Today is going to be a really wild day. I woke up this morning praying for the kids’ attitudes… and mine.
Hayes has his speech therapy session this morning, followed by his occupational therapy session. It’s not part of our normal therapy routine to have two sessions in one day, but this week is unusual. So we had to switch things up and schedule two big appointments for the same day. And in all the scheduling of these appointments, I started to get discouraged.
I was discouraged that we had to rush around so much in one morning. I was discouraged that Hudson had to come along to both sessions where I beg him to be patient and quiet while we work with Hayes. Hayes gets pushed to his limit, and starts to shut down at the end of back to back sessions, and I was absolutely dreading that.
And then I turned it around on myself.
He’s my second born child. He didn’t get enough one-on-one attention from me in his first few months and that’s why he needs speech therapy and occupational therapy.
And, oh, remember that he had to wear that doc band. And he doesn’t know his numbers and letters, and doesn’t know all of his colors and shapes. Those things are all my fault.
I can tell myself lie after lie. I can become completely blind to the fact that Hayes is doing great. That he’s a wonderful kid. He’s even perfect in my eyes. He’s smart and bright and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He’s still in speech and OT despite meeting his goals because his therapists like working with him, and we don’t have to “graduate” until he’s 3 years old. And we are blessed with two of the best therapists we could ever hope for!
But those thoughts still come in where I completely give up on giving myself any grace, and I just beat myself up.
And, yet, when I talk to a friend about the same topic of how things are so different with her second born, I do everything I can to build her up. Cover her in grace. Make sure she knows that she has not failed this baby. Because I know that she is a great mom. This baby is loved and adored and prayed for, and will have a beautiful childhood.
If I can give that grace to her, can I save a little for myself, too?
The Father is doing that for me. He’s covering me in grace every single day. I don’t have it all together. I get fed up with myself and my imperfections and my inability to get it done. And, yet, He’s got me covered. I need Jesus desperately.
Because some days I am doing great! And other days, I know that I need Him to carry me through from one hour to the next. And what a joy it is to ask Him to do that. I can delight in that!
I may not be a perfect mother, but I love my babies immeasurably. I may not have it all together, but I certainly don’t have the energy to waste on pretending to have it all together. And some days I may beat myself up over these things, but my God loves me and has me covered.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Oh Erin! You don’t know how bad I needed to read this this morning! This is exactly how I feel and were going through the same thing with our second! Thanks for posting!
Oh, Lauren. You and your sweet boy are going to be just fine. But it’s so hard not to compare. Hang in there!
What an eye opener! Thanks for posting this – I feel the exact same way with our second, who is going through the same exact things too. Just remember that you are doing a great job! You recognized there was a need for Hayes and you were proactive in getting him the help he needed – lots of moms refuse to acknowledge there’s a problem….it’s so much better for him that you were proactive, it will help so much more in the long run!
Thank you for encouraging me. 🙂
Love this post, sweet friend! I’m thankful that God fills in the lines where I am weak and ever so grateful that He sees me as I am in Him. Even on the roughest, rushiest of mornings. I hear you.
Yes, yes, yes. So grateful. I’m thankful for you!
Mommy guilt is a tricky little devil, isn’t it?! Hayes is perfect in the eyes of his Father above and that’s what truly matters. The devil has all sorts of tricks up his sleeve to work his way into our lives and make us question ourselves. I have two little boys and worry about the attention that I am able to give to my second child. It’s not nearly as much one on one attention as I was able to give my first born but my second son gets lots of attention from his big brother that my oldest did not so I think it balances out. 🙂
Have a great day today and I will pray for patience for you and for your boys during the appointments.
Thank you so much. And you are so right. Those lies and that guilt are not from the Lord.
This totally hits home with me this week. I’ve been struggling with giving myself grace, especially with my children. The passage our pastor brought our message Sunday from 1 Corinthians 12:1-10. I was broken, humbled, thankful, encouraged and way beyond in awe that my Savior will use my weaknesses for His glory. A few things that stuck with me from the message…in my pastors words, but taken from the above passage…”The presence and power of God are worth the weakness and suffering; The world needs to see the power of our weakness, so He can be glorified; God will use my REAL life to display His glory; Gods grace is always more than enough; For Christ sake I will delight in my weakness.” I am quick to hand out grace to everyone but myself. I was reminded and grateful to hear that in every single thing we struggle with emotionally or physically, God will use for His glory if we are transparent about our weaknesses. So thankful that His grace covers it ALL! I’m a good friend of Lyndsey McCurry…long time friends.
