My mom has always used a saying with me. She says, “No one can make you feel guilty without your permission.” And today’s post is all about that. I don’t have a reason to feel guilty and I’m not going to let myself feel guilty.
Yesterday, my friend Megan wrote a great post that I think all moms should read. She and I had a conversation this weekend and we were both doing lots of venting about the way moms are treated by other moms for their decisions.
And a couple of years ago, I wrote this post about being able to stay at home with Hudson and now Hayes.
Before I start, I want to acknowledge that about 90% of my blog posts are parenting posts. But they are my parenting posts about my children and my experiences. They are not advice posts. If someone asks me how I do things and I write a post on it, it’s not me handing out advice. I’m not a doctor, a nurse, a psychologist, or certified in any kind of early childhood development. I am a mother. And now I can say I’m a mother of two, and the road I’m going down with Hayes has been traveled before with Hudson. So I feel qualified to share what worked for my children on my blog.
Since becoming a mom, I’ve felt more judgment than I ever have in my whole life. And I think that most moms can say the same thing. The mommy wars are worse than ever. From how you feed your baby to whether or not you work outside the home. From how long your baby sleeps and where your baby sleeps to using cloth or disposable diapers. Mothers (and fathers) have so many choices to make and some of those choices come naturally and some require a little bit of research before we decide how exactly we want to try to do things.
In many cases it’s just a guessing game. We survive and we move from one day to the next. Some days you may have the most content baby in the world and the next day the same baby may not be able to get comfortable and fusses all day long. And those days can confuse the heck out of you. Some days your toddler is hilarious and sweet and cooperative and the next day he is hitting you on the head with a book and blowing spit bubbles in your face at church. And you know you didn’t teach him either of those things.
So in the last 35 months (35 months ago I found out I was pregnant with Hudson), I have had to make some decisions. And at some point or another, I was made to feel like I had to defend those decisions.
For my children!
Why does anyone care?
But I’m taking my mom’s advice and not giving anyone the permission to make me feel guilty about any of these things.
My faith in Jesus Christ: And pretty much anything that comes along with that. I love the Lord and I’m not going to quiet my excitement because I’m worried about offending someone. I’m going to share His love with my kids and pray that at some point in their lives they will invite Jesus to live in their hearts.
Formula feeding: I tried breast feeding both of my babies. They were both very large babies. And because of some surgery I had six years ago, breast feeding didn’t come super easily to me. Both of my boys lost a whole lot of weight in their first weeks. And no matter how many times I visited the lactation consultant, they didn’t gain weight until they started taking formula. Daily weight checks for the first two weeks of their lives were miserable and frustrating and sad. I was starving my children and THAT will make you feel some guilt. So I made a quick decision to feed them in a way where I knew they would be satisfied in a way that I obviously could not satisfy them. And they’ve thrived and I am so thankful that formula is an option. I am so thankful that we have options for how our children can be fed and that we can provide for our kids. I truly think it is a real accomplishment when a mom can breast feed her child for any period longer than I did! I know how hard it is and I think it’s remarkable that women can do it for so long.
Being a stay-at-home mom: I know some amazing moms that work and I know some amazing moms that stay home. This is a personal choice. But for me, personally, my previous job as an event planner couldn’t pay me enough for me to stay and be able to pay for day care. I was 8 months pregnant when I had just been told I was going to have to be teaching two classes for no additional pay. And I wasn’t happy with the job to begin with. Our family has had to make sacrifices for me to stay at home and it has never been easy. But just because I stay home, that doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to complain about a bad day– because we all have bad days. There may be a day that I go back to work if there is a job that excites me and pays enough for us to make it work. I have friends who absolutely love their jobs and are so happy to have jobs that they love. And I get really excited for them, because that was always my “dream.” I wanted the “best of both worlds” and wanted a job I loved and I wanted to have a family. But now that I’m at home, I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. I love my job now and am so happy to be with the two sweetest guys on the planet every day!
Having a life: I do volunteer a lot and I am involved in some things in the community and at church. And those things help me keep perspective. And they help me stay “me.” I’m able to use my creativity and I’m able to serve and give back in ways that I couldn’t do if I didn’t get out and do them. Those responsibilities do take me away from my family for a few hours a week, but I think it’s good to have some time away.
Saying no: I also recognize that I can’t do everything and there is a limit to how far I’m willing to stretch. I can’t please everyone and, frankly, there are some volunteer roles that just aren’t right for me. And sometimes I just know that I can’t commit to being away from my family for any other additional responsibilities.
Choosing an epidural and then a c-section: I had an epidural when I was induced with Hudson after I was criticized for wanting a c-section. I didn’t want to have a natural childbirth and I didn’t even have a birth plan. I was very “hands off” when it came to how Hudson was going to enter the world. Then I had an elective c-section with Hayes and got the, “you do NOT want a c-section” talk from quite a few people. I knew I wanted and needed a c-section and it was the best choice I could have made for myself. How our babies enter the world shouldn’t matter to anyone else at all.
Sleep training: I do it and it worked out well for us. I don’t care at all what other people choose to do or choose not to do. It’s none of my business.
Not having all the answers and looking for help: I read parenting books. I do have instincts, of course, but I am also very interested in information. And I, personally, like having the information available to me so I can decide how I’d like to use the information. I’ve read some bad parenting books and some great parenting books. And I also turn to the Bible and to prayer for a lot of parenting decisions. I don’t have all the answers.
Telling the true stories about my family: This is my family and I choose to blog. I do put it out there. And it’s not fabricated or glossed over. I don’t tell all the stories about our arguments and misunderstandings because I owe my family members some level of privacy. But I tell the truth here.
Parenting my children my way: These are the choices that I am privileged to get to make as a mother. And I am proud of them. And sometimes I make a choice and realize it wasn’t the best one and then I can go back and correct it. But my kids are happy and healthy and I’m very grateful to be their mother. And I will tend to them and not focus on the way another mother is doing things. I pray, pray, pray that I never cause a mother to feel any kind of guilt for her decisions. Because just as I’m entitled to make my own choices, so is she. She has that privilege and shouldn’t be judged for it.
Thanks for this. I am not looking to have a baby all that soon (much to my husbands disappointment) but I am glad you wrote this. I have already decided that when the time comes I want to have a c-section and it is already kind of controversial in my family, especially in a blogsphere full on natural (medication free) births and cloth diapers. It is a personal decision. It is about one mother and one baby (and Dad too) and that is it. Too many people think they have the right to interject their opinions in how you handle that sort of very personal matter.
