I’ve talked so many times about being a boy mom. So much of it has just come naturally to me, but there are other things that don’t.
I know things about girls that I don’t really know about boys. I know that if I had a daughter, I could help prepare her for the world of mean girls. I could try to help her not to become consumed with body image.
But with boys, I know that there will be many times later in my boys’ lives that I hear, “Mom, you just don’t understand.” Because, it’s true. I don’t. I won’t. But I will try.
Hudson can be very sensitive. And I do love his sweet little tender heart. I’ve observed him in a room with other kids many times. And I notice the way he clams up when someone takes his place in line. Or when someone snatches a toy from him. Or if another child argues with him or tells him no.
He gets embarrassed. He ducks his head. He looks like he’s going to cry. He doesn’t fight back.
And as his mother, I want to run scoop him up and snatch that toy right back and give it to him. Which just isn’t the right thing to do, either.
But he’s sensitive. He just is. And I know that this will change and he will be less sensitive as he gets older, but I don’t think it will completely go away.
There are times when I want to say to Hudson, “Go back to your friend and take your toy right back!” I want to teach him to toughen up, so he isn’t the one always getting his feelings hurt.
I don’t want him to be teased for being sensitive, but I want him to feel the freedom to be himself. I want him to stand up for himself and not be pushed around when he gets older and kids take on more serious issues and the teasing becomes more relentless.
And mostly I want to teach Hudson what it means to be Christ-like. I pray every single day that he will make a decision to follow Jesus and want a heart like His.
These are the parts of parenthood that I love and the parts that terrify me. I love that Hudson’s little personality becomes more and more obvious through his actions every day. We learn a little bit more about who he is and who he’s going to be. He’s hilarious. He’s smart. He’s quick and he’s sweet. Hudson can be territorial, but he really just wants to have a very good time. He loves to laugh and he is just so kind-hearted and caring.
I love that he is always looking out for his friends. And one of our prayers is that the Lord will put others in his life who are like him. Who complement him and life him up. And I pray that as his family, that we will help him grow and he’ll always know that his parents and brother are on his team, no matter what.
And his little tender heart may turn him into everyone’s best friend and it may cause his little heart to be broken a few times along the way. I don’t know. But I can only pray that we do our very best to show him the Way to confidence.
I too have a sensitive boy that doesn’t fight back when toys are taken and is very cautious in new situations and sometimes clings to his Mommy and Daddy’s leg. I cherish it and I worry about it too. I was that kid that didn’t fight back and was shy in new places and I know how hard it can be to get out of that shell. I don’t want that for my son but I cannot control it either. I love that you pray that God will put the right people in his path in life. That is an excellent thing to pray for and I will be doing that as well. Thanks for the honest and real post.
My son is the same way. He is not at all shy and adjusts very well to new situations and people, but sadly, other kids often hurt his feelings by taking what he is playing with, not wanting to play with him or being too aggressive. He just rolls with it. Sometimes looking sad, sometimes just moving on (that, he does not get from me, as a mom I am even more thankful for my choice of husband.) I try not to think ahead, but it breaks my heart to imagine him getting his heart broken. I try to focus on the positive and that he will have many, good friends. Praying is one of the best things we can do.
I have a sensitive son too. I hear you on the balance of wanting them to learn resiliency, but also recognizing their feelings and not making them feel bad for having them. I love my son for having such a heart and want to nurture that, while equipping him for The World. He started kindergarten last year, which has given us plenty of opportunities to practice! Prayer and listening to your parenting intuition helps 🙂
…and you know what:? He will probably make the best husband one day, too 😉 I pride my life around my sweet, sensitive, caring husband and I’m so so so so grateful he is exactly this way. Seriously.
Isn’t amazing to see his personality develop? I love imagining what conversations with Dell Harper will be like as she gets older. It’s interesting to see the more sensitive boys in my (practically all male) 4 and 5 year old Sunday School class- since I have them for 2 years, the toughening process they undergo between pre-k and kindergarten is remarkable!
Thank you for sharing. My son is also sensitive. He is shy in new situations and clings a little close to us until he gets the lay of the land. We have started to push him out of his box because if we don’t then he will not try new things but we are constantly questioning ourselves on each situation. Some times we encourage and other times we simply tell him that it is okay and we well try again another time. It is definitely a fine line to walk.
I’m a girl, and I know it’s different, but Hudson’s personality sounds a lot like mine. I was a painfully shy kid and like Hudson, I was very sensitive and never stood up for myself. My mom put me in karate to toughen me up and it definitely helped give me some confidence and not be a push over. That being said, to this day I am still sensitive and shy and avoid confrontation at all costs. I will speak up if I have to, but I truly hate it.
