Last night, after putting Hudson to bed, we heard some little feet hit the floor and then heard him tugging on his baby gate.
I went into his room and he smiