One of the things that I’ve loved most about my life (and honestly one of my favorite things about blogging) is all of the different people I’ve come in contact with and the different experiences I’ve had. As I’ve moved around in my life and gotten to know different people from different areas of the country (and around the world) I have to come to notice and appreciate all of our differences.
Take this scene from the other day when I was visiting with my friends here in Indiana…
Me: “Hudson?”
Hudson: “WHAT?”
Me: “You mean, ‘ma’am’?”
Hudson: “Ma’am?”
This is a regular exchange around our house. Sometimes Hudson catches himself on his own, but he usually needs to be reminded to say, “ma’am.”
But in this particular instance, I realized, “Oh! We’re not at our house and my friends are probably wondering why in the world I want my little boy to say ma’am.”
I want him to say “sir,” too when he’s talking to men.
digital print via My Southern Accent
It’s a regional thing. I grew up in Louisiana before moving to Indiana in the 8th grade. I spent my whole life saying “yes, ma’am” and “yes, sir” and “no, ma’am” and “no, sir.” Instead of saying, “What?” when someone called my name, I’d answer with, “Ma’am?” Or “sir?”
It was a habit. My parents taught it to me because it’s what most kids in the South say. And most of the time it is expected. Something about hearing Hudson say, “What?” is like nails on a chalkboard. And when I was growing up we didn’t dare answer our parents, or any elder, that way.
But when I moved to Indiana, I think I said, “Yes, ma’am” to my English teacher and she told me that it offended her. And I can remember every other kid in the class laughing at me. But I honestly didn’t know any better and I certainly didn’t mean to offend her.
I also got teased for saying “y’all” because it was just different. While I wasn’t trying to be rude, I did want to be polite and follow the norm of the part of the country we lived in. And in different areas of the country, polite is defined in different ways. And that’s okay. So I stopped saying “ma’am” and “sir” to teachers.
But I continued to say “yes, ma’am” and “yes, sir” to my mom and dad. I said it to my grandparents and anyone who knew my intent. But I didn’t say it to adults here because it didn’t have the same meaning.
Now that I’ve been back in the South for the last 12 years, I say “ma’am” and “sir” to everyone. Not because I want them to feel older than I am, but because I want them to feel respected.
And I’m working on teaching my children the same thing. Because it is respectful and because I think it is expected. And I just think it’s a good habit to have.
(Hudson absolutely has his not-so-polite moments. We’re trying to teach him not to interrupt in addition to speaking respectfully. He talks back occasionally and that’s not something I like to listen to.)
Another thing I realized is that my kids call my friends “Miss Anna” and “Miss Emily” rather than calling them by their first names. But that’s just how I was raised, and I know that’s not how it’s done everywhere.
So being back here for the past two weeks, it just reminded me of some of the subtle differences. And I love that it’s really just all about what the social norms are in different parts of the country. And there isn’t a right way or wrong way, but it is so fun to me.
The kids in Indiana may not say “yes, ma’am,” but they are still incredibly polite and sweet, and of course, adorable.
What about you? What kinds of social norms do you observe that may be different to others? Or are we Southerners just about as odd as it gets?
I’d love to hear what y’all think!
Amen and Amen! I think manners are so important for children to learn and I find myself repeating things like “remember your manners” and “Yes, Ma’am” constantly to my kids, but I know it is a worthy task. Keep on!
Yes ma’am we say yes ma’am!! You’re right–definitely a southern thing. My children also call my friends Miss or Mrs…..I’ve also heard children call their parents’ friends Aunt or Uncle if they’re extremely close. I have several people (and I’m 32) that I still call Aunt or Uncle even though they’re not blood related.
I grew up in West Virginia and live in Scotland now. I think saying yes sir and yes ma’am is just polite. We grew up saying please and thank you and I don’t hear that as often as I’d like these days.
In Scotland, if you want to say Thank you you say, “Ta.” It’s kind of cute, but that is what everyone says here. I’m not going to say how long it took me to figure that out 😉
I LOVE the way “ta” sounds. Little children in South Louisiana say “ta” too. We may try to teach Hayes to say that since he doesn’t say much. Maybe “ta” would be easy for him to say. 🙂
It’s so funny because I grew up and still live in CT and calling adults “sir” or “ma’am” never occurred to me or anyone I’m friends with. The exception was karate class where we had to do it lol. Anyway, I’ve been called “ma’am” a few times recently at stores or whatever and I wouldn’t say it offends me, but it surprises me and makes me feel a bit old. I forget sometimes that I’m not 18 anymore. I’m 27, married, and have a son, so a young 18 year old working at Old Navy calling me “ma’am” isn’t really as inappropriate as I think it is. It’s very interesting to me to see how different various parts of the country are and how we all show respect differently.
