I think moms who blog sometimes get a bad rap. We probably come off as complainers. We have an opportunity to put our feelings and worries out there and hit “publish.” For me, personally, it makes me feel better to just get it out there and get it off my chest. It’s better than lying awake at 3:00 a.m. as I worry about what happened and how it could have been handled differently.
Sometimes all you want when you write is to know that some other mother went through it. Someone to say, “me too!” It makes me feel better to hear it and I hope it makes her feel better to know she’s not alone.
We all know our kids better than anyone. I know their little personalities. I know that there is a true emergency if Hayes is crying. I know that Hudson can now make himself cry to get attention. Those personalities and quirks make them all different.
In those situations, the last thing I want to hear is, “It’s life, honey. Don’t overreact about it and don’t worry. In five years you won’t even remember this.”
I know comments like that are supposed to make me feel better, but they mostly just send the message that my perspective is “off.” And maybe it is. But I can guarantee that some of these embarrassing, challenging, make-me-question-how-well-I’m-doing-this-mommy-thing moments won’t be forgotten soon.
But maybe they’re right.
Maybe I will forget it and when I look back in twenty years, I’ll remember only the best. I’ll remember happy days and all the laughs and those tantrums will only be stories on my old blog.
I just think it’s a natural progression that I need to experience for myself. I hope that my perspective changes. Those precious little two year old moments will outshine the tantrums and the “scary mommy” memories will be extra hazy and fuzzy.
Right now I’m a young, immature mommy. I have so much to learn and I may even hurt myself a few times along the way. But, just like my stubborn toddler, I want to do it myself.
🙂 My parents sure do love to remind me what a STELLAR toddler I was… arching my back, throwing a fit, kicking and screaming. Apparently, it scars you for life since they are in their 60’s 😉 I love you!!! We are all CUH-RAZY mommas!
I love reading your blog and so appreciate your honesty. I read many other Mommy blogs, although I do not have children of my own. To be perfectly honest, sometimes these blogs come across as very negative about children and being a parents. They can make the “married without children” women feel very intimidated or even turned-off by the thought of becoming a Mother. It’s that mentality of, “If it’s THAT bad, why would I want to have children too?” I try to remember that these posts are just a glimpse into your life and everyone needs an outlet to vent. I would love to read more stories about the cute, sweet and fun things kids do so that perhaps they would balance out the negative. Kids are cute, right??? 🙂
omg I hate comments like that too! I am a mommy blogger and I 100% agree that most times just putting what I feel on “paper” makes me feel relief. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. It makes me feel like it’s out there, now I can handle it. Other times, writing it down, just those feelings, is my way of knowing that 20 years from now I’ll look back and remember everything – the good, the bad. All of it. I don’t want to forget anything.
Keep ’em coming.
My daughters are 26 & 23 … grown college graduates, living and working on their own. I am enormously proud of them. I was a single mother from the time they were 4 & 1 and, while I would not have chosen to be a single mother, it was the plan for me.
That said … I’ll be 55 on my next birthday and sometimes I can’t even remember what I had for lunch yesterday. I DO remember moments — many, many, many moments from my daughters’ lives. There are some moments I wish I could have back and handle them differently, but there are some that are such glorious images of beautiful times, when I thought my heart might explode from love for these girls of mine.
I disagree with those who might suggest that you or your sons won’t remember these times of your life. You will … and my guess is that the good will far outweigh the bad. All of these moments and memories will teach you something … just open your heart to it.
Have a wonderful weekend!!
I love your blog. I am a mommy blogger too, and I read alot of mommy blogs. I was saying to my husband last night that I love to here the complaints from folks. I have friends who its all cherry about there life and kids and it make me feel like I am doing something wrong. My life is great 90% of the time and then there is the 10% were I FAIL as mommy, I FAIL as wife, I FAIL as manager. I love see the bad with the good. Its me feel like other have that 10% too!
My belief on perspective is that what’s happening right now is what’s the most important, regardless of where anyone else is, has been or may be.
And for what it’s worth, my Mom still vividly remembers the time that she took me (aged two) and my infant brother to the grocery store. I went into epic tantrum mode and was at the point where I was very literally going to dive into the pavement and crack my skull open. So she made the choice to grab my arm as it was happening and in the process dislocated my shoulder. I have no recollection of the event, but if I had a massive scar and/or brain damage because of her inaction, I’m sure we would be telling a different story today.
You are not alone and your honesty about parenthood is what makes this blog worth reading.
Love your honesty and perspective.
