Last week was Hudson’s first week of school. For the most part, he has all new people in his class. There are ten boys (10!!!) and four girls.
Fortunately, I know a few of the moms of the other kids, so there were some familiar faces in his class.
On the first day, Hudson reluctantly went into the classroom and, for the first time ever, held on very tight to my leg when it was time for me to leave. There weren’t any tears, but I could tell he was nervous.
When I picked him up he seemed fine and he was definitely happy to see me. On the way home, I asked him a little about his day. But he never really answered any of my questions. And when I asked him who he played with, he’d just say, “Mommy, stop asking me questions.”
Is this what it’s going to be like to have a son? Do I have to pry all of the information out of him?
The next day went about the same way. He was clingy at drop off, and not really talkative after school. And he didn’t want to talk to Todd about it, either.
Of course, my mind started assuming the worst. I thought, “He hates it. He’s not playing with anyone and he’s sad.”
I can honestly say I’ve never felt anything quite like it before, but as my imagination got the best of me and I assumed the worst, my heart was just tightening in my chest. I was becoming more and more sad for my little boy as I imagined him feeling the things I’ve felt before.
The first day of anything is exciting for some, but it was always scary and intimidating for me. I was never the one to just rush up to a group of people to play. I always hung back and found something I could do alone, and I’d usually just wait for someone to come play with me.
I’m still that way. If I’m in a slightly uncomfortable situation, I’ll just read a book or pull out my phone and read it as a coping mechanism.
The next day at school, I decided to talk to Hudson’s teacher to make sure everything was okay, since I couldn’t really get a word out of him. She assured me that he is having a great time, but, just as I suspected, he’s not the first one to run up to someone. He goes to the toys and starts playing and ends up having plenty of playmates, but isn’t the one to initiate “group play.”
So this made me feel a little bit better. I was able to see pictures on the class website of what they’re doing during the day, and he’s always having a blast.
That day, Hudson got in the car and was extra chatty about who he’d played with and what they’d done that day. He talked about all of his new friends all afternoon.
He just needed a few days to warm up to everyone.
His teacher even told me that Hudson definitely came out of his shell that day. In his class last year, the teachers referred to him as “The Sheriff” because he was always reciting the rules and harping on everyone to clean up and walk in the hallways. Even though he was rarely the rule follower. So when his new teacher told me that he’d come out of his shell, she also told me that “Sheriff Hudson” had made an appearance that day.
I knew that if he was comfortable enough to get bossy, he must really be enjoying himself.
We’ll work on the bossiness at home. I’m just happy that he’s enjoying himself. He no longer seems scared, and I can relax after he gets dropped off, knowing that he’s loving it and he’s making friends.
This whole experience reminded me to begin praying for these current friendships and his future friendships. There is nothing like having hurt feelings. But having a child with hurt feelings is just excruciating. I can’t even imagine how many future situations we’ll sort through with our kids.
I’m thankful that he is adjusting well and enjoying his class. I know I never should have been too worried, but when we are their only advocate and have to speak for them at this age, I want to make sure I am doing everything I can to help him. It’s hard seeing my child become an even more independent kid.
These are the parts of parenting that I wasn’t prepared for.
Loved this post! p.s. YES–that’s what it’s like to have boys. I’ve got 2, just like you! LOL
I just laughed when you asked if that is what it’s like to have boys. I have one and when he was younger I had to pry information from him. I remember one time specifically when he was in Middle School and something very unusual and disturbing happened at his school. (Not involving my son) A friend called to tell me about it and when I asked my son if he knew, his response was that of course he knew. When I asked why he didn’t tell me he said because he didn’t want to be lectured for something that he didn’t do! Ha!
He is 26 now and such a love! He calls me and shares a lot and always says ‘Love you, Mom’ before he hangs up or whenever he sees me. Music to my ears!!
Enjoy them now as they grow so fast…
I agree with you. There is nothing like hurt feelings for our sweet precious children. It makes the mama bear come out in me. Yesterday, I took my kids to child watch at the Y while I worked out. My daughter was hysterical about going and I was not overly patient with her. When I picked her up, I asked her why she was crying and she told me that she was scared because someone hit her and ripped her paper in there. I felt horrible! That was a long time ago but she still connects that experience with child watch. Hope Sherriff Hudson continues to adjust to school and that you are able to get the answers from him that help your mommy heart.
I can so relate to this post. My oldest son started first grade this week. Kindergarten was amazing and never did he complain about going-in fact, he couldn’t get there fast enough! This year, he’s missing some of his buds, has encountered some meanies on the bus and suffered a major disappointment when no one noticed he’d lost his top tooth last week. Broke.my.heart.
It hit me hard that I need to be praying for him in very specific ways-for his friendships, for me as a mom, for him as a student. I’m going to re-read Praying the Scriptures for your Children and I hope that through prayer I can better learn to give all this to God …this momma’s heart has been hurting. 🙁
Such a sweet post and I felt myself feel nervous for you! I remember all of those same feelings for myself starting school so I understand your worry. Glad Hudson has warmed up and is enjoying himself.
The information usually has to be pried out of boys, unless you are talking over things while building legos, playing catch, or having a snack; then they sing like choir members. Eventually they tell their dads EVERYTHING and he comes to you shocked, panicked, and deeply humored(which is pretty funny and adorable as well).
Hello, my WWF friend! My oldest son, Mason, is now 11. At two, he was much like your Hudson. He was very verbal. It was like talking to a 15 year old! People were astounded by him 🙂 He went to MDO and was just not himself. I would go pick him up and he was never really “in the group”. It does break a Mama’s heart! He is definitely a rule follower outside of our house! He gives me a run for my money at home! Wherever he goes without us, the moms, teachers, etc always comment on how polite and well-mannered he is and we are like “you know we are Mason’s parents, right”?!?!
