Nothing is ever perfect and nothing ever goes exactly how you hope it will. Even though I’m a little shy about the whole breast feeding thing, I’m going to talk about it a little bit right now.
With Hudson, we had to supplement formula as soon as he came home from the hospital. He had lost 10 percent of his birth weight and was jaundiced, so the pediatricians and lactation consultants told us to breast feed and give him formula. He was back up to his birth weight in two days.
I had a feeling that the same things would happen with Hayes. He was 8 lbs, 12 oz at birth, but was 7 lb, 13 oz the day we came home from the hospital. When they told me he had lost more than 10 percent of his birth weight, I fell apart. In the middle of the hospital hallway, I had massive tears coming down my face and I could barely talk through the hiccups. I’m pretty sure my mom thought I had lost my marbles.
It’s just formula. Hayes is fine. Why was I so emotional about it? Did I really think I’d have this magical time nursing my baby and he would be completely satisfied and gaining tons of weight just from what I could give him? I’m not sure why I thought that after Hudson’s experience. I should have known my body. And I guess I did deep down, but receiving the news wasn’t fun!
So I thought I’d share a little bit about our feeding journey up to this point so I’ll remember it and to hopefully offer encouragement to other struggling moms.
4 Days Old:
Heading home from the hospital, but we get the word that Hayes has lost just over a pound and we need to supplement with formula. His bilirubin level is just shy of needing phototherapy, but with the formula and indirect sunlight, he should be fine. We got instructions to go back to the doctor the next day.
5 Days Old:
Hayes was spitting up every ounce of formula we gave him, so we stopped until we could see the pediatrician. At the appointment, his weight was up an ounce and bilirubin was down to a “safe” place. We were asked to come back in two days to weigh him again. We got the okay to just breast feed.
7 Days Old:
We visited the lactation consultant at our pediatrician’s office. Hayes’s bilirubin was way up and his weight was down again. I fed him in front of her and it was determined that he is a lazy eater and isn’t making the most of his feedings. I am making plenty of milk for him, but he’s not doing the work to get it. We decided to supplement again, but with a different formula. I also decided to pump breast milk rather than nurse him and feed him bottles so we could get a more accurate idea of how much he’s eating.
8 Days Old:
We went back to the pediatrician and Hayes was up 3 ounces from the previous day and his bilirubin was way down. The formula and pumping combination worked!
We have decided to make this our long term plan. It makes for a very busy schedule for me between feeding, pumping, and feeding, but I want to do what is best for Hayes. I’ll continue this as long as I feel like it’s also good for me.
I was so encouraged to see how much he benefitted from the formula and pumped bottle combination. I had been so stressed every day thinking about how skinny he was getting and wondering what else we could do to help him. After the appointment with the lactation consultant, I see that I was doing everything I could to nurse him, but these changes would help him a lot.
The sense of relief that I now have is wonderful and I’m really getting to enjoy my sweet baby without the stress and pressure of getting him back to his birth weight. I’m confident now that he’ll be back to birth weight by his two week appointment.
I had a tough time BF’ing my first, but muddled through it for 5 months. I’m 2 weeks away from baby #2, and BF’ing is my #1 anxiety. I’m praying for my attitude – I don’t want to feel so negative going into it.
Good luck, Erin! I know it must feel good to have a plan in place for Hayes and to have such a helpful lactation consultant.
Hang in there! BF is (obv!) not easy. I had a difficult time at first with Babe. I would just sit there and cry sometimes because I wasn’t sure if he was getting enough. I’m so glad y’all have a plan that’s working for you. Enjoy your little miracles! 😉
Good morning from Tokyo,
Erin, I want to say I think you’re doing great. Breast-feeding isn’t an easy undertaking and we do have preconceived notions of how it’s all going to work out. Sometimes it’s all we hope it can be, sometimes we have roll with the unexpected changes You must have great prayer warriors in your corner because you’ve rolled with things beautifully! Hayes is very blessed to have you as his Mother~as is Hudson. We’ll say a little prayer of encouragement on our end and that things continue to improve.