I want my kid(s) to call my close friends “Miss” or “Mr” then their first name. Adults they don’t know well will be Mr. or Miss/Mrs and then their last name.
I loved this! Being from Louisiana as well we were taught the same thing. When my boyfriend (now husband) met my parents for the first time I about died when my mom called him and he said “yes?” and my dad said “you mean ma’am, son” haha. He and his family are from Maryland and his parents thought it was so strange for me to call them Mrs. (first name) and Mr. (first name). But I’m with you, it was drilled into me all growing up and its a hard thing to stop doing. Even as an adult I am still that way and still call my elders Mr. and Mrs. or Sir and Ma’am.
I’m from Texas and I have also been teased for saying these things! I also was teased for saying I’m “fixin” to go do whatever, instead of saying I’m about to. I plan on teaching my kids the same manners. People that tease about it just don’t know what good manners are! And, I think it teaches kids respect too.
Definitely a regional thing. I am born, raised and currently still in St. Louis, Missouri. Although my parents did not raise us to say, “yes, ma’am or sir”, they definitely taught us lots of manners and respect for elders. The one thing that sticks out to me is how my parents were big on us only calling adults Mr or Mrs Last Name. NEVER would you call an adult by their first name. That is wrong!!
I had a conversation with my 4 year old Trey this morning in the car on the way to school. I was reminding him about how it’s important to listen to his teachers and do what he’s told. I said to make sure to say “yes, ma’am” to teachers when they say to do something. He said “I’m only going to say Yes because Ma’am isn’t a word!”
We’ve got a bit more to talk about! LOL! Great post!
I’m from Texas. Ma’am and sir are part of my everyday vocabulary. In addition to making Andrew use them, I try to teach my students at school to use them also. Of course I also say y’all. I don’t think I can say ten words without using y’all. It’s funny to me that someone would be offended by the use of the word ma’am. I think it’s common courtesy.
I’ve lived in North Carolina all my life, besides an 18 month stint in Northeast Ohio. (Too cold!) I grew up having to say “ma’am” and “sir”. If I said “What?” to my parents or nanny, they’d just keep calling my name until I answered the right way. I was taught to answer our home phone (what are those?) With “Chambliss residence, Turner speaking” instead of just “Hello?” This embarassed me a bit, but whatever. I just wouldn’t answer the phone! ha.
I will most definitely teach my daughter and any future children southern manners. I still call everyone ma’am and sir… from people I know to the cashiers at Target. It’s a habit. I don’t even think about it!
LOVE this! My husband and I try to stress the importance of manners and being respectful to our almost two-year old. I was never allowed to just say “yes.”. If I did, my mom would say “yes, what?” to which I would reply “yes, ma’am”. I feel the same way about just saying “what” or “huh” – I definitely think it’s a Southern thing, but even if we left the South, I’m sure I would continue with the same habits! :). Great post!
Matt and I are the same way and want our children to be raised with the desire to be respectful to others. We *require* a ‘ma’am’ and ‘sir’ response, too. Even though we live in the South, something about our area is like a bubble and isn’t very “Southern.” It isn’t uncommon for kids to not use those terms when speaking to others or in their responses. I think it’s just polite, but I do understand that a lot of areas of the country are different and some people think it’s strange and unnecessary. For us, it’s just more about respect than anything.
this is so funny, I grew up in Maryland (right between Annapolis and Baltimore) and never said yes mam or yes sir. and if a child did say that, they weren’t thought of to be polite but people thought that were being sarcastic or smart mouthed, ha! now I live in Roanoke,VA and even though it is just 5 hours away it is like a different world. the majority of the children raised here say yes mam and yes sir. I have two children of my own now and want nothing more than for them to be extremely polite and kind but will not teach them to say yes mam or yes sir, just because it doesn’t feel natural for me, because that is not what I did. My husband and his family are also from MD so it is not natural for them either. But of course I am not offended if someone says it to me, just the other day I was driving through Bojangles and the teenager responded to me with a yes mam, haha! It is so interesting how different areas of the country are so different! Have you heard people in Indiana refer to a couch or sofa as a davenport? My Grandma in the midwest says this and I have never heard anyone say that here. Also, growing up, I never heard anyone refer to a purse as a pocketbook, that is what most people call a purse here.