So, of course, when Dylan didn’t conjugate French verbs by two, I was talking to the Dr about speech therapy…..He assured me Dylan was just “normal” 🙂 Now, if I could only get him to stop talking for 5 minutes!
Those boys will bring so much fun and laughter to your lives 🙂
I’m glad he’s doing well at school. Yesterday we had our first day of preschool so, I understand where you’re coming from!
When I was teaching kindergarten there were always concerns at the start of the year about socializing. He is finding his little spot, don’t you worry.
Erin, your post brought tears to my eyes because we are going through the same thing here. Gavin JUST started preschool and so far has loved it, but he too keeps to himself for a bit. When we started talking this week about preschool (after the long break over the wknd) he said he didn’t want to go and that he doesn’t like it. I was immediately sad for him and remembered those feelings so clearly! He’s had a hard time saying goodbye to us for daycare the past couple of months too and says he doesn’t like it there and that all he does is sit at the table all day. We know that isn’t true, and he’s always having fun when we pick him up, but it’s still hard to hear him say he doesn’t want to go. Thanks for writing this Erin. Good luck with Hudson’s school! Hope he continues to have fun and make friends!
Hey Erin. I’m sorry Gavin is having a tough time adjusting, but I’m just confident that in another week or so these boys are going to be begging to go to school! 🙂 Hang in there!
We’re going through a bit of the same thing in our house. I just started taking my 13 month old son to the drop off child care at the Y, and I really thought that he’d love it because he loves being with other kids. The first day he did ok, until I came to pick him up, but the past two times he’s had a rough go. It’s so hard to think about them being unhappy, even though it’s probably best for them in the long run.
I know exactly what you mean! Last year and the first week or two of this school year, I had to pry information from K.C. He’s gotten so excited about the things he’s doing at school now that he just tells us without (almost) any prompting.
Kaden has been more reserved than I imagined as he’s very energetic and outgoing. I’ve been worried about him as he’s had such a big change from playing all day to going to preschool five days a week. He definitely had an adjustment, but I think he’s doing great now. He even wanted to do homework with K.C. last night so while we worked on sight words, he drew shapes and wrote the letter A.
You are exactly right about praying for the current and future friends, and might I add, wives. I hope and pray that our boys will choose friends wisely, and like you, I know there will be many situations like this that arise as they grow up! Great post! 🙂
I have a boy (now 22 in seminary out of state) and I wouldn’t trade him for 100 girls! One of the best things I did was do the afternoon pick-up at middle school. Three middle school boys in the back seat talked all about their day on the short drive home. While my son was a talker (to me and everyone else), I learned a lot from everyone else’s perspective. So while it may be one more thing to add to your “to do” list, being a taxi cab driver has its advantages – especially if you have a “no radio” rule if more than “x” people are in the car and the drive is less than “x” miles (certainly doesn’t apply to road trips!).
Lisa, this is such a great idea and such a great visual for me! I love it!
My 11 year old is very hard to get information out of. He likes to talk, and actually gets in trouble for talking to much at school. But when you ask him lots of questions, he clams up!
You’re right… as a parent you’re never prepared for this. My son is only 9 months old but I’ve never really stopped and thought about this. I was a teacher for years so you would think I would have, but I haven’t until now. Eek :/
Yes…getting information out of children (especially boys, but sometimes girls too) can be like pulling teeth. It’s important not to stop asking…but also NOT to jump to conclusions! You did the right thing by checking with the teacher…but just relax. It’s perfectly normal for them not to tell you all about their day…or to respond with “Nothing” when asked what they did at school!
You cannot (and should not) protect your child from hurt feelings…your job is to teach them how to be nice and caring to others, and to handle others who might not be nice to them.
It’s not easy…but it becomes easier as time goes on. Just remember…when they are little, they have small problems. The older they get, the bigger the problems can become – so try not to stress, and keep talking to them!
I know you are SO right. I know there’s nothing I can do to stop his feelings from getting hurt. But I do want to know a little bit about what is going on, so when I can talk to him or encourage him, I’m prepared to do that. I can only imagine how big the problems become. Ha!
I remember Walker’s first day of kindergarten – he hated it. And I was convinced that my child was going to be a school-hater his entire life. But, like you, I chatted with his teacher and got a better understanding of what was going on in class. He definitely came around. He still doesn’t like to talk to me about school much when I ask him, so the biggest thing I’ve learned is to let it come out of them instead of trying to pry. I think some of it is just because they are boys. Now Walker will just randomly tell me something about his day later on in the evening and I just remind him how much I love hearing about his day and get really excited when he shares so he knows I’m very interested. 😉
Just wanted to let you know that YES, this is what having boys is like…well, at least some boys. My oldest two RARELY tell me anything that’s going on in their lives. When they do, I perk up my ears and hang on every word!!! When they are in school, I rely on having very communicative teachers who let me know how/what they’re doing, but once my oldest got into 2nd grade his teacher didn’t want to have parents involved and that was hard. It was really difficult to not get anything out of either of them that year, but I guess that’s how it will go as they get older.
I will say that my 4 year old who is now in preschool tells me EVERYTHING that goes on, but I think that’s a lot more common for girls to do than boys.
It’s hard to be a mom to boys, isn’t it? I can only relate to what it was like being a little girl, so I feel quite out-of-my-league most of the time. 🙁