Take care.
Warmly,
Elizabeth
I think everyone feels like a failure the first few days of new motherhood – even if you’ve done it before – because all babies are different.
One thing I’ve heard that is a great way to keep your supply up even if you babe isn’t doing the best job is feeding on demand. It will probably mess with your babywise schedule, but I think most pediatricians recommend it at this point – that way your supply stays up and the baby gets milk when he needs!
He looks amazing – great job, mama! Can’t wait for more updates.
Nursing is so hard. It seems easy, but it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I think getting my BA and MA was easier. Anyway, when my daughter was born she had jaundice (which I thought was code for fatal and freaked out). I had to supplement a first, too. To feed Kate, I nursed her while my husband fed a tube into her mouth hooked up to a syringe with formula. We did this round the clock for days. I don’t think I slept for several days. It was awful. (Side note: I was so worried about Kate’s weight I was this close to taking her to the post office to weigh her. That is a true story. I am pretty sure my husband thought I completely lost my mind). But then, after about two weeks, we were doing much better and it kept getting easier and easier and easier. Soon I was nursing, typing on the computer, eating, and talking to my mom on the phone on the same time. Anyway, hang in there and do what you need to do. One resource is kellymom.com. That site really helped me. I also went to a support group at the hospital, which helped a lot. The moms and I would complain and talk about problems with breastfeeding, and we were able to offer a lot of support to each other. Anyway, all this to say breastfeeding is tons of work on the mom’s part, so don’t get down on yourself. You are a great mom!
With our HUT, we had similar problems, only it was due to the fact that it took my milk almost a week to come in. We also had a one night stay in the hospital because his bilirubin levels got dangerously high. A couple of nights breastfeeding and supplementing formula did the trick.
I lost it when I had to feed him formula because I was sure that he wouldn’t want to breastfeed – he liked instant gratification and it took forever for my milk to drop. After we returned home, he spent upwards of 45 minutes at a time screaming at my breast until we got things going. I was just about to throw in the towel and give up and then, voila, he got it.
Breastfeeding is very tough but, whether it’s directly from the breast or given through the bottle, I really think it is beneficial for as long as you can do it – if you can. And the fact that you are powering through it is awesome.
Hayes is absolutely beautiful, by the way. Congratulations again!
Glad to see that you guys have found a plan that is working for you and sweet Hayes! Thanks for such an honest post about how it has been going for you guys. I have a million concerns about this exact topic and know there is nothing I can do about it now, but it helps to read about other moms figuring it out. Keep up the good work, momma! He is such a handsome little guy!
I am not going to write you a novel, but I want you to know that I know how you feel. Reading this post brought tears to my eyes because this is what I went through with Bean. Please know that I am here cheering you on. Sounds like you have a great plan……Bravo mama!!!!!
Survival is critical at this point! If Hayes is healthy and happy, who cares what he is eating????!!!
This is exactly what we did in the hospital & after bringing Amelia home. I rarely actually BF her. We made it 3 months and then went to all formula. I’m so glad Hayes is gaining and doing well. A happy/healthy baby makes a happy Mama! 🙂 Hayes is seriously one of the prettiest newborns ever.
Breast feeding was TOUGH for me too! My oldest is 4 1/2 now and I still get emotional thinking about it. You are so not alone. With my 2nd I did the pump to bottle thing. It’s a bit overwhelming at first, but once you get into a rhythm you’ll do great.
Erin, thanks so much for this post. My JB is almost 5 months old and thinking back to the first three months of his life is a blur of pumping, feeding, nursing, supplementing, crying, repeat. We had to do the SNS feeding tube for a while too to gain weight. I had always envisioned BFing as this effortless natural thing–as a previous poster said, I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done. When I got a bad infection and had to go on a megadose of antibiotics and learned I would have to stop, I was so torn with feelings of relief and guilt. Now my guy is growing and I am more in control of our feeding routine. I just want to say THANK YOU for your info and honesty here, Hayes looks wonderful and we are all cheering for you all!
