*This is the post I wrote for Kat’s blog over at Living Like The Kings, but I thought I’d post it here to round out the week.
Stay-at-home-mom.
I stay at home during the day with my children. I am their daily childcare provider. But I am also their mom.
I spend my days with a 5-month-old and a 2 year old and they are my children. I don’t get paid, but it is my “job.” It is solely my responsibility. There isn’t a point during the day when I can take a break to do other things away from the house- unless I arrange for someone else to come take care of my kids.
One of the most common questions I get asked is “what do you do all day?” This one just makes me laugh. But the other most common question is, “how do you find the work/life balance when your work is your life?”
Women who work outside the home work all day and then come home and still have to work. I mean, work at home is also enjoyable and fun because we’re surrounded by precious people that we love.
Women who work at home work all day and then do the same job all night until it’s time to tuck the munchkins into bed.
So how do I find the balance? How do I set time aside that’s just for me? How do I find moments throughout the day to give my attention to something else? And what do I do with that time?
I am, by no means, an expert. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for just two years now, so I still have a lot to learn about the way I like things and there is always room for improvement.
In the beginning, I was a very Type A mom. I’m still a Type A mom, but I have relaxed so much and now I think I’m a pretty laid-back mom. I love a good schedule, but I’m also willing to take my schedule on the road. I learned that in order to stay sane and happy, our days needed to be similar, but they didn’t have to be exactly the same.
I put together a little list of my tips to achieve a good work/life balance as a SAHM:
1. Stay organized- I know, I know. I harp on this all the time on my blog. But, just like my kids like a good schedule, so do I. I am able to get so much more accomplished during the day when I’m organized. So I created my home organization notebook and my weekly chore chart. I know which chores need to happen on which specific day. I never do chores at night or on the weekend. And that’s okay, but that’s my time to relax with my family.
2. Have a good calendar- By staying organized and then managing my schedule, I’m able to get out and do the “extra” things that I need to get done outside the house for me and for my kids.
3. Get involved- I need interaction with other adults. So I got more involved with placements in the Junior League and work on those projects during nap time. This has me communicating with other women and attending meetings a few times a month. I’m also really involved in our church and that work and those friendships mean a lot to me.
4. Don’t stretch yourself too thin- The last thing I wanted to be doing was volunteering all day and night as a SAHM while I paid a babysitter to watch my kids. I’m a SAHM because I want to be at home with my kids. So don’t max out your schedule to the point where you resent the volunteer work you’re doing. The most important thing is to have energy and a great attitude for your children.
5. Find a hobby- Mine is blogging. It’s a great outlet for me to get my thoughts out there– and it allows me to communicate with lots of people. Maybe yours is running or cycling or scrapbooking. But find something that is yours!
6. Consider enrolling your child in Mother’s Day Out- Hudson goes four mornings a week now that he’s two. When he was one year old, he went two mornings per week. This allowed him so time with other children and he was able to learn from other adults, too. It also gave me time to run some errands without having to drag him along with me, which neither of us like very much.
7. Lean on your husband – When my husband gets home, he takes care of bath time for both kids. I am usually cleaning up the kitchen during this time, but he loves spending that time with his boys giving them their baths. Then when they’re both in bed, we can relax together to unwind before bed.
8. Make the most of nap time- Nap time is when I do my chores, blog and work on volunteer responsibilities. I don’t do these things while my kids are awake because I need to be playing with them. So when nap time comes around, I get moving! I’m usually able to get everything finished during this time, but sometimes I don’t and it just gets pushed to the next day.
9. Have realistic expectations- Being a SAHM is not a walk in the park, although we do take walks through parks every so often. It’s work. It’s challenging. You have the full responsibility of teaching, disciplining and nurturing your children all day every day. There are meltdowns and tantrums. There are plenty of days when we never leave the house. I rarely shower and I’m rarely dressed in anything I’m proud of. But if you know that going into it and you’re okay with it, then you’re all set!
I love having other responsibilities outside the home, but I never want any of those things to take away from my time with my kids. I don’t want to be pulled in a million different directions in the middle of the day when I need to be focusing on my kids. I also know that as a wife and mommy, I still need a little time to be myself.
What are your tips to achieving that balance?
I teach school, and I’ve found that on a lot of days I’m drained by the time I get home. It’s hard to ever find time for myself. I don’t necessarily think I work less in the summers and on breaks. I probably work more, but I feel like I have more time and energy to get things done at home. I don’t think there is an easy answer. As women we have to really work on carving out time for ourselves and not have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. I can imagine that being at home with two kids all day is exhausting . . . especially, since they’re both so young. I’m curious to hear what others have to say about balance (both the sahm and the working moms).