Once again, Erin, I say, “Good for you.” You are right, you need to go through it and feel it for yourself. Your perspective is not “off”. It is yours and it is spot-on. My father once told me, “With age comes perspective.” Of course, he is right, but we are where we are. We feel what we feel. What we currently feel and experience is important and will play major importance in how our “perspective” is shaped in the future. In the meantime, understand that sometimes people try to be helpful by offering their more “experienced perspective”. Usually it is because they don’t know what else to say. I try to take it all with a grain of salt and not get defensive, but it is not easy to do. Keep your chin up. You are doing an a-ma-zing job with those two precious boys!
I didn’t get a chance to comment on your post from yesterday. I was sick and in bed for the day. But when I read it I felt like, THANK GOD I’m not the only one. My oldest is almost 3.5 years old and his tantrums are coming to a head lately. We are at our wit’s end sometimes. We just don’t know what to do when he goes limp. Lately, his thing has been refusing to be buckled into his car seat. He goes stiff as a board and I literally can’t get him buckled. One day, after 10 minutes of trying to get him to cooperate, I finally gave up and drove home with him unbuckled. It was only three minutes away but I cried the entire time. I know some moms will think I am a horrible mother for doing that but if you had been in my situation, believe me, there was no other choice. He just would not get in the seat and people were staring as he screamed at the top of his lungs and I begged him to listen. I just don’t understand why he gets so upset sometimes. And I feel like a big fat failure when I can’t get him to calm down and people are staring at me.
It never used to be like this. Not until he turned three. It was smooth sailing before that. But it’s like this switch was flipped on his third birthday and we’ve been struggling a lot with his behavior and how to handle it.
So anyway, seeing your post yesterday made me feel better. Not that you had to deal with a bad tantrum. But that I’m not alone in my struggle. I think this age is just so tough. They become more independent every day and we’re always learning.
Your perspective is not off…it’s spot on. My perspective as a parent is different from everyone else’s…whether they have children or not. I think you are amazing & I’m blessed to have you in my life {via the blog!}. You can’t learn how to parent from reading a book or watching a television show. Just like life, you have to go with things, dodge a few curveballs, learn from mistakes…no one is perfect. But, you are perfect for your boys.
There are days when I feel like the worst mother in the world, but at the end of the day I look at my children and I feel blessed beyond measure.
As I was reading your post about Hudson at the bball game it was like you were posting my story from the night before.
We took our almost 3 year old to a Harlem Globetrotter game and guess what? A tantrum ensued. In front of everyone.
I agree, nothing is more comforting than having your feelings validated by other moms who know exactly and I mean EXACTLY what you are going through.
Thanks for making me feel like I’m not the only one:)
I don’t care if I remember something that is a big deal to me in 5 days or 5 years. It’s a big part of my life at the moment I post/vent about it.
I have a son who is a major tantrum thrower. I can’t tell you how many times I have felt like my child is the only child who does it in public, because I (almost) NEVER see other kids doing the same. When I post about such things, I just want to feel less alone and less like I am doing a bad job as a mom. I can so see what happened to you at the basketball game happening to me. It’s nice to know there are others out there with the same struggles.
Erin,
First off I want to say I LOVE your blog. Being a stay at home mom I so identify with the “Mommy” Issues” you talk about. I give you so much credit for “putting yourself out there” and writing all of the things I would love to have the courage to write. I like to think of parenting as any other job, some days are good some not so good. I am pretty brutally honest about my kids and how some days I would like to have a break from them:) Just like any job there are days that you are right on, and there are days you are off. Unlike a job away from home you can’t get in your car and forget the day because it is 24 hrs. The up side is, in my opinion it is the most rewarding job EVER. I often talk my my mommy friends about the “mommy wars” the constant bashing of mommies who dont do things exactly the way you do it. We all do our best and blogging about a tough parenting day is only writing what so many of us are thinking. I am the mommy that does lie in bed at 3am worrying that I made the best decision, feed my kids the best food, gave them enough love, handled the hitting the right way. Please never feel ashamed of putting your feelings about parenting into words you help many of us more than you know and I hope you know that not having all the answers is part of parenting. You may not remember the “hard times” when your kids are older but when you are living them they are hard to forget:) 🙂 Hope you have a great weekend!
PS. My son had his first temper tantrum in Pottery Barn Kids last week and while everyone was staring at us all I could do is hysterically laugh…pretty sure that is not in any parenting books:):)…
Please don’t ever change how / what you blog about. I meant to comment on yesterday’s post as I can’t tell you how reassuring it is to read that even fabulous moms (which you surely are) have kids that don’t always behave. I have a son a couple months younger than Hayes, so I’m still quite inexperienced myself, but after reading your post yesterday, I feel it might be that much easier for me to just relax and go with the flow when a similar situation arises. After all, it’s something every kid / mom goes through.
I love this post, Erin! I think we all need to be able to experience things our own way. You “hit the nail on the head” with this one. 🙂 Hope you have a great weekend!
