Today, for Build ‘Em Up, we’re all sharing a study on marriage, family, or parenting that has changed the way we did things in our home. (Not just a study that made us cry.) A study that made us take action.
I am often emailed and asked about what my favorite Bible study is for various topics. And I have been in a lot of studies, but we might just study a book of the Bible for six months, or they’re all women’s studies.
A couple of years ago, Todd and I did a study on the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs together. It was actually a really tough pill to swallow.
Love & Respect is based on Ephesians 5:33. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The main idea behind the book is that unconditional respect for him is as powerful as unconditional love is for her.
It was very eye-opening for me, as I realized more and more how important it is for me to let Todd know that I trust him and value his opinion. How important it is that I speak to him in a way so that he can hear in my voice how much I love and respect him.
It didn’t completely change me- I am a work in progress. But it made me a whole lot more aware of the way he is wired and what makes him feel loved and valued.
And on the flip side, I realized just how closely love and respect are tied. In order for me to feel that unconditional love, I also have to know that he loves me and cherishes me and values my opinions and ideas.
I’m glad we read the book together so we could discuss it. There were, of course, parts of it that we discussed together and decided that it wasn’t for us. It’s Biblical commentary based on God’s truths. But it’s still commentary, so there were some things that the authors wrote that just didn’t work for us. But we talked about it together.
I wasn’t sure that I could write about this book because I didn’t show Todd the kind of respect he deserves last night, and we had a pretty big argument last night. So it just felt weird to write about how this book had been “marriage-changing.” It was definitely marriage-altering.
Have you read Love & Respect? What did you think? And what would you say was the most life-changing resource?
This sounds like a great read. I remember hearing a Sunday school lesson one time about how hard it can be to break the cycle when the man isn’t being respected and the woman isn’t being loved as she needs. They feed off each other, but yet when they aren’t happening, it can be so hard to get back on course. I’ll have to check this book out b/c I’m constantly working on respecting and honoring Kev better. Thanks for sharing {even though it may have felt weird since yall just had an argument – we’ve all been there!!}.
I would also say that Love and Respect was the best marriage resource I’ve read! There were a lot of “Oh THAT’S why this keeps happening” moments.
I’ve read Love and Respect. I liked it, but not as much as Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas. That is hands down my favorite marriage book.
I also am a big proponent of going for preventative marriage counseling. Drew and I have done this this year and it has been marriage-changing for us. We had a good marriage before we went, and it has propelled us to have a GREAT marriage. I wish EVERYONE could go for counseling for preventative measures; I realize it’s expensive, but it has been the greatest investment I have ever made.
Love “Love & Respect” – We went to a Love & Respect conference last year at our church with our church group and it was incredible! So excited for the “Love & Respect” family edition coming out!
I think that is a really great point that to husbands respect is as important as a wife feeling unconditionally loved. I think it can be so damaging to be disrespectful to your spouse.
We talked a lot about that series of verses in our pre-marital counseling. But also, I just wanted to say thank you for being honest about your argument. Whenever we are honest and transparent with each other, it is so refreshing and helpful to know that everyone struggles with things.
Our small group did the Love & Respect series this past Spring. We did the book & watched the videos. BOOM. Talk about a convicting study. It hit the nail on the head for so many of our issues. Totally agree with you, best study I have done!
Oh my goodness I loved that book as well. I just felt like I understood my husband better. I M not perfect for sure and don’t always show him the respect he craves, but I try. A work in progress as you say.
And thanks for reminding me of the book. I am going to pass it on to a friend who’s having a little trouble in her marriage. Amazing how the Holy Spirit works, you have blessed me so I can bless another!
Thank you for being honest about your argument! I will be checking into this book for sure because it sounds like something my husband and I could use. Thank you!
why did you have to remind me of this book. i read it and stuffed it away because i didn’t like what it said. 🙂 basically reminded me of all the things i wasn’t doing in my marriage. ugh! it is dead on. and so very helpful. back to another day of loving my man – through respect. 🙂