To James Walker on your first birthday

Our sweet James Walker,

What a year it has been. When you were born a year ago, we never imagined all that would happen in your first year. But we did know immediately just how much we loved you. You stole my heart from the first moment I saw you.

I cried and cried and laughed and cried some more. Seeing your sweet cheeks and listening to your little grunts. Hearing the doctor announce your mighty weight and seeing your daddy hold you. I knew you were our last precious baby and that these moments were so precious.

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Our time together in the hospital was full of sweetness. So much of that was because I knew what to expect and had learned after two previous stays how to be my own advocate and your advocate. I soaked up as much of you as I could without a worry about any of the things that worried me with your brothers. Our first weeks at home with you with KK there to help us were peaceful and fun.

You have been such a sweet, easy baby. You picked up a schedule quickly. You were sleeping 12 hours at night by 3 months old and have been so adaptable and being on-the-go as the third little boy in our household. You love people. New people, people you know, people you don’t know… you love them all.

You are always smiling and laughing and watching. You take it all in and we have all loved watching all of your firsts. You weren’t just my baby or your daddy’s baby. You were Hudson and Hayes’s baby, too. We all gather around to watch your bath or watch you taste a new food. When you sat up or crawled, you had a full audience. Having you here has been so sweet and exciting for all of us. You’ve united us in love.

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You laugh and smile all the time except when you’re starving or sleepy. You will eat anything we offer to you and are already a much better eater than your big brothers. You make me feel pretty good about my cooking!

When your daddy comes home from work you crawl as fast as you can to the backdoor to see him and can’t wait for him to pick you up. You are constantly looking for your big brothers and you think they’re hilarious. But you also let them know when they’ve taken something that belongs to you or they’re bothering you. You’ll hold your own just fine!

When I think back over the past year as KK was with us celebrating your life and helping care for you and for me, I’m so thankful for those first couple of months. She loved nothing more than to be able to hold and rock you and your brothers. And in the months where her health started to decline and we saw less and less of the mother and grandmother she had always been, your sweet spirit, James Walker, was what kept my spirits high. You were the sweetest distraction from the hard, hurt places. A bright little light in my day that always gave me so much joy as I was grieving.

Even still as I watch you grow up and learn new things, I’m mourning not being able to share that with my mother and your KK. It’s beautiful that life goes on, but also such a hard reality when someone so important isn’t there to share it.

The blessing of being able to teach you and hold you and love you has been the biggest gift to me in the hardest, sweetest year. When I tuck you in at night, I linger a little longer as I imagine what it must have been like for my own mother to tuck my brother and me in. I rock you a little longer, I hold you more, and I’m always so aware that you’re our last little one.

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You’re my little sidekick, my buddy. You babble all the time and have about six words that you say regularly. You’re not walking yet, but I don’t think it will be long. We’re not in any big rush– we just love you so much.

James Walker, we all love you so much. Introducing a baby to the family isn’t always an easy thing, but you, my dear one, have been nothing but a joy. You have added so much to our lives. We are all absolutely wild about you.

We pray daily for you and that God will guide us as we raise you. Your daddy and I love you so much, J. Dubs. Our sweet baby boy.

Love,

Mama

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Comments

  1. says

    Such a sweet post that made me smile on my lunch break! I’m sure James Walker will grow up knowing he is and was so loved by your mother and your entire family. Thinking of you, friend!

    India

  2. Erin says

    That is such a sweet 1 year letter to James Walker! It’s so nice to read how well he has blended into your family of boys & that he has taken to his brothers and will be able to hold his own as the little brother. How wonderful that he was able to be your light in the dark times after the loss of your mother, so glad you were all able to spend such precious time with her in the early stages of J Dubs life. I love you’re calling him J Dubs too, such a cute lil nickname for the guy!
    Here’s to more wonderful memories & happy years ahead for James Walker!

  3. says

    Seriously….when did this happen? I feel like it went so fast! He is still as precious as he was the day he was born. <3

    I would LOVE a post on how to juggle/manage a newborn with an older kiddo. Georgia will be in preschool when Baby Sister gets here and I already feel overwhelmed trying to keep her on some kind of sleep schedule.

  4. Katie says

    Such sweetness! I got tickled by him having a “full audience” because that’s how it feels with my third also. He turns 3 in July, and I will tell you, it doesn’t change. And we call him “A-dubs” (Andrew Wade)-too funny! God bless your little ones in big, big ways.

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