31 Days of Breaking Bread: Because I want to know you

It took us a while to find our people after we got married. I moved here after college for graduate school, and most of my classmates and new friends moved when we graduated. Todd moved back here after finishing law school in Virginia and found himself working all the time and mostly socializing with coworkers.

So, as a couple, we found ourselves searching for our own friends and our couple friends. And when we officially joined our church, we were so lucky to also find a sweet community of other newlyweds. Over the last six years, we’ve continued to form relationships with new couples. Hudson and Hayes have also contributed to our community as we’ve opened our doors to their friends and their friends’ parents have become some of our dearest friends.

A few months ago, a friend confided in me that she was having a hard time finding her people here. They had friends, but they had never been invited to anyone’s home for dinner. In ten years. And this was something that was really hurting her.

It was in that moment, that I truly understood the feelings that come when you’re invited. The feeling of wanting to be known. Of being trusted enough for someone to invite you to see their junk and their mess and where they sleep.

So, of course, we extended an invitation for dinner. A simple invitation meant the world to my friend.

We all want to be known. We all want to be loved. And we’ve all felt unknown and invisible and alone. And we know people who are feeling that way.

So that’s why we’re inviters. We’re not the heroes of the story. We just crave community. And if we’re not creating a place for that community, we have to go out and find it somewhere else.

This post is part of 31 Days of Breaking Bread

31 days of breaking bread

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Comments

  1. Jennelle says

    I love this series so much, Erin! We’re trying to find our people after moving to Charlotte last year. Inviting people over is so intimidating, but I know it would be good for us.

  2. says

    Wow, that is such a great reminder. It can be the little things that are so easily overlooked that can make a huge difference in someone’s life. Thank you for that reminder 🙂 It is so hard to meet new people and build on those relationships, it is important to reach out.

  3. Sarah says

    Thank you for this series. So beautifully written. I want to make more of an effort to invite people over. I tend to get worried about having everything perfect that I end up stressed. So true that people Are happy just spending time and truly enjoy just being invited

  4. Katie Bishop says

    I am really enjoying this series, and your insight and encouragement is so enlightening. (You should write a hospitality book.) As a single person with just an apartment, I’m in the habit of inviting friends to meet me at restaurants for drinks or dinner. I’m encouraged now to start inviting them over – even if it is for a simple meal of hummus and wine… We don’t have to be “settled” to create community, thanks for reminding me of that 🙂

    • Michele Livingood says

      Invite them over! One of the things I miss most about my apartment days is having my friends over, or going over to my friend’s apartments. I miss it SO much. It was always so comfy and inviting, and I could wear sweats and drink wine and eat chips and guacamole to my hearts content. No fancy restaurants needed! No need to cook a ridiculous dinner! Grab a block of cheese and crackers and you are good. My friends and I had some of our funniest, and most heartfelt, moments in those apartments. We would put music on and chat, or watch a movie if we were in the mood. Ah, I miss it so much!

  5. says

    This is beautiful, Erin. I’ve been fighting for my own community here after moving back after graduation. I talked to my roommate about how I’d love to do build community and open up our apartment – I actually referenced both your series and Kitty Hurdle’s series on intentional table talk in the discussion – and she was all for it. I’ve really appreciated the wisdom you’ve shared in the past week and, even more, your heart behind why you’re writing it to begin with. It’s a hard mess to open up our messes to the eyes of people whose reactions we can’t predict, but I’m slowly learning Jesus reveals so much beauty when we’re faithful in that.

  6. Lori Boutelle says

    I am really enjoying this series! I love your perspective, insight, & practical advice. Thank you for taking the time to blog – it is a blessing to me (& to many others I am sure)! We enjoy having people over, but have a small home. We have two kids, which makes it feel even smaller! I would love to hear your thoughts on hosting in a small space. I hesitate to invite other families at times because I’m concerned about our guests not feeling comfortable in our small home. Any thoughts or tips would be greatly appreciated!

  7. Lindsay says

    This post is totally hitting home with me today! My husband and I are transplants to our city and have found a few other couples to be chummy with, but none that we are 100% comfortable with. This series is making me realize I need to venture out of my little comfort zone. Thanks so much!

  8. Kathy Lopez says

    I’m so glad I stumped upon this blog series! It is perfect for me! Thank you for sharing and encouraging everyone!

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