Pregnancy is an interesting thing for men. Just like all women have a different experience with pregnancy, the same is true for the baby daddy. Todd isn’t a very emotional guy, and I think from the dad’s perspective, one of the hardest things about pregnancy is they really have no idea what’s going on.
They experience the mood swings and the cravings. They experience the restless nights. But that’s really all second hand. They’re catering to your every need. They may even gain a little weight, too. But, for Todd, I think because he couldn’t feel the babies move, he didn’t really know what was going on.
I didn’t “require” that he go to all of my OB-GYN appointments, but he came to all of the appointments when we had a scheduled sonogram. He didn’t want to miss any opportunity to see the babies. And if the baby was kicking, I tried to call him over to feel it. Sometimes he felt it and sometimes he didn’t.
But Todd was just there for me.
He supported me physically and emotionally when he really didn’t have any idea what I was going through. He knew that he loved our babies already, and he made it very clear how much he loved me.
But that excitement for him didn’t come during the pregnancy. He never felt left out or anything. He just was content to be the dad. He was content to hold my hand and hold me when I felt scared or overwhelmed.
When Hudson was born, it took Todd a while to really feel comfortable. He’d hold Hudson, feed him a bottle, swaddle him, help me change diapers, and any other “dad” duty. But I could tell that he was already getting excited for the day when Hudson would laugh. Or even just smile. He was getting excited about the possibility of throwing the baseball in the backyard and taking Hudson to his first Gamecock football game.
Just as some women say the maternal instinct doesn’t kick in automatically, I think that was the case for Todd.
All I really needed from him was to be there for me. I knew the day would come when he’d feel comfortable and when he’d look at our baby and not just see an infant, but he’d see a lifetime of this wonderful father/son relationship that he could grow.
Todd is the greatest dad, and my boys are lucky. I’ll admit that there were times when I wondered when that instinct would kick in for him. But it did kick in, and he is a “take charge” kind of dad. He is a great leader for our household. Even though it took him a couple of weeks to know what exactly to do with a baby, he did get it and he was an instant pro.
Check out the Huggies Mommy Answers Facebook app! Find more posts from bloggers sharing their experiences of motherhood on the Huggies page on BlogHer.com.
love your honestly on this. it sounds so so sweet they way you explained it and very real, I’m sure a lot of men react and feel the same way to parenting.
Makes me how my husband will react when we have kids! 😉
That’s a cute picture! I think my husband gets better with our kids every day. Babies are not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s so fun to play with toddlers. We are still calling our 3 year old a toddler too. 🙂
I love this post, Erin! There have been times when Ed has told me how scared he is at the thought of being a father and responsible for molding and shaping a little person into someone who is good and kind and competent, while I haven’t really had those feelings of anxiety. Reading what you have written about Todd and how he grew into the role reinforces what I tell Ed that nobody really knows how to be a parent until they do it, and then you do the best you can. Todd has clearly done a wonderful job, and I know Ed will, too!
I have to say I like your honesty and I am sure there are alot of Dady’s out there that are kind of stand offish at first not wanting to do the wrong thing or knowing exactly what to do or when the right time is to do it. I think it must be hard to see someone you love go through the pain and then just being able to know exactly what is expected of you. Glad you are so understanding because I think alot of women think there is something wrong when it takes them awile to get it together.