First of all, Hayes is beautiful. He looks just perfect. When my son was born he was 5 weeks premature and was jaundiced. Even though he got the okay to go home with me, I was not allowed to nurse. I tried to pump and feed and supplement with formula, but we were feeding every two hours around the clock to keep his weight up and help his jaundice, and I got so exhausted I just couldn’t do it anymore. I ended making no milk, and I completely fell apart. Then I felt guilty because I decided to stop pumping. I was consumed by guilt. Looking back it sounds ridiculous, but I’m sure hormones were involved. In the end my son was healthy and fine and grew great on formula just as I’m sure Hayes will on breast milk. Whatever happens with Hayes and feeding, you are a wonderful mother. You love your children, and they will be happy and healthy not because of how you ended up feeding them, but because of the confidence they have in knowing they have a mother and father that love them.
Hi Erin!!! Hayes is too cute!!!! I had this same problem, I am sured we talked about this!!! I know how stressful it is and you want only the BEST for your child….. just make sure you are not killing yourself in the process bc then nobody wins!!.. I know you are a wonderful Mommy!!!! I can remember when Emma Bays wore her “GLOW” light around the house and I just cried and cried… I thought all that laying in the sun had hurt my baby girl… he he 🙂 Hang in there….. I remember crying in the peds office bc I could not BF and I thought I was the WORST MOM ever….. Hang in There!! You are a good MOMMY!!!!
Erin –
Hayes is soooo precious! Congratulations! I love his name – it was my grandmother’s maiden name and I had it on my list for my son. I also sympathize with Hayes being a lazy eater. My son was, too – in fact, the lactation consultant called him the “stereotypical white male.” He just wanted to hang out at the breast and eat/nap/eat whenever he felt like it. I just wanted to encourage you to keep it up – I pumped to keep my supply up, breastfed him and supplemented with formula for the first 8 weeks. He got waaaay better around that time and stopped falling asleep constantly. Now he’s a breastfeeding champ. Keep it up! And thanks for sharing your story – I know it helps all of us mommies stay committed to something that is so rewarding and good for our babies, but also sooooo difficult at first! 🙂
Oh, I so feel you! The nurse told me my son lost 10% of his body weight at midnight the last night in the hospital and mentioned we might not be able to take him home if he didn’t gain weight before I was discharged. Why would a nurse think that was a good idea?? I lost it. And you feel totally crazy while you’re losing it but can’t stop yourself!
BFing was so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I hope the pumping and feeding works for you. I was so tempted to try it during those first 2 weeks, and I’m tempted again now at 3 1/2 months now that I’m contemplating when and if I should wean him. Hayes is such a cutie, and he’ll thrive no matter what he’s eating!
You are doing wonderful! I had the same thing happen with my son. I was so upset at the time. They told me if he did not put weight on by his next weigh-in they would keep him in the hospital. I cried and cried thinking of him having to stay at the hospital. It was not until months later, after speaking to other moms, that I learned that this is common with BF babies. It did help me to know that because at the time I felt like such a failure. Thanks for your post because I’m sure you writing this will help other moms out there in the same situation. Hayes is such a beautiful baby! Congratulations!
He is just precious!
Go girl! I know it must be often difficult to juggle all of the feedings and demands, but you are doing such a great job 🙂
My daughter was TINY at birth 5lb 14oz and was just above 5 when we left the hospital. We had to go back 3 times to get her weighed and I ended up pumping and bottlefeeding my milk. Whether you pump the whole time, breastfeed, or bottlefeed your little boy is getting EXACTLY what he needs – a mommy that loves him and would do anything for him. “Formula won’t give your baby 2 heads and breastfeeding won’t make him fly.”
Glad you found something that works for you. We had luck with using a shield for nursing. It helped him to nurse more efficiently and saved me the headache of having to pump as much.