Awesome post- so true. I put my child to sleep by 8pm, if you want to put yours down at 11pm fine, but don’t call me strict and rigid. Moms need to befriend each other and support each other….not put each other down.
Love your blog!!!
As a working mom, I couldn’t agree more. I could go on and on about how we all make sacrifices. It’s part of being a mom. Instead, I’m just going to say you hit the nail on the head.
Great post. I too have found myself being more judgmental since becoming a mom. I think a lot of it is jealousy! Even if deep down, you don’t even really want what someone else has! I’m sort of jealous of stay at home moms, but I truly do like working and think my family is happier this way… so why am I jealous? I’m really trying harder not to judge people for their choices and try not to feel guilty for the choices I’ve made! Thanks for the reminder 🙂
i went in knowing i wanted a c-section and was thrilled when my dr finally offered it to me. do NOT feel bad for that one!! 🙂
maybe it’s because I’ve gotten a chance to know you “in real life” and I can’t imagine anyone NOT liking you. maybe it’s because I can’t imagine another woman let alone another MOTHER judging another mother on how she chooses to rear her children. or maybe its just the fact that I was raised in the South where it’s just plan RUDE to be outright and blatantly mean to someone. especially when you are able to do it behind the veil of a comment of a blog. but I get so irate when I see these comments on your blog of people aruguing with your posts, for sometimes what I feel, are arguing, just for the sake of arguing with you! these people clearly need to get a hobby. I think you are a fantastic mother, phenominal philanthropist (and if they have any doubt they need to come check out the HM decor this year for sure) and a courageous Christian woman. keep doing what you’re doing chick….there are so many of us that admire you!!!!
xoxoxo….C
Amen, sister. Great post. I am a working mom and feel absolutely the same way…folks judge no matter what!
What a great post!!!! kudos to you for being honest and saying it how it is. Even though we appear to be different mothers, I appreciate your honesty and standing up for your beliefs and your family, because it works for YOU and that’s all that should matter. I love your blog and enjoy reading it every day!!!
I always appreciate the wisdom you have to offer on parenting. I don’t always make the same decisions, but that’s the beauty of sharing! We all have different experiences. And I love being able to see what others are going through to make sure I’m making the right decision for MY family. Thank you for always sharing!
Beautifully written!! I agree, that the mommy wars are the worse and I hate the idea of getting pulled into them….with children come choices and we all make choices the best way we know how and equip ourselves with the knowledge that we deem necessary. I love your blog and your stories….I hope as a mother I can encourage others that there is no “right” product or method that breaks down parenting to a checklist. I think you are a great mom and this post made me feel better today 🙂 Thank you!!
I absolutely LOVE your posts…you’re so real and down-to-earth, which is why your blog is so popular. I have seen so many blogs where moms try to put on airs, and knowing them in “real life” they couldn’t be any more different from their blog portrayals…This really hits home, and you’re an excellent role model for all moms. Keep up the great work, girl! I’ve got your back! 🙂
Best. Post. Ever. Couldn’t agree more with what you have said.
Great post! I admire your steadfastness and ability to not let the judgement and criticism get you down. From my friends who are mothers, I know that parenting criticism is the worst and I’ve never been able to understand why people think they can tell other mothers and fathers what to do. Every person is different; every family is different. Stick to your guns and do what feels right for you- which is what you’re doing 🙂 You’re a great mom and I don’t think anyone who reads your blog can argue that you have two happy, smiley boys!
I just wrote a rant on this very thing a couple of weeks ago after I read someone who wrote something about children being “out of it” if you have an epidural. What you do is right for your family, and what I do is right for my family. Our kids are healthy and happy, and that’s what counts! I appreciate your honesty in your posts and, whether or not we do things the same, we can always learn from different perspectives.
Oh my gosh, I wrote a very similar post this morning! Being a Mom is tough! Who knew that so many people had so many OPINIONS on the correct way to parent 🙂
I’m with you girl!
( I’m going to add you to the end of my post to send people your way, your post made me feel so much better!)
What a wonderful post! I’ve only been a mom for 2 weeks, and I’m always seeking advice. You’re so right-people are constantly wanting to force their opinions on you as a mom, but we’ve got to go with what works for our families. I love reading all of your posts, and look to you for guidance. I’ve never been a mom before, and I enjoy taking ideas from you. If they don’t work for my baby, so what? I’ll try something else. But I appreciate having a positive, Christian mommy role model. Thank you!
Great post Erin! I always wonder what kind of potential we all have and are missing out on because of female jealousy and judgement. We are all more alike than we are different and it is sad the way women judge each other and tear each other down. I’ve had quite a few “female” corrective surgeries and the only way I will be able to give birth is via c-section, and I am a-okay with that…but I am already dreading the judgey opinions of other based on a decision that isn’t even mine to make. How crazy is that?!
Thanks for the post Erin, I really dig the positivity!
You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything! You do what is best for yourself and your family and how an outsider is in a position to judge the choices you make is beyond me.
I will say that in some ways you get to “know” someone through their blog. Maybe that is why people feel compelled to give you advice/feedback (even if un-welcomed) from time to time? Who knows though, people can certainly be strange when they have a strong opinion on something.
You seem like a wonderful wife, mother, and friend and I really enjoy your blog!
Great post, Erin! Have a great week with your sweet boys!
These are such good points. Women really shouldn’t judge each other. I think I read once a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt where she said “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
Ha- I’m not a mom yet (well, technically), but I have already experienced the c-section judging. Medical necessity people, and none of your business regardless!
Anyway, great post friend! Love you!
As always, I love your post. I decided to have a c-section with both of my children and I wouldn’t change it for anything. It was the right thing for me and that’s all that mattered to me. I agree totally with everything you said!!!! Again…..love your post!!! xoxo sd
I too had a c-section and wouldn’t have had it any other way! If, and that’s a BIG if, we have another baby I’ll be doing the same. Good for you for not making excuses for your decisions on your family!
I totally agree and really don’t understand how people think attacking and judging is going to sway a person’s opinion. The only acceptable reason for interfering with another person’s decisions is out of concern for their well being but attacking them will only cause hurt, not change. We can’t all be the same and do things in the same manner, it is unrealistic. I’m glad you are choosing not to feel guilty because, you have no reason to. These judgemental people should spend their time campaigning for real issues if they are truly this desperate for a cause, not making a stink over what kind of diapers a baby poops in.
i agree again on all your points. thank god i dont blog, i dont know how some of you deal with it. BTW, i saw your tweet about the cradle cap, my pedi recommended neutragena T-gel shampoo. after 2 shampoos it was gone. just be careful to not get it in his eyes!