I really enjoy reading your posts. I’m not a stay at home mom. I’m a full time single working mom. So, in other ways, and a lot of the same ways, it can be so hard to catch a break or time for myself without sacrificing time with my child, or other responsibilities. I agree with you 100% on being organized, and not trying to take on too much. Being organized may take a little time, but saves you so much time in the end! And making sure I have enough one-on-one time for my child is always more important than adding another thing to the to-do list. Being a mom is still my #1 priority and favorite job! thanks for the great post.
I’m a new SAHM so I’m still working on this very issue. My problem right now is that my 3 month old girls have started this thing where they only nap for about 15-20 minutes at a time so it’s nearly impossible to get anything done.
Do you happen to have a post on your home organization notebook and weekly chore chart?
I also find that I’m much more confident in my “job” as a SAHM when I stay organized and know what I need to do next to keep everything going. I use the chore plan I posted about. But I’m also going to start using some of Georgia’s nap time for “me time” too. She’s only taking two naps a day, and the afternoon one isn’t very long. I’m going to start using some of the afternoon time when she’s fussy waiting for Daddy to get home to exercise. She and I can go for walks or runs in the stroller, and I also don’t *think* she will mind bouncing around in her Jumperoo while I do a 20 minute workout (in the same room, of course).
Maybe I will get better at it, but right now, I’m able to shower and/or do chores during her morning naps, but by the time the afternoon nap rolls around I’m exhausted and usually take a quick nap too!
I’ve been a SAHM for 3 years now and expecting out second son in February. I agree with all your tips would add that I am not my sons entertainment all day long. I do love to get on the floor and play, make art projects and take walks. BUT…I do want him to play on his own. When he is playing on his own, I have my down time. Computer, flip through a magazine, rotate laundry, do my make-up. There are days during nap that I want to rest also. Probably because I’m 6 months pregnant. During his lunch, I prep dinner and get as man chores done as possible. I put him down and enjoy a quiet lunch or catch up on my DVR. I then will read or rest. Routine and schedules are key to being a SAHM. Otherwise, I would go insane.
Love your blog;) I’m a mother of three babes 10, 5, and 3. I’m an L and D nurse 3 days a week. I’m a Scentsy consultant too. I have a great husband and great parents and in laws in town. I find I have a great balance 😉 I have lots of SAHM friends and lots or working mama friends;) Both groups have the same complaints which is funny! I take time for myself either blogging or just a simple nap will do;)
It’s not easy but I’m truly blessed ;))))
I work outside the home as a diplomat and am a “geographical single Mom” this year while my husband is serving in Pakistan. I think my saving graces are super organization (I plan menus for the week on Saturday and make sure I use my crock pot) and I make sure that everyday I take 15 minutes for myself (I read, call a friend to chat or watch 1/3 of a Good Wife episode, my current guilty pleasure). Oh, and for me 30 minutes of exercise from6-630 am are a total sanity saver. And most of all knowing that as Moms we are all doing our best, even on days that seem like disasters!
I have taken up hot yoga….it has helped me stay blanaced (literally) and keeps me excited all day long, and eager to go to the next class. Once the class is over, I feel ready to conquer anything. It’s time consuming–1.5 hours–so I have found that going to an early morning class before my husband (we’re married now!) goes to work has been awesome. I force myself to go twice a week at 6:15am, because I know if I don’t…i’ll be crabby all day. Great post!
ps-thank you 100 million times over for posting Tracy Turpen’s contest so many months ago. We had the most AMAZING time with them, and are so anxious to see the shots we got from our big day. They truly helped make our day magical, and if it wasn’t for you, I would have never met them! xo
Can’t agree more with staying organized!! That’s my number 1 in ALL areas of life
Well I don’t know that I have any tips, as I’ve only been a SAHM for less than 6 months now. But I will say that after missing all my kids’ “babyhoods” working 50+ hours a week, I am THANKFUL EVERY DAY for the opportunity to be with them all day now. It’s SUCH a blessing to not have to go to work every day anymore and put up with that aggravation, all the while just longing to be with my family. So I hope that as “messy” as it gets, SAHM’s will realize how lucky they are.
Good post topic! I will be staying at home full time in January and am already thinking of this “struggle” on how to find a balance when being at home is my job. Thanks for sharing!