The Night Before We Meet James Walker

We’re heading to the hospital tomorrow morning to meet our precious baby boy. Our third baby boy. Most likely our last baby.

As I sit here thinking about what that means, I’m overwhelmed with peace. Almost six years ago, we were getting ready to go meet our first baby boy and I was anxious and afraid and excited and had no idea what to expect.

This time I know what to expect when I get to the hospital. I know what’s going to happen in pre-op and a general idea of how it will feel in the operating room. I am praying that things go smoothly and that James Walker and I both stay healthy and that other than a precious baby entering this world, the procedure is uneventful.

A couple of days ago I sat down and watched the videos of Hudson and Hayes’s birth. I cried and cried as I relived those experiences and it made me so excited to get to experience it one more time with a baby that we have prayed so hard for.

The nursery is ready. We’ve pulled out the baby gear- though we’re using a whole lot less gear this time. We’ve washed bottles and washed sweet baby clothes. And there’s just a feeling of peace.

We’re so excited for the boys. Hudson has asked me if he can put his Ninja Turtles in James Walker’s room as a welcome home gift. Hayes scrunches up his little nose and talks about how cute the baby is going to be. They can’t wait to meet their baby brother. And I can’t wait to see them when they meet their baby brother.

The instant that Hudson was born my heart grew in ways I never imagined. And when Hayes was born, I was even more surprised at how much I could love another baby. And I just know that James Walker is going to grow and soften us all even more.

I imagine a house full of wild boys who love fiercely and wrestle with the best of them. I imagine a 4-year-old James Walker playing outside and learning how to throw a baseball from his 10 and 8-year-old big brothers.

My sweet daddy told me yesterday that I was such a girly girl and never liked any “boy things.” I didn’t like sports and I wasn’t a tom boy in any sense of the word. Yet here I am. A mom to three sweet blessings and it’s my responsibility and Todd’s responsibility to grow them into men of God. And there is no responsibility that I take more seriously than that one. I may have been a girly girl, but I am a boy’s mama through and through.

I see their hearts and their vulnerabilities and their need for toughness and need for sweetness. And as we get ready to welcome this little book end to our family, I’m just overwhelmed with complete gratitude for the weight of this responsibility. To raise a little person that will one day become a man.

And on the days that I’m frazzled and overwhelmed and don’t know what to do with all the noise and chaos mixed with all the love and gratitude, I’m just going to pray that I always remember how I feel in this very moment.

I’ve carried James Walker for 40 precious weeks. My body is a wreck. My heartburn is out of control. I’ve gained a lot of weight and will no doubt be welcoming a very large boy into this world. I’ve rubbed my belly and prayed for him in the night when I can’t sleep. I prayed for the time to pass quickly in those first 15 weeks of total sickness. I prayed for his little body to grow stronger each day and thanked God so much for the promise that He knows James Walker through and through. He knows every single little thing about him and He has always known him. And I’ve found profound comfort in that.

And as this time comes to a close and I get ready to see my baby’s sweet face and to see my precious husband hold him for the first time, I can’t think of much else to say other than “thank you.” This time has truly been a privilege. To be this boy’s mama will be one of the greatest joys of my life. And the introduction that awaits us tomorrow is something that is completely miraculous and truly God-breathed.

Thank you for praying for our family and for all of your sweet words over the past few months. Please continue to pray as we gear up for tomorrow’s surgery and James Walker’s arrival.

 

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Comments

  1. Jennifer says

    You completely made me tear up. I am a boy mom and a girly girl . I love being a mom to boys and field a lot of comments concerning having more and wanting a girl. I,like you, have possibly closed the door to having more babies. I am content and it feels great. Boys are so energetic and sugary sweet. You are such a blessed mom and those precious boys of yours are blessed beyond their dreams!!!! Good luck tomorrow!!! I love reading your blog and I am excited to see pictures of your handsome addition!!! Congrats!!

  2. Leigh says

    I have tears in my eyes. This was beautiful. I am a mom to 2 sweet, energetic little boys. Our youngest is 8 months and we know we’re done having babies. I am a girly girl through and through. Everyone who knows me only pictured me with girls, yet here I am the only princess in my house. Now, I honestly can’t picture it any other way. Good luck tomorrow. Congrats! I can’t wait to see your family of 5!