Lindsay, any friend of Lyndsey’s is a friend of mine! xoxo
Thank you for your encouragement. You are so right! He is glorified when we honor Him through our struggles.
Bless your heart!
Once again, you have touched on a topic most moms can relate to, if they have more than one child. It’s hard, the juggling…the guilt…the lies in your head.
Don’t go there. Your younger son doesn’t know anything about the time you had with your older one, because…well…he wasn’t there! 🙂
God gives us all a HUGE capacity for love. We love our husbands and our children….we love our parents and our siblings and our friends. We can love a “cause.” Like, I have a child with special needs, and so I love Special Olympics. Love covers a lot. I’m sure both of your boys feel very, very loved, no matter if they’ve had to share the day with their brother or not. And, as hard as it is to have extra children at doctor’s appointments/therapy visits…I’ve been there, I know…there are many lessons your other children can learn during these times…compassion for others who are different, reaching out to others, showing respect to others, being patience, learning to wait…putting someone else’s needs above their own. Now, most of the time, I was thinking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE, FAST,” and maybe not as concerned with what my other kids could be learning, or what my actions could be teaching them…but they absorb a lot, even at an early age. You are doing a good thing.
God fills all of our empty places, and He stands in the gap for us. We really CAN’T do it all. Just like you have to adjust the time you and your husband spend together after you have one child…you adjust as you have more children…and you do the best you can do with God’s help. And give yourself the gift of grace. Just like you said.
And I know it’s not exactly the same, but your younger child will have his day. There will be days when your older son has school or soccer or goes home with a friend, and it will be you and your youngest buddy hanging out. We have 4 children, and the ones who came later have gotten their time as the older ones have grown up, gone to college, etc. Now that #4 is the last one here, I think he is wishing for not so much time with mom and dad!
You still have many years of influence over both of your boys. Hang in there!
Thank you, Marty, so much for your encouragement and insight. I appreciate it more than you know. 🙂
Erin,
I SO needed to see this today..it’s been a rough few days at our house and the girls have been making me crazy (or so I feel). I need to trust in Him and know that He is always looking out for me AND my girls and that I’m doing the best I can to be a good mom to both of them.
Your boys are so incredibly lucky to have you as their mother…you’re amazing
Friend. You are doing great. Those first few months are a blur and you feel like all you’re doing is trying to survive and help your babies survive. You are a wonderful mama, and those girls are blessed to have you.
This was a wonderful post. It’s so easy to make it about us and our guilt, disappointment and anxieties. We always need to remember God is covering us in Grace and that we need to lay aside our stresses to him and instead pour that emotional energy on loving our kids and doing our best.
Yes! Thank you, Laura!
I so needed to read your post today. After some disappointments this morning at an appt with our little guy (he’s technically our third although second living child since his brother is in heaven), I was pretty discouraged and I had to pray my way through it. I’ll probably do a post about it later today once I can gather my thoughts, but I just wanted to say thanks for being honest and sharing your beautiful heart! I will never understand why us mama’s are so hard on ourselves! Lots of love!
It’s so hard not to be hard on ourselves. But I know that if we acknowledge our weaknesses, He will be glorified and bless us in those struggles. I will be praying for you and your little one. xoxo
Wise words that are much-needed! Love reading your blog!
Thank you, Claire!
You are such a fantastic mama to those two angels!! I loved how you realized that the grace and love you shower your friend with is so different than how you view yourself…. ISN’T THAT THE TRUTH?? Praise the Lord that “His grace is sufficient for me”! (and you!!!).
Ps – Jackson totally doesn’t know the whole alphabet or his shapes / colors. As in I think he knows the color green and that’s about it. Truth. Although I let worry creep in sometimes, I try to remind myself that he’s doing GREAT and that he’s going to learn it all in due time. So hard not to worry / wonder / compare!! I guess the good news is that I truly have no idea as to what is “normal” for each stage, so that helps me worry just a little bit less! Hugs to you, dear! 🙂 Hope the appointments went well and the boys are home taking an extra lonnnnggg nap!
Thank you for posting this! I’ve been having the same feelings about my “second born”. Even though my girls are only 2 minutes apart, I still have the same worries but I know I have a Father that will guide me when it comes to taking care of my/His children.
Thank you for the encouragement!!
I MEAN. super great meet-me-where-i’m-at real talk right now. you’re the greatest.
my husband and i joke that Lachlen, our 2nd, “isn’t our brightest child” since she’s not at the same place her sister Wynne was at this age. i don’t get too down on myself for it, cause what can you do really?, and a sister is a way better gift than an early start on the alphabet, but some days i just want to cry thinking of all the effort and attention she’d get if she’d been an only child at first too. but Lachlen Dinger was made to be a 2nd born and a sister and a goober and a dream, and she excels at all of those.