Do you ever read Momastery? I think you would shout, “AMEN!” to some of what she wrote in one of her latest posts :)…http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/. From just reading your blog, I think you’re doing a great job raising those two precious boys and we all have days where we just want to vent… being a mom is the hardest job EVER :).
I know just what you mean! And I’m guilty too. Sometimes I hear complaints from non-parent friends, complaints which are perfectly valid, and I think “oh honey. just you wait.” It’s easy to “put it into perspective” for somebody else when you’ve already been there. Someone else’s problem may seem tiny or their reaction overblown, but to them it’s real and it’s serious, and who has EVER been helped by “you just need to calm down” or “it’ll pass eventually” kind of advice? I have to remind myself a lot to give people the benefit of the doubt, and especially as a mama I hope others do it for me too.
Erin, I meant to comment yesterday too but thank you for this! I love these posts and your honesty. I always feel like I’m reading something “real” when I read your blog. I can relate to you and the fact that you post a few of the tough moments in with the good ones. The fact that you talk about your struggles with tantrums in public because then I don’t feel quite so alone when I’m in a crowded place and the last thing I can do is control my toddler.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure I went off subject there but I just wanted you to know I think your posts are great and I can always see your heart in them 🙂
I love your “truth” in your blog. I am a first time mommy to a 15mth old little boy. I love to read mommy’s who are “real” about parenting. I remember when I first had him and didn’t understand the feelings I was having about being a mommy. I opened up to my friend about it and she said she felt the same way. I felt this huge relief that I was normal. My next comment was why don’t women talk about this out loud. I guess for the reason you just blogged about JUDGEMENT. I tried to conceive for 3 years and had my miracle after IVF. I felt like if it wasn’t all sunshine people would say “why are you complaining this is what you paid for!”. But, that doesn’t mean I’m not human and struggle at times with my patience or in the beginning exhaustion. I say good for you for putting it out there about your life: the good, the bad and the ugly. Because no one has it perfect, but we are all extremely BLESSED by our imperfect life.
I agree 100 percent. It’s nice to blog and put it all out there, the good and bad. I do think one day we blogging moms will look back and only remember these tough times and tantrums thanks to our blogs, but we’ll also remember those sweet blog friends who helped us get through it. The nice part is, us and our blog friends will remember the good times too.
Hope y’all have a wonderful weekend!
I think you should be very proud of yourself. When I met you and you said you wrote a blog, I had no clue what the heck a blog was…sorry…..I have many I read now and I love to read them…it drives Charles crazy!!!! I would love to start my own, but I have no clue where to start….. I have a name for one ( it is the name of the children’s store I would love to open…but never will…) maybe one day I will get a computer person to help me and start…… So be proud you do this…. I was amazed after we went to dinner that night and typed the name in…. I thought what a great way to express yourself and who the heck cares what others think…your ideas, thoughts, feelings, problems etc…. Just to put them out there…… Good for you!
I completely agree with you. As a mum of two-ages 4 and 1, I hear that often. It doesn’t help. Sure, it’s life, but it’s my life now, and it’s hard!
I love your blog. Keep it up 🙂
I don’t think your perspective is “wrong.” There are times when I feel bad about complaining something W. did that drove me crazy to a girlfriend of mine who is dying to have a boyfriend. We all have trials and tribulations, and it’s good for us to vent and hear that there are others who go through similar things. As I’ve told you multiple times, when I have kids, I want you on SpeedDial to help me get through everything with as much amazing as I think you do as a mom 🙂
Have a great weekend with your boys!
I love your honesty! And I want to read about the times when it’s hard to have perspective. When I read your blog about the tantrum, I thought, “Yes, I’m not the only one who feels like a deer in the headlights when faced with this situation!”
I had someone say to me that I might want to hold off writing my book until I had “more perspective.” I said, “No. I want to write about the hard, heartbreaking, life-changing moments just the way they felt at that moment when perspective was in short supply up in here.”
Because the truth is so much more powerful.
Keep writing and sharing!
I think ou are an amazing mom Erin!! I think that it takes guts to put ourselves out there by blogging and making ourselves vulnerable that way, but you handle things with such grace and poise from what I have read that I think you will definitely be able to look back and remember only the BEST moments! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!
I think you’re incredibly mature for the things you’ve said in this post! Your realizations of yourself and your willingness to admit you’re not perfect screams maturity. Keep on trekking girl 🙂 And don’t worry, we all want to feel validated when we’re hurt, and I think that’s okay!
Hi Erin.
I’ve been reading your blog for almost a year now. I absolutley love your blog! Please don’t change a thing. I am also a “boy mom” and recently had twin girls. You are such an inspirational mom. I really enjoy reading your blog and following you on twitter. I’m from Canada but I feel like I can relate to a lot of your daily struggles! Keep doing what your doing!
