Last week I felt like I was on a runaway train. If someone asked me what was wrong and I had to vocalize the list of small problems, nothing was really all that big of a deal. But when they were all compiled, I felt like I’d last control.
I was rushing from one thing to the next and not enjoying a single thing because there wasn’t any time for enjoyment. I had a long list of things to do and fires to put out, and I was on a mission to get the things done. And it sucked the life out of me.
Back in October, I wrote for 31 straight days about the importance of white space and margin in my life. I need that space to hear the stories my children are telling me. I need it to get down on the floor and play with them instead of saying, “Just a minute” over and over again. I need that space to recharge my batteries when my kids rest instead of rushing to the next thing or jumping on a call.
I’m not exactly sure how it happened that week. We had a birthday, we returned from a 12-hour road trip late at night, our contractor was fixing a few little things on our punch list and there was a big miscommunication, and then we had an inconveniently full calendar.
And in the midst of all of that, my insecurities ramped up. I wasn’t spending time on any of the things that fill me up, and I used that as an opportunity to look around and went down the rabbit trail called, “Being ‘just a mom’ isn’t valuable and you need to do things that are more important.”
That above paragraph? That is a lie. I know that it’s a lie. I know that what I do is important. But when I’m not giving God the space and the time to speak into me and for me to hear His word, I will listen to the lies.
I decided to get really detailed about how I’m going to set boundaries to keep my white space. I came up with a list of my core values, passions, and purpose. If something doesn’t fit into the list, then I say no. And it has been easier to say no because of these boundaries.
The goal is to be able to give my time and my emotions to the things that are most important to me and where I can use my strengths. Every volunteer opportunity isn’t for me, but this list helps me see which opportunities are for me. Which trips I should take, what projects I should take on, and even how to say, “Right now is just not a good time for me.”
For my family and for my ability to listen to the Lord’s plan for me, I have to set boundaries so I’m not frazzled and frantic and also so I can serve and listen and be present.
Amen! I’ve been really trying to say “no” more often to outside things and “yes” more often to my family. I love this post! You and I are peas in a pod friend :).
We are entering a new phase of life with our oldest as we’re starting tball this spring & kindergarten this fall. I’m feeling the urgency to be fully present & not spread too thin. Time is flying by & I don’t want to miss a thing or opportunity to pour into my family. It’s easy to believe the lies of the Devil, even more so when I’m not spending time with Him. I think it’s time for me to sit down & establish my boundaries & how I’ll maintain them.
Such incredible truth! Thanks so much for sharing your heart! Going through the last 5 months following your blog has been such an incredible time of looking at my life and paying attention to what truly matters. Thank you for allowing God to use you to speak to other mommies!
I love this post! I find myself waaaaaayyyyyy to busy most of the time. Im going to try getting back to my core values and what’s important to me and my family. Thank you Erin
Once again, you have hit the nail on the head with how I feel. I am so guilty of filling up my calendar and saying yes to every offer just so that it doesn’t look like I “just” stay home with my kids. But that’s my job. And it’s a good one, a worthy one, and a hard one. I need to learn that fulfillment doesn’t come from trying to make myself busier. It comes from knowing I’m a daughter of God and learning to do the tasks HE is putting before me.
Oh sister, you know this post is singing to me right now… I can tell you firsthand that you have faith and friendship (and encouragement!) going in spades right now. I look forward to supporting your dreams and boundaries in any way I can! xoxo
As someone that doesn’t get the opportunity to be at home with my kids I encourage you to set those boundaries. Put the kids first. I can’t wait to be a stay-at-home mom and know that staying at home is enough. Time doesn’t need to be filled with obligations. This is my second year teaching with little ones at home and it has been the hardest yet. I know that I can’t get this time back and I hate being at work all day watching it slip away. I can hear it in your heart that you know where you need to be. Before having children I was over-scheduled and always thought that being busy was best. Having such limited time with my littles has taught me to say no. The most important things to me are God and my family. The rest of the world will function just fine without me. I can volunteer when my children are grown and don’t need me as much, but for now, I know the place God wants me to be.
This sounds weird, but I feel like I’m a better time manager and spend MORE quality time with my kids when I’m actually working vs in the summer when I’m at home with them. When I’m at work all day the kids (and I!) know that the hours between 4:00 and 7:30 belong to them. I pick them up, and they have my (pretty much) undivided attention for that full time. After they go to bed is my time to get things done and take care of commitments I’ve made outside of work. In the summers, I tend to do more “just a minute” and feel more scattered. Loved this post 🙂
I can relate! I am a people pleaser and saying no is so very hard for me. I have an 8 month old and I am slowly learning how to say no to the constant busyness in order to protect my relationships with my family. Have you heard of the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend? My brother is a marriage and family therapist and he recommended this to me. It has really been great! It is easy to read and I have jumped around in it a lot… Which is helpful because it’s hard to just sit down and read with little ones! 🙂 I hope you are able able to protect your white space!
Did you read my journal?!? Praying for you as I pray for myself!
Erin, I love this post. Have you read “hands free mama”? I think you would love it.
This has been on my heart a lot, lately. I keep going back to what God’s Word says and it brings peace. Some days I feel like a loner – just me and my girls. They are my job and I love that I have the opportunity to be at home with them. It’s the best job I’ve ever had. I always know it’s time to stop and reevaluate my priorities when it’s easier to say “no” to my children’s requests than it is to anything/anyone else.
Thank you for sharing.
<3
Me too, I can run around steretched thin… but I’m useless at that point. I’ve also come to realize that when i run so thin for too long my body takes and hit and I start getting sick. My husband can go constantly, but I have to really judge if something is a priority and if I honestly need it in my life.
White space helps me since reading your month of a great thing to keep. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Erin, I have been reading your blog for years, but have never commented (I don’t know why!). I started following because I happened across it and noticed that you live in Columbia and have similarly aged children – just like me! Through the years, I have realized that our paths must be crossing at least a few times a month, because we even have some of the same friends, our husbands are in the same profession and we are both in the JLC:) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are totally not alone in this – last week was an absolute bear for me. I was a mess and just couldn’t understand why. I have a great job, two wonderful children and another one due in May. I have so many blessings that I thank God for every day, but I realized that I was on autopilot. Not enough real thought in those thanks, not enough heart full prayers, not enough dedication to my quiet time and my own white space. I think I have been focusing too much on the chaos that is about to happen, and not enough on turning it all over to HIM. I am so grateful to start today knowing that the Lenten season is going to help prepare my heart for all of my coming changes, focusing my eyes, heart and mind on His purpose and plan. Thank you for sharing on your blog – it really has meant a lot to me:)
Love this! You are always inspiring me!
I absolutely love reading your blog. Your thoughts always make me stop and examine myself. Thanks for that.
I love your heart, dear. It sounds like we are all having this same conviction. So glad to hear that you are acting on it and setting true boundaries to protect what you value most and want to devote yourself to.
Cheers to setting boundaries, saying “no” more and finding more white space!!!!!!!! I’m in need of this exact thing so badly!
Happy day to y’all ….. grandparent’s day sounds like so much fun!! Wonder if I can tell my dad that it’s next week and he’ll fly down? HAHA!!!