in the middle of the night

Last night around 11:00, Todd and I headed to bed. We had been watching Jimmy Fallon and Emma Stone’s lip syncing competition on You Tube and then watched Paul Rudd’s. We laughed and turned on the news and fell asleep.

At midnight, I woke up to the sound of Hayes crying on the monitor. We have a video monitor and I could tell that he was pretty upset just by looking at him. Todd went upstairs to cover him back up and tuck him in, and then he came back and went to sleep.

At 1:00, I heard him crying again. The same distraught cry. So I went upstairs and tucked him in this time.

At 1:45, it happened again, so Todd took him some Ibuprofen and held him for a while before tucking him back in.

At 3:00, Hayes was crying again. This time, I went up and help him and rocked him in my arms while standing up. I asked him if his throat hurt or his ears hurt, and he really didn’t respond. I tucked him back in and then at 3:30, it started again.

Todd went upstairs to get him and brought him back to our bed and put Hayes in the crook of my arm. He snoozed on and off in my arms for a while. All 40 pounds and three years old of him. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. His legs stretched down almost as far as the tops of my knees. And while I lay there holding my baby, I flashed back to the last time we were up this many times in one night.

Hayes was just a few weeks old. I was getting up to feed him every couple of hours. I’d peel myself out of bed and feed him and sometimes struggle to feed him. I’d put him back to bed and he’d arch his back because the reflux hurt him so badly. And after a few minutes, I’d end up back in the bed, holding tiny 10-pound Hayes in the crook of my arm.

His little legs barely came down as far as my wrist and I was constantly waking myself up to make sure I didn’t roll over on him or to make sure he hadn’t spit up.

We went to the doctor this morning and Hayes has an ear infection, as we suspected. And I know that his cries were so important last night to tell us that something was wrong and something hurt.

How did three years fly by so quickly? How did all this time pass, but I still have that same feeling to comfort and protect while holding my youngest boy in my arms in such a sleepy haze. And it feels like no time has passed at all.

How is it possible that while holding this large preschooler, I could still feel that tiny boy that he once was, nestled in that same sweet spot?

All I wanted in that moment (aside from sleep and for Hayes to feel better) was to freeze time. It was a long night, but also such a sweet night as we approach his third birthday.

 

 

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Comments

  1. says

    Poor guy! I hope he is feeling better and you can get some rest today. I have a four year old that still comes to our bed each night. Neither my husband or I have the heart to make him return to his bed since we know this time is fleeting.

  2. says

    Erin- thank you for this reminder. I’m really struggling right now with Deeds not sleeping, and I will remember this as I stumble around cursing tonight! HA!

  3. Dawn says

    It is sad when they are sick but it is so sweet to soak in the moments of “babying” them. My son is 4 and even though he seems so big and grown, I still catch glimpses of my baby.

  4. Dana says

    Erin,

    So sweet. Poor lil Hayes! As I read your beautiful words though, all I could think of was – this is a woman wondering if she should have another baby or not?! You sure sound ready momma. 🙂

  5. says

    What a beautiful post! In the middle of the night it’s so easy to get upset and just want sleep, but those moments are so precious!! I love when my babies finally fall asleep in my arms and are so peaceful and perfect. I’m sure every momma knows what I’m talking about! It’s just like the “I’ll love you forever” book… makes me cry every time! Thanks for sharing this beautiful moment!

  6. alanna says

    Isn’t time funny? My little boy is just a few months older than Hayes. I vividly remember the sleepless newborn nights and how all I wanted was to be able the to sleep without having to hold the baby! Now, although I don’t want K to be sick or in pain, I love it when he wants to cuddle or for me to rock him to sleep. 🙂

  7. says

    Such a sweet post. Seems like yesterday we were getting up with Wells. If he was restless, my husband would drive him around until he fell asleep Wells… Not my husband. 😉 Now he is eight and I’m supposed to act like I don’t know him during the school Easter egg hunt. They grow up way too fast.

    Hope your little guy is feeling better!

  8. says

    Such a sweet post. Seems like yesterday we were getting up with Wells. If he was restless, my husband would drive him around until he fell asleep. Wells… Not my husband. 😉 Now he is eight and I’m supposed to act like I don’t know him during the school Easter egg hunt. They grow up way too fast.

    Hope your little guy is feeling better!

  9. Cristy says

    Aww. This had me close to tears this morning. My sweet boy turns three in a couple of weeks and for the past week or so, has been waking up in the middle of the night with some crazy dreams – very unusual for our solid sleeper. You must know my heart, because I was having these same exact thoughts as I carried him back up to his room at 1 am and held him while he whimpered in his sleep and I rocked him. As I tell my children all the time – You might be a big kid to the world, but you are always your Mommy’s baby.

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