Amen Sister!!
You are so right about being a stay at home mum. The day after I gave birth to Ché I had friends of the family asking me when I was going back to work – I had just given birth !! and quite a few of those family friends were women who had never worked.
I’ve been in employment since I was 18 years old. This is my time to spend how I want with my child.
I ‘m gonna worry about work when he starts school.
You’re doing a great job hon. Love reading your blogs – you keep me sane !
Great, great post Erin. You know how I feel. I especially loved the faith part. I don’t know when Christians developed this mentality that our faith should be private for fear of offending someone. The Bible clearly calls us to live it out loud! No more apologies! XO
Thank you for writing this on behalf of all of us moms out there. It’s not an easy job and why should it be made more difficult by being second guessed by other MOMS. I received a comment that said in summary – what you are doing is wrong, but “I’m sure you’re doing your best”. Uhhh, yeah! Isn’t that all we could ever ask for is to do our best and learn from our mistakes?
Great post!
I also have a big baby, he was almost 10lbs at birth. I do breastfeed him, but he eats every 1.5-2 hours due to needing so many calories because he’s so big. It can be difficult at times, but I’m happy to be able to nurse him. That being said, I wanted to quit 500 times and give him formula, and if I chose to do that, it would have been OK. Formula is not poison like some people try to say it is, and there’s nothing wrong with using it.
I had an epidural and it was wonderful. There was no way in hell I was pushing out an almost 10lb baby with no drugs. I was also very “hands off” when Landon was born. My birth plan was “epidural ASAP and get the baby out in the safest way possible.” If a c-section was the way, fine. In this case it wasn’t, but if I had to have on in the future, I would be fine with it. Nothing wrong with an elective one either, especially after a tough first birth!
Thank you so much for this blog post!!! Currently, my husband and i are trying to have a baby. Your blog has really helped me to be comfortable in my decisions about raising babies and all that entails!! Thank you for your honesty and for being frim in your decisions!! Also, thank you for being a Godly Woman and someone others can look up to!!
I think your blog is lovely, and shame on whoever is making you feel bad for your parenting decisions. We don’t have children yet, but as the day of starting a family gets even closer, I’m trying to take in as much information and opinion as possible. Thank for your always being so honest. I’d love to hear more about your birth choices, as I’m not totally on board with this “au natural” trend that plagues blogs these days. Again, thanks for being so transparent. It helps a lot!
Ugh, the mom-petition drives me crazy. I hate feeling like I need to defend my choices, especially my choice to go back to work. My least favorite thing is when some moms imply that it’s more Christian to stay at home. Seriously?! That kind of thinking is what perpetuates the stereotype of the hypocritical/judgmental Christian.
And you know the formula feeding vs. b*reast feeding drives me insane, especially the “b*reast is best!” nazis. Best? Really? For whom? It wasn’t for my baby. He was formula-fed, and I have zero guilt about it now because he literally couldn’t be healthier. Baby-feeding trends are cyclical. Who in the world can guarantee that in 50 years, we won’t be reading differently? Leave me alone! Geez. Everyone’s an “expert.”
Let’s all give each other a break. When you put strong opinions out there, you’re going to get strong opinions in return … and that fuels these disgusting mom wars. Didn’t our mamas teach us that sometimes, it’s best to keep your opinion to yourself? That’s time-honored advice.
This is part of the reason I don’t maintain or promote a public blog. I feel like being a mom is hard enough without putting every detail out there for the whole sea of mom sharks to judge you. Kudos to you for having the thick skin – and energy – to do it. It seems like a tough, tough gig. :/ Hang in there!!
And maybe just to keep us sane we can find a little humor in the mom wars. Author Celia Rivenbark wrote a hilarious chapter in one of her books about the competition for the best Christmas card. I’ll see if I can find it online for you. Sometimes, sad as it is, you just have to laugh, shake your head and shake it off.
I read that post rom your friend yesterday when you tweeted it. I sat there thinking, “YES!” It has made me feel guilty in the past when other moms say things to me about my choices or things we’re doing or trying. When all I’m doing is trying the best I can. I really don’t see how it is any one else’s business what we’re doing.
On a really positive note: I was at my wits end and I got the Mom’s on Call seminar. My son has really responded well. His naps are finally longer than 40 minutes. He was waking several times per night and last night we let him cry it out. He only whined for 20 min and went to sleep. Now he sleeps 12.5 hrs per night! I’m finally getting sleep. Sleep I needed to be a better mom. Thanks for letting me know about it. I’d have never found it otherwise.
Another great post Erin! I always wanted a csection too. Our situation ended up with an emergency one. But I always knew a section was best for me.
I’ve been reading your blog for well over a year and have just enjoyed it for its content and your voice. I’ve never felt compelled to comment before – however I feel that i must do so today. As a mom of a 25 and a 20 year old, I’ve experienced many situations where someone felt that they needed to share their .02 – some welcomed & a lot NOT welcomed. In the most polite way that i can say it, PUH-LEEZE take those judgemental comments when you read them and file them under ignorance and/or misery. I realize that the anonymity of the internet coupled with small mindedness really send some over the edge and give them a false sense of entitlement and importance…. Best yet Erin, because you are the Christian that you are – send a small prayer up for these folks – they need it! Use their actions as continued motivation to keep on doing what you are doing lady! Let their words be the dirt under your feet as continue to walk YOUR path in life.
Good for you – what a great and important post for all women to read. I’m not a parent (unless you count two crazy cocker spaniels), but I have seen the vast majority of my mommy friends struggle with many of these issues. For the life of me, I cannot understand why once you are expecting, some women feel it’s their right to give you unsolicited advice, judge your choices, touch your tummy (!!), or treat you as if you don’t know what’s best for your body and your child!
Beyond that, I think us women need to work on being less critical of other women – we’d all be so much better off if we supported and lifted up our friends, coworkers, etc. All (well, most 🙂 ) women rock and we should embrace that!
I found the link to the Celia Rivenbark article I was talking about. 🙂 It’s from “We’re Just Like You Only Prettier” and it’s the “Chuck E. Cheese” story. Hilarious take on the “mom wars.” See if this link works. I promise you will laugh!!
http://books.google.com/books?id=Prs5Na_3T7gC&lpg=PA56&ots=FeCgc2UHoh&dq=celia%20rivenbark%20christmas%20card&pg=PA51#v=onepage&q&f=false
Thank You for this post Erin! I am 4 months pregnant and have been feeling the judgement from Day 1! The first pregnancy class, I attended PUSHED breastfeeding and did not even cover bottle feeding. I left there feeling like I would be a terrible mom if I decided to formula feed.
