Hope.
I lay awake at night, most nights, after my kids have gone to bed. I think about how young they are. I think about how many years we have to go. I think about the magnitude and responsibility of raising them.
Who do I want them to be? Who do they want to be? How will I influence them? How do I want to influence them?
When I yelled at Hudson today, did it have long term damage? Will he even remember it in the morning?
I just get overwhelmed with the responsibility. There are two perfect (a mother can call them perfect) little people that are mine and the decisions Todd and I make every day impact their lives.
But today I had a big, eye-opening moment. Todd and I have dedicated Hudson and Hayes to the Lord. We recommitted our own lives to Christ, to each other, and then asked God to help us raise these boys in His way. And I trust that God is going to help us do that.
What about when I lose my patience or my temper and speak to them in an unloving way? Or when they realize that I am imperfect.
Or when they learn to ride bikes and I worry about skinned knees. Or when they start driving and I pray that they make it from point A to point B without an accident. I will rest easy only when they are safe at home.
But I know that their future is in God’s hands. Not mine. And bad things will happen to them along the way. Their feelings will be hurt. They will have injuries — hopefully only minor injuries. Their hearts will be broken and they will face rejection. But I trust that God is working out their precious lives. And I know that He trusts me to raise Hudson and Hayes.
God isn’t going to leave me or forsake me, and I know He’s not going to leave or forsake my boys. Just as I’m not going to leave or forsake my boys. I’m like that mother bunny in The Runaway Bunny (by Margaret Wise Brown).
illustration by Clement Hurd
They may try to leave me, but I will always bring them home, no matter how hurt, disappointed or frustrated I am. The love is unconditional. And when things get hard, I can turn to the Father.
And my daily prayer is that Hudson and Hayes also turn to the Father. God’s plan for their future is even bigger than we could ever hope.
So this hope. The hope comes from the assurance that we’re not walking this path alone. That even though the bumps and bruises and broken hearts will come, God’s love is stronger and is our anchor.
Today I’m praying this. For myself and for my boys.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
Beautifully written Erin! It is such an awesome responsibilty knowing that God has entrusted us as mothers, to raise His children. We guide them along this path of life, just as He guides and shapes us as their moms. Enjoy each and every day with Hudson and Hayes…even the hard ones! Thanks for sharing your heart and putting yourself out there.
I am not yet a mom but I am a young third grade teacher- responsible for 25 nine year olds. I worry about this on a daily basis. I am trying so hard to make these children in to good people- with compassion, empathy, patience, and a love for God. I am fortunate to teach at a Catholic school where we pray and emphasize our relationships with God. There are MANY days where I lose my patience, and second guess decisions- whether I have underpunished or overpunished, or treated everyone fairly. Many times the rowdy kids get my attention and I worry if I am sharing enough love and attention with the quiet students who always are doing the right thing.
You have to know that you can only do your best. And it will be good enough. You adore your parents and your boys will adore you. Each person is making decisions they think are best in the moment and as long as your intentions are pure (which they are!) everything will work out as it should.
no those are not tears streaming down my face, why do you ask?
Beautiful Erin–I pray for these things as well. What greater responsibility than being a parent? God has blessed us 🙂
I’m a Children’s Pastor at a Methodist Church, so we practice Infant Baptism, different I know by similar in that parent’s bring their parent’s before the church and make a promise to raise that child in the church. One thing I think is key is that these parents, and you guys, do this in front of a congregation of folks. One part of our service is reminding the church that they are responsible too, it’s not just the parents, but that we do this together. And I always tell the parents, this means that you’re not alone in this task, though it is your responsibility, you are NOT alone, that is why God called the church to be set apart. The church is your support system, to be there with you in the hard and easy times! God Bless you guys! I hope that you guys do your job as parents well, and the church does their job well, and that Hudson and Hayes come to know the love of God through the relationships they have with each of you!
I mean, Parents bring their children, not parents bringing parents, obviously! Sorry!
Thank you for this reminder, Erin. I am learning to lean on Him more and more each day. Admittedly, I am not good at praying each night. I need to be better about that. I find that it centers me but because I have been out of the habit for so long it is hard to remember.
Simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing this… it’s perfect.
Hudson and Hayes are so blessed to have you as a mother! They will grow up knowing the peace and joy that comes only in a relationship with the Lord – and there is no better gift you could ever give them than that!
Such a sweet post… loved it.