  3. Lisa Chapman says

    Erin, , good luck tomorrow. I know you will continue to be a great mom and I’m sure Hudson and Hayes will be wonderful brothers and mom’s little helpers. Beautiful words for your precious gift to come!

  4. says

    Take a deep breath, mama. It’s going to be amazing and overwhelming and wonderful. Three children – my heart and arms are ALWAYS full <3

  5. Candy says

    Your faith and tender heart is amazing. God has blessed you with three boys who needed such a mother. I will be praying for you and for James Walker’s entrance into this world. Can’t wait to see pictures of your new bundle of blue joy.

  6. says

    This is beautiful, Erin! Praying for a smooth delivery for you and James Walker. Wonderful are His works! Congratulations on your new precious baby boy!

  7. Rox says

    This was POWERFUL. Thank you so much for this post.
    Praying for a safe and smooth delivery tomorrow.
    So happy for your family!

  8. says

    This is so sweet it just brought tears to my eyes! I can so relate as I just welcomed my 3rd baby boy a short year ago. We think we’re probably done having babies so that 3rd boy sure is special. As they all are. =) Praying for y’all as you become a family of 5, settle in, recover, and adjust to your new normal. Can’t wait to read about and see pictures of your new bundle of joy!!

  9. says

    Such a sweet post. I love boys, too. We have a daughter and 3 boys…and it has been the ride of a life. I never thought I would like being a boy Mom as much as I did being a girl Mom…but I sure did! I sure do! Our oldest son has Down Syndrome, so he lives home with us. He is 28. Our daughter is married and she’s 26. We have a 23 year old son who is married…and then we have a senior in high school still at home. We are OLD! Watching our boys grow from boys to men has been such a blessing. There will be those times, with 3 rowdy boys, that you think you are going to lose your mind. Just hang on. All 4 of our kids were home this weekend…along with a son-in-law, a daughter-in-law…and a serious girlfriend…and it was PRECIOUS to see them all interact as young adults. You’re just gonna LOVE it! I will be praying for you and your sweet baby in the morning.

  10. Angie Clark Akeman Shields says

    So happy for you and your precious family! We will pray all goes well and you all come home happy and healthy! Thank you for continuing to blog Erin! You have such a gift!!!! Give your dad a hug for me! Xoxoxo –Angie (Akeman) Shields

  11. Keela says

    My precious Pappaws name was James Walker, he was an amazing man! Such a Godly person. It is a perfect name! Although, he was given the nickname of Buster as a child and most people knew him by that. I am also mom to 3 boys (and twin girls). Congrats on your newest addition.

  12. Katie Ceary says

    Praying for all of you as you welcome this sweet boy! Thanks for continuing to share your story.

  13. says

    Such a sweet post…it’s funny how God takes girly girls and transforms us into boy mamas. I have three myself and they are the greatest joy of my life. I’ve learned how to build Lego houses, play Ninja Turtles, throw the “right” kind of pitch and the name of every superhero known to man. Watching them together is the most precious thing and I know you can’t wait to see the same. I pray today goes smoothly and perfectly!

  14. says

    And, I’m in tears. Sitting here with my own basketball-sized, 31 week belly, bawling like a baby. I have one sweet son (who is almost 2), and we are preparing to welcome a baby girl. But I feel a lot of the same things that you do, Erin. The weight of knowing that their little souls having been lent to us by God, and hoping that they choose to follow Him, rely on Him, and love Him. If we can help guide our children in that direction, our job as mothers is a job well done.

    Praying for you this morning as you welcome your third precious boy. He may already be here by the time this comment goes through! What a miracle:) Can’t wait to hear all about his birth!

  15. says

    Yay! This is SUCH an exciting day!! Your words were so poignant and true, and give me such a feeling of nostalgia for my pregnant days. I love it that Hayes scrunches his nose as he talks about how cute the baby will be. 🙂

  16. says

    Congratulations for the big event! My baby boy today is one month old and your beautiful words just struggled me into tears! We are so blessed to have the privilege of being mothers!

  17. says

    So excited for you! I’m 37 weeks pregnant and my heartburn is out of control as well. I know your pain, friend! But that sweet baby will make it all worth it!

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