I don’t think your perspective is “off;” I think when people make those offhand comments what they really mean is that in five or ten years your perspective will have changed and you’ll look at those moments differently. I remember the flight where my ten month old son screamed for three hours straight, and the handful of times I had to drag a kicking screaming toddler out of a shopping mall. And yes, I remember the time my two year old son pulled his pants down in the middle of the park in full view of everyone to relieve himself. I remember them but now (5 years later) they’re more nostalgic and kind of funny and not the mortifying “I want to crawl in a hole and never come out” kind of experience they were then, and I expect that by the time another dozen years have passed I’ll find such stories hilarious and my kids will be the ones wanting to hide under the table in embarrassment. The experiences are still there and they’re still just as relevant, but they’re important to me in different ways, and I view them differently as time goes by.
IDK if you read all your comments or not but I wanted to tell you the post you did about Hudson’s tantrum helped me. Sometimes I feel like I am doing nothing right because my little one is throwing a fit for whatever silly reason. And of course I feel like he is the only one who throws fits in public because everyone watches! So your blog post came at the prefect time for me. I appreciate you posting blogs like that just so you know! I love your blog!
I love reading your blog. I have a little boy that is almost 3. Your perspective is not ‘off.’ Those comments would make me frustrated, too. I also hate it when someone says ‘it could be worse.’ Because it totally discounts what you are feeling at the moment. Your feelings are completely valid. And you are not alone! Keep up the great and honest work!
Oh – it’s the *HARDEST* – absolutely – from 20 months til 4 (for me). While you are in the trenches, it is the longest part of your life. I can see a Mom on the other side, though, trying to tell you how precious it is and not so long.
It *is* long! I have a 14, a 12 and a TWO (boy!) — those big girls are easy-as-pie compared to that wildcat of a toddler. Everyone has to walk through the fire themselves – someone telling you that ‘it will be over in the blink of an eye’ doesn’t ease the day to day. Thank goodness they are dear, those babies, and give you a lot to swoon over . . .
Yes, those comments sting. Blogging is very VERY vulnerable. We are hitting publish and letting a lot of people read about our feelings, and sometimes it feels very one-sided, even though we have chosen to do this. I don’t see what you say as complaining at all, ever. It’s a hard road. It is not always easy or enjoyable, and that is just the truth, even though we love our children with our entire heart and soul. You are doing a wonderful job! I think as long as we try our best each day, that is all we can do. You have the right to say whatever is on your heart. 🙂
That’s the thing though, when you’re in it, it IS your perspective. That commenter might be right, but you won’t know until enough times passes. Right now, this is how you feel and it’s 100% valid. It’s absolutely true that perspective is reality.
My son hasn’t reached the tantrum phase yet, so I do my best to not judge others going through that phase. I know my turn will come and I know there is no expert on how to get through that phase. You just go with your Mommy wisdom and deal with it as you go!
On a side note, was there ever an announcement of the Baby Einstein give-away winner??
I think Mommy bloggers are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. When they don’t talk about the hard times with their children or in their marriages, they are accused of being fake and disingenuous. When they do blog about life’s difficulties, they are accused of being negative. It’s a lose-lose proposition and a major reason I could never have a blog. Kudos to those of you who can!
I don’t think you are a complainer at all..just the opposite..it is hard being a SAHM!! Harder in fact, I have done both!! Expectations are higher for SAHM!! Keep up the good work, those boys are so precious!
I love that you write from an honest perspective. I don’t have any kids yet, but I do appreciate your candor. Keep it up!
I have a 16, 5 and 2 year old – all girls. And thinking about my 16 year old as a little one I don’t remember her (our) bad days and even the ones I do think of are very muted and don’t seem so bad. However even knowing that they do fade don’t make me feel any more confident with my two little ones, I still question my ability to be a good mom. It is nice to know I am not alone on my bad days, other parents struggle too. 🙂
I can totally relate to this. I think being a blogger…there is so much advice out there. And with the Internet in general. But you just have to live it, you know? I think back to how much we have learned and grown as parents in just one short year and it’s amazing. It’s not from what I’ve read on the Internet. It’s from what I’ve learned going through the experiences. Sure, the advice is helpful at times. But every situation is different.
Question…why are you only choosing to publish positive comments that praise you in one way or another? With as many people that come across your site, surely not every comment you receive is in alignment with your thinking. Why are readers not seeing comments from people who oppose your perspective on things and only seeing comments from people whose views are similar to yours? Granted, I’m sure those opposing comments get under your skin…but when you end your blog post[s] with a question to your readers, you really aren’t wanting to give a voice to them. So perhaps your comments should always be turned off since it’s only your perspective on things that truly matter.