Funny, I’m from Maryland as well- but Southern Maryland (St. Mary’s County), it’s a different world even here! I grew up on a farm having to say ma’am and sir. Go figure 🙂
I grew up always saying Yes ma’am, Yes Sir, No Ma’am, No Sir. It was something my parents ingrained in my brother and I. I plan to do the same thing for Mason and Caroline. It’s a sign of respect and manners are something that I value so much. We also call several of our close friends “Aunt and Uncle” to M & C even though we aren’t blood related.
Mr. Smith and I had this conversation recently. I think it shows proper respect to elders, which is an important lesson to teach children. We do not yet have children, but I plan on teaching them “ma’am” and “sir.” Mr. Smith thinks it is almost demeaning to children for them to have to say it but I believe the complete opposite. Hopefully I can convince him otherwise when our kiddos come along.
Great post!
I live in TX and we were brought up saying ma’am and sir also. Therefore we taught our children the
same…show respect. I still say the word when answering anyone..whether it’s someone older or
even the checkout girl at the store. it just sounds so much nicer than using…what? I also grew up
calling my friends mothers and dads…Mr. and Mrs. and still have a hard time calling some grown
ups by their first names. Again with change my children either say Mr or Mrs…or Miss whomever.
I’m from Florida, and I now live in Atlanta, but I am definitely not Southern. I cannot bring myself to say “y’all” or “ma’am” – I don’t think anything of it when other people say it, but it just feels weird coming out of my own mouth.
If I EVER said “WHAT?” to my parents I probably would have gotten popped! lol. I was expected to say ma’am/sir, and I expect my girls to say it also. I pretty much say ma’am or sir to ANYONE, regardless of age (even kids), just because it’s such a habit. (Plus it helps reinforce the habit with my daughters if they hear me saying it, also.) When I started my job in January I was talking with a coworker and said “Yes ma’am!” to her… And it really made her uncomfortable. That was obviously never my intent, and I didn’t say it because I thought she was “old”, it’s just a habit! My girls also do the Miss/Mister whoever to adults also.
I had the very opposite experience you had. I moved from California to Florida in the 8th grade. The first time I heard a student say “Yes, ma’am” to a teacher I thought for sure they’d be in trouble for smart mouthing. But I quickly realized that’s the way it was here. I was raised to speak and respond respectfully (I can distinctly remember being scolded by my mom for referring to her as “she” instead of “Mom” when speaking about her) but “ma’am” and “sir” were not common. It’s still not something that comes out of my mouth naturally as I wasn’t raised with it but I agree with the sentiment. We should always speak kindly and respectfully to others and I’m trying my best to teach Blaire that every day.
Oh, if I did not respond with a “yes, sir?” or “yes, ma’am” when I was little I could count on trouble! It’s such a hard habit to break, and when I lived in NYC it became such a problem! I got such attitude about it constantly. Um. I have a Southern accent. Obviously, I’m not being insulting. Law!
I loved this…my brother lives in Birmingham, and whenever we go to visit him, I love to hear the kids saying “sir” and “ma’am” Living in Chicago, I am afraid that if I taught my boy to say that, their teachers would think they were being sarcastic. 🙁 But I am definitely a stickler about them calling adults “Miss” and “Mr” even if they are close family friends.
“What?” is nails on a chalkboard to me too. I was programmed to say “pardon?” or “pardon me?” my entire life.
I love “Ma’am” and “Sir” though. Maybe I’ll bring that up to Canada 😉
I had no idea that people didn’t say ma’am and sir around the country. Thought it was the polite thing to do anywhere you were! I want my daughter to say Miss so and so to my friends also and I already refer to them as Miss Ashley or Miss Grace in front of her. None of my friends do it, but I was raised that way also. Striving to offer my daughter every lesson in manners is my goal. Who knows what kids her age will be like in 15 years, so I want her to stand out!
I am also teaching my boys to answer with “Ma’am?” and “Sir?”. I’m not as hardcore about them saying “Yes, Ma’am” or “No, Sir.” as long as they answer with a polite “Yes” or “No” or “Yes, please” or “No, thank you.” I hate hearing “huh” or “uh uh”…… I want to hear the actual words YES and NO! It’s all about tone really. Kids pick that up from us parents. I try my best to lead by example because that’s really what my boys respond to the best with occasional, gentle reminders. Parenting is at times a mine field!! 🙂
I agree with you on “ma’am” and “sir” and having the kids call our friends “Miss” or “Mr.” It’s just an element of respect… and part of being from the South!