Sweet Hudson!! Addison is sensitive too and did I mention DRAMATIC!? But I wouldn’t have it any other way! I think prayer is the main key in parenting. SO much to pray for!
If my son grows up tobe ‘sensitive’ daddy is Guna take him out back and toughen him up. Boys are tough and acting like a sissy is for girls. Shyness is one thing but being afraid to stand up for himself will be a problem when those mean kids start bullying in middle school..or sooner
Your comment saddens and alarms me. I’m sure you didn’t mean for it to sound as much like child abuse as it did. What exactly does “take him out back and toughen him up” mean? I hope your neighbors call the authorities if this event actually takes place.
Also? “Acting like a sissy is for girls” is offensive to just about everyone … and especially young women. Wouldn’t it be better if we all strived for our children – regardless of gender – to be kind, caring, and aware of others’ feelings?
I am sorry if I offended you. I just felt that I had to speak up.
I have a little boy with a personality very similar to Hudson’s. On a few occasions I’ve seen toys snatched from his hands and his place taken in line. He drops his head and gets embarrassed. As his mama, I worry so much about it. I was that same shy child, I’ve outgrown most of it, but I will always be a reserved person. Connor’s teachers even tell me that he is never one to instigate and he never “fights” back. He got bit one day at school and told his teachers, but refused to tell who it was. He told me later, but he didn’t even want the little girl to get in trouble! Of course it’s not about getting someone in trouble, but at just shy of turning 2…that’s already something he understands. Part of me wants him to stand up for himself and I want to stand up for him…but I try to stand back and watch, then we discuss it later. Connor is also a big boy, bigger than basically his entire class…so I’m also so thankful that he doesn’t have it in him to be a bully. Thank you for writing about this, it really speaks to me!
You know, I’ve thought about this as well. Last time I went to a playdate with some former co-workers…mostly girls…one of the girls was tending to be a bully and taking things or even sitting on kids when they are in a chair. The Mom who’s child was being bullied didn’t take it out on the parents at all or the child, she just told her child to make sure to speak up. No, you tell her that is not nice! At first I was shocked and thought the other Mom would take it the wrong way…but it worked out. She was just teaching her girl to speak up for herself in a nice way. I actually thought it was pretty cool.
So, I observed that and put it in my back pocket for when Preston is older and has to deal with this. It’s so hard but I’m sure you are doing an amazing job 🙂 I’ll also have some stories when Preston is older, I’m sure!
I think sensitivity rocks! I’m sure that you’l do all you can to make sure that it becomes an asset– a means for building relationships and understanding others and feeling all his feelings– and not the threat you fear. 🙂
Erin- I looovvveee this post because as a “girl mom” I pray everyday that my girls will end up with sweet, passionate boys like yours!! You are doing a phenomenal job and definitely pat yourself on the back!!
Caedmon is the same way. He arrives at church or play date and immediately his more “aggressive” friends start “bossing him around,” in the words of my husband. But Caedmon doesn’t mind it. He’s not the ring leader, but he’s not always a follower, either. As he gets older, he’s learning that he doesn’t have to play hide and seek just because someone else wants to. It’s these times and these situations that I am thankful for because in a safe, loving environment, he can learn to stand up for himself and do what’s right. He tends to internalize in the moment and ask questions later, so we talk about things like this a lot.
Things like this frighten me, too. But the Lord always heard my Mom’s prayers about us, and I know He hasn’t stopped listening. Thanks for writing about this! Sounds like we’re far from alone.
I LOVE this post! My son C is what we call the policeman! It’s like he has eyes in the back of his head and is always on the lookout for kids that take things from other kids…he marches right up to them, often forgetting he is 2 and most of the boys at the pool are 6 or older and says NOT NICE-GIVE BACK. He learned it from his big sister who is so protective of him. I love watching their personalities develop and sensitive children become thoughtful adults is what my mother has always said.
What a sweet post. I know I will have the same goals for my children when I have them. It is so important to have a sensitive and aware child. My brother – who is a little bit older than me – is very much a sensitive and soft-spoken person, but has learned to play up his other strengths: linguistic skills, singing talent, and love for the theater. Since we both went to boarding school, those things kept him sensitive but super aware of others and got him out of his shell. However, it did mean he occasionally had a couple broken hearts – one was when he dated Miss Teen Tennessee for a short while and she ended up in LA. Go figure. Regardless of the social challenges, he has been successful ever since! You are doing a wonderful job as a Mother.
