When I was at the movies with friends the other day, I saw the trailer for the new Sarah Jessica Parker movie, “I Don’t Know How She Does It.”
It’s about a successful working mom who is trying to find the balance between her home life and her work life. And both of those lives are amazing.
Now, I’m not a working mother and I’ve never experienced motherhood while going to a job every day. I’m not going to pretend like I know the stresses of working mothers. But the whole theme of the movie really got to me and I can’t wait to see it. I’ve said it many times, but I am in constant awe of the mothers who have amazing careers and amazing home lives.
But even though I’m not a working mom, I’ve heard people ask me, “how do you do it all?”
I don’t feel like I do it all. I have volunteered as a nursery worker, I’m a Junior League member and enjoy having large responsibilities there, I’m a choir member, a blogger, a mom, a wife, a daughter, and friend. Sometimes I do feel stretched.
I have blogged many times about finding that balance. I’ve blogged about my fear of saying “no” and letting people down. I’ve blogged about my fear of losing my “talents” if I don’t use them. If I always say “no” will I miss being involved? But what if the involvement stresses me out and pulls me away from my family?
My goal every day when I’m at home is to treat our home environment as a fun, loving, learning environment. We don’t have a regimented schedule for Hudson every day, but he also doesn’t have the run of the house. I want him to learn while he’s here and get the benefits of a classroom setting until he goes back to preschool. I want him to learn to play alone and also have some play time and learning time with me. I want to establish independence, but also learn how to work with others and listen to others. I know that what he learns now is my responsibility.
(I feel sorry for Hudson when it comes time to learn any basic math skills besides counting. Hopefully he’ll pick up a lot of that at school! His mommy is seriously lacking in that area.)
I have a “goals” section of my home management notebook and it includes things that I want to accomplish daily like making beds, our laundry schedule, my quiet time, teaching Hudson and Hayes, going to the park or going for a walk, making dinner every night, cleaning a different room of the house every day. Then there’s the long-term goals section and it includes things like cleaning out the basement, organizing things for a garage sale, and cleaning out our closets. The lists just never seem to end and I know that the majority of these things are my responsibility because I choose to work in the home.
When I’m invited to lunch, people don’t always understand why I either (a.) can’t go or (b.) why I have to hire a babysitter if I want to go. Or why I can’t just run errands in the middle of the day for some volunteer work. News flash: shopping with a toddler and an infant is hard when you have help. It’s even harder when they’re both crammed into a buggy at the store and screaming. My work is at home. I honestly thought, and some may find this funny, that when I became a stay-at-home mom I would be able to get so much more done than I could before. I’ll let you all laugh now!
I love the beginning of the trailer for this movie where SJP’s character is going over her to-do list in her mind in the middle of the night. How many of us have been there? How many people are we trying to make happy every day while still trying to maintain happiness for ourselves?
I’m divided on that movie. I read the book and I found it incredibly depressing. SJP is one of my favorites. And last night I woke at 3AM in an absolute panic about how I was going to make room in the guest room for the new baby. Not to mention the dull and constant panic about having a second baby 21 months after the first one (any advice for me on that one?).
On being a working mom. I really liked how you were honest in your last post about staying at home and said that your salary as an event planner wouldn’t really cover childcare. I’m a corporate attorney, so for the opposite reason, it doesn’t make sense for me to stay home full time. No one seems to understand that, especially my husband’s friends. They always say things like “well of course you wish you could stay home,” which makes me feel terrible. I do wish I had more time with my daughter, but working part time and still making a substantial salary does have its benefits! Plus, it’s not like I throw my daughter out to the wolves when I’m at work. We had a sweet college-aged nanny when she was a baby and then put her in the absolute best daycare in town when she started toddling and needed more interaction.
I have to admit that being able to run solo errands during lunch or before I return to my responsibilities with my daughter does make motherhood easier. There is definitely a trade-off. Some things I think are busier, some things easier. I’m interviewing today for an even more part-time in-house position, which is like the holy grail of corporate attorney/mom jobs. Wish me luck!
I want to see that movie too!