I have my Bachelors in Nursing and know the benefits of breast feeding. I think it is riduculous the stigma and judgement others place on how you choose to feed your baby. I may breast feed for 2 weeks or 1 year! I will not know until the baby gets here and we decide what works for our family.
Pain control is another area, I have been feeling the judgement. I am not opposed to an epidural. Once again, until I am in the situation, I will not know what is going to happen.
I wish as moms we would stop beating each other up for our personal decisions and start supporting one another.
Awesome post! Thank you for writing it!
We go to a church where there are a LOTof homeschool families. I also know some people apart from my church that homeschool. Maybe it’s just the people I know, but they are by far (not all of them but a large %) the most judgmental group of people I have met. It’s like, “If you don’t homeschool you are a sinner, and you are raising heathen kids!” It makes me so furious! As you so eloquently spoke, I will send my child to school (and PUBLIC at that!), and you can homeschool your child/children. Please don’t JUDGE me for the choice that my husband and I have prayed over and made for OUR child. What we do is NOT your business! Don’t try to push your beliefs over on me! It cracks me up because my GOD will convict me if need be of ANYTHING that I may need to change or MODIFY in the future! I don’t need another SINFUL human being trying to do that for me! Love your post!
Love this post so much. I’m not a mom yet, but am already terrified of the backlash from others {even certain family members} when they don’t agree with some of my parenting decisions. Will definitely be bookmarking this as inspiration for the future. 🙂
I’m not a mom yet but have seen & heard some of the terrible judgements & comments made between moms. I can also relate to your post on a different level…thank you! I’ve struggled with letting go of old friendships that no longer fulfill me–friendships that have run their course or friendships that aren’t healthy anymore. I got together with some of these friends this past weekend to celebrate a life change/new job for one that I do still hold dear & was made to feel guilty by the others for the decisions I’ve made in my life (my marriage, my faith, my family or lack thereof right now, new friendships I’ve formed, etc.). Your post reminded me what my mom always told me–“you should make no apologies for your own feelings & the decisions you make for yourself!” No apologies, no guilt!! Thanks again for this post!! 🙂 And for the record, I don’t know you personally, but I think (from reading your posts) you’re a great mom & I admire your strength, faith in the Lord, determination to be the best mom for your boys/wife to your hubby & honesty!
I can relate so much to this, and I’m so thankful that you posted. It makes me feel not so alone when I get unwarranted “feedback” on the choices I’ve made for my new family.
I adore your blog and your honesty!! Just wanted to say that!
Totally agree! And totally agreed with Megan’s post yesterday too! I don’t get the whole mom vs. mom debates. We’re all just… moms. Why does there have to be so much competition? We all do things differently and I could care less if the mom next door is breastfeeding or formula feeding and if she sleeps with her baby at night. If we’d all learn to just be accepting of others, this world would be a much better place.
I love your blog and your honesty is refreshing. I was so impressed by your vlog yesterday!! Keep doing YOU GIRL!!
Great post. I admire your conviction and agree with every word!
I’m not a mom yet but I agree that others shouldn’t make you feel guilty. People come to your blog to read about you and your family. If they choose to judge, they should simply just not read. Keep writing and being truthful because it’s reaching many more people in a positive way than the few Aholes that turn it negative.
What a fabulous post! So great! Love your honesty and that you are staying true to what you believe!! You are an inspiration!
Love this and love you! It makes me so sad to see how many commenters seem to have been heckled as well. Even if the haters don’t stop, just know you’ve got tons of supporters! Xoxo
WOW! Great post…..I just started reading your blog a few weeks ago but this is my favorite post.
Thanks for this! I feel like I struggle every day with the decisions I make… and working or not working is definitely one at the top of my list! I don’t feel that people are judging me about my decisions (at least not yet)… more that I’m judging myself or second-guessing things. I just pray that God will show me what’s best for our family. By the way, I saw you and Todd on the Shandon commercial last night! 🙂
I have loved reading your blog ever since you were pregnant with Hudson. I think it’s just as real as it can get, and it honestly makes me sick that people are rude enough to be as judgemental as they are. I’ve got 2 girls myself, and I can relate to the “Mommy Wars” all too well. People I have to deal with on a daily basis who try and one-up other moms- whose kid has the cutest outfit, whose kid eats the “right” food, and on and ON AND ON! I get that being around people like that are just part of it, but I will never understand people leaving rude blog comments… If they don’t like it, no one is making them read! Just because there is a “Comments” section, that does not mean anybody wants their unsolicited criticism. I LOVE reading other Mom blogs because it mostly just lets me know that I’m not alone with the daily struggles! I would hate for any of my favorite bloggers to quit blogging because of all the negativity. Go away, blog trolls! lol.
Thank you so much for this post and the link to your friend’s. I can’t even blame these wars completely on mothers…women are hard on mothers. As someone who bottle-fed, teaches, cried it out, and said “Yes, please” for an epidural, I know all too well. I was disgusted that a Facebook post by Babies R Us about bottles turned into a war this weekend. Disgusted, but not surprised. This is your blog and your method of recording your life. Of course your opinions and choices are a part of that. I commend you for always phrasing it in a way that reflects that those choices are best for your family, not every family. Motherhood is my hardest job yet, and many of those decisions I made involved worry, tears, and sleepless nights, and I think a lot of that was because of the backlash I could receive. It feels good now to feel good about doing what’s right for us. I love to take your tips, tricks, and stories, and mold them into what’s best in my family. Thanks for you honesty.
Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world and no one should criticize the decisions that anyone makes. You do what is right for YOUR child and YOUR family.
I actually had a colleague criticize my return to work, telling me that I should take more time off and she can show me how to beat the system because she has done it three times (we are teachers). I told her “No, thank you” because it is none of her business the decisions that my husband and I make. Apparently, she is taking a year of leave to, as she put it, “be a real mom.” That was a slap in my face.
We are all moms, regardless of whether we work or don’t work. I love how open and honest you were in this entry. Thank you for posting this!
I should also mention that I go by the rules and don’t ever want to try to “beat the system.” I forgot to write that above!