My husband and I were just discussing similar topics this weekend. Raising children is SUCH a big responsibility BUT we were chosen for our children. We have been entrusted with these precious lives and I think as long as the parents are aware of the importance–we will get it mostly right. 🙂
I just read Romans 15:13 yesterday in my morning quiet time…Wow! The hope we have in our Savior is so powerful and so life changing. Knowing that our Father is in complete control and loves our babies even more than we do is so comforting. He created them, he does not need our help by worrying about them….it is so hard not worrying though!!! Thank you for sharing your heart! Have a happy day!
Very sweet post. I also wanted to let you know I read yesterday’s post just before going to the grocery store, and made the bow tie fiesta last night for dinner…. it was delicious!! I left out the jalapenos and olives as well, but I added corn and black beans… super yummy! Thanks for the recipe!
Thank you.
thank you!
oh erin, what a beautiful post! though i’m not (yet) a mom, as always, the sentiments you express are so similar to what i feel. as a stepmom, it feels even trickier. there are moments when i wonder “who am i to try to instill and reinforce good manners in this child?” or “what right do i have to set limits and boundaries?” the responsibility of shaping a young life…already in progress…weighs on me. i already see my stepdaughter emulating me…even when i don’t intend it…in good ways (she now thanks her father for holding the door – just as she hears me do)…or in not so good ways (her new found love of trashy tabloid magazines comes to mind…sigh). and don’t even talk to me about the guilt i feel if i am anything less than perfectly calm, cool and collected at all times in my interactions with her. it’s good for me to hear that biological parents feel this too….that it’s not just a stepmom thing. i’m working on allowing myself to be human.
i’m discovering that being a step parent is like a dance. and it’s all about stepping…lol! i’ve broken it down to 5 steps in order to simplify thing. i’m continually asking myself whether this a moment (or situation) when it’s best to step UP, step ASIDE or to step FORWARD…or if i should step BACK before i tell someone to step OFF:-) i’ve been seeking the Lord’s guidance about this. it is not always easy and i was frank with my husband that the *only* way i could take on what he was asking me to take on in marrying him was with the Lord’s help. i know that the effects of his divorce were devastating to all involved. it now makes things complicated for me as his new wife…and for us as a blended family.
that said, i know that reconciliation and family are a part of God’s plan for us. one of the things i am now 100% sure of, is that i am meant to be this child’s stepmom (and my husband’s wife). no one else is right for that particular job in the way that i am. the other thing i’m 100% sure of is that serving this family is my purpose (your posts have helped me to identify this one erin!). i also know that i am the heart of this family. that’s all i know. the rest of it is a moment by moment fight. one moment i’m confident, the next i’m a bundle of insecurity. some days i know exactly what to do and say. other days i have no idea what to do, so i walk in love by them by making bow tie fiesta for dinner. i’m serious. one must never underestimate the power of a time around the table, enjoying a home cooked meal as a family. i’m trusting the Lord to continue to lead and guide me on this journey.
thank you for your post today. i promise to stop responding to your posts in such a long winded way, but they are really hitting home for me! besides, i suspect i’ll need to refer to this reply on my not so confident days.
okay – off to order some labels for our family. i like those words. our family.
Great post! How do people live their lifes without God?! I can’t imagine! Thank God we don’t have to go through life alone. He guides our every step and leads us in the direction he wants us to go.
Such a sweet post!
That is my favorite verse!
This is such an amazing post, Erin. I feel like you wrote exactly what I feel! I think about all this all the time. Thank you for sharing.
Erin, this is such a beautifully written post – you are truly such a gifted writer. While I am not a mom, I have so much respect for you and for how you are raising your children with God’s direction and keeping your family in God’s love. Can I be like you when I grow up?
Thank you for sharing!
Love this post! You are such a good momma.
Erin,
This post truly touched my heart. I fall asleep each night with the same thoughts in my head and on my heart. I can’t even tell you how much I needed to read this. I love the comparison to The Runaway Bunny…so.so.so.true. I love my little one with such a deep love and with that comes an even deeper amount of worry, stress, and above all else joy that she is mine while here on earth. Thank you for your honesty and for your voice.
XOXO
Aww how sweet. My daughter has been bringing home this book every week from her K5 class reading selection. I love it! Such a great message!!!yes….responsibility!!! But, through God all things are possible. Sounds like your boys have a great foundation!
I hear you on this entire post. The responsibility of being a mother and “doing it all right” can be overwhelming which is why it’s wonderful to know that we can leave those concerns at the foot of the cross. Thanks for sharing.
Love this! 🙂 You are so very right.
We went to Romans 15:13 non stop when we found out about Cohen’s heart <3
First of all, I LOVE the Runaway Bunny!
Second these are beautiful words spoken for your boys and my hope is for my babies to one day know they are loved, even as they face fear and rejection! It’s so comforting to know God will always be there. I love that bible verse!
Thank you for sharing this 🙂
Laura