I have so many favorite Christmas movies, but one of my favorites is Christmas Vacation. I can quote the entire movie from beginning to end and so many of the quotes are inside jokes within my family. I am pretty sure my parents let me watch it the year it came out. And I was in the 2nd grade. But whatever. It’s hilarious and I still laugh every time I watch it.
One of the main reasons that it’s so funny to me is because I can relate to Clark Griswold so much. Clark’s biggest flaw is that he sets such grand expectations for the whole family and no one can live up to them. He means well, but putting pressure on everyone else to make things “perfect” gets everyone down.
I had a huge list of things I wanted to accomplish during this Christmas season and traditions I wanted to start. But we’ve started a couple of traditions.
So why do I feel bad about not doing everything I had hoped?
All the wonderful blog posts about the creative activities that families do together and pins on Pinterest don’t make it easier to lower my expectations.
Why is my child the only one who doesn’t seem to “get” the Elf on the Shelf concept? We read the book once and Hudson just wanted to play with the elf, so we put it away. But all these other kids are doing it and the parents are having a great time!
I look up to so many bloggers and creative women who seem to be able to get it all done and still look happy. Their children pose perfectly for photos while mine can’t stand to see a camera.
One of my favorite things about Christmas these days is that I have children to share it with. I want to spoil them! Christmas through the eyes of a child is so magical. I want them to experience as much as possible and I have lists of things I want to do. I want to visit Santa, bake cookies, decorate a gingerbread house, wrap presents, wear adorable matching pajamas and still focus on Jesus and what it means that God sent His Son as a baby to live and then to die for us.
I have a menu I want to fix for our family and decorations I want to put out. I want everyone to smile and look happy. I don’t want a picture where Hayes has spit-up on his shirt or where Hudson has apple sauce on his sleeve.
But this is our reality. This is us. We’re imperfect.
I know that other people in blog posts and on Pinterest have children who throw tantrums. I know other people make giant messes in the kitchen and have piles of dog hair lying around on their rugs. But we still want our memories and our pictures to be perfect and taken in manual mode with our fancy DSLR cameras.
I also realize that we all have gifts. And while I probably seem to be able to get a lot of stuff done, I don’t always do it without getting stressed out or rushing around. Then my expectations usually lead to some kind of mishap like locking myself out of the house or falling down the stairs on my way out the door.
Each day, as I read more in One Thousand Gifts and read more of Ann Voskamp’s blog, I am convicted a little bit more. These things are great for making memories, but I am in such danger of using all of these things to overshadow why we celebrate.
I read this post by Ann Voskamp the other day and it was a huge eye-opener. I had no words and I immediately wanted to scrap everything I’d been planning.
The reason that I strive for perfection and have such high expectations is because I want to help make amazing memories for my children. I want to have fun and enjoy the season. But life is not a blog post or a “pin” on Pinterest. We live in the real world and perfection isn’t attainable.
Like Clark, I have good intentions. I want to have fun and experience so much. But I also know that we are no less of a great family if that doesn’t happen. Christmas will still happen if these things don’t happen. And, most importantly, I need to be praying that my kids truly understand why we celebrate.
I need to be more focused on the Acts of Kindness list than the Traditions list. The Acts of Kindness list is the one that will help my kids become compassionate adults that show Jesus’s love to the people they meet.
*I just got caught up on my blog reading from the weekend and my friend, Kelly, wrote the sweetest post that brought me to tears. She is teaching her girls the Reason for the Season and they’re getting it!
Don’t worry there are plenty of tantrums at my house and Hudson didn’t “get” elf on the shelf either! I love Christmas Vacation!
WOW… every single thing that you just wrote about… I have been going through this season EXACTLY. I struggle with making the season perfect for my kids and I end up making the season stressful. I keep looking at everyone’s blogs and say” oooh that would be so much fun!” or “My boys would love that! “. My husband gets so upset because he doesn’t understand why I am so stressed out about making this season perfect for my boys. He settled me down by making me realize that we are having a great holiday season and that the boys are enjoying it. We are making memories! I’m just so worried about what’s next on my checklist that I forget to focus on what is happening in the present! I know I need to change. Thank you for posting this so much. I love your blog so much because I can relate to you and your experiences. It makes me know that I’m not alone. I really feel that God uses you to speak to me about things going on in my life and He teaches me so much. Thank you for sharing and being so open. God bless and Merry Christmas!
Thanks for being so real and for actually saying alot of things that I think! There’s plenty that goes on behind the scenes that we don’t show on our blogs and that’s ok. Your blog is what you make it and if it’s a failed craft from pinterest so be it!!! I just started reading that Ann Voskamp book after I read about it someplace.
believe me…
My boys throw tantrums…always at the worst time…
they don’t sit still for pictures..so all our pictures for the card are them looking everywhere else (I chase them trying to get a good picture and I always get their back).
