*I actually don’t even like The Princess Bride, but I couldn’t resist.
I am really enjoying the Mom to Mom Bible study that I’ve been participating in at church on Tuesday mornings. This week we talked about the “monsters” that plague our marriages and I could relate to so many of them.
Despite our obvious flaws, I think that TC and I have a great marriage. We’re not perfect and we definitely have our share of spats and arguments. I am, actually, usually the instigator. For those that know me in real life, I’m sure this does not surprise you. Our marriage has its share of difficulties. But we share some very critical, common beliefs. When we first starting dating, we knew where the other one stood in their relationship with Christ. And being married to TC has only strengthened my relationship with Christ.
We also happen to be very good friends. I just love him. He makes me laugh, he makes me roll my eyes, he makes me angry and he impresses me on a daily basis.
I am so glad to know that making an effort to work on your marriage is normal. Because I have to work at being thoughtful. I have to make a conscious effort to be thoughtful. I know what he likes and I know what makes him happy. But there are some days when I feel like I don’t have anything else to give. So reminding myself to greet him with a smile instead of unloading my day on him is something I do every day.
I know that petty annoyances don’t bother him a bit, so I don’t need to waste my time going on and on about something that drove me nuts.
I am tired. And I spend my entire day chasing little people and responding to cries, whines, requests and tantrums. After my children go to bed, I’m ready to lie down on the couch and not think. But I know that having good, quality conversation (not heavy conversation, but taking the time to listen) is something that I need to make time for every single day.
During our Bible study yesterday, we were talking about the importance of spending alone time together. We need to be going away on weekend trips together or just going out alone for frozen yogurt. But when kids are involved, it’s hard to do those things because you have to also get a babysitter– and sometimes the hassle of that and the expense make you question whether or not it’s worth it. And if you don’t have kids, spending the money to go out at all doesn’t always seem worth it.
A sweet girl in our Bible study mentioned that she and her husband have date nights at home once a week and I loved this idea! Tomorrow I’m going to post a list of ideas for at-home date nights.
In Mom to Mom, we learned that it’s probably a good idea to make a list of why we married our husbands. What do you love about him? Why did you say “yes” to him? Writing those things down is great because you’re focusing on the positive and it’s just a great resource to go back and look at if you’ve had an argument or you’re having a hard day.
I need to always remember to treat TC the way I want him to treat me. I need to remember what his Love Language is and do things based on that. What makes him happy and what makes him feel loved?
In our hectic and busy lives, it’s often hard to remember that marriages take work and effort. And sometimes we just don’t have anymore work and effort to give. But isn’t this the most important place where we need to put our work and our effort?
Every week in our study, our Children’s Minister gives us a “Challenge Card” for the week. This is what ours said this week.
“Love your husband deeply from the heart.” 1 Peter 1:22
Dear God,
Help me to enrich my husband’s life this week. Help me not to hinder my husband this week, but to help him.
Recently, I had a moment where I decided that I needed to put aside my attitude about some things in my life. It took a while for me to lose the attitude, so I decided to be obedient with my actions and just do what I needed to do because it was the right thing to do. And sure enough, my attitude followed my actions.
And you know what?
TC noticed.
I got a beautiful flower delivery on Tuesday morning. For no particular reason at all. But he noticed the change in me and it made him happy. Knowing that I did something to make him happy (just by changing my outlook and attitude about something) meant much more to me than some flowers. But I appreciated his gesture and gift of thanks just as I know he appreciated my change.
I love the “Challenge Cards” and love the opportunity that I’m getting each week to learn how to rest, listen and become a better wife and mom. Because I know I need all the help I can get.
What a great bible study!
Great post. We’re expecting our first in January, and while we’ve certainly had to make an effort within our marriage pre-kids, I know it will only become that much more important once our baby arrives on the scene and our time and energy becomes more scarce. Thanks for the reminder of how important putting our marriage first truly is.
after our honeymoon, i typed our vows in a pretty font and put them in fancy picture frames. his are on his nightstand and mine are on mine. it serves as a great reminder of our love and what we committed to each other on our wedding day.
