When I chose my bridesmaids almost five years ago, I had one criterion. I wanted to choose the people that would be first on my list to call when I had good news to share or sad news to share. I wanted to make sure that the people I chose would still be in my life years later so we could share our joys and sorrows with each other.
As the years have passed and the life events have happened, I realize that I was correct with making that criterion my priority. Those five girls are the ones that I call first with my news. I don’t get to talk to them all very often because of time, distance and responsibilities. The closest one live 90 miles away and the others are all across the country. But those are my most special people. Still. We rejoice together when the good stuff happens.
I have been fortunate over the years to meet new people with whom I can share my news. Some of them have come from blogging and some are from church, Junior League, mutual friends and just meeting folks around town. That’s how it works in the South, right? Some of these women are more like acquaintances and some are good, good friends. Like stop what you’re doing to pick up the phone and listen to what’s happening in that person’s life. That kind of friend.
Lately, I have been watching and listening to my friends announce engagements, plan wedding, announce pregnancies, announce baby genders and announce new jobs and opportunities. My life is pretty boring right now in terms of having “news,” but I am overwhelmed with happiness for these friends of mine. I wake up in the morning thinking about how happy I am for these people. I still have plenty of people to pray for and enough news that’s not a ray of sunshine that keeps me up at night.
But isn’t that what friendship is about? Taking the focus off yourself and focusing on these important people in your life?
A lot of this has to do with me and my contentment issues that I’ve struggled with over the years. Sure, having a bigger house with more space would be fantastic. But that’s not where we are right now, so I can be genuinely happy for someone who does move into a larger home. I’d love to be skinny and be back to my pre-baby size right now, but I’m not. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for someone who made that happen in two weeks post-baby! I’d love to go shopping for a baby girl. And just because I have boys, I choose to go shopping for my friends’ baby girls and celebrate those miracles with them.
It’s a choice every day. I can choose happiness or I can choose bitterness. And when it comes to friendship, why would I choose to rain on someone’s parade? I truly enjoy being happy for other people and being genuinely happy for them. A great vacation, a big promotion or a shiny new car would be great! I’d love all those things, but just because I don’t have them doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for someone who does.
I’ve reached this point in my life where I realize that life could be a pretty lonely journey without love and support of wonderful people helping to build me up.
This isn’t a post about “Oh! Look at me, I’m such a great friend.” But it’s about evolution and contentment. And friendship. You all know this if you’ve been reading my blog for a while. You know my struggles and battles.
I love these people and love celebrating their successes and joys rather than focusing on myself. Isn’t that what friendship is all about in the first place?
*post title from the lyrics of the song “Free to Be Me” by Francesca Battistelli
Thank you for writing this, Erin! I’ve been struggling with having “no news” lately and this post just put what I have been feeling into words that make sense, which isn’t easy to do all the time. I really hope I can take this time in my life to turn my focus on the important people in my life and their news, instead of dwelling on my lack of. Thanks again!
I had on the radio yesterday and they said people are happy to see others down. That is so not true!! I love to hear about my friends’ good news! I enjoyed your post today! There is so much to be said for being happy with what you have
I think we all have these moments when we struggle with contentment. Sometimes it’s worse than others, but I know that I often wish I had more when I should be thankful for all the blessings I do have. Thank you once again for sharing your life and your feelings so honestly and openly.
Wow Erin – thank you so much for this post today. It has come at the perfect time for me. It is hard sometimes to be genuinely happy for people sometimes. It is so hard not to compare and get a bit jealous at times. I especially need this as we are struggling with our little girl developmentally and I’m so happy for parents when they announce that their child is walking at 11 months, but I can’t help but feel sad that my child (16 months) still isn’t. So I think that I can be genuinely happy for others and just know that our turn will come someday and hope that others can be genuinely happy for us!
Sounds like you have chosen your friends very wisely and they in return have remained steadfast and true to your friendship!
I think when you have “no news” (i’m in the same season right now) it makes it that much easier and necessary to count your blessings, and that never ever gets old!
One of my old bosses had a post it in her office with a quote that was something like, “When bad things happen to us, we have two choices. We can choose to become bitter, or we can choose to become better.” I think it either Mary Tyler Moore or Marlow Thomas who said it. But out of all the post it’s I looked at while I was working, that’s the only one I actually remember 🙂
Sounds like you really are the definition of a good friend. I’ve found that it’s so impossible to make really good friends as an adult. You always write such great posts, ones I would never expect to hear.
GREAT post! And great outlook on friendships. I agree with everything you said 100000%.
Love this!! No truer words were ever spoken!
I LOVE this post! So true. Thank you for making me smile this morning and for the simple reminder of what a wonderful friendship is all about.
Erin,
Thanks for writing this, you’re a God send, it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Not necessarily because it applies to my life in the same way, but it does apply, and I’ve been praying for a ray of light. Thank you and praise God!
First of all, free to be me is like my FAVORITE song ever. Because I want it to be my life motto. I love it so much. Secondly, being content is a life lesson I’ve been working on and I’ve come a long, long way with that. Its a growing process for sure 🙂 And lastly, I’m sad that about 2 of my bridesmaids I really no longer talk to. It breaks my heart how things change like that–but I also kind of “knew” it was a risk. Bah. Oh well. You live and learn.
“Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.” This reminder came from my Dove chocolates. 🙂 I am the worst person because I constantly compare my life and things to others (ugh) so this candy wrapper had a good message for me. I put it on my bulletin board as a reminder. I have a wonderful little family, food to eat, clothes to wear and a roof over my head, and my husband and I have jobs. Its a lot more than many people have.