I have a very similar goal list for my house, I just have it in my life planner instead of a binder. I have an 11 week old baby and I find it so hard to get stuff done, go out if I want to, do grocery shopping, etc. I honestly can’t imagine doing all of that AND working a full-time job. I really don’t know how people do that.
Erin- I love your honesty in these posts, even though I know you probably get your share of unfair comments as a result of them. I am a full-time working mom with my second on the way, and it definitely is hard. I’m blessed like the person above that my job is So good I really can’t leave it. That being said, I think the demands I put on myself every day would be just as large if I were to be home. The to do lists would be just as long, but they’d include different things. I’d still have to wait for the weekends to run all of my errands because I don’t want to tackle Target with two kids in tow. We’d still eat pizza one night a week because I couldn’t get the kids to let go of me long enough to cook. In the end I think you just do the best you can. And I find that wine doesn’t hurt 😉
Is it sad that I watched that trailer and sobbed? Something must be wrong with me! I seriously cannot wait to go see that. Thanks for the awesome post…as always!
Ah, the number one question. I work full-time as a junior high teacher/technology coordinator. For the past two years, I also was working towards my Master’s degree online. Going from work, to home life, to chat sessions, homework, etc. I honestly I don’t know how I survived raising Connor, working, and going to school. But I did. No matter what situation we are in, we always adjust and learn to thrive in it. It is human nature. No matter if you work, stay-at-home, or do both, there is always something easier/harder on the other side of the fence.
Luckily, since I teach, I get three months off in the summer. Going from work schedule to stay-at-home schedule and back again has been interesting to say the least! It is very hard to get anything done at home with Connor there!
I will say a great goal of mine throughout the week is to get most of the laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning done before Friday. Weekends are sacred since we both work and we like for it to be family/down time for us. I am glad we got into this rountine because it makes the weekends that much more special for our little family!
P.S. I follow you on Twitter but I am private. I would love if you sent a request so we could chat because I always want to respond to you but know you can’t see it so I don’t!
I want to see this movie SO badly! Being a working mother is VERY challenging some times. I hate how people ask me “oh, well when your husband is done with residency and making big bucks, are you going to stop working?” Since when are women not ALLOWED to have careers if they want to? I always answer “I went to law school for a reason and I plan to continue working.” BUT, I hate that I have to say it defensively. I truly believe that people are almost more supportive of stay-at-home Moms. I know that you probably get the “what do you even do with your day” comments, but if someone is a Mom, they KNOW what you do with your day. What people, even Moms have a hard time understanding, is why I would WANT to work. I, personally, find a joy in having a full-time job. It makes me happy and makes me a happier Mommy when I get to go pick my girl up from childcare. YES, it is challenging having to juggle it all and HAVING to plan meals a week ahead of time, but in the end, it always ends up ok.
That’s a rant there for ya. Sorry. I just wish people would be more supportive of others decisions. Leave other Moms alone!!! haha.
I’m going to skip the novel I could write about my time trying out full-time working mom, my SAHM time, my now-daily attempts to be a half-SAHM half-work-from-home mom and my inability to EVER feel like my to do lists are complete.
Instead, and we can blame this squarely on hormones if I feel like lying to myself, I’ll just mention that SJP saying, “Me without you and Ben and Emily is nothing!” brought me to tears. So true. I wouldn’t trade this crazy juggling act for anything in the world.
As someone who stayed home for a while and now works full time (atty as well – in good company here today!), either way has blessings and challenges. A mentor once told me: you can have it all, just not at the same time. There is truth in that, I think.
I love SJP and am looking forward to this movie! I gave my mom this book one year for Christmas, she was/is a corporate working mom, and I have no idea how she did everything for us. I’ve been a SAHM, a part-time working mom, and now a SAHM again! All the roles we play are hard and I wish I knew how to balance it all but I don’t. We do the best we can and love on our little ones as much as we can!
This is a good post and interesting topic.
