Nothing is ever perfect and nothing ever goes exactly how you hope it will. Even though I’m a little shy about the whole breast feeding thing, I’m going to talk about it a little bit right now.

With Hudson, we had to supplement formula as soon as he came home from the hospital. He had lost 10 percent of his birth weight and was jaundiced, so the pediatricians and lactation consultants told us to breast feed and give him formula. He was back up to his birth weight in two days.

I had a feeling that the same things would happen with Hayes. He was 8 lbs, 12 oz at birth, but was 7 lb, 13 oz the day we came home from the hospital. When they told me he had lost more than 10 percent of his birth weight, I fell apart. In the middle of the hospital hallway, I had massive tears coming down my face and I could barely talk through the hiccups. I’m pretty sure my mom thought I had lost my marbles.

It’s just formula. Hayes is fine. Why was I so emotional about it? Did I really think I’d have this magical time nursing my baby and he would be completely satisfied and gaining tons of weight just from what I could give him? I’m not sure why I thought that after Hudson’s experience. I should have known my body. And I guess I did deep down, but receiving the news wasn’t fun!

So I thought I’d share a little bit about our feeding journey up to this point so I’ll remember it and to hopefully offer encouragement to other struggling moms.

4 Days Old:
Heading home from the hospital, but we get the word that Hayes has lost just over a pound and we need to supplement with formula. His bilirubin level is just shy of needing phototherapy, but with the formula and indirect sunlight, he should be fine. We got instructions to go back to the doctor the next day.

5 Days Old:
Hayes was spitting up every ounce of formula we gave him, so we stopped until we could see the pediatrician. At the appointment, his weight was up an ounce and bilirubin was down to a “safe” place. We were asked to come back in two days to weigh him again. We got the okay to just breast feed.

7 Days Old:
We visited the lactation consultant at our pediatrician’s office. Hayes’s bilirubin was way up and his weight was down again. I fed him in front of her and it was determined that he is a lazy eater and isn’t making the most of his feedings. I am making plenty of milk for him, but he’s not doing the work to get it. We decided to supplement again, but with a different formula. I also decided to pump breast milk rather than nurse him and feed him bottles so we could get a more accurate idea of how much he’s eating.

8 Days Old:
We went back to the pediatrician and Hayes was up 3 ounces from the previous day and his bilirubin was way down. The formula and pumping combination worked!

We have decided to make this our long term plan. It makes for a very busy schedule for me between feeding, pumping, and feeding, but I want to do what is best for Hayes. I’ll continue this as long as I feel like it’s also good for me.

I was so encouraged to see how much he benefitted from the formula and pumped bottle combination. I had been so stressed every day thinking about how skinny he was getting and wondering what else we could do to help him. After the appointment with the lactation consultant, I see that I was doing everything I could to nurse him, but these changes would help him a lot.

The sense of relief that I now have is wonderful and I’m really getting to enjoy my sweet baby without the stress and pressure of getting him back to his birth weight. I’m confident now that he’ll be back to birth weight by his two week appointment.

This morning, around 8:00 a.m., TC and I got to the hospital for our scheduled c-section. Hayes turned sideways/transverse about two weeks ago and complications from my delivery with Hudson were a second reason to have a c-section.

I was a little nervous about the unknown, but couldn’t wait to meet our sweet baby. Today was Cinco de Mayo, so our doctor wore a super fun sombrero into my pre-op room to celebrate. I just love her so much and felt so at ease that she’d be doing the procedure.

After getting plenty of fluids and prepping for surgery, it was our turn to head into the operating room for Hayes’s delivery. TC loved his scrubs and I loved my fun little hair net thing.

We went into the operating room at 10:30 a.m. and I got my spinal, they put up the drape, and then brought TC in.

At 10:46 a.m., Hayes Claxton Carroll was born. He weighs 8 lb 12 oz and is 19.5 inches long. Not quite as big as his older brother, but still a solid little guy.

It was so great to see his sweet little face and hear him cry.

They brought him into the recovery room with me so I could feed him. He is such a calm, content baby. But he was that way in the womb, too. Isn’t he cute?

At this point, I don’t think he and Hudson look too much alike. Hayes has more of my family’s features and Hudson favors his Daddy more.

We have had a great day. I am feeling great and have been able to manage the pain so it hasn’t gotten too bad. My parents and in-laws were here and my mom and dad were with Todd and me for most of the day. My dad heads home tomorrow, so it was nice to get lots of time with him today.

Hudson met Hayes this afternoon and we have some fun photos from that meeting that I’ll share later. It went well and I think Hudson is going to love having a little brother.

Thanks so much for the prayers and well-wishes via blog comments, texts, tweets, Facebook, and phone calls. We feel so blessed.

This is the very first of many many letters that I will write to you. You haven’t made your way into this world just yet, but we are all anxiously awaiting your arrival and are so excited to meet you.

You are joining a family that is full of love, and we cannot wait to love on you. Your daddy, big brother, and I have been praying for you ever since we found out about you.

The day I found out I was expecting you was a normal day and a test confirmed my suspicions that I was, in fact, pregnant. I waited until your daddy got home from work to share the news with him and he was so excited! And he knew that you were going to be a boy!

The day we found out that we were having another little boy, my mind immediately went to Hudson and I had so many visions in my head of the two of you growing up together as best friends. Playing golf with daddy, riding with each other to high school, and visiting each other in college. I don’t want to wish either of your lives away, but I just pray that you and Hudson will love each other as only brothers can. He is very excited to be getting a baby brother. I know the two of you will fight and compete in your lives, but I pray that you will always love each other and realize the importance of family and siblings. If I can’t give either of you anything else, I will know that I gave you each other.

I suspect that you and Hudson will be very different in a lot of ways and I cannot wait to see what those differences are. I just want you to be a happy little boy who grows into a Godly man.

Your daddy and I pray daily for wisdom as we plan to raise you and raise Hudson. I want you to always know that you are loved. More than anything. I haven’t even seen your face yet and my love for you overwhelms me. I can’t even imagine how it will feel when the doctor places you in my arms for the first time. We don’t have to wait long!

You are also very fortunate to be in a family full of grandparents, an uncle, and a great-grandmother who love you endlessly already. And there are so many sweet dear friends and extended family members who have been praying for you since they found out about you. We are so blessed by all of these people and I know that you will be, too.

I’m looking forward to cherishing every little second with you as we get to know each other.

There is a verse from Colossians that I have stumbled upon in various Bible readings over the past few months. And every time I read it I think of you. Thank you for being mine. I can’t wait to meet you!

Love,

Mommy

“Since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives.”

Colossians 1:9