My husband and I have Thursday Theme Nights! We have a 9 month old, and we live in Scotland without any family and few friends, so a baby sitter is hard to come by these days. So, I came up with Thursday Theme Nights. Some of the fun we’ve had so far:
-Watching ROCKY BALBOA and eating rocky road icecream.
-Dominoes Pizza and playing dominoes the game.
-Jackie Chan movie and Chinese food
Just think of anything with a theme and have fun! We are looking forward to it each week as a little bit of time we get to spend together having fun.
I can’t wait to read your post!
I love this post SO much!
I love that TC sent you flowers randomly! What a wonderful surprise/happy prize! Also, we need to talk- YOU DON’T LIKE THE PRINCESS BRIDE?!? Luckily, I adore you, so I can let this slide. . .
First, I have never met anyone who doesn’t like The Princess Bride! It’s one of my favorites! I can’t believe you don’t like it!
This was a great post. I could have written it myself. There’s definitely things we need to work on in our marriage and an attitude change for me is one of them. I’m going to try it and see what happens. It’s so much harder when there are kid(s) involved, but well worth the effort.
I loved this post and it’s a great challenge to me, so thank you!!!
Love this! R and I just decided to do the weekly at-home date nights too! We are going to alternate the weeks of who does the “planning”. R has this Friday night and I’m so excited. We so often just sit on the couch and watch TV mindlessly playing on the computer/IPAD. This will be a fun time to “connect” xoxo
Such a great post! Can’t wait for tomorrow’s and that was so sweet of TC!
Love this, really needed to hear this today! Thanks!
I love this post! Everything about it. Thanks for sharing the information you learned at Bible Study. Marriage is so hard and must be constantly worked it, regardless of which stage you are in.
Oh, how I needed to hear this!! I have to be reminded that marriage is work and it takes effort. I’m honestly making an effort with my attitude but I’ll admit, sometimes I don’t make enough effort to encourage him. Can’t wait to see your list for date night ideas!!
WOW, I feel like we go through the same things at the same time. My husband and I were talking about this the other day. I feel like just having “quality” conversation with my hubby is hard because by the time the kids are sleeping, I’m exhausted and wanting silence. It is so important though to talk and keep reconnected. I also need to change my attitude in a couple areas and I felt convicted reading this. I also am going to try the date nights at home idea! Thank you for being so honest about something so important.
My hubby and I were married for 9 years before we had our 1st baby, so to say having a little one changed the dynamic of our relationship is the understatement of the century. We were so use to having date nights anytime we wanted, going on romantic vacations, etc. for over a decade. It has taken a lot of effort to bring focus back to the relationship and priortize having “baby-free” time together…which I think is crucial to maintaining a successful marriage. One little “house rule” we have followed for the past couple of years is that we ALWAYS sit beside each other on the couch. Each of us use to sit in our own chair (on opposite sides of the room) and never thought anything about it until our preacher suggested this novel idea to the couples in our marriage group… sitting together in that close physical proximity actually strenghtens our bond instead of distancing ourselves in our own chairs. It took a little getting use to because the couch will never be as comfy as my big, cushy leather recliner, but now I can just reach over and grab my honey’s hand anytime I want:)
Great post Erin – needed to read this today. There are no coincidences 🙂
I desperately needed to hear this today. Thank you! 🙂
I’m ready for your list of ideas! My husband and I haven’t really gone out alone since our daughter was born (17 months ago) except for dinner one night when I had a good friend in town. So I would definitely take some good ideas for date night at home!
(aside – I too am generally the “instigator” – I need to stop!)
I am doing a bible study on being a Godly wife/mom at my church right now and it has been so great! It’s nice hearing other people’s stories and know that you aren’t the only one dealing with something. I love the “at home” date night idea. Babysitters are so expensive but we still need some fun alone time! We’ve started having no phone/no laptop/no iPad nights…too much distraction these days!
OMG, I sooooo needed this post! It was meant for me…big time!!!
Wow! Sounds like you struck a chord with a lot of people. Great post! Looking forward to hearing about the date ideas. While you’re at it, can you come up with some for people who don’t have evenings together because their husbands work the afternoon shift? You’re a pretty creative person, so just thought I’d ask.
Oh man, I HATE the Princess Bride! So glad to see I am not alone in this.
