Todd and I were talking earlier this week after we put the kids to bed about how funny it is that people tell us that Hayes is such a happy kid. They’ll say, “There’s Hayes! He is always smiling.”
I love that people say that about my baby. But we were laughing because we feel like lately, with us, he’s almost always whining. Groaning, whining, constantly asking for something. Milk, juice, a snack, to go outside. It’s constant. He’s two. It comes with the territory.
Thankfully, with Hudson out of that phase, I know what happens on the other side of the “terribles twos” and “even-more-terrible threes.” It gets better.
But for the past few days, every time I’ve picked up the boys from preschool at noon, they whine and cry the whole way home. They can’t even articulate what it is that has them upset. They’re happy to see me, we get to the car, and the whining begins. I’m sure they’re hungry, and they’re tired of being on their very best behavior, so they just let it all out in the car with me.
So, on the way home from school, I said, “Okay, let’s play the quiet game.” Hudson asked, “What’s the quiet game?”
So I told him that the first person to talk is the loser. He sat there for a minute and smiled and said, “I want to be the loser!”
And that was the end of the quiet game. Because, by then, I was hysterically laughing.
My house is never quiet. But it’s not always full of whining. Earlier this week I was getting ready in the bathroom, and the boys were watching cartoons before school. And I could hear them talking to each other and laughing.
But the truth is, I’m tired. I want some quiet. I was on a quest for 31 days to create white space, and it hasn’t been a switch that I’ve turned off.
But my kids are tired, too. They can’t always be their very best little selves.
Last night, Todd put Hayes to bed and I tucked Hudson into bed. We were laughing and joking, and I read him a couple of books. And we giggled and hugged and I walked out of the room. And there was quiet. And white space.
And I smiled at Todd and told him how much of a little delight Hudson is. And Hayes, too. They’re loud, and they whine, and they push me, and they don’t know the most effective ways to express their frustrations. And, still, every night I get those few hours of white space that I crave.
But in those moments when I’m trapped in the car with my boys who don’t know what they want and don’t know how to feel better in that moment, I just try to remember those sweet bedtime moments. Because bedtime is coming, and it’s such a sweet reminder that we do get to start over every morning.
And listening to them and being there for them is my job. That’s my purpose. They talk to me because they love me and trust me. Hudson and Hayes aren’t going to be winning the quiet game any time soon. And that’s okay. They’re the sweetest little “losers” I ever did see.
I was thinking about this the other day after getting an awesome report from Em’s teacher on her behavior. Does she just come home and let it all out on me because she certainly isn’t well behaved all the time at home? (and I don’t expect her to be), but yea-they must just be exhausted from the hard work of doing their best in school 😉
My kids are the same age as your sweet boys, although I have a boy and girl, so I relate to this so much!
I thought my little girl was the only one who did that – ha!! Sometimes I feel bad that I look forward to bedtime, but I need that white space each night to unwind from the “noisy” day as well. I think it’s just the introvert in me who needs a break from it. I would trade these days for anything, but there is just something about getting the kids snuggled in bed, kicking off your shoes, and having some relaxation time that is so refreshing!! 🙂
Oops – meant to say I WOULDN’t trade these days for anything. 🙂
HA! We’ve been trying the quiet game in the car with Kendall b/c of the same thing, all!the!whining! and she’s the same, “I don’t want to win!” Oh these kids!
When my kids were that age (they’re about the same distance apart as yours) we would also have the incessant whining and carrying on when I picked them up from activities. At least with mine it was largely hunger (coupled with fatigue and wanting rest); I started packing a healthy snack to have in the car and things got SO much better. It was never something big and always something on the “healthy” end of the spectrum, something like ritz crackers with peanut butter that had a balance of carbs, protein and a little fat were usually best. I had a special smallish lunch bag I would keep packed for the purpose and it saved my sanity more than once.
But yes, it does get better as they get older. My son was a miserable toddler and once he turned three he just flipped a switch!
Hi Erin! Such a sweet post. I have a little boy Hudson’s age, and I feel the same way 🙂 Glad I’m not the only one! You look amazing- I saw on instagram that you’re doing a challenge- if you don’t mind me asking, which one?
My six year old still has these moments especially after school. Kindergarten without naps and with limited free time has been quite an adjustment for him.
I tried this with my girls a few weeks ago. My little one immediately responded with, “I’m talking on purpose so I cant lose and I don’t have to play.”
All I could do was laugh. 🙂
**Can
I adore those moments. When I step out of her room and the house is quiet, I can’t think of anything in this world she could do to frustrate me or send me over the edge. And, then of course, the next day comes and I remember. Isn’t the grace we have for them beautiful. Each day is new and exciting.
I love this, Erin. My Hudson had a bad day at school yesterday with another little boy telling him that he didn’t like him. But instead of telling me that he was acting out in a big way. And normally I would have just gotten frustrated with his behavior and punished him for it. But something in me told me that he was hurting.
It put into perspective for me that they aren’t always transparent and that I need to show love first…above all else.
I can ABSOLUTELY relate. We joke that C turns into one of the people from the snickers commercial from the minute we pick him up at school (in a GREAT mood) until supper time. A healthy snack in the car has helped but it hasn’t eliminated that whining during the time. Glad to know we aren’t the only one!!!
My little guy is the same way whenever I pick him up from school! I once heard its a compliment to you as a parent because you’re the safe place for them to let it all out after being so good at school. You’re the safe haven for your boys to be all the versions of themselves! The constancy and enormity of being this haven is exhausting! One of my friends once told me were not super heros! So true! We are imperfect and allowed our own grace! My prayer for myself in our house lately is to have a gentle spirit in response to my exhaustion from a new baby girl and an energetic three-year-old! God knows how much grace I need each day!
I joke that my boys are never quiet unless they are sleeping or doing something they shouldn’t be doing, ha! But it comes with the territory, I guess! Peace and quiet is soooo nice every now and then though.
Right there with you! I took both children to Target this morning and Caroline cried almost the entire time we were there. The noise is exhausting to me, but you’re right we must remember the sweet, precious times.
I can totally relate. Lately my oldest, 4, I think almost the same age as Hudson, comes home every day whining. For mine, Moshe, I think it’s just a rough time-he no longer naps in school, and the day is very long. I think he’s just overtired…I know it’s rough for him, but it takes a lot to keep that in mind while he’s throwing a tantrum.
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Oh man, my 2 year old (Eliza) is in the exact same phase as Hayes. She was the HAPPIEST baby and now it’s like she only communicates by crying. It’s sad and frustrating and I know it’s a phase…
We’ve tried the quiet game too and failed miserably. But, like you said, even in these weird phases those kiddos are seriously delightful. We laugh and laugh even when the next 5 minutes are full of tears.
I took the little presidents to Costco today and Reagan cried and whined the whole hour we were there…for NO reason and Teddy complained and whined the whole time as well. I was almost in tears a few times. Then we headed home…more whining the whole way. But, after we got home, I had a little hummus date with Reagan, where she was happy and Teddy was happily playing by himself…It was a few needed moments of quiet happiness to remind me to be thankful for all the moments…even the noisy, whiny moments. 🙂