This is SO true. I spent my first 21 years in Texas and have spent the last 5 in Massachusetts, and I have to say that the biggest culture shock for me is the difference in manners and respect. Having been raised by a Southern mama, I said yes ma’am/sir and no ma’am/sir to anyone that I came across, whether it was an older relative, the checker at the grocery store, or the person handing me my Diet Coke at the drive-thru. When I moved to Boston, I was on the phone with a woman at my college admissions office and when I addressed her as “Ma’am,” you’d have thought I cursed at her. “Oh, do I SOUND old? Like I need to be called ma’am? Do not call me ma’am.” I was mortified at the moment, but that didn’t sway me– I still address people with respect. I will never stop saying “y’all” and I will always say “Please” and “Thank you so much.” The best part is when I give a dose of that to a Yankee and the look in their eye is at first surprised, and then warm– they just needed a little dose of genuine Southern charm 🙂
And though I will end up marrying my Yankee man, there is not a doubt in my mind that my someday little ones will be raised with the same manners and respect as I was. After all, they may be born back East but their Mama’s roots will forever be in the South.
I grew up up in Ohio with a southern mother and a northern father. I never reffered to my parents as ma’am or sir but I saw a lot of this when I went down South to summer camp. After going to college in NC and then moving back to NC after living in DC (where manners don’t exist), I came to really appreciate the routine use of these words. I would cringe sometimes if someone called me “ma’am” because it made be feel old. However, after becoming a teacher and having many of my students use when referring to me, I came to feel respected by it so I feel it’s very important to teach it to children.
I’m on the other side of the spectrum – born and raised in New England, no one ever said ma’am or sir. We were also always taught to respect our elders, but those words were never really part of our vocabulary. It wasn’t until college, when I became friends with a few girls from the South, that I heard those terms used regularly.
Here’s my question (and something my husband and I have recently discussed): when our son (down the road, he’s only 15 months) sees our Southern friends, will they be offended if he doesn’t say ma’am and sir? They raise their children to say it, and their children say it to me when I ask them something (because that is what they are taught to do), but will they find it disrespectful if our children don’t say it to them?
Hey Jillian!
I don’t think people find is disrespectful if it’s not said. Especially if they know they weren’t raised to say it… because it’s a habit that does take time to develop. I think as long as there is a kind, respectful, polite tone and they say “yes” or “yes, please” and “thank you” then it’s good. For us, the “disrespect” comes when we hear “yeah” or “nope” or “what?” 🙂
I’m from Florida….. the “Southern” part of Florida…. and I’ve always been taught the same thing.
Sir and Ma’am are expected. One thing I’ve noticed is that I actually tend to answer everyone that way, regardless of age. When I was teaching, my kids would answer me with “Yes, ma’am?” because I answered them the same way.
Same thing about “Miss”….. my close friends have their children call me “Miss Jessica” or “Aunt Jessica.”
And, to this day, I cannot call my high school teachers anything but “Mr” and “Mrs.” Even the ones that have said I’m grown-up enough to call them by their first names, lol.
Erin, I could not agree with you more. This southern girl brought these values with her when she moved to Chicago 7 years ago. And, it is these phrases that I have instilled into my two darling divas vocabulary. Yes, we get a few odd looks every now and then, but it is good to shake up things up a little. It is funny, many will be taken off guard by the simple phrases, stop for a second then come over to compliment the girls for their manners.
Amen! Exactly how I was raised to speak to others, as well 🙂
I love regional differences as well. I teach in Iowa, and when I was teaching kindergarten I had a boy move to my class from Texas. He ALWAYS answered me “Yes ma’m,” and initially it caught me so off guard, almost like the nails on the chalkboard, but a few seconds later I realized he was being so sweet and more polite than 90% of the other kindergartners in the room, and from there on out it was one of my favorite things about that little boy. 🙂
For me, growing up in Iowa it was respectful to just answer, “Yes?” if someone called your name, “what” just has a rude sound to it. We also called our friends parents and people at church “Mr. Anderson” or “Mrs. Jones”, rather than their first name. When you got to know them very well, it was sort of an endearment thing that you could call them their first name then.