Hi Erin,
I love these posts you do. I never used to comment on your blog (although I’ve read it for quite some time), but I can’t resist anymore – you are really speaking to me right now. I am not new to this Mom thing – my oldest daughter is 19, then I have sons who are 9, 6, and 1 – but I sure don’t have the hang of things yet. (Although I do have to add that my daughter is a true delight and my treasure in life, so I have tangible evidence of the fruits of all of this labor :)).
Anyhow, GOOD FOR YOU for writing what you think! I really appreciate it. I have been a Mommy all different ways. With my daughter, I was a full-time student and a part-time employee. When my oldest son came along and until my second son turned 4, I was self-employed as a scientific/medical editor. Then, I went back to work full-time, but I have the privilege of working from my home. Also in there somewhere I had my fourth child. I can see all points of view, but I do have to say that it is just the best thing to hear you talk about your own experiences without an ounce of judgement in your “voice.” I mean – really – don’t you think all of us women would rule the world if we could just LOVE ON EACH OTHER rather than HATE?
And you have posted before about breastfeeding. I have exclusively bottle-fed one child, breastfed+bottle-supplemented two kids, and breastfed exclusively with another. THEY ARE ALL EQUALLY HEALTHY AND HAPPY :). I am just trying to add to my point that we could all take a lesson from your posts – let’s support each other!
Really, I appreciate so much what you are doing. My only sadness about your blog is that I didn’t comment sooner. Sorry for the book :).
Have a great day!
Jenny
P.S. I am sorry to comment again, but I second Lindsey above about the Twitter chat. My Twitter ID is included on the form. I hope you can see it. Thank you 🙂
I just have to comment on this as I am SO struggling with this right now. I am pregnant with our first child (a boy) and due in late October. I have ALWAYS said that I would be a “working mom”. In my mind I could never see myself just “sitting” at home with my kid or kids. Now that I am faced with the reality, I am COMPLETELY torn. My husband and I are on the lower end of the income range I would say, and at this point in my career (as a legal assistant) I HATE my job. I took a new job in early February that had promise to be a great position for growth, found out I was pregnant a week before I was suppose to start, had a HORRIBLE first trimester, and the rest is history. I think that it is needless to say that I don’t think my boss likes me very much. What can I say I am unfortunatelt not on my A game and I would love to blame it all on this pregnancy. It truly hasnt been the best.
I love that all these moms are being so open and honest about their situations, and I Love reading about yours and theirs. Its so helpful. My biggest hangup is that I feel like not having a job, and not bringing in any income makes it an unfair partnership. I would feel like I wasnt contributing. But on the other hand working a job that I HATE, commuting two hours per day, and being away from my family a total of 11 hours per day is not exactly ideal. I am currently not able to contribute “emotionally” to my husband because I am constantly stressed, and always tired.
Gosh, I really could go on and on. Can’t tell what has been on my mind lately can ya! Anyway thanks to Erin and all the ladies for your honestly, It truly is helpful and refreshing!
I hated that book (it was very depressing as noted by an earlier commenter) but also love SJP, not sure yet if I’ll try to see that movie. I work outside the home and my sister is a SAHM (2 1/2 year old boy and almost 5 month old girl) – she and I both definitely see the challenges of both – neither are easy by any means! There are days I’m so sad to take my little guy to daycare and days she desperately wishes she could get out of the house. It seems for all of us we try to accomplish so much and beat ourselves up a lot when things aren’t perfect. At least I know I do! But honestly when I have 10 minutes of free time do I want to be cleaning or blogging? Hmmm…needless to say my house is usually messy! HA!
I think you hit the nail on the head! Choosing to be a stay-at-home mom means it’s best for mom and her little people to stay HOME most of the time. I don’t recommend becoming hermits (a change of scenery is good for everyone) but we should definitely know our limits and what will make for a smoother running home/family. Great post, Erin!
That looks fantastic! Even with my brand new home organization notebook I feel like I’m struggling every day…I’m the kind of person who needs a lot of sleep so I’m either tired all of the time and everything is done or I’m well rested and my to-do list keeps piling up!
