I have a confession to make.
One of the things that keeps the white space out of my life is fear.
I am afraid of disappointing someone. I’m afraid that if I say no then I will lose a friend. Or if I say no just one time, I’ll never be asked again to do that thing I was asked to do… that I really wanted to do, but just didn’t have the time to do it at the moment I was asked. Did you follow that?
There are times when deep inside I do want to commit. And there are times that I absolutely do not want to commit. And I almost always say “yes” to committing in both circumstances.
I’m a first-born, overachieving, introverted, people-pleaser. I’m also kind of a wimp.
I do not glorify busyness. I do not think that busyness is fun and I don’t feel the need to tell people how busy I am.
Quite the opposite is true. I’m often embarrassed when I have to tell a good friend that I can’t have dinner or can’t get together to let the kids play because I am so over-committed.
I just don’t like disappointing people. I don’t like feeling left out. And I’m afraid that if I say no, I will let people down and I will miss out on something fun that I wanted to do.
But the commitments don’t always work for my family. One of the things that I am committing to moving away from is the feeling like Todd and I are often like two ships passing in the night.
It’s more fun when we put the kids to bed together. And it’s more fun when we have nights at home reading books and playing hide and seek.
Striving is not fun. Looking for ways to make people happy and creating things to do so that I can get people to be happy with me is just selfish. It’s self-centered and not at all life-giving. That’s just the truth.
“Be a noticer, not a manufacturer.”
I don’t want to keep creating commitments. This is the time to notice the gifts that God has given me and to be truly grateful for them. Not to look for ways to gain more gifts or different gifts. Or gifts like someone else’s who seems to have it all.
I am who He made me to be. I am loved. And there is no one else I should be striving to please above Him.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
And as I step away and make room for margin, I know that He is going to move in that space.
This is the 4th post in my 31 Days of Creating White Space .