out of control.

But if I walk around with an attitude that says, “I’m not very good at being a mom. I know so many things better than I know how to be a mom,” I’m not going to get any better at it.

If I put my kids to bed at night and spend the rest of the evening thinking about how hard it was, why would I want to get out of bed the next morning and do it all over again?

So, sure. Some days are hard. There are days when very little gets accomplished and the boys just spend the day whining and crying. And there are days when everything runs smoothly the way I like and I’m just so excited about how great life is.

Some days I walk around like a zombie and have no desire to do anything other than collapse on the couch when they’ve gone to bed. And there are other days when I feel like the Energizer Bunny and want to write and I want to cross things off my list.

Focusing on the positive may not completely change the reality, but it may help my outlook on the reality. Kids are loud. They talk back. They don’t obey and they make me angry, frustrated, and sad. That’s all true.

But why focus on any of that? Do I really want to introduce my kids to someone and immediately follow up and say, “They’re a real handful!”

I’m not even really sure what I’m getting at here. But there will be days when I need to vent. But I also really want to remember the good stuff. I want to relate to other moms who are in this season and get down on the bad days and feel proud on the great days.

But this summer, I’m aiming for simple fun. For fewer distractions and lots of togetherness. And meltdowns will happen and it won’t be perfect. But I don’t expect perfect. I just expect my kids to be themselves, and I love them for who they are. So how could I focus on anything other than the positive if we’re all just trying to have a little fun together?

a doc band update- the final stretch

Filed Under: doc band, Faith

May312012

It has been such a long time since I’ve updated on Hayes’s doc band experience and progress. The only reason for that is that it has become such a normal part of our lives that I often forget he’s even wearing it.

In the first two weeks that he had his band, I was really self-conscious about it anytime we’d go out in public. I wanted to shield him from people that might stare too long at church or a restaurant. If I was shopping, I knew that someone would stop and ask. And really, in those first couple of weeks, I was not only the most self-conscious, but that’s also when the most people actually asked about it.

The only negative experience I had was when we were walking at the State House grounds one day and we passed by a group of 3rd or 4th graders on a field trip. A little girl shouted to her classmates, “Look at that baby’s head! What’s the matter with him?!” And my mama bear protective instincts really started to kick in. I wanted to say something to her, but I just looked at her and smiled. I wanted to say, “Where is your mother so I can have a chat with her?” But I didn’t.

And that was the only negative thing I’ve heard anyone say. We’ve had a lot of curious little children come up to me and just ask what the “helmet” is for and I try to explain the best way I can.

But after a couple of weeks, I stopped even remembering that he was wearing it. I didn’t worry about what people thought, because I didn’t even notice it. It’s just a part of him right now.

Our experience with the kind folks at Cranial Technologies has been wonderful. We got the doc band in the beginning of March. For two months, every two weeks, Hayes and I (sometimes Hudson, too) would drive up to Charlotte very early in the morning for Hayes’s appointment. We were always seen within 5 minutes of arriving and when just doing adjustments, the visits were very quick. We were in and out in twenty minutes. And I’d always stop at the drive through Starbucks in Fort Mill, SC on the way back to Columbia while Hayes napped in his car seat.

At the end of April, we were notified that Cranial Technologies was opening a small satellite office in Lexington, SC, which is just down the road from us. So our two visits this month have been just ten minutes away from our house as opposed to the 90 minute drive we had to Charlotte every two weeks.

At our visit on Tuesday morning, we found out that Hayes just has 2-4 weeks left with his doc band! I’m so excited. His head has grown 3 centimeters over the last three months. I can tell a very noticeable difference and I can’t wait to share the “before” and “after.”

For the most part, Hayes doesn’t mind his band a bit. It doesn’t bother him to sleep in it and it has served as a great “crash helmet” as he has learned to walk. The only downside at this point is the heat. So whenever we go on a walk in the middle of the 90 degree day, I usually use that time for him to get a break from it.

If I notice that he’s sweaty underneath, I’ll take it off to let him cool off. When we went to the aquarium and the zoo and spent a lot of time outside in the heat, I left the doc band in the bottom of the stroller, so Hayes didn’t get too hot. He has had a few little episodes of heat rash on his forehead, but it goes away within a few hours. We were told to leave the band off when he has some heat rash.

It really has been a wonderful experience. I’m eager to see the final results. The time flew by and I’m so impressed with my little trooper who wasn’t even fazed by it. His hair is a little funny right now and sticks up at the top of his head, but when the occupational therapists slick his hair down, I can really see how symmetrical and round his head is looking.

I hope that our story will encourage other mamas who are having to decide whether or not to do this. We’re thankful that insurance ended up covering it because that was truly our biggest concern. But we’re in the final stretch and I’m really proud of how well my happy baby boy has done.

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