We had a very similar scenario with my first daughter Lily. Supplementing felt so foreign to all the thoughts I originally had about BF. But, like you, I realized I needed to do what was best for my child and forget about the rest.
Thank you for sharing this. I have so many mommy friends that had no trouble at all and I have felt like such a failure at this. I’m trying to keep a positive and calm attitude about BF with my second daughter who is due to arrive in a few weeks. Thanks again, always enjoy reading along!
My daughter, Caroline, is 3 weeks old and our experience was very similar to yours. I hate to hear our upset it made you, but i makes me feel better knowing i’m not the only person who lost it over our feeding plan. She was actually 3 weeks early which they say made her a “lazy” eater as well. I am currently nursing and pumping to supplement. At first it seemed overwhelming, but it’s working so I’m sticking with it. Good luck! Hayes is beautiful.
Hayes is gorgeous! My husband and I both have olive skin, so I thought our baby did too until the doctor explained to me that it was jaundice! Like a previous person, I later realized it is common with breastfed babies, but felt awful when I found out. It also took our little guy almost 3 weeks to get back to birth weight. We had to go in several times each week for a weigh in, but our doctor is very pro breastfeeding, so he wasn’t terribly concerned and just kept encouraging us and I’m thankful for that now. I think the jaundice also makes them pretty sleepy-and the breastfeeding releases prolactin which makes mama sleepy, so the two of us could barely stay awake to nurse 🙂 Glad you found a plan that works for you. I know exclusively pumping is a really challenging thing to do-I’m sure more so with a toddler in the house-my friend did it for a year and it was exhausting, but you are giving Hayes such an amazing gift, for however long it lasts. It sounds like you’re planning to stick with that plan, and I’m sure your lc told you too, but some friends have had success using an SNS (though it’s most certainly awkward at first) with formula or expressed breast milk, to remedy a lazy suck. Good luck to you. Those newborn days are tough!
What a strong momma you are! You’re doing such a good job. I know it is exhausting, but Hayes is looking so healthy – you should be so proud of yourself! I’m cheering for you!
So glad to hear the new feeding plan is working out for you and that Hayes is gaining weight! He is an absolutely beautiful baby!!!
Seriously, he is adorable:)
I am so glad that you’ve found a plan that is working. He is such a cute baby — I love that picture. Hang in there.
Aw, he’s adorable and I’m glad things are working out with the feedings! He’s a beautiful baby boy!
Thanks so much for sharing, Erin. I read a lot of blogs, and every woman who has recently had a baby seems to be breastfeeding sooo easily. My little girl kept dropping in weight for a week, and finally I had to start supplementing. I would nurse, pump, feed pumped milk + formula supplement. It was exhausting. She turned 7 wks yesterday and has had breast milk every day of her life, but my milk supply is drying up and I simply can’t keep pumping – too exhausted by it all. I feel soo guilty about it all…I know I could pump longer, but simply don’t have the energy left to do it anymore.
Really appreciated your honesty, and hope that things improve with Hayes sucking! My little one has an “uncoordinated mouth.”!!
Just wanted to recommend Kellymom.com again. It’s the greatest bf’ing help on the web, IMO. My daughter was just a few hours from a blood transfusion bc of severe jaundice and doctors convinced me to supplement, too. I did the SNS (where she got formula from a tube attached to my nipple) for a few feedings and read my kellymom. It took awhile to get the pumping/feeding/nursing schedule going but, we did!
GL
I LOVE that part of your title was managing expectations. You’re doing a great job! And of course you would have thought that maybe feeding Hayes would be easier than feeding Hudson. In some ways they’ll be alike and in some ways they’ll be different. And you never know til you try. Just keep on rolling with the punches and take nothing personally or as a failure if you have to modify–or manage, as you put it–your expectations.