I’m from Indiana. It’s not common here to say “yes Ma’am or Sir” although I’m southern at heart and like the sound of it. 🙂 We do teach our girls to address adults with Miss/Mister and then their name and we always stress please and thank you. 🙂
Hey Jamie! All the kids I know in Indiana are SO polite and they are so sweet. I just think the expectation of the manners looks a little differently in different parts of the country. Which makes it oh so fun when you move somewhere new and have to figure out what’s appropriate there. 🙂
I am a “Yankee” who was born in Queens, NY and lived in PA for most of my life, and I LOVE to hear a child say “yes, ma’am or sir”. I admire Southern manners. In fact, I would love to teach my sons to say that but I feel like my family would just not be used to that. I deem that very respectful and not at all offensive. I also make Josiah say Miss Katie or Miss Lindsay if he is addressing an adult. He does forget a couple times and needs to be reminded. I think what is missing a lot from society is the respect for adults and elders, and that addressing them should be different from how you address your peers. This is just my opinon. I think there is nothing more charming though than hearing a little boy say “yes, ma’am.” 🙂
Amen sister! I get so offended when I hear a child answer what. But I live in Georgia and the kids in my family also say yes instead of yes ma’am. They take a short cut lol.
Could not agree more. You said “ma’am” and “sir” around here or you got in trouble! And hearing E say “what?” or”huh” makes my skin crawl!
When I moved from MA at 14 I was very confused when a teacher repremanded me for not saying ma’am. Now we are raising our little boy to say ma’am and sir and call everyone Miss and Mr. I love a lot of things about the south and respecting people is definitely one of them.
I completely agree. My oldest says it all the time and I love it! I want my two kids to respect all people at all times! Love this post!
I still say this – we moved to the south when I was 7 and now I simply CAN’T say anything else. Even the grocery story bagger gets a miss or Ma’am or Sir as is appropriate.
In the Pacific Northwest you would get a serious double take responding to anyone with a sir or mam. However I don’t like the idea of children calling adults by there first name and so we refer to our close friends as Miss and other adults as Mr. or Mrs. It just seems so much more respectful.
I am working on manners with my almost 2 1/2 year old constantly. Being from NC, I am determined that he will be a “yes, ma’am/no, ma’am/yes, sir/no, sir” please and thank-you’er! Loved reading this!
Ma’am and sir are a part of mine and my children’s everyday language. Manners are a non negotiable in this household. Yes, I am from the Deep south- southeast Louisiana!! Lived in Orlando for several years out of college and got a TON of looks when using ma’am and sir and y’all! Don’t think I can go five minutes without a y’all. What else are you suppose to say? Ha.
We get comments all the time on how polite our soon is and I couldn’t be more proud to hear those praises. He always says please, thank you and you’re welcome. He also must ask to be excused from the dinner table “May I be excused”. He also is very good about opening doors for people and saying excuse me when he passes by someone. They might be small words but they have big impacts and leave big impressions.
We had family friends growing up who insisted on being called “Mr. and Mrs. Stelter.” It was SO foreign to all of us kids who called all parents by their first names or “Uncle or Auntie”. Now I think it was a polite thing for us to do, but at the time we thought it was so strange. I also like the “ma’am and sir”, but know it would seem out of place here in Cali as well!
I wish I lived in the South because I seriously love Southern manners. I especially think little kids with them are the greatest. Growing up in Utah it was considered polite if I answered “yes” to someone calling my name rather than “what.” (My ultimate annoyance is impolite people who answer with “huh”!). Of course here, if you say ma’am or sir then people take offense. Even the polite kids call adults by their first name but my boyfriend’s little boy has to call his preschool teacher “Miss Becky” so he’s now taken to calling other women “Miss” whomever. It’s kind of cute but something he’s done completely on his own and probably doesn’t really understand that it’s actually polite.
Well, I am not from the south, but the voice inside my head has an accent. Haha! YES!!! MANNERS are soooo important. My kids don’t say the ma’am thing, BUT, they do say “yes, mom” when I call them. And I still have to remind them sometimes. I was not raised to say Miss or Mrs to an adult when addressing them, unless that is specifically HOW THEY WERE INTRODUCED to me. 🙂 And I have not made my kids do it either. I only have one friend who insists that her kids call me Mrs… It is refreshing, I admit. But my kids are to always say please, and thank you, etc.
