So I know that some of you are completely overwhelmed by the idea of having people in your home. You may think that you have to have your house perfectly decorated and “finished.” You may think you have to impress your guests with your cooking abilities. You may think that there’s no way you could ever get to this point, so I thought I would share a little bit of my story of hospitality with you. (I do have a story about community to share with you- how I found my people- because I know that this is another place of worry for some.)
My mom loved hospitality. She loved to cook. She loved to invite. She frequently hosted people in our home for dinner, but not for fancy meals. She just invited them to come over and sit for coffee. There were college kids that would come over to do their laundry and watch TV. We just had people in our home, and we all loved it.
Inviting people in to see how you live is community. Letting people see you in your normal, every day state.
Now, while my mom didn’t host fancy parties, she could cook her heart out. She still can. She doesn’t use recipes. She just kind of does her own thing. (And she has been known to toast walnuts and burn them four times before she remembers to set a timer!)
My parents have moved a lot, and my mom lives in a town that doesn’t have a lot of great options for dining, so she invites. She has girlfriends over for lunch and families over for supper. She fixes a pretty salad or a simple pot of chili. But she doesn’t stress… she just invites and opens the door.
It wasn’t until Todd and I were engaged that I cooked food for anyone else. I was spending Thanksgiving away from my parents for the first time, but I wanted to take my favorite Thanksgiving recipes to my future in-laws’ home for Thanksgiving. I didn’t know how to bake a sweet potato! I didn’t know how to do anything. My sweet mom talked me through four different recipes because I was determined to eat some of my favorites that reminded me of home. I didn’t do it perfectly. I made a gigantic mess in Todd’s kitchen. But I was learning and I was going to serve my food to someone else.
As the years have gone on, I have gotten to where I love reading cookbooks to look for recipes that sound delicious, sound easy (if it uses a cooking term that I have to Google, I know it’s not a great option for me), and I give it a try. I rarely cook something for the first time when we’re hosting people for supper.
Because here’s what I want when we have people over… I want them to feel comfortable. I answer the door barefooted, and I want them to feel the freedom to take off their shoes. I want them to put their feet on the coffee table and sit down and lose themselves in conversation. I don’t use my fine China because it’s not something that’s comfortable for me.
I do try to have my vegetables chopped and my meal prepped before they arrive, so I can spend more time visiting. The last time we had people over, I dropped a drinking glass because I was too busy chatting to pay attention to what I was doing. I made a mess. We cleaned it up.
But having people in our home is not about our house or preparing a fancy meal. (If I burn it I know I can always order a pizza!) It’s about inviting people in. About letting them see our mess and the toys that inevitably end up on the kitchen counter. It’s about letting people know that I trust them enough to let them see the mess and hear the boys bicker. It’s about connecting people… meeting new friends and wanting to introduce them to old friends over dinner.
There are stains on the couch and I don’t have curtains. And my heart is just as flawed and imperfect. But if I don’t let people in to see those things, and if they’re shoved under the rug, I will never experience true community and the incredible fullness that comes from fellowship.
What’s your hospitality story? What are your fears? What holds you back?
This post is part of 31 days of breaking bread.
I love this. When we moved into our new home, I went crazy (and spent WAY too much money) trying to make everything “perfect” before we had friends over. Eventually, I had to have a come to Jesus moment and realize that our friends don’t give a damn about our throw pillows or our rugs or if there is any art on the wall. Getting over myself has been SUCH a blessing, because now, we have friends drop by all the time. We are the house for hosting get togethers, and watching the football games, and having the family dinners. And THAT warms my heart, having all my people under one roof.
So, I just worry about by 3 year old and 1 year old. One needing help to use the restroom, one needing her diaper changed, or wanting to stand at the table, or creating a mess… What do you do about that? We have many friends who do have kids our age and I worry about their comfort level.
Do you mean having people over while your kids or small, or going over to other people’s houses with your own small kids, or bringing your small kids to other people’s houses? I guess I don’t understand, because among my friends and our playgroup none of us care as long as we and the kids get to spend time together. It’s not like anyone has priceless works of art, at least not within the kids’ reach!
Do you mean having people over while your own kids are small, or going over to other people’s houses with your own kids, or other people bringing their kids into your home? I guess I don’t understand, because among my friends and our kids’ playgroup none of us cares, as long as we and the kids get to spend time together. It’s not like anyone has priceless works of art, and anything remotely nice is normally not kept within the kids’ reach anyway! My friend with the fanciest house lets her dogs climb on the cute tufted sofas, and encourages everyone to let their kids snack wherever, and doesn’t ask that anyone take their shoes off (note – when people do this i think it’s so rude!)
I also have insecurities surrounding my own house – which is in a nice neighborhood but not decorated yet whatsoever – but no one is perfect and you have to put it out of your mind and remember that the important part is to have fun connecting with other people.
I recall the home of my aunt, who had the most kids and the smallest house of anyone in our large family. That was always, always, always my favorite house for parties. My own mom was basically Martha Stewart, perfect home and amazing parties, decorated to a T, but I preferred my aunt’s get togethers as that’s where I felt the real fun was. I still strive to be mom/Martha-like, but I try to remember the other side too.