Thank you for writing this, Erin. I’m so glad God gave you these words. I’ve been struggling through this lately with all my friends getting married. I’m truly thrilled for them, even though there’s a part of me that’s sad it’s not my turn. God’s really been working on me about it.
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your feelings and heart.
Perfection may be your enemy but that was a perfect post! I love and appreciate your honesty, as I sometimes struggle with similar issues. You are a strong woman and you should take pride in that!
I think life is all about having a certain “frame of mind”. I do my absolute best to wake up each morning saying “It’s going to be a great day!” I try not to start the day off worrying or thinking about all that I’ve got to do. I can do it all with the best attitude I can have. Now… that’s not to say I don’t have bad days. I’ve got 2 little boys… some days are just exhausting and frustrating. My husband is in law enforcement…. some days I’m down to my last nerve with his job. BUT! ….. I’m a lucky lady with a great husband and two wonderful boys. I’m blessed with great family and surrounded by good friends.
Erin- I have been following your blog and twitter and I just have to say that this is my all time favorite post! So many people criticize me for being able to be genuinely happy for others and their accomplishments! It is a great attribute that you are able to do that- look at someone else’s positives and celebrate them! Thank you for writing this! I don’t feel as though I am alone for being genuine! 🙂
I definitely struggled with this when I was younger and all of my friends were getting married and I was still so, so, so single. I hated weddings partly because that’s just who I am but a big part of it was because I was jealous – not of the attention that they got for being a “bride” but because they were marrying men who loved them completely and totally…and I didn’t have that at the time. It wasn’t until I began dating my husband that I was able to be truly joyful for all my friends that were getting married and having children because I was finally content in my own life. Now that I lay it out there, it does sound a bit self-centered but that’s where I was in my life. But you’re right you can choose to be bitter or you can choose to be joyful. And sadly, sometimes the choice you SHOULD make is often the most difficult.
Great reminder today. Thanks for posting your thoughts!
I love this and you know I so completely agree! It is so easy to get stressed or even down about some things but then after I kick myself in the booty and remind myself (or Hubby sweetly reminds me :)) what is important and why, and Who is in control and what characteristics He has that I need to emanate, it definitely helps me get my priorities straight. And you are a great friend! 🙂 Xox
Great Post! I love friendships where this is the case. I have had and in some cases still have some “friends” where life is a competition it is like middle school. These relationships are draining and ultimately are the ones that fade with time. We should cherish our similarities and our differences that’s what make the world so great!
Thank you, Erin. You are a god send today.
I’m slowly learning that contentment and humility are so closely related. I’m struggling to rein in my shopaholic ways, which always makes me realize that I have serious issues with being content with what I have. I feel like I *need* a new outfit for every event or *have* to make special treats or gifts when it really isn’t necessary…and if it’s not in the budget then I need to just forget about it!
I just wanted to say I just got my first erin condren life planner for 2012!!
YAY and Thank you!!
How encouraging! I definitely have struggled with contentment as well- thanks!
I completely “get you” on this! Great post! Thanks for sharing. I know it’s not always easy to put your feelings out there like this.
Love Fracessca Batistelli! love the lines “Got a couple dents in my fender. Got a couple rips in my jeans” We are loved by Him despite our flaws. Amen to that!!
I can understand what you’re feeling. I struggle sometimes thinking that my life is “boring” because I’m now a married woman and not living the exciting single life of some of my friends or enjoying being a mom or…you get the picture.
It seems to me that through your words, you’re a great friend!
I could have written this…. funny how we all experience so many of the same emotions..
Just the other day I said to Andrew, “Ok, we’re married now. We have a baby. None of our friends have crossed either of those bridges yet and they have SO much to look forward to.” He looked at me and said, “So do we.” This post sums it up, and I am working on contentment each and every day.
LOVE this post!! And definitely a great reminder to the rest of us
That’s exactly what friendship is about! My friend went to Africa to work with an orphanage that some other friends of ours started, and while she was there she and her husband wanted to specifically bless the pastor and his wife. They lived in a hut and had no furniture. They took them to this furniture place and told them that they could buy whatever they wanted. The pastor and his wife picked out their new stuff and a truck delivered them back to the orphanage. When they returned the other workers saw the truck, and they immediately celebrated with every ounce of their beings for the pastor and his wife. They were dancing and shouting and weeping over their blessing. My friend said that she’d never seen that kind of love before in her life….
Beautiful post! Exactly the compassion and warmth that make your blog so lovely!
PERFECTLY WORDED, ERIN!! I know the saying that “misery loves company”, but I am not sure I have ever really understood it because like you, I love to hear the good news of others. I know since I had the miscarriage it has been very hard to hear of others having babies and announcing pregnancies, only because we are TTC and havent, and losing our baby has been SOOO HARD! But even through all of my emotions, I have been so happy for these other people. I wish more women were happy for each other, instead of the constant competition!
SO SO true! Thanks for this post as its something I need to work on a bit too. I find myself wishing for more when I am truly so thankful for all that I have.
I know you didn’t write this to brag about yourself, but you really are such a good friend. That really comes through.
This is a fantastic post! I think we all have our struggles with contentment! Thanks for reminding me how a “true” friend should act!! 🙂
I love this post my friend — I think that contentment and not comparing yourself to others is probably the biggest struggle for most woman — at least it is for me! 🙂
Great post! I agree with you…why choose bitterness? To me, it’s around the same boat as forgiveness. Holding a grudge and not forgiving only hurts you. Bitterness? Only hurts you.
You’re a wonderful friend! Great post, and I miss you! We need to have a puppy play date soon. xoxo
I absolutely love this post!!! And it’s so beautifully written. It’s so easy to become envious of someone else’s “green grass” instead of being happy for them or being happy for what we have.