I just started following your blog a few days ago…I really enjoy reading it. Keep up the good work. You write everything I am actually thinking and it feels good to know others are out there like me!You are a beautiful person doing the best you can and I love it that you put it all out there for people like me to read. I pray and hope that unwanted comments don’t take your desire away to speak freely on your blog. 🙂
This is SUCH a great post!!! I am in the same boat – the glares I would get in public when I would give my son a bottle of formula… I was like, you don’t even know the whole story!! I actually wrote a similar post a few days ago about how you have to be the best version of YOU to be the best mother you can be. And everyone takes a different path to get there. Thank you for your honesty and reminder for us mothers not to judge each other – motherhood is a hard enough job as it is!! 🙂
I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said, but I wanted to let you know how much I agree with this post. It’s so encouraging to see all the comments you got from other people feeling the same way!
AMEN! Awesome post. I understand exactly what you mean because even since I had my daughter (only 4 months ago), I feel that I have to justify my parenting choices…which is CRAZY! I am her mother and I would NEVER do anything but what is best for her. I think every mom has a different way of doing things, and that is perfectly fine. The most important thing of all is that our babies are happy and healthy!
Thank You for this post!! I find it just plain awful the way people judge you the minute you become pregnant. It’s as if you have this big sign on you that says “please give me all the unwanted advice and bias you have” So not right! I couldn’t breastfeed, I pumped for 6 months while also supplementing with formula. The first time I had to buy formula at the store I got death glares from other women….I just wish one of them had the nerve to ask me why I was buying formula so that I could tell them how my son was in the hospital for 18 days after his birth and then had a cows milk protein and corn startch allergy which is why I had to spend $10 a bottle on ready to feed formula that maybe lasted me a day!
As much as I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, I wish right now that there was a huge “like” button for this post. Mommy Wars are insane and just downright mean. So thank you for this very honest post that any mom (if they are being honest with themselves) can understand.
Well I agree with this post 100%. I’ve read several posts on this subject lately. Has really made me stop and think about what comes out of my mouth in response to others. Makes me sad to think the first thing out of someone’s mouth is judgement/criticism instead of encouragement/love. One of my friends on FB pointed out yesterday that she sees a recurring theme on her newsfeed. Women tearing down other women. If those that tear down others could only see, they are being used by the enemy to tear down another daughter of the King. She put it well…don’t let him use you…guard your heart and mind, and shut your mouth. 🙂
I love your heart, friend. You’re a wonderful mother to those two cuties.
Absolutely, perfectly said; I could NOT agree more! 🙂
Maybe as mothers we criticize/judge other mothers because we feel we need to justify our own decisions/choices when it comes to parenting? And maybe there is some envy/jealousy that also plays into the judgments? I’m not saying it’s right, but I would bet it has a lot to do with the judgments.
And when a mother says, “Well, who cares what those breastfeeding/natural nazi-mothers are saying, I’m choosing (had to choose) x, y, z…” for example, a judgment is being made just in that statement. Because we do care a little bit. We want to think that we made the best choice, and it is nice to have that confirmation…whether we admit to it or not.
I would be lying if I said I hadn’t made a judgment about another mother’s choices. But what I have learned is that if I take the time to talk to that mother and get to know her story, then those judgments quickly fade into empathy and support.
I think it is important, however, that mother’s keep an open dialogue about the variety of choices there are to be made with parenting. We can all learn something from each other’s challenges, and perhaps, find something new to try when what we’re doing isn’t quite working (i.e. sleeping, feeding, napping…).
And disagreeing with one isn’t necessarily making a judgment. It’s putting another perspective out there. And I know it has helped me to talk to mothers who have differing opinions on certain mothering “hot topics” as I try to navigate my way through what is going to work best for my child and family.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your post and how good it makes me feel…I’m going to write a post, and I’m going to reference your post, if you don’t mind, because I had a terrible experience last week, and I was made to feel like a terrible mother because of the decisions that I made, and I just cried and cried, because I felt so guilty and so badly. Then, I had a couple of other mothers reach out to me and help me see that they were just criticizing me and were probably jealous. So, I did things my way, and it worked for my little boy. Anyways, I can’t tell you how this made me feel today. Thanks!
I love this. It’s nice to be reminded that our choices are just that, OURS, and we don’t have to justify that to anyone else. For me, it’s also a reminder to choose my words thoughtfully when talking to other parents. Sometimes I get so excited by what worked well for me, that I might come off as preachy to someone else while trying to just share my excitement. I’d hate to think that I made someone else feel judged for their choices.
Great post!
YOU SOUTHERN, BIBLE THUMPING, JESUS FREAKS ARE EVEN MORE STUPID THAN YOU LOOK!! NO WONDER A LOT OF SOUTHERN REPUBLICAN MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES AND DO SOME WEIRD SEXUAL THINGS THAT THEY GET CAUGHT AT. AFTER READING A LOT OF YOUR BLOGS, I DON’T BLAME THEM.
I loved this post – and I’m not even a mother. But already, I’ve been involved in the mommy wars. There was a time when I didn’t want children, and I got flack for it all the time. Then I decided that I absolutely did want children, and same thing. Constant complaints all the time. In fact, I have one friend, who any time I mention children ALWAYS says, “I never want kids.” It’s the most condescending thing ever. Like, I KNOW you don’t want kids. Do you have to make me feel bad because I thought the sun dress that child was wearing was adorable? It’s the same thing now that I’m considering moving to another part of the country – everyone has an opinion. It drives me insane.
We all have our own lives, our own experiences, our own dreams, and it’s impossible to please everyone all the time, yet it can be hard not to feel like you have to. Which is why I think this post really stuck with me today, because there are things I want in life, and there are things I do, that I shouldn’t have to apologize for because I know they’re best for me.
Anyway, sorry if I went off topic, but I don’t understand why people are so mean over minor things. All I know is that regardless of your decisions, your blog has made me look forward to motherhood more than anything, and it’s given me hope that there is an amazing experience awaiting me one day when the good Lord decides I’m ready for it. And honestly Erin, even though I don’t know you personally, I’ll tell you this: when the day comes, I will be lucky – and my children will be lucky – if I am half the mother that you are.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Amen! My husband and I are just starting to plan for a baby, and I already feel pressure to do things “a certain way” from moms I know. Yikes!!!!
It takes alot of courage to blog about your personal life and choices. I applaud you and all the others out there who are doing it and benefiting people like me. I have found sounding boards so to speak with other women, they face the same issues, struggles and challenges with being a mother and wife. I get so many amazing ideas and have been able to try all sorts of new things that I would have never known to try. So I just wanted to say thank you. Your blogs are one of my favorites.
