I see a lot of stereotyping around the blogosphere. Some moms are accused of being too positive. Some moms are accused of being too negative. Some moms are praised for keeping it real even if it is negative while others are criticized for writing with the same language. It’s tough to find a good balance. We all want to share our realities.
Because, let’s face it. The days are hard. They can be really hard. Especially when you’re new at it. Any time a new person is added to a family, boats are rocked. Little lives are changed and big lives are loaded up with more responsibility. It’s just part of the routine.
It may take a year or two to create a new routine and find your new dynamic. And for some people it just comes more easily. A new baby is born and they’re out jogging around the block with a quadruple stroller the next day. No big whoop.
It wasn’t that way for me when I lived in that season. The months after Hayes was born (and honestly the months right before he was born) were tough for me. I was tired and stressed. I felt completely out of control.
But if I walk around with an attitude that says, “I’m not very good at being a mom. I know so many things better than I know how to be a mom,” I’m not going to get any better at it.
If I put my kids to bed at night and spend the rest of the evening thinking about how hard it was, why would I want to get out of bed the next morning and do it all over again?
So, sure. Some days are hard. There are days when very little gets accomplished and the boys just spend the day whining and crying. And there are days when everything runs smoothly the way I like and I’m just so excited about how great life is.
Some days I walk around like a zombie and have no desire to do anything other than collapse on the couch when they’ve gone to bed. And there are other days when I feel like the Energizer Bunny and want to write and I want to cross things off my list.
Focusing on the positive may not completely change the reality, but it may help my outlook on the reality. Kids are loud. They talk back. They don’t obey and they make me angry, frustrated, and sad. That’s all true.
But why focus on any of that? Do I really want to introduce my kids to someone and immediately follow up and say, “They’re a real handful!”
I’m not even really sure what I’m getting at here. But there will be days when I need to vent. But I also really want to remember the good stuff. I want to relate to other moms who are in this season and get down on the bad days and feel proud on the great days.
But this summer, I’m aiming for simple fun. For fewer distractions and lots of togetherness. And meltdowns will happen and it won’t be perfect. But I don’t expect perfect. I just expect my kids to be themselves, and I love them for who they are. So how could I focus on anything other than the positive if we’re all just trying to have a little fun together?
What a wonderful post. This applies to moms and non-moms alike! There are definitely days that I need to be reminded that “tomorrow is another day…!” PS- today might be working out to be one of those days! Ha!
Amen! As a new mom I spend many days feeling overwhelmed-usually humbling me after a great, “I’ve got this!” kind of day-and it always helps to focus on the positive. Not because I’m in denial or not facing reality, but because I have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. At the end of the day, that makes me feel more grateful and blessed than any challenge can ever take away.
Always nice to have a reminder I’m not alone-on both the best of days and the toughest. Thanks for being that today.
Great post Erin! I bet no one ever looks back on life and wishes they’d been more negative or sad. 😉
This post couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I had “one of those days” yesterday. You are right. Kids will be kids and we need to be present in the moment and enjoy them.
This is why I love reading your blog!! You are so honest and relatable, especially when it comes to being a mom. I have a 2 year old son and a 9 week old son and I have actually gone back and read your posts from when you became a mom of 2 just for some inspiration! You definitely keep it real, so it feels great to know when someone else has similar struggles and similar triumphs too! Despite how hard some days are, I too try to focus on the positive. At the end of the day when I am rocking my sweet babies, it all becomes worth it and I feel immensely blessed. Thanks for sharing it all with us!
I know you’re hyper-aware of not showing your lives through rose colored glass, but I also think it’s important that you don’t put too much of the bad out there. H & H (4H hahahah) will be old enough to read all of this one day, and I worry about the kids of the bloggers who complain incessantly. That won’t be fun to have explain 10 years down the line!
xo
Like the other ladies have said, this post couldn’t have come at a better time. There are days that I feel like I’m doing a great job with my six month old little girl and there are days that I feel like the worst mother ever, especially when I get caught in the comparison trap. Thank you for reminding me of how important our outlook and taking things one day at a time really are!
Erin, I hope you realize how much God uses this blog to minister to other moms! I really needed to read this today – in the midst of a phase of terrible/no napping with my 17 month old – to be reminded that I need to focus on what blessing she is. Thank you for this!
1.Hudson looks so BIG in that picture! And 2. Great post! You write so similar to what I am feeling so often. Love reading your blog 🙂
Really loved reading this! You are always able to express things that are weighing on my heart better than I can!
So great Erin! I think one of the reasons I love reading your blog so much is because you are very relatable–you are a great mom who has bad days and doesn’t always love every second of it! But the way you see the positive in every situation is inspiring, and your love for your boys shines through in your writing. 🙂
I’m not a mom and I feel the same way. Some days I get so much accomplished that I impress myself and other days I’m a lazy bum.
so needed to read this today. new marriage, new stepdaughter, new blended family and a new home – we just moved 10 days ago. to top it off, i had a family member die tragically in a plane crash the day after we moved in. needless to say, there have been ups and downs. your post reminded me to pull back and focus on the big picture and on the many blessings. and to cut myself some slack when times get tough.
Wow. I needed to hear this. I am lying here wondering how I am going to get through today. Yesterday was my daughters 5th bday. While i felt the need to make it so special for her I was so exhausted at the same time. We are having a big rock star themed party for her this weekend and I’m already pooped. Yesterday my sister and her family as well as my bro in law and his family came for dinner and cake. I feel like we already did enough partying. After reading this post I can hear Gods word. He says just relax and enjoy this weekend. Don’t sweat the small stuff like over the top decor and too much food. They really aren’t important. Life is too short to get boggled down with trying to impress others. Thanks Erin.
Echoing the comments above, I really needed to hear this. Thank you for reminding me why I chose this parenting path and to not dwell on my (and my kids’) shortcomings.
Good for you! I think you’re doing great. I am a mother of two-ages 4.5 and 1.5, and I still have trouble juggling both, so I am impressed as you seem to be quite at ease with it!
The part where you said something about it may take a year or two to find your routine while for some people a routine comes easy really touched me. Preparing for and developing routines to make my life easier is something I’ve been working on. Thanks for the inspiring words.
Thank you Erin. There are days when I watch the clock waiting for bedtime because I don’t know how to entertain my little guy for another two hours and other days when I don’t want him to go to bed because we’re having so much fun! I do fear that I will wish away these precious years because they’re hard and sometimes I just want to get through them. Thanks for keeping it real! I’m expecting baby #2 in November and can only imagine how things will change! http://www.jenningsbaby.blogspot.com
Love this! So glad you shared, you have a gift for writing!
You know how I feel about this. 🙂 I have had so many drafts posts about this, that I still haven’t posted 😉 I don’t care what people say, I love being goofy about how much I love my Hubby and babies, I am so thankful for them. I have tough days too, and sometimes you want to see if others are going through the same thing or make sure you’re not crazy 😉 but I *try* chat with friends about things in a non-negative or complaining way. I’m sure it happens sometimes, but that’s my goal. 🙂