My oldest still kinda doesn’t get that the Elf is a spy for Santa…not sure that it’s working this year 🙂
I do read alot of the blogs and twitter posts and wonder if I’m doing enough or why the kids aren’t as excited as others about certain things this season…but…we are who we are
Hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas!!!!
**No more stressing***
Wow I’ve felt the same way actually. It’s like there are never enough hours in the day to accomplish all that I want and feel that I should do. I mean do I really need to make Christmas cut out cookies when my toddler would be happy just to eat the break and bake kind? As much as I love pinterest I don’t feel as pressured to get as much done when I don’t look at it so often.
It’s so nice to know that there are other people out there that have holiday tradition expectations that can’t all be met. I touched briefly on this in my last blog post but you brought everything home on your post here! Facebook/pinterest can sometimes make it seem as if others are living a life of perfection with no fits or tantrums with everything moving smoothly as ever, but you’re right, that’s not realistic for anyone…or at least I sure hope not! Above all that, at the end of the day, it’s my son who I want to make happy and that’s where most of my pressure to make all these memories and create many Christmas traditions come from; I feel like I’m failing as a mom sometimes if I’m not walkin in “Clark griswald’s” shadow…and you’re so right…it’s definitely time to let all those expectations go. Thank you so much for this post, Erin!
Thank you so much for the link to Ann’s blog post. Wow. Very powerful.
And your boys seem like the MOST well behaved little guys ever! My little guy won’t sit still long enough for me to even take a picture, let alone look at the camera. I think it’s just part of having a happy, healthy boy. They are curious and SO active. I try to just be grateful…even though it can be so exhausting 🙂
Merry Christmas!
I JUST read that article from Ann’s blog this morning after someone close to me had shared it on Facebook. I couldn’t believe how quickly it stopped me in my tracks! It way too easy to get so caught up in making things “perfect.” I struggle EVERY day with wanting to ‘get it all done’, and at the end of every day, it never is. Thanks for the reminder that we need to stop all the hustle and reflect on the real reason for Christmas. I wanted to share that with B tonight when he gets home, thanks for reminding me!
OMG. Thank you for leading me to that post on Ann Voscamp’s website. I was moved to tears. I’ve really been struggling this year with the fact that we’re not getting the boys as many toys. I think I’ll just keep my trap shut now. They have MORE than enough.
When we were at our towns Christmas tree lighting and I was about one hundred percent sure my toddler was the only one acting up, I actually thought “why does my child have to make this so unenjoyable?!” (apparently Blogger doesn’t want that to be a word). And I would be lying if I said that’s the only time I thought that. You know we don’t have an Elf (we almost didn’t have a tree!) and I also have a toddler who is not a fan of the camera at the minute. So I get all that. I have a tendency to put too much pressure on the holidays. I had all these grand plans which are just not happening. Then today we played with paper snowflakes which was not on my schedule but that E loved.
I think we put a lot of pressure on this because we are people pleasers. And I’m not sure that will ever quit. However, I do think we both have amazing (strong willed!) children who are going to try and do their own thing. We’ll just have to find a way to mesh those two ideas into one…
This might not make sense. I can’t seem to get my thoughts on this into words!
Thanks for this post. I’m not even a mom yet and feel so much pressure and stress to make our home holiday perfect and be there for everyone that it truly becomes beyond stressful. I toyed with the idea of having a holiday party this year (my husband and I leave for Europe Dec 26) and was proud of myself for not doing it. In the past I would because it’s expected but I need to take time for my little family and make the holiday special for us, which I would not be able to do running around and prepping for a party and Europe.
Small steps!
Thanks for this post. I’m not even a mom yet and feel so much pressure and stress to make our home holiday perfect and be there for everyone that it truly becomes beyond stressful. I toyed with the idea of having a holiday party this year (my husband and I leave for Europe Dec 26) and was proud of myself for not doing it. In the past I would because it’s expected but I need to take time for my little family and make the holiday special for us, which I would not be able to do running around and prepping for a party and Europe.
Small steps!
Great movie! And your thoughts are so true! I read a quote that says, “Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans.” My son is 11 months and I have to remember to stay calm and be patient in order to teah him this and make the best memories.
I seriously feel like you just posted a page from my diary!
What our children will remember about Christmas, is what we remember about Christmas. The time spent with our families and how special our parents made it.
Hudson is really on the young side to “get” Christmas. I remember feeling the same way about my son two years ago, when I wanted to do so many cute things with him and he just wasn’t into it. Last year, at three and a half, he finally started to catch on a bit, and this year he’s loving every minute of it. He loves our advent calendar, and totally understands Santa, and our Elf on the Shelf. It’s coming! I promise! Next year Hudson will be all about Christmas.