Motherhood is a learning experience for everyone! Those who say they have it all figured out and know it all are liars! Those who point fingers at each other and say, “This is how your SUPPOSE to do it”, are being egocentric, viewing everything in relation to themselves and how they did it or are doing things.
The truth is there are so many different women, with different physical attributes, different pain threshholds, different everything! Like you said there are so many different options now, that who are we do say to another, “that’s not right for you”.
Thank you for this reminder. I find myself all the time defending myself about things I do with my son, before anyone even says anything!! People are so judgemental. I need to quit questioning my motherly abilities and feeling bad because someone else did it the “perfect” way!
Thanks again!!!!
Hey there,
Could not be more opposite in almost every one of your topics. However, I think it is wonderful that your choices work for you! It is what makes the world go round! If only we could all just embrace all our differences , what a wonderful world it would be! Love your open and honest attitude!
FANTASTIC. love, love, love, love, love.
there is a fine line between trying to give someone information about different options and being nasty and critical and judgemental. oh, wait. that line is pretty easy to distinguish. well, apparently not for some people.
i salute you for NOT giving people permission to make you feel guilty! and while i may have made different choices than you have, i salute your choices, too. you didn’t make them blindly, you didn’t make them selfishly, and you didn’t make them because you were too ignorant to have awareness of other options. you made them for your family. and for you. and they seem to be working well for all of you. 🙂
I agree that moms should be able to parent however they choose with their own children.
But every time you write a post like this I feel like you’re looking for more people to tell you how amazing you are so you can justify your own life.
Live your life and stop apologizing to perfect strangers about how you live it.
Thank you for this post! It comes at a perfect time as I am pregnant with my first child and I already feel judged about many decisions, big and small. I’m going to keep your mother’s words in mind as I make the parenting decisions that are right for me and my family. I hope you know what an inspiration and blessing you are to so many people!
Great post! What are some of the parenting books you’ve read that you liked?
Great post!
I am not a mother yet, but we are just starting to think about it and plan for it. I enjoy reading all of your posts and what works for you. I hate that people feel that someone else’s parenting skills or decisions are there for them to judge. I really enjoy all of your posts whether they are about parenting or not.
Thanks for being so honest!
Such an great post and such a fascinating topic…why do women do this to each other? Why is the judging the obvious way to go for women instead of support and encouragement? Im not a mom (yet), but I still see this in my every day life…it’s frustrating. Congrats to you for standing up for what you believe in! It’s hard, but necessary.
PS-love your blog! Your boys are too cute for words! 🙂
I. Love. This. I love you!! You know I agree with everything. Duh. I don’t think we should hide any of this stuff about ourselves because it makes us “us”. And every kid is different. It’s obvious from being around your boys for five seconds that they are smart, well behaved, and most of all, HAPPY. So obviously you’re doing something right! 😉
Great post! And you are doing great, do you know why? Because YOU are those boys’ mom and YOU know what’s best for them. I am pregnant along with quite a number of my friends and already in pregnancy it seems there is “competition” of sorts so I can only imagine what it will be like to have babies together. It should be fun and exciting to have children together not stressful and competitive. Thank you for this post, I always look forward to your wisdom on parenting.
Great post, Erin! It makes me so sad to see the judgement of not only moms but women in general… all coming from other moms and women. I’ve already received comments about how we plan to parent or decisions I have made while pregnant and our baby isn’t even here yet. You and TC are clearly doing a great job and making the decisions that you two believe are best for your family and your boys. That is all that matters!
Love this post & your realness. One of my favorite lines : ‘How our babies enter the world shouldn’t matter to anyone else at all.’ For real yo! That is such a snippet of their life that really doesn’t matter, neither does formula or breastmilk, or sleep training or co-sleeping, or whether or not you stay home or work…what DOES matter is Jesus. Thanks for speaking out on this.
I am not a mom yet, but just from the things I have read, I know it is not going to go well when I am a mom and making decisions for my family and someone attacks me. No matter how much we share on blogs, no blogger can know another’s whole story and shouldn’t judge. But I do love that you are willing to share YOUR story and I will be emailing you when we do decide to have kids about the whole sleep schedule thing because it sounds amazing.
Thank you for being brave and posting all of this. Hope you know you still have a very positive and supportive blog community and I think you are doing a great job with your family. And again, it’s YOUR family.
Our sweet baby will be here in a few months, and I have to say kudos for this post. It’s not easy to stand up, especially when so many people can hide behind the internet as a means of tearing you down for choosing methods that work for your family. I never realized how quickly people would be to judge every little thing, and I wanted to drop a note of encouragement to you. Thanks for sharing your stories!
I read your blog occasionally, but have never posted. I can so relate to today’s post about the judging and finger pointing. My boys were both later-in-life babies, as I was 36 and 40 when they were born. Everyone had opinions about genetic testing, and I heard the same criticisms you are now with feeding, sleep, and c-sections (our experiences are similar…I didn’t sleep train, but I was a schedule fanatic). As they got older (they are now 12 and 8), I took a few graduate courses to renew/add to my teacher certification. Most of the work was done online, and if I went to class, my husband was caring for them…even that was criticized. When son #1 started K5, I was told he would end up with some evil incompetent teacher if I wasn’t knocking on the principal’s door requesting a certain teacher ( I didn’t request). The worst teacher he’s had so far (and she wasn’t awful, but things could have been better) was one who was wildly popular among parents. When I returned to work (very part time at first…during preschool hours), it was met with much disapproval, so you can imagine what it was like when I returned to work in the school system a few years later, even though I was in the same school as my kids ( a great situation). So, it seems the criticism never ends, no matter how you choose to raise your children. For that reason, many of my closest confidantes are older moms who have grown kids.
It drives me crazy when I get parenting advice that I didn’t ask for. I am such a firm believer that you have to do what works for you and your family, even if it’s not what the “experts” or your mom or your friend say to do. I love reading about your adventures in mommyhood!
LOVE this!!!!!!
I love this post! I completely agree with the breastfeeding thing- everyone seems to make out it’s so easy and natural, but it can be HARD! I wish Mums would support each other more and stop judging so much, after giving birth I was shocked at how blunt people were at asking me ‘did you have drugs?’, um, none of your business UNLESS I feel like sharing with you! Arghh!
Bravo, Erin! I can’t tell you how many times I have found myself explaining/defending my decisions about my precious baby girl’s delivery (planned c-section for a medical reason) to not breast feeding (for same said medical reason), to naps, sleeping, TV time, etc, etc. I always end up mad at myself for feeling like I owe anyone other than my husband any kind of explanation. So thank you for this post and please know that so many of us read your blog because we can relate to your situation no matter how different or similar ours may be.
