the nest

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When we left our house back in November, there was a piece of me that got left behind with it. I’m a nester. Making a home, feeling at home, is my thing.

I am passionate about home. Not a particular home, but having a home. The feeling of home.

We could dissect this all a little bit, and could probably take it all back to the fact that I moved around a fair amount as a kid, and now, as an adult I want stability and home. Roots.

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In November, we left the place that I’d Β called home for more than five years. And the place where I first bathed my babies and swaddled them, and tucked them into their bed. It was the place where no matter how lightly you tip-toed in the middle of the night, the creaks in the old floor boards still told stories of the memories held in the house.

But someone else moved in, and we had the amazing gift of moving in with family. Believe me when I say that I do know how much of a gift that is.

And yet, for months, my heart wrestled with the lack of roots. And feeling like I’d fallen from my nest. And then we experienced a tragedy and, again, I wondered what was happening in this whole situation.

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Once we made up our minds about where we would settle down, things did start getting easier. We could see the light at the end of the tunnel. But some big things happened to me this summer.

We had a relatively low key summer. But that was the beauty in it. There were vacations, and VBS, and swimming lessons and all the fun things that a summer holds.

But I had this amazing gift of enjoying my family. I have two beautiful, funny, relatively self-sufficient children who are fun to be with. And we had a whole lot of fun.

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Everyone was old enough to participate in whatever we did. And I just enjoyed the fun. I napped with Hudson, and read just one more book to Hayes every night.

I was present. I took time away from social media. We visited my parents. We got down on the floor and played. We went swimming. We built forts with blankets, and I had the blessed experience of watching my boys become the best of friends.

There were no big life moments this summer. There won’t be anything that makes the summer of 2013 stand out in our memories. No anniversaries or birthdays to celebrate. But it was fun. And I pray that it was fun for these guys, too. Because it was about the four of us.

Hudson and Hayes will soon be old enough to complain every day about being ready for school, and I’ll be ready for that, too. And there were, of course, the moments this summer where the days got a little too long and we couldn’t wait for Todd to walk in the door at 6:30.

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And as we move into fall, and approach our move-in date, it is painfully obvious. That need to nest that I was missing is an earthly thing. Because I can, and I have been, pouring love into my boys every day through this whole experience. Sharing Jesus with them and showing them every single day how important it is to praise God in all circumstances.

I will nest again. But my home is where my family is. They are my nest. They’ve always been here. And my Father has never left me.

No paint swatch, bookshelf, piece of tile, or closet organization plan can separate me from His love. I am His, and He has been working on my heart for the past few months, and I’ve been more than willing to lean into Him.

*All photos taken by Sarah Lyn Photography

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Comments

  1. says

    This might be my favorite post of yours ever. I relate so much. I’m without a home…in transition…trying to enjoy the in-between…but you’re right. This is not our home. Thank you Lord that this earth is not our home.

  2. Courtney H. says

    Awesome post! I have definitely been missing your frequent posts, but can completely understand wanting to back off, and for such a great reason! Glad y’all had agreat summer!

  3. says

    I love this post and while we are in a bit of a different situation, I can totally relate! We have been in our current city for almost 7 years and my husband one week loves it and the next week we talk about the possibilities of moving “home” to where our family is. I am at home with the kiddos so for us to move is a big deal (and means possible career changes, etc) but at this point, I am so unsettled about where home is that I am praying a decision will be made soon. For me, I don’t care where we are. If we are staying here, I am 110% FINE with that – and happy! I actually like it here. If we are moving home, I am 110% FINE with that too, but the back and forth and feeling so unsettled has made me super anxious and I am up all night thinking about it and the what ifs….Ridiculous when you think about it because you are right! Home is where your family is – and no matter where we live, are or plant our roots, or go, as long as I have them, I will be just fine! I am so thankful for that and often just need to be reminded of a Godly perspective! πŸ™‚ xo

    • says

      Oh, Lauren. I am sure that is so unsettling. Even though you are still in your home and no decisions have been made, the unknown is always unnerving. I will be praying for you all as you sort it all out, and praying for peace for you. The good news is that home is where your family is, and our earthly home doesn’t define us. Thanks for your encouragement!