I’m a Southern girl, born & bred so manners are just a normal thing for me. My kids are all being taught to say ma’am, sir, please, thanks, etc.
oh erin. you know i love this post. new york to california to the deep south, big bows to surfer boys – every chid needs respect for their elders and any human as an early practice. we have our kids say “yes mommy” and “yes daddy” to us and “yes ma’am” and “yes sir” to others. bigger than exactly what they say is EYEBALLS! i heard a long time ago that you just can’t go with the “sorry my kid is shy” excuse. early on, we have waited places and come back to adults and really pushed our kids from tiny ages to look adults in the faces and “thank you for having us over” or to strangers working at restaurants… “thank you for making our lunch today”. and one of my biggest rules for our girls is that they say “excuse me mommy” when they’d like to talk – when i’m talking to another adult. we are working on them saying that – then waiting until i’m ready to hear them. first step, is just the kind way to interrupt. next step, kindly interrupt and then WAIT quietly. i’ve worked so hard on this with my girls for 5 years – and now the fruit is there. i watch them thank people without being prompted. i watch them say “excuse me meese” to my mom at the pool and another grandmother’s mouth drop open in shock. it’s worth the work! don’t give up! i watch strangers light up because they’ve been treated like dirt most days and two little kids actually looked them in the eyes and sincerely said “thanks” and “have a nice day.” manners one way to look at it – or go deeper = think teaching ‘how do i teach my kids to teach honor, dignity and respect to all people they come into contact with?’
I’m from New England and we we’re not taught as a rule to say “M’am and Sir” and while I don’t get offended, it does bother me for some reason (maybe it just makes me feel old?) but were raised to have manners and say Mrs. and Mr. etc.
I’ll be honest and say that it makes feel weird to call my clients “M’am” and “Sir” if they’re from the Northeast because it has been known to offend people sometimes in this region. Weird!
I grew up in New Hampshire and we only said “yes ma’am” or “yes, sir” when being sarcastic or silly- usually along with a salute. 🙂 However, my parents didn’t allow us to say “what” in response to them. We had to say, “yes mommy/daddy” and that carried on to other adults as well. We also NEVER called adults by just their first name. I now live and teach in Ohio and once attended a teacher training class taught by a woman from Texas. She told us we should always require the students to call us “Ma’am.” This led into a discussion of if that term was respectful or not. I was just fine with students responding with “Yes, Miss Miller.” However, I am secretly in love with the south and would pick up “Ma’am” and “Sir” in a heartbeat if I ever live there.
This post makes me smile. I have lived in New Mexico most of my life, but both my parents are from the South. The above conversation, with Hudson, cracked me up because I remember similar conversations growing up with my parents! It’s rare to hear “yes ma’am” etc… here in NM, but I have been teaching it to the preschoolers I teach. Oh and “yes’ instead of “ya’! And I am proud to say I am a 36 yr old that still refers to one of our oldest family friends as “Miss Betty”.
I love saying “ma’am” and “sir” – I think it sets us in the South apart from a lot of other areas. I’m really working on it with my daycare kids this summer!
So cute – sweet little Hudson! I wasn’t raised to say ma’am or sir as my parents are from the North, however, I would never have been allowed to call an adult Miss or Mr first name, but I hear my friends telling their kids to do that all the time. Wonder if it’s a trend or Southern thing (I’m in VA). I would like my kids to say Mrs. or Mr. last name but whatever works.:)
I had to chuckle a little bit when I read the title of this post. I am a mom of 4, my 3 eldest children are from my first marriage. Their daddy was born and bred in Louisana, but now resides in MS. We live in Arizona. The children just spent the last week with their dad, and while I was chatting with the youngest of the 3 who is almost 10, all he could say is I keep getting punished for not saying Sir/Ma’am. My daddy says I’m being disrespectful. Needless to say, that did not sit well with this mama. Here’s the thing, we don’t live in the South and my children never have. I am not a “ma’am” to them I am thier mama, and that’s what I want to be called. I waited many years to be called mom and I would never dream of asking my children to call me by any other name. They call my husband, their step-dad, Bubba. I dont find it disrespectful and either does he, it’s special to him! The same goes for grandparents. Our parents were thrilled to become grandparents, why would they want their grandchildren to call them the same thing as the cashier at the grocery store? Saying mama/mom and daddy/dad, isn’t disrepectful, it’s what we are, isn’t it?!?