Great post! I adore your honest conviction. I also read “A Cup of Jo” blog. She said this not long ago…”I think sometimes people feel nervous about talking candidly about motherhood and their own scheduling choices, and I understand that. Parenthood is emotionally ridden, because everyone cares so much about their babies—so sometimes it can seems as if, when another mom makes a different decision from you, you are at odds. Differences in parenting choices can make people defensive. But, really, making various parenting decisions is like apples and oranges. We have to remember that there are 824,739,894,536 ways to be incredible, loving parents, so we should all support each other and our lucky babies.” I loved her words. Like your, they were from the heart and true. I’ve struggled with friendships over parenting choices. These words have really helped me to see that even though our choices may differ we all loved our babies:)
Please excuse the typos. Commenting on an iPhone;)
Erin,
While I’m not a mom yet, I absolutely love this post. I also loved Meg’s post from yesterday. I have had the pleasure of meeting some genuinely wonderful women in the blogosphere as well as on twitter so it certainly is not my intent to offend anyone. If I’m being honest, I think women have a difficult time supporting one another in general. Admittedly I thought (or maybe “had hoped” is a more appropriate term) this was directly related to corporate America and a professional environment. It saddens me that the lack of support has found it’s way in parenting community. This is life, and we are all flawed. What works for one may not work for another. Everyone is different. Everyone walks a different road. It’s sad that people are unable to embrace that which is makes us each so beautiful. Thank you for your candor. For putting it all out there. You are refreshing. Don’t change a thing. xx
Don’t you think some of the reason you get some criticism (not saying it’s right AT ALL, mind you) is because your blog has gotten big enough to influence other people (strangers)? I guess it’s the same criticism celebs and pro-athletes face because they are in the public eye. So while it really shouldn’t matter one bit what Tiger does in his spare time, people were VERY quick to weigh in on his exploits.
Again, not saying it’s the right thing. I also agree that everyone should be allowed to parent their own way (barring abusing the child, of course.)
Good for you Erin!!
Your mom is a wonderful and very intelligent woman to come up/use/instill that saying into you. All of these are perfect decisions because they were the right decisions for your family. Now I’m going to zone in on one – breastfeeding. I’m going to start by saying that I’ve chosen and continue to breastfeed my baby. However, I have SUCH AN ISSUE with people who “look down” on someone who chooses not to! WHAT THE HECK! Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing that has many benefits. One of the biggest benefits is that it provides your baby with the nutrients he or she needs. However, when that very important benefit is not met then there is ABSOLUTELY no reason to feel guilty about choosing what will fulfill your child’s needs. In fact, I don’t even take any issue with those that choose not to do it because they just plain and simple don’t want to because it is NOT FOR THEM! If it’s going to make your family miserable – why would you make that choice?
Just a tiny bit more of a rant here…
I was reading a blog post by someone (who I no longer follow after these 2 posts I’m about to tell you about) who went on and on about not just the benefits of breastfeeding but talking about what a “bad” decision it is not to bf. And this bothered me SO MUCH! I didn’t leave a comment because I hate leaving negative comments EVER. I just skipped over, fumed to a few girlfriends/my husband and moved on. Then, not even a month later, this person posted that she was supplementing with formula. She went on and on about how breastfeeding was still superior and that she was superior for doing it, but choosing to supplement was a decision for blah blah blah reason. I immediately unsubscribed. Honestly – just admit that you should NOT knock someone down for a decision that was right for their family.
Rant over. Moving on 🙂
I’m always looking forward to reading your blog because I feel like I’m sitting down to coffee with a girlfriend and having a good HONEST discussion!! Keep with it sister!! I love it!!
Not a mom yet but thank you for this post!!
Amen sister! This post is so awesome there are no words to describe how awesome.
I know I have said this to you before in response to an old post but I feel I must say it again. You and I have many different interests and definitely have different beliefs in religion, politics, etc. However, I have found we agree on a lot of things, too. That being said, you are no doubt an awesome mom and a thoughtful, caring person, and for that alone, I’d wanna be friends with you! You seem really genuine and I always find your posts interesting. You’re right – all those things are YOUR business and no one else’s. I find it baffling that people choose to comment on people’s decisions regarding things such as childbirth, breastfeeding, stay-at-home-mom vs. working mom etc. Sometimes I think people just try to make themselves feel better by picking on others’ decisions and situations. I appreciate that you stick to your convictions!
This was an incredibly powerful post. I have two children that are like only children (one is 16 and one is 2) due to a very large age difference. I was unable to be a stay at home mom with either of them. I have dear friends that have been blessed to be able to stay home, and some that are also working. As mothers we put so much guilt on ourselves we really don’t need judgement from someone outside. I have felt the judgement from other moms – including from my family about what priorities are (since i carry the health insurance on the family – my husband and i agree that is a fairly major priority for the health and well being of our family) and other than trying not to lose my temper I usually try to let it roll off my back. But I truly don’t understand why as women and mothers we can’t be more supportive of each other?
I love this post.
I first must start by saying, this is life people! 🙂 Like you said, you are doing what is BEST for you & your boys.
I do not have children yet, but I know all the plans I have for my future children will change as soon as I become pregnant, at least this is what I hear 99% of mothers saying.
I have always asked my Mom about how she raised my brother & I. Here are the things I know:
-We were both born naturally, without Mom having any pain meds or epidurals (lucky lady!)
-My Mom breast-fed me for the first 3 months but then when she went back to work she found it easier/better to start a formula & breast-feeding combination; for my brother, she only breast-fed him because she was at home and it worked better for him.
-She was a working Mom while I was about 3 months to the age of 3. When she has my brother, she became a stay-at-home Mom until I was school age, so for a total of 2 years. After that, she was always a working Mom, as was my Dad.
This is about all as far as details from the first several years of our lives. The most important thing though is that WE TURNED OUT ALRIGHT! I have always felt like such a lucky girl, and have known that I was loved since my earliest memory even until now, 3000 miles away from my parents. I don’t remember my parents always being at work; instead, I remember them reading to me, giving me baths, singing to me before I went to sleep, going on fun vacations, having family dinnertime, etc.
Life is what you make out of it, and I think if you feel in your heart that you are doing the absolute best you can, and you love your children, and are willing to make sacrifices to do what is best for them, they will be able to feel that from and early age-on into adulthood.