Glad you are sticking with it. You would think nature would make breastfeeding this super easy natural thing but it isn’t usually that way I have found. I work in the NICU and see a lot of “lazy” eaters. Keep up the pumping and I would also keep trying to put him to the breast. I bet if you can keep that up in a couple of weeks he will “perk up” and be able to eat just from the breast. I had to do that with my 3rd, who was 34 weeks. It was about 3 weeks of pumping but eventually he went to just straight breast and BF for a year. But I HATED pumping. I don’t know if anyone else has suggested it but they make a hands free pump bra thing that held the shields in place so you could talk on the phone, be on the computer, read, whatever while pumping. It made it more tolerable for me. Just google hands free pump bra. Also, your little Hayes is absolutly beautiful!
thanks for writing such an honest post. I know that you’re doing what is very best for your sweet babe- hang in there! He’s adorable!
Good luck with everything! What an adorable pic!
Continue to do what is best for you and your baby. I nursed my son for 6 months and continued to pump for 4 months when I returned to work. It was hard in the beginning but once I got it down it seemed to become second nature. I had a big baby, so at times I just couldn’t keep up. My son had reflux and Enfamil A.R. was our formula of choice.
So happy things are looking up. I do have to say—he is so handsome!
Thinking about y’all!
I had the exact same thing happen to me- just 3 months ago. My breast milk didn’t come in for 2 weeks and I never really had much. Just like you, I fell apart in the Dr’s office. I cried for 2 hours straight. It was the hardest thing I have ever done- breastfeeding is not easy and not everyone can do it. So now we are 100% formula feeding and every now and then I feel guilty for not trying harder or sticking with it but it was the best choice for baby James and me! Thanks of sharing!
Sending you many hugs. I’ve been at that place before…more than once…and it’s not something I wish for anybody. I’m thankful that you found a good combination and are being kind to yourself.
Since I’m on the “other” side of this now…meaning my kids are older I will share some things that I have learned. My babies (all 3 of them) lost a ton of weight in the hospital (I was only in the hospital 48 hours or less since they were vaginal deliveries). A year or so ago, a doctor friend was talking about babies losing weight in the hospital. I guess when we’re getting fluids in our ivs, etc especially during inductions and I’m guessing c-sections…that the babies actually come out bigger from the fluid and lose some weight faster. She actually had specific information about it, but it made sense. Of course, I’m familiar with the lazy eater too…the doctor said that she just like to use me as a pacifier while wasting the yummy food I had for her!
And just make sure you’re drinking enough water since you’re keeping yourself so busy…getting dehydrated is not something I want for you to do especially while you’re recovering from surgery.
Please know that I’m not ignoring the weight loss at all…I actually take it very seriously. My second child grew fine at first and stopped. She got so sick that she was hospitalized, so I may share a lot but only because of empathy.
BTW, he’s just absolutely GORGEOUS!
OMG!!! Hayes is beyond beautiful, Erin. Stunningly so. Enjoy this time…sounds as though you know what to do, even if it may have felt at times you did not. You are a good mom. God will take care of the rest. Congratulations!!
Erin, thank you for sharing. It’s sooooo tough but it seems like being able to talk about it and hear that ALL of us agree is comforting! Your babies are beautiful…I hope you continue to get in the groove and enjoy them both.
Erin so many of my friends here have gone through similar things with breast feeding. I’m sorry for the stress of having to pump and supplement, but am so happy that Hayes is putting on some pounds!! He is so precious. Love you much!!
Erin,
I don’t usually comment, but felt compelled to about this. I am so encouraged by your story – I feel like you’re telling the story of the first few days home with my baby boy, but you made your way to the happy solution way faster than I did. My son is 9 mos old now and we’ve made the transition to exclusively formula, but we pumped and mixed with formula until he was 5 mos old. It took me about two weeks to decide to switch to pumping and bottle feeding, but it was a much better fit for us, and I was finally able to enjoy my time with him, rather than being worried all the time. Once I figured out how to pump hands-free while feeding him his bottle, I felt like we could all finally relax and enjoy a normal “eat-play-sleep” schedule, that even allowed for some sleep for me! : ) Keep up the good work – as you know, this will be a memory in the rearview mirror before you know it!