  4. says

    Erin, you are such a sweet Momma with such a sweet heart! I know that nesting is important to you, as it’s something that is important to me too! Our first home is about to go on the market right now – and like you, it’s the first place where we lived after we married, where we suffered a miscarriage in our first pregnancy, celebrated a healthy pregnancy the second time around, and is where we brought our sweet baby boy home from the hospital to in May. It breaks my heart a little to think of leaving it. It may sell quickly, or it may not. But if it does, we will have to do the whole living with family for a while, and I know that it won’t be easy. I am learning, through your experience, how to let go and allow God to work in situations we never would think we are capable of handling. You are so right in saying that your family is your nest, not the actual dwelling in which you abide. This makes all the difference when I think about leaving our first home. Thank you for being open and honest, and for sharing the things you’ve learned through this time in your life. I am so looking forward to seeing the new ‘nest’ that you and your precious family will be inhabiting in the near future. I know it will be beautiful!:)

    • says

      Thank you, Jessica. Your comment made me cry. So many of us, as women, just have this innate tendency to nest. And I’m glad it’s normal! But it has taken a lot of “heart work” for me to just let it go right now. You will do great. It will be bittersweet, for sure, but new, exciting adventures are on the horizon. xoxo

  5. says

    Beautiful post! I completely understand. We moved to a new area not too long ago and now are in the process of buying a house. I feel so disjointed without having a solid community and “home” of our own. Thank you for the gentle reminder that we are not citizens of earth but of heaven πŸ™‚

    • says

      Hey Shana! Community is so important to me, too. A place to trick or treat with familiar neighbors. And going on walks and waving hello to people you know. That stuff takes time, and it’s an investment. And it’s worth it. But we’ve made friends with some neighbors in our temporary neighborhood and I know that there are people to be lived every where we go.

  6. says

    This is so beautifully written and straight from your heart. You have a great gift in writing what’s deep down in your heart, Erin. This really speaks to me right now and I’m so glad you wrote it πŸ™‚

  7. Elizabeth A says

    Erin,
    How absolutely beautiful is this post! Our family, too, is in a state of transition. We are just beginning the building process and I am trying to learn how to navigate these waters as it can be so all consuming, yet I have two little ones who definitely need me more than the new house. Although I don’t know you, I admire you so much. I wish Incould be half the Godly example you are. Thank you for inspiring me. Elizabeth

  8. Rebecca says

    Oh how I needed to read this tonight. We are weeks away from moving into our new home after living with my parents during this transition time, and your post along with the comments have encouraged and reminded me that I am not alone. πŸ™‚ Thank you.

  9. says

    I wish I could have had the same attitude when we were in transition last winter-summer when we were renovating our “new” house. It was such a challenging time for me and I wish I had handled the situation better. But, I will say that the stress made me so much more thankful when we finally got settled. In short we lived with my grandmother (I love her to death, but she is extremely set in her ways as most 86 yer olds are), it took a lot more time and money than we had anticipated and we didn’t end up moving in until 2 weeks before my youngest child was born. God was definitely faithful to us, but it was tough! Thanks for sharing what you’re learning through it!! πŸ™‚

  10. says

    I loved this post! I feel like I can relate to this so much from a move that happened right after Teddy was born and then of course what is happening in our lives right now. I am positive I’ll need to reread this post again over the next few months. So excited for you that your new “nest” will be ready so soon. πŸ™‚ xoxo!

  11. says

    Oh, Erin…this post made me cry! I have taken a step back this summer from social media and blogging–and we just bought a new house about a month ago….so this in between we are in now before we move has been SO nice, just being at peace with the fact that we have a home that is on the horizon and can stop house hunting and just BE. I’ve really learned to give myself some slack, and hope it continues when we move. I pray that it continues for you too, love your words!!!! xo

  12. says

    Absolutely beautiful post, friend….. love that God showed you some mighty truths this summer! Sounds like you guys had the perfect summer ! So excited to see what’s in store for y’all through the fall as you transition to your new, gorgeous home!!

    You have such a sweet heart and amazing ability to convey how God has been working in you!! XO!

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