Oh Erin, you spoke right to my heart, friend 🙂 My son (4) is the sweetest, most sensitive little boy I have ever met. It’s what I love most about him, but also what makes me worry the most. He is always lifting his friends up, and they sometimes don’t do the same (as 4-year-olds do). I know he will grow to be a strong friend, husband and father. That is what I ultimately pray for. Thanks again for such a touching post.
Is this ever timely for me! I was just thinking about this yesterday with my own sensitive boy after he got shoved off a playscape by another kid (as two-year-olds will do, of course) for the umpeenth time. How to nurture that sensitive soul while teaching him to be strong too . . . in any event, you’re doing a wonderful job as always.
Great post!!! I picked my son up yesterday at daycare and he had a huge strawberry on his head b/c another boy pushed him into the wall. They said he wanted to play with the boy and the other boy didn’t want to. What kid doesn’t want to play with mine?! I guess I will have to let him learn as he gets older!
E has always been a child that is easier to back down and walk away from situations in which a child takes her toy or wants her snack and while I want her to be all “give me my snack fool!”, I don’t see her being that child. The world doesn’t have enough sensitive people that tend to put others first and if my child and your child look like they might be one, well that’s excellent. Like you said, all we can do is pray for them. I think he’s going to become a great man girl. I hope I’m around to see it 🙂
I LOVE this post—also being a boy mom, I have the same worries and concerns. Don’t worry, you are not alone—and you said it the best, these boys just have tender hearts. It’s going to make them amazing men one day.
I think that this post is quite ironic given that I have found that many of your posts are quite insensitive. I stopped reading after your Mother’s Day post where you all but stated that you “deserved” everything you wanted because you were a mother. As someone who has struggled with infertility for more than 3 years (including a miscarriage 3 months ago), I found it in very bad taste. I had hoped given the topic of today’s post (I saw it in the reader of another blog) maybe you had a change of heart. I sadly see that I was mistaken. I think that your son is being Christ-like (the first shall be last and all). I think that confidence and assertiveness are things that should be taught and valued just not at the sake of civility.
You stopped reading after the Mother’s Day post, yet here you are reading a post months later. Coming from a mother who suffered from infertility for 4 years and suffered a miscarriage a few weeks ago, I find that I too was bitter when I would see or hear of mothers venting about, eh, the difficult parts of being a mother. I value Erin’s honesty about her children and I look up to her as a mother; I find it quite refreshing that someone is able to fess up about the trials and tribulations of parenting. Keep doing what you are doing, Erin. All of your readers believe in you!
This is a great post! I think we all have these worries and the only thing we can do is pray!
Erin, if you haven’t already, go get The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. Put it on your list of daily reads along with your Bible. I got it when Sam was born and have referred to it religiously with all 3 boys over the last 9 years. Sam, being my first born, is definitely my “sensitive” one and reading it has helped calm most of my worries for him. The beauty of his sensitivity is that he will be the one who cares for me when I’m old and gray and he will make the best husband ever!!!
Hang in there!!!
XO
Just wanted to share again (since I sort of flubbed my tweet yesterday) how much I enjoyed this post. Actually, this is one of my favorite posts of yours. My son is 8 1/2, and I still see his sensitive side come out. He has what can best be described as a “best cousin-friend” who lives halfway across the US from where we live. We visited A and his family last summer, and they visited here this summer. We don’t usually get to see them quite this frequently, so it was quite a treat. When A and his family were departing, my son shed quite a few tears. I can remember doing the same when long visits with my “best cousin-friend” ended. My cousin and I wrote letters, and now J and A have things like email and skype to stay connected. I am delighted that J and his cousin get along so well and can pick up like there was no time in between visits. And thankfully, we may get a “half-way” visit in just a few months!
I understand your struggles and how to raise a “man”. I wonder all the time about what to teach them and am just so thankful they have a father around that I can pawn off all the really tough questions to. Although last night the subject of getting our kitten neutered came up – oh gosh! I think I failed miserably with that one and trying to explain exactly what that entailed and why we would do that to a kitten!
I have a sensitive little man too, and I truly believe it is a characteristic that is underrated. How amazing that these boys are empathetic to others! I agree that everything needs balance, but I think as they grow they will learn how to stand up for themselves a little more (I hope!)
I struggle with this even though Peanut is a girl! I know logically that I need to let her feed some hardships and some struggles, but how do you watch your little one not get their way?!