My children are incredibly respectful. Please and thank you’s come natrually to them, as those words are not an option. They don’t say “can I” but rather, “may I”. When meeting new adults, I have them ask the adult, “what would you prefer that I call you?” and let that adult tell my children what they are comfortable with being called. My boys, 14 and 10, hold doors for ALL ladies, including thier sister. And we don’t allow our son who is almost 2 to enter through doors before ladies. When we have guests over, the children don’t serve themselves first, instead they wait until all of the adults are served.
I totally agree with you Erin, it’s a regional thing and so it is very common in the South. I know though, that had my children been raised in the south, they would not be calling me ma’am I’m mama and even after all these years of being a parent, it still makes me so happy to hear my kids say it 🙂
Hey Allison,
They still call me mama. 🙂 And if Hudson answered with, “Yes, mama?” or “No, mama” that would be great! It doesn’t have to be ma’am if the response is respectful. But “yeah” and “nope” just sound harsh and not at all respectful. And when he answers with “what” that is bad. I absolutely love for them to call me mama or mommy. 🙂 And if he responds to my mom with “yes, KK?” instead of “what??” that is great, too.
I understand what you’re saying and I think the regional thing is the biggest factor.
Born and raised in Louisiana, it was expected. We are also working on manners with our toddlers. I love hearing them say ” yea Sam” and “no suh.” ha!
I am proud to be a southerner! Sweet tea, crawfish, SEC football, And words like y’all-
yes maam, I love the South!
I don’t say yes ma’am or yes sir, and when I do it is often taken– as you pointed out– somewhat offensively here in the midwest. I love the thought, though. One thing I do, however, is make my 17 month old say “please,” “thank you,” and “bless you.” I want those niceties to be so ingrained in her as she grows up that she’ll never think NOT to be polite. 🙂
This is so funny to me! Having lived in Louisiana my entire life, I guess I never realized or thought about “yes ma’am & yes sir” being just a southern thing! It’s just normal & my life! We are working on this with Hudson, too. Just like your Hudson, sometimes he remembers but often we have to remind him. I’m glad you brought this to my attention…. I’ll remember from now on that this is not commonplace all over! 🙂
I am from Oregon, born and raised but I had a friend for awhile that was actually from Louisiana. I remember thinking it was so strange when her mom would call her name and she would answer, “ma’am?” Also, my parents are very old fashioned so I was never allowed to call older people or my friends’ parents by their first names. It was always Mr. and Mrs.. The family I nanny for has their children call me Miss Hayley, too. So, I guess there’s a little “Southern-ness” in the Pac NW!
I love this post- we were raised the same way. I remember my Algebra teacher getting mad at me for calling him sir, and I told my mom about it and the next time she saw him she pretty much told him that it’s what she raised us to do, that it was a sign of respect, and that I would continue to call him that! We are working on teaching Jax the same thing 🙂
I am from MD and while I never was taught to say “ma’am” or “sir,” “what?” was not an acceptable answer when called/addressed by an adult. I did call my parents’ friends and my friends’ parents Miss or Mr. First Name and I still do now that I am in my 30s. I have spent a significant amount of time in Texas as an adult, so I have started saying “ma’am” and “sir” to older adults and definitely say “ya’ll” now!
I have the same experience! I grew up in the panhandle of FL which is much more southerner than the rest of the state and was always taught ma’ams and sirs. I moved to Maryland in 3rd grade and I got the same offended comment from a teacher and I remembering going home and being so embarrassed and trying to tell my parents that no one said ma’am and sir there.
As an adult, I love hearing ma’ams and sirs from polite little kiddos and definitely want to teach these manners to my kids. I know my husband doesn’t quite get it because he grew up in a different area where they didn’t say ma’am and sir, so I’ll have to get him on board to teach this to our kids one day.
My husband insists that our 4 boys say yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am, and no ma’am when responding to all adults without exception. I did not think that is was so important but my husband will not stand for any other response from our children. My handsome husband grew up in Missouri and it is pretty common there for children to always use sir and ma’am. Recently, I witnessed my father-in-law correcting my 37 year old husband when he responded to him with a plain “yes” instead of “yes sir”. I almost thought my husband was going to get smacked. Another thing that my husband insists on is that although our youngest is 7 years old and the oldest is 14, they are required to tuck their paper napkin in their shirt collars during meal times. I think this is a southern tradition and is considered disrespectful if they spill on their shirts. Is this something that all you southerners require of your children as well?