This post isn’t going to be about the mommy wars. It’s about confidence. And when we have confidence, we’re not part of the mommy wars. We can’t feel attacked. As my mom always said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
I think with access to social media, all moms are exposed to more ideas and parenting ideas than ever before. And I think it’s natural to feel threatened when we see an approach that’s different than the one we took.
I know, for me personally, as a new mom, I felt extremely threatened when I felt like someone was doing it differently than I was. And then I’d get defensive when I’d see someone criticize the way I was doing it.
Most of this is due to social media. I had to stop reading a lot of blogs. If there was a blog that triggered negative feelings in me, I stopped reading it. Because the mom who was writing the post? She loves her kids.
And those negative feelings that were triggered? Are my own problem.
The mom I see doing any part of motherhood differently than I do? She loves her kids just like I love mine. And there’s really no right or wrong way. As long as our kids are safe and healthy and loved? That’s all that matters.
My friend, Ellen, told me once that when we have strong emotional reactions to something, it’s usually a sign that something inside of us is unsettled.
When I feel threatened by what another mother is doing, that’s because of something that I feel insecure about in myself. It’s my own heart issue.
I know that my boys are happy and healthy. And most importantly, I know that my boys are loved. I’m doing my very best to show them the love of Jesus every single day, and lead them to the Lord. I pray that each decision I make every day is made in love. I pray for guidance and pray for the Lord to speak through me.
I’m not a perfect mother. My kids aren’t perfect kids. I’ve had to learn my way through their young little lives. All of my choices haven’t been the absolute best ones. But they were the best ones in that moment. And I had to learn through it.
But I have always loved my boys, and have always tried to do what is best for them and best for our family.
It’s okay that my friends don’t mother exactly as I do. Their decisions for their families aren’t an attack on me. They have nothing to do with me.
Feeling confident in my motherhood decisions and tuning out the negative thoughts and feelings goes a long way.
Most importantly, I have to remember that His grace is enough. It is through His grace that I can move from one day to the next and feel confident in my decisions.
But mostly, I feel confident in His love for me.
*Link up with Jennifer, Kelly, Courtney, and me and share your story!
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I love your mom’s advice!! Its so true!! And like you, there have been times that i have had to choose to not read certain blogs and not because that blogger is doing or saying anything wrong, but because I needed to deal with my own feelings of insecurity or pride! You’re doing a great job, Mama and those boys are blessed to have you!!! =)
Thanks, Aubrey. I almost always have come back to read blogs again after I’ve stopped. Recognizing my insecurities helped me a lot. I think we all just want to love our kids and do the best we can for them.
Erin, I can totally relate to what you wrote about social media and how it influences us as moms. Sometimes, I just have to turn it off and retreat! I agree with you that we have to be mindful of what is causing us to doubt and then deal with it; instead of placing blame on the person/blog/status update. Thanks so much for sharing, I’ve enjoyed this series!
Yes… I just see so much blame thrown toward other people, and it’s usually people we don’t even know personally! Ha! Thank you for reading and for participating in Build ‘Em Up!
In the spirit of honesty and sharing, I used to feel this way about you! (And lots of other bloggers, other mommies, etc.) But I realized after a lot of soul-struggling, that it was my own insecurity just having a hey-day with my brain and outlook, and the enemy wishing to make my every day just as miserable as possible. I’m so glad you shared this, and put voice to the growth that I’ve had in my own life, too.
Once I accepted that you (and every other mommy who’s just doing her best) are just being YOU and doing what’s right for you, and that the same goes for me, well, things got a whole HECK of a lot easier. And happier. And now I feel like you’re a friend. 🙂 We don’t have to do things the same way. And hey, where’s the fun in that? Lots of love to you!
Becky, you most certainly are a friend and I’m blessed to know you. Thank your for your encouragement and honesty! 🙂
I am loving this post, and lots of the other ones that fellow moms have shared. I’ve been reading along during these Build ‘Em Up series of posts, and I’m linking up for the first time today. I’m glad to know it’s going to keep going. 🙂
I’m so glad you linked up with us! Thank you, Kelley! I’m heading over to read your post now!
I love the Build Em Up link ups, they inspire such soul searching and to read other women’s honest words about the journey through motherhood is so encouraging. Thanks Erin!
Whitney
Thank you, Whitney. I love reading all the other moms’ perspectives, too!
I love this post for so many reasons. First, that you didn’t write about “Mommy Wars.” I feel like someone is writing on this every where I turn, which only adds fuel to the fire, so to speak. Your words encourage mothers to stop focusing on other moms and their way of doing things and just focus on your kiddos and what you know is best for them. I also love what you shared about recognizing insecurities in ones self. I think we all struggle with that at times. Thank you for writing this post! <3
Thank you, Jill. Why can’t we just hang out and have these conversations while watching a girly movie and sipping coffee?
Great post. So true. I have found through reading others’ posts and writing my own that I need to be true to myself and who I am as a mother. Others thoughts and opinions don’t matter, and my reaction to sometimes others is just me having to learn how to deal with my own insecurities.