Stephanie
He is so cute Erin! I love his little button nose. He looks so different than Hudson to me (atleast at this point!). Can’t wait to read more update posts. xoxo.
Hi Erin!
Breastfeeding has been the most difficult and emotional journey of my life thus far! I am now four months into it and can say that I truly love it now BUT the first 6 weeks were the hardest ever! Our Maddie Bear wasn’t gaining weight at first either so I had to nurse her and then pump and feed her what I pumped every other feeding…it was trying that’s for sure but totally worth it in the end! Just remember that meeting her needs is the only goal and if its by breastfeeding or formula it doesn’t matter as long as she is healthy and happy! You are doing an amazing job.,…I can’t imagine what it will be like to adjust to life as a mommy of 2! You are an amazing Mommy!
XOXO
Glad that Hayes is packing on the pounds now! He is such a cute little sugarbug 🙂
He is soooo cute!!
I also struggled breast feeding and ended up pumping and supplementing for three months. It is so time consuming, so I know you feel like your whole day is spent either pumping or feeding, but it gets easier. You may eve get so good as to pump whole driving. Hang in there and follow your heart. You know what is best for both of you, don’t be afraid to make the right decision. Good luck!!!
My son dropped 10% at the hospital but I was just told to nurse, and nurse and nurse so I did like crazy. It worked but I got problems with one of my breasts from it, and nursing was really bad for a few weeks but I didn’t give up and after I started to breast feed lying down (when I was at home) with my son next to me when he was about 7 weeks old my problems went away and I kept on nursing as planned. He was breast fed fully until 6 months and then we gradually changed from nursing to proper meals and I quit breast feeding when he was almost 11 months. So even if there are many issues in the beginning and you want to give up it can work out just fine! Just wanted to share that to give some hope. 🙂 It can feel really tough when you’re all hormonal in the beginning, I know!
hey erin, just wanted to let you know (along with everyone else!) that I completely understand what you are going through. I was terrified at my baby’s 1st weight check that they would take him away and admit him to the hospital (they didn’t) b/c I felt like he wasn’t getting enough breast milk. I know it must be super exhausting to pump and bottle feed. I had a lazy eater in the beginning, too and boy was I tired! He may get faster as he gets more alert. I don’t remember when mine turned the corner, but he definitely did, and then BF was so much faster and convenient to pump/bottle or formula so I encourage you to keep trying to get him to nurse, b/c it could get better! (but I know it is difficult)
I have to second op kelly’s(I think) input about pumping you AND baby up with fluids prob artificially inflated his birth wt. also second kellymom.com. Good luck to you and glad you have found a way to make things work. btw, amazed that you keep posting- you have got to be exhausted!
Oh girl! You know… because Finley was so premature and needed help growing, he has been on a fortified-breastmilk diet since birth. After he was released from the hospital at 38 days old, I was only allowed to breastfeed him twice a day max. I was disappointed, but I knew that it was best for him. I pumped for over 7 months. Yowza– it seemed to take over my life. I stopped due to some international travel coming up and no space left in our chest freezer. Now, he’ll drink the fortified-breastmilk until the bm runs out… and by then, hopefully he’ll mainly be on solids.
We all have hopes, and it’s hard when things don’t go the way you’d wanted them to… but Hayes is growing so well now, and good for you for getting to pump! I’m glad things are going well now.
im struggling too… my 8 week old didnt reach her birth weight till 6 weeks old. I am now nursing her, then giving her a bottle, and pumping. I am trying to get my supply up and her energy up so i can hopefully return to exclusively nursing.
it is hard though… i had probably two days where my eyes were swollen and red from crying… glad you found something that works!
Congrats on your beautiful family!! You’re a wonderful mom, no matter what you end up doing in the long run for feeding.
I’m clueless about BFing, but a friend with twins who was breastfeeding ended up renting a baby scale and would weigh the baby immediately before feeding (make sure to change diaper before), feed, then weigh immediately after feeding to see how much the babies ate and record it in a journal.