You couldn’t have said it better. I love this. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your heart. I have those feelings too. My oldest gets occupational therapy privately twice a week and it’s a sacrifice financially, emotionally, physically. Sometimes I feel like I’m always shelping my youngest one and a lot of times we are giving so much to our oldest to help meet his needs. But the most important thing I am always grateful for is that my two boys have each other. They are best friends and that is what really matters. I love the scripture passage from Corinthians you posted. It’s funny that while we were in the heart of figuring out what was going on with my oldest, my bible study leader emailed me that passage. It is one that I always go back to when I am having a discouraging day. The Lord truly gives us the strength we need to get through each moment!! Those boys are blessed to have such a caring mama!! Our boys are about the same age and I love following your blog and hearing the heart of another boy mom 🙂
When my older son was a toddler and preschooler, I put myself through all kinds of mommy guilt. He met the critical milestones (walking, speech, etc.), so he did not need any type of therapy like PT or OT, but he was the last child among our group of friends gain knowledge of things we expect our kids to learn. I worked with him on learning colors and shapes. He showed no interest. None. My professional background is in education. You can imagine how I felt. Then, after his 2nd birthday he started Parents Day Out and came home knowing his basic colors and shapes within about two weeks. He never really showed interest in letters and numbers until he was nearly five. He loved blocks, building, and trains, and he loved preschool, but he had no interest in letters, sounds, or numbers. We decided to give him an extra year in church preschool before he started kindergarten, as we thought he was not really mature enough for kindergarten (and he has a late August birthday). Anyway…fast forward to 2013 and he started eighth grade today. He is taking English I Honors and Algebra One Honors, both for high school credit. He is involved in band, robotics, church, and scouting. He is not the perfect kid (who is?), but I look back and think that I worried a lot for nothing.
Thanks for this post Erin, I needed that reminder today.
Erin- I so needed to hear this. I am constantly comparing my 2 children and always seem to come out beating myself up over it. My 3 year old just started preK and I feared that the teacher’s expectations were going to be very high if she was expecting to have the same experience as she did with my first child. I even wrote on the little welcome questionnaire, “He’s nothing like his sister!” I had a twinge of guilt as I wrote it but then I thought, it’s true… he’s not. But he’s not supposed to be. Both of my children are perfect, and to be honest I had a very small role in that. So thankful for HIS grace and that his ways are perfect. Great post!
I do this, too!! You are doing great! You are the perfect mother in his eyes and he is the perfect son in yours…and that’s what counts! 🙂
I loved this and needed this. Sydney is my no-speaking, second child and there are times when I think to myself, “is she ok?” ” Have a failed her?” “How will she learn if I don’t teach her?” And on and on and on.
I thought everyone was judging me as I was STILL potty training my almost 4 year old daughter *gasp*
And I truly use the word “potty train” lightly. I had no clue what I was doing and it’s a Christmas miracle that the child now wears panties and takes herself to the bathroom.
It’s so easy to beat ourselves up as Moms. And it’s so refreshing to have a place to go and feel encouraged as a Mom. Your blog is just that for so many.
<3
I needed to read that verse today. Even without kids, sometimes I feel like I’m failing at so many things. I need grace today. Thanks Erin.
This is a beautiful post and one I needed to read today, Erin! Thank you!
Oh Erin – I read your blog all the time and love hearing what you have to say! Comparison will get you every time – my cousin’s child (6 weeks older than mine) is practically reading at 2 years old…my sweet son still babbles and has a precious but small vocabulary. All of my friends’ kids weigh a ton and are super tall – my little one is really little – a powerhouse, but but barely hanging onto the growth charts. It is so easy to get wrapped up in comparison, but that does nothing but cause us sadness and stress. Thanks so much for always being so real and honest – isn’t it awesome to be blessed with beautiful loving children that we get the amazing privilege of raising? All the other stuff is so silly – they will all catch up eventually. Nobody has ever asked me when I learned the alphabet or when I learned my colors 😉
You are a wonderful mama. It is definitely difficult to give ourselves credit for that.
Will say a prayer for you. 🙂
Thanks for being so transparent and inspiring us as readers with this post. Your thoughts echo so many of mothers of more than one child. I have a feeling I will be saying the same in days to come. You are a wonderful mother because you give of yourself with love each and every day. Those boys are so lucky!