Can’t wait to see the movie!!! And I think we are all constantly trying to find balance. I know I just blogged about it the other day…it’s never an easy task to master 🙂
I have done both. I have worked full time with a young child, and now I am a full time SAHM to a 10 year old and a 2 year old. They are both so hard! Neither is easier than the other! I applaud women who work full time and have amazing families. And I applaud the SAHM’s who do the same! We will ALL look back on these days and think, “How did we do it?” These years will be but a blip on a screen. Tear;(
Don’t sell yourself short. Any of you!
You ARE a working mother!!! Actually, it is redundant to say working mother. Being a mommy is hardwork.
I work outside of the home and the days I am by myself all day with my sweet little ones, I am always amazed at SAHM. I love being a mom, but it is so hard being at home all day.
Props to all of you! All moms are working moms!
Honestly- I worked when I had one child, and I was getting my MBA. Now with two I stay home, and I think it’s harder, and I thought that before Nathan was gone. I think about 50% of the reason it’s harder is just that people (and yourself!) have higher expectations because you’re a SAHM, but another reason it’s harder is just you don’t get any time away. When I worked, I could run a quick errand before I picked Manning up from daycare or get a lot of personal calls made on my lunch hour. Now, I get no lunch hour. Not to downplay working mothers, just saying that staying home can be just as challenging.
Thanks for being so honest, Erin. That’s what I like most about your blog; rather than sugar-coat things, you tell them like they are. I’m the mom of a five-year-old girl I adopted when she was a baby. I’m not married, so I work full-time out of necessity. As crazy as it can sometimes be to balance everything at times, I do the best I can. Yes, our house isn’t always as picked up as I’d like, and we’ve probably eaten more than our share of mac & cheese. Many nights, I am dead-dog tired by the time I crawl into bed, but I wouldn’t have it any other way; my daughter means the WORLD to me. I love reading your blog and hearing your point of view on things. It’s always interesting and always refreshing!
I’m reading that very book right now. And, this balance is one thing that scares me about becoming a mother. Some pretty big things have happened for me career-wise this year and I’m (at this point) reluctant to give that up. But, I also want to be the best mother ever to this little guy or gal. Hopefully, I can do both!
I’m a full-time working mommy. My job is too good (salary & benefits-wise) for me to leave. My family needs my income to function (gotta love living in California). It’s hard to balance it all and and not let the Mommy Guilt totally take over.
I usually run errands on my lunch hour, and can take care of personal matters without being disturbed by my inquisitive 3.5 year old, but a lot of things don’t get tended to at home as well due to it. The last thing I want to do when I come home is clean, do laundry, etc. so that stuff often gets neglected…and come the weekend I want to just focus on our family and do fun stuff.
My daughter attends preschool full time and I find that it offers her things that I could not if I was a SAHM. Her social skills rock and she is learning so many amazing things on a daily basis. For that, I am greatful. I never had experiences like that as a kid.
It’s hard finding a balance, but we all do what’s best for us. It’s definitely a challenge, but one I’m up for! 🙂
I always tell people I’m a full time mom and a full time teacher. I don’t always do “it” all or get “it” all right, but I try my best. My family obviously comes before my job, but I also think I have a very important job and a responsibility to do it well. I appreciate your honesty and that you give credit to both stay at home moms and working moms. I guess I get to do both, because I’m off a couple months a year. I cherish those months because I feel like I get a lot more accomplished than during the school year, and I get quality time with my son. I think I’m rambling, but my one pet peeve is when women who stay home say “it’s so much harder to stay at home than to work”. I don’t think either side of the coin is easy and both have their good days and their bad days. Anyway, you’ve never even remotely implied that, and I greatly appreciate that about you and your blog.
I don’t know how you do it! I don’t even have kids yet and I can’t get everything accomplished on my list. I think it takes a special person to stay home with their kids. It takes a lot of patience, organization, and dedication. I give you so much credit for all that you do with two kiddos. I’m very interested to see if my perspective changes once we have children. As of now, my work (teaching) is everything to me. I love it and I want to become an administrator some day. So I can’t imagine working. But I know when I hold my future child one day, everything will change.