Great post.
~Leslie, 27 years old
San Diego, CA
What a GREAT post!!! You are a strong woman my friend and an amazing mom! And a dear friend to me! FOR REAL… DEAR!
Amen sister 🙂 And can I just say that I love you mentioned not being ashamed to share your faith. It really irks me when people preface something like that by saying, “I know not everyone believes what I believe” or something like that to try not to offend anyone. I love that you shamelessly share you faith with your readers and most importantly your boys 🙂
I’m not a Mom, but I just wanted to say thank you for this post. Not only does this apply to parenting, but it applies to life in general. My husband and I have been talking more about children just as topic of conversation and all sorts of things come up. And, being newlyweds, we often get asked the questions of “when we are having kids.” While, we may not be having kids for a while, some of our decisions (like he being vegetarian and me being vegan) garner a ton of negativity from people and how it would relate to us raising children. I wish people would understand that as humans we make the decisions that we feel are best for us and our families. They are specific to our personal circumstances, and what works for us doesn’t work for everyone.
Thank you for being so open about this. xoxo
I don’t even have kids yet, but I feel like your blog has actually prepped me for becoming one. I happen to think similarly to you on a lot of these topics and I’m so grateful for your authenticity. I finally just stopped bookmarking every post in a special “Baby Stuff” folder for the future, and simply resolved to reread what you’ve written when my time for parenting comes around 🙂 Keep sharing, please!
I don’t even have kids yet, but I feel like your blog has actually been a “prep course” for becoming a parent. I happen to think similarly to you on a lot of these topics and I’m so grateful for your authenticity. I finally just stopped bookmarking every post in a special “Baby Stuff” folder for the future, and simply resolved to reread what you’ve written when my time for parenting comes around 🙂 Keep sharing, please!
thanks for a great post! I agree that there is no right or wrong way to parent! Your choices are your own business! Enjoy your sweet little boys!
This is the best post I have read in a long time! Thank you for writing it. I love reading your blog!
Insecurity. I’ve thought and thought and thought about this, and I think this really must be the driving force behind the “mom-petition” as one of your commenters put it. But why the insecurity? I had a great chat with a dear friend tonight and we agreed that the Enemy is always on our shoulder, telling us how horribly we are doing as a mom (or wife, or friend, or housekeeper, or what-have-you) and that a lot of us let him win, a lot of the time. And one way we try to feel better is to pretend like we’re doing better than the next mom!
We also decided that a great way to combat the Enemy is to listen to truth, to speak truth, and to abide in truth. Moms have to stop being fake with each other. We have to admit that we’re doing the best we can, that we’re stumbling along, finding our way forward, just like everyone else. That *none* of us have all the answers.
It’s good to talk about parenting issues. It’s good to open up the floor for discussion. You do these things, Erin, and lots of your readers find relief in participating. But at the end of the day, you should never have to apologize for choosing what’s right for your family! I love what your mom says to you. Hold tight to that!
Great post! Yesterday someone (who isn’t prego or a mother) posted a picture flowchart about inductions/epidurals leading to breastfeeding problems and c sections. I couldn’t help but think ” don’t we all leave the hospital with the same prize?” Of course she justified her post as not trying to be “offensive” but I don’t understand why it was her business to “educate others” in the first place. More than likely any woman who is expecting knows what she wants out of her delivery. And if she’s “hands off” about it then she probably respects her doctor enough to do what’s best for her and her baby. I don’t need some woman on Facebook with no merit or firsthand experience in birthing a baby telling me what to do.
I love your blog and love reading about your parenting journey whether I agree with them or not. At the end of the day, as a mother, you know you’re doing the best for YOUR children and that’s all that matters. My mom always tells me (and I live by this when making parenting decisions) that My daughter doesn’t have any other parents so she has no one else to compare me too. 🙂
nothing is worse then giving advice to someone..especially a new, emotional mommy without her asking!! I am the type of mom who thinks..do what works for YOU and YOUR family and don’t worry about anyone else. I really don’t care what other people do either I have 3 girls and though I make many mistakes I have think I have far more victory’s! based on your blog..your boys look HAPPY, Healthy and most importantly LOVED! ps.. I wish I knew about moms on call 15 years ago..just saying!
I don’t have kids yet, but I really enjoyed reading this as preparation for what’s to come down the road. It’s sad to me that women feel the need to make one another feel guitly about decisions that they make pertaining to how to raise THEIR children. You would think, or you would hope, that these shared experiences would bond women together, rather then cause division. Thank you for posting this! I appreciate your candor and you sharing your heart.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I literally just wrote about going back to work (I just had twins 6 weeks ago and have a two year old) and how many “REALLY?” comments I’ve been getting. My sister, a nanny, was at starbucks and the barista asked her what she does for a living. When she told him, he asked her how many kids she watched (2) and how many hours a day she worked (8). She told him and he said, “That’s pathetic. You’d think she would have stopped having kids after she couldn’t even watch the first!” I was aghast!!
I love this post. I’m expecting my first baby right now (!) and love reading blogs like yours because they’re honest portrayals of ONE person’s experience as a mama, and they help me think about how I may want to do things. And, posts like this one help me realize that I can’t fully know how I’m going to make decisions until I’m living life with my actual baby, not a theoretical child. So thank you:)
I love this post. I had a planned c-section and formula fed from birth. I am also really into routine which is why my 5 month old baby is such a champion sleeper. I generally keep this information to myself because of the adverse judgement you get from other mothers. I long for a time when women can support each other’s choices and respect them instead of competing like maniacs to convince us that it’s their way or the highway.
And another thing, my goal when I was pregnant was to have my child born healthy and alive, the method of delivery wasn’t a priority, his health was. If you want to experience natural childbirth hooray for you, but having a baby isn’t one size fits all.
I hate getting anon hate messages on my blog but like to think they say more about the sender than me.
Keep up the good work.
Best wishes, FF x
This is a great post. I think a lot of that judgement comes from insecurity. People unconciously want other people to do the same things they do to validate their own decisions. I wish we could just find it in ourselves to say, I could really use some support and encouragement right now. Thanks for not only reminding us to stop being judgemental about your decisions, but also validating ours!
Thank you for this! I am loving reading your posts!! I get so tired of feeling judged, and feeling like I have to compete with my parenting, my child, and just my life in general! I feel that pressure alot! But when you get all caught up in that, you can easily get off of your track and your goals….we all just need to support one another as women, and as mommies. We all have the same goal in raising our kids, which is we just want the best for them.