Hey Lauren and Lauren- Ha! I am going to write a post on this. Because I know that for some it’s easy to be in the mix of little kids and no one is nervous about it and for others, it’s something that brings tons of anxiety because you worry about your child crying or having an accident. And I know everyone has very different opinions of it. But I will write a post about it this week. I’ve been there. We were the first of our friends to have a child and it always made us so anxious in the beginning, and now we want everyone to come and bring their kids (mess and all) and just be prepared to stay as long as they’re comfortable. 🙂
Oh – it is the friends without kids! Our friends with kids don’t care about our messes, etc., and vice versa. It is the friends without kids we have a hard time connecting with!
Hi Lauren!
I think this is something everyone with kids thinks about. As you said, I think your friends with kids totally get it and don’t care! Consider entertaining your friends without kids at off hours. we often invite our friends without children to brunch (we know our baby is in a better mood early in the day) or for a drink after the baby has gone to bed. We’ll put the baby down and then have a couple without children come for wine and cheese at 8:00 or so, something really easy, and something that’s not really “dinner.” really just a time to catch up for a second. Just a thought!
Mary Keller
I love you and your heart and our friendship. I wish more than anything we were close enough to have dinner with our families and just do life together. So excited to read more in this series! Xo
This post speaks to me. I’m not one to have people over often. I wish I was because once I reconcile myself to it and invite, I enjoy it. I’ve always felt like the house has to be absolutely, spotlessly cleaned. We have a dog that likes to bark (and maybe jump on people) and I worry that bothers people.
Each year, I host Thanksgiving dinner at my house for my parents, my grown kids and whomever else comes with them and I enjoy it so much but afterwards, I’m SO tired!! I think I stress so much over it in the days leading up to it that I wear myself out. But once we are all seated around the table, it is the best!!
Your post has encouraged me and I may start small with inviting people over maybe every other month and we’ll see how that goes…LOL!!
Love this series! Hospitality is something I have been working on this year too. I’ve tried getting over the hurdle of a clean house and just invite. I’m still working on the not stressed out part before the guests arrive but when the night is over, I’m always glad that I invited them and we were able to connect in community.
I love this! I’m always nervous to have people over because I’m one of the few people my age who still lives with my parents (I’m 22) although my family is fine with it I kind of get embarrassed for friends to visit. This series may actually help me open up! Thanks!
I’m so grateful that your doing a series like this. We are in the midst of selling our home and moving to a state that I’ve never even visited before so my heart is anxious and I feel eery about letting people in and being judged. I’m hoping that you share something on how to build a healthy and happy community because that’s something I’m definitely going to have to learn quick!
xoxo always
I love this and can’t wait to follow along with the series, E! I won’t lie….I want to have people over but I have so many fears (is my house clean? will they like our food? will it smell like dogs in here?) and don’t follow through with is as much as we’d like. Thanks for sharing 🙂 I can’t wait for more.
Yes- please do a post on creating a healthy and happy community! We live in a large neighborhood and don’t feel like we have established any close connections with people. We want to but feel “out of the loop”. Please offer your advice and thoughts on putting yourself out there and establishing your tribe!
Yes! I love this. When my parents hosted, they cleaned the house spotless. It was so much work, and as a result, they rarely hosted. I told myself when I grew up I didn’t want to make so much work for myself over hosting I didn’t host just to avoid it.
I guess my biggest fear is what to serve because I don’t like cooking. I’ve made food for friends once, and it taught me so much about how I love to energize my friends, not only spiritually or mentally, but physically & with food as well. I’m just afraid my cooking ability is too poor that it wouldn’t be worth it. But you have a good perspective, and I laughed when I read it: if I burn it, I can always order pizza!
My mom is the entertainer, too. She can have a spread on her counters that would feed an army. I don’t have that gift. I DO love to have people in my home, though, so I try! I’m like you – I want people to feel COMFORTABLE. I’m learning that I need to feel comfortable first! We just moved into a new home – hallelujah! out of the rental! – and I have THREE things lined up where we’re hosting people. I’m so excited! Now, I need to UNPACK.
I love this series having friends and family over is one of my favorite things it’s something I definitely want to start to do more often! Too bad we don’t live closer I know our boys would have so much fun together!!
Great post Erin, I feel the exact way. I love to host as well, but often never follow through, because of the “work” that goes into it prior. I want to get over that open our home, and enjoy spending time with family and friends. Can’t wait to read along with your series!
I am so encouraged by this post! I love to entertain, but usually only do for my boys birthdays. I want to open up my home on ordinary days for no reason but to be with friends. I can’t wait to see how your series encourages me.
This post is so encouraging. I use to say when we got out of our rental we would host gatherings. Over a year ago we bought our first home and I started saying whenever I get everything painted and decorated we would start hosting. I’m realizing there will never be the ‘perfect’ moment to invite others into our home. Now is the time. Thank you for sharing and being so encouraging.
A great post!!!! I completely agree that veerything should be ‘real and not all about things being perfect……it’s so much more relaxing and fun for your guests and for the hosts.
I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your “story”. We just moved back to our hometown so I’m looking forward to hosting friends and family more often! Unfortunately, right now, we’re renting a super small, super old house while we wait for our house to close and while we wait to find a house here. So it isn’t feasible to host just yet, but I hope once we move to our yet-to-be-found new house, that we’ll go ahead and host there without waiting for things to be perfect. Hosting has always been a little out of my comfort zone because of wanting the house to be spotless and the boys to be on their best behavior and wanting the perfect meal and the dog to stop barking, etc. Haha! It’s just always been a lot of work and stress. “But if I don’t let people in to see those things, and if they’re shoved under the rug, I will never experience true community and the incredible fullness that comes from fellowship.” THAT spoke to me and motivated me. I can do it… and it will be worth it! So thank you again. =)