Hi Erin,
I follow both your blog and Kelly’s blog and love both of you to death! Your posts are always so inspirational and real, and this one really got me thinking about the real meaning of Christmas. Our pastor actually preached on a “Simple Christmas” yesterday, and a big part of the message was the verse, “give to the least of these and you give to me” – which was one of the highlights of Ann’s blog post. God’s timing is so perfect; He always gets his message across! My husband and I are newlyweds, no kids yet, but I have already started thinking about what I want my children to know about Christmas one day. I appreciate all of your insight about motherhood and life in general and the links you provide to use as faith builders. My husband and I have signed up to adopt a family this holiday season, and I am honestly looking forward more to that than to anything else! Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and being open and honest! You motivate me to be stronger in my faith!!! Merry Christmas to you and your family!
I needed to read this and hear that I am not the only one. But as of Saturday I’m not stressing over it anymore. Me and my husband got in an argument because something he said set me off, only because I was stressed over the outside Christmas lights not doing what I wanted them to. That is ridiculous for me to act that way, and of course later I apologized sincerely. But I’m not going to have everything perfect. My house is gorgeous and warm with all the decor, but it doesn’t look like Better Homes and Gardens. I think in the land of blogs/Facebook/Twitter we like to act like everything is perfect and striving for that when the image we put across (hence what we read from every one else) is just a piece of what’s going on. Instead of worrying over all the “stuff” I’m focusing the rest of the Christmas/Holiday season on making memories instead of trying to document them!
My oldest is still mad that we wouldn’t name our youngest Margo! Todd: “I don’t know Margo! tee hee!
Erin,
Along with Ann Voskamp I’m reading a book for bible study by PRoverbs31 about being an organized mom (sorry book isn’t in my hand) and there a chapter in there about our expectations being high during the holidays and how one year she stopped and did nothing but take the time to snuggle with her family and celebrate the birth of Jesus. It made me really take my “holiday do list” and be okay with not checking everything off.
We started Elf on a Shelf when our youngest was 6.5 years (last year) and I couldn’t image during it earlier (though so many do) because it would have just been busy work for me. Our Elfey got a stomach virus and laid on the couch for a few days this month (our youngest got sick)…and I was okay with that instead of freaking out.
I want to take time to go slow and focus with my family on celebrating this special birthday. Yes there are activities as a family I want to do, some we have and some won’t happen this year…but if I crowd everything in there like I try to do then the whole season is going to lose it’s meaning to my family…which would be the biggest mistake.
Christi
Girl, you are not alone!!! I struggle with that soooo much, and I can so relate. I decided that I need to slow down and enjoy the time, and not get caught up with the stress that comes with trying to get everything done. You are a wonderful momma, and even though we want perfect pictures and to start life long traditions, those days will come and this season will pass. And we will probably wish we had those babies back!!
It’ so easy to get caught up in making life perfect for our children that we totally miss those moments with them. It’s crazy how having a new baby has made me realize even more how I can’t believe it’s been 5 years ago since my oldest was this size… and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past 5 years is that it’s the little things our kid hold onto. You’re doing a great job with your babies- they’ll love Christmas just because you do!
With two new babies, I totally relate to this post. Thanks for sharing!
You have such a good heart Erin. Kelly’s post really blessed me too. I think you two seem like super moms!
Now you can cross how you just made a million other mothers feel good, that although we “WANT” to do all those “THINGS”, we simply get caught up in the day to day activities with our children that it cannot ALL get done..but, being there for our children and providing for them..now isn’t that the real gift!! Great Blog!! I say get the matching pajamas and have fun!! Merry Christmas Erin and adorable family!
I’ve been reading for months but this is the first time I’ve commented, hoping that perhaps I can give you the gift of perspective that you so often give me! Regarding Elf on the Shelf . . . my son also didn’t take to the concept (although Elf was pretty cute as a toy). I was actually relieved because I do try (TRY, not always succeed!) to lessen the focus on Santa and increase the focus on Christ. Elf is a sweet tradition for the families that love it, but I hope you can relax about thinking it is essential for a warm and loving Christmas season.
Wow! Beatifully said Erin. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts so openly. Whilst not a mother yet myself, I can relate to everything you mentioned – the pressure, the expectations etc, in other areas of my life, and I have to say, the biggest source of pressure being placed on me is from myself!! You are a wonderful, blessed woman, and you are lucky enough to have an equally wonderful, loving family, so it is my hope that you and your family have a fantastic Holiday season, whatever form that takes. Oh, and “Christmas Vacation”? Hands down, BEST holiday movie ever 🙂
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
I commented on Kelly Stamps’s post where she said pretty much the same thing, and I thought I’d tell you what I told her: we didn’t do a lot of traditions in my house. Probably the only ones we have are putting up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving and reading Luke 2 before opening presents Christmas morning. My parents tried to get my brother and I to believe in Santa, and I can’t speak for him, but I didn’t like Santa and by the time I was five or six I’d figured out he wasn’t real. But I still cherish Christmas memories dearly, even without a lot of memories. Your kids are going to love the unique ways you make Christmas special in your family, and that’s what will make them YOUR memories.
Did you ever read the posts about this quote “One reason we struggle with insecurity: We’re comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.” Steven Furtick? I think our expectations are often based on everyone’s highlight reels which makes it hard to reach.