I am SUCH a control freak that sometimes I find it hard to let things go or simply change my attitude. Thanks for the reminder!
I LOVE date nights at home! We have 3 children 4yo and under, so that’s often all we get. 🙂 A few of my favorite ideas:
1. My husband is the best stovetop popcorn maker alive. We love fresh popcorn with nutritional yeast on it, and a good movie (or nature documentary — his favorite 🙂
2. Sometimes we do a twist on this and have a pajama party on the LR floor on pallets. Fun!
3. Another movie version: take the iPad or laptop in the back yard (with monitors 😉 and watch your movie under the stars.
4. Fancy dinner after kids go to bed. This one takes a lot of work on my part, but it’s fun and worth it!
5. Playing a board game. We have a silly kids card game that we love! (which reminds me — we need to pull it out again!)
6. Having coffee/tea and talking about some topic we *used* to talk about before kids but never have time to anymore — Bible questions, politics, books, dreams of the future, etc. Something cerebral that makes us feel like philosophizing, coffee-shop-going college kids again! 🙂
I’ve noticed that if we plan ahead and I get excited for it, it goes much better and I’m way less tired than if it were an impromptu idea. And I love dressing up as if we were going out.
Can’t wait to see your list!!!
What a great post Erin! I read your blog daily but have never commented on here before, but I really wanted to say thanks for this. My husband and I don’t have kids and have only been married two years but we both work a lot, and i can really relate to when you said our marriage is the most important thing we should put our work and effort into even when its hard. I am looking forward to t he at home date nights post!
I also wanted to recommend the book “the power of a praying wife” if you haven’t already read it. It was required for our premarriage counseling and each time I read it it changes me and another facet of my relationship. Its a great book. Thanks again for your openness, I love your blog
One of our best dates ever was an at home date. Andrew came home from work, and said we were going to the grocery store and spending no more than $20 for a meal and movie. It was SO MUCH FUN. We were the only people in the store (Charlotte was at my parent’s for the evening), and had a great time with this little “challenge”. When we got home HE cooked for ME, while I sat and relaxed with a glass of wine. Instead of a movie, we played scrabble. No distractions, no internet, no TV no iPhones. Just old fashioned fun. I was skeptical, but it made me fall in love with him so much for just being real, and different.
It REALLY IS the little things in life, and in relationships that matter. Thank you for sharing this post!
Erin, thanks for sharing this challenge and your plans for tackling it with God’s help. I look forward to the list of “stay at home” dates. Would you consider sharing some of the other challenge cards from your church fellowship?
I love hearing the struggles and issues Godly married couples face, and how they constructively deal with those issues. We will be getting married next summer, and I know we will have our share of struggles, but knowing other couples have been through the same thing and hearing their wisdom is such a blessing! Thank you for sharing!
You don’t like The Princess Bride? I don’t know if we can be friends anymore 😉
No, seriously. I had to go back and re-read the post because when I got to the end, the only thing going through my head was, “How can she NOT like The Princess Bride?!?” Since re-reading, I love this list. I think my husband and I take for granted all of our little date nights. This reminded me that now that we’re trying to have a baby, we should pay more attention to each other while these nights alone together are common!
LOVE this post! What great ideas! I’m going to make my husband read this post so we can get to planning.
I love this!
I loved this post! I feel like I’ve been slacking as a wife lately and this was such a great reminder that I need to be intentional about everything I do…even when I don’t feel like it. God has blessed me with a wonderful man and I don’t want to take him for granted!
Btw, I cannot stand The Princess Bride and everyone thinks I’m crazy for it!
I’ve read your blog a few times but have never commented. When I saw your statement about the Princess Bride I just HAD to say something….because I feel the same way… and I get so much flack about it.
Great post! Marriage is work and it is a sanctifiying process. Thanks for the encouragement!
I loved this post. It is so refreshing to hear that marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses(not that I’m hoping it doesn’t). But I like that you are so honest. Thanks you for encouragement.
Great post Erin. We all struggle sometimes being the wife we want to be, but putting forth the extra effort always pays off. And if we are doing it in Jesus’ Name…it’s that much more enjoyable and joyous. 🙂
Umm, You’re not a fan of the Princess Bride? I’m surprised by this. Classic movie of our childhood!