The movie looks amazing! I’m very excited to see it!! And from a teacher, THANK YOU for spending the extra time with your kids teaching them letters, reading, manners, right from wrong, etc. As for math–question Hudson. If you ask him how many apple are on the table and he says three, ask him how he knows that. If you’re interested I have a great math book for parents on how to use math in their children’s everyday lives, but you may not need that until he’s older. 🙂
*can’t imagine NOT working….sorry!
Great post. I agree with some of the other commenters that the book wasn’t my favorite, but the trailer looks like a great chick flick!
As for motherhood. Well, I think the answer to this question is that it is hard to stay at home, work part time, or work full time. As mothers, we are all working around the clock to keep our families healthy and happy. After being at home with my baby the last 6 months, SAHM can be endlessly exhausting. But, now, working outside the home too, is exhausting as well (and very very hard to leave your baby with another caretaker). I got offered a short term contract that includes a nice salary and benefits, so we are trying it out – with my heart knowing I will try to be at home with him again full time next year! Mothering = constant struggle!
Whoa, this is the first time I’ve seen the trailer and it looks SO different than the book. The book was very good, but also very depressing. I’ll probably still see the movie though, it looks good! You should check out the book.
I also loooved the trailer and I actually have mixed feelings about the book. I bought it wanting an example of sorts, for myself, of what working with a baby could be like. (No kids yet but really want them, but also really afraid to try to figure out the juggling of work + kids). Anyway. The first time I read the book, I found it completely depressing like several others have commented; then I read it again and thought it was actually pretty good. So I’m really interested to see what the movie will be like.
I can’t wait to see this movie!!!! I feel like every mother can identify with her, even if they don’t work. You are so right…being a stay at home mom means you have WORK to do on the daily life for your family. I am with you 100% on going to lunch alone without the kids. People always say, “Oh just bring her along!” Ok, yeah its fun for YOU, but if I’m going to go out to lunch and spend money on a salmon salad, I would like to eat it slowly without having to do 500 other things like feed my baby, give her water, entertain her, try to have an adult conversation etc etc. Ha…sorry, but I just had to rant about that! We spend most of our days at home or at the park. Period. Thanks for this post! The balancing act…
I can’t wait to see that! I’m a stay at home mom and I KNOW that I could never work outside the home and keep it together. It’s soooo hard and I only have one little one! My husband works WAY TOO MUCH so I’m pretty much required to be at home….and I love it….even though some days are soooo crazy. And, some days I think I would love to go back to work. But that would require leaving my little one…and I just can’t do it 🙂
I love SJP! I can’t wait to see it too! Yes, I can’t imagine either how a full-time working mom can get it all done. I’ve been a SAHM for 2 years now, with 2 daughters under age of 3, and I find myself being unhappy, frustrated, more than happy. I’ve had some dark days which made me think I have depression, but now I feel I’m not alone at all and that it’s all apart of the process of being a mom. I find my days actually getting easier now that my youngest is 10 months. I don’t have too much help, so I’ve been feeling so trapped at home since my baby needs to nap so much those first 7-8 months. Even with two naps now, I feel I only have about 2 hours a day max to do things outside with my two girls, whether it’s running errands or going to the playground with them. However, it’s a lot better than before. But yes, the to-do list is never ending… that’s why I don’t know how mom bloggers can fit it all in!!
PLEASE! You had me at Pierce and ,Craig and Sarah . I can’t wait to see that gem!
The book was pretty good too. I am looking forward to the movie.
Apparently I’ve been living under a rock (aka my DVR!?) because I haven’t heard of the book or the movie. After watching the trailer and reading this post I’m excited for the movie. I’m with a couple of the other commenters I think I might find myself in tears. But I do love SJP and her narration! Overall, great post my friend!
I haven’t read that book but I need to. The movie looks adorable!
That movie looks awesome!
Have you read the book? I absolutely loved it–very entertaining but also thought provoking. I think SJP will be a great fit for the film!
I am so psyched to see this movie! I am 25 and just graduated law school and am honestly terrified of what life is going to be like attempting to balance my career and (one day, hopefully not too far off!) being a wife and mom.
I’m curious if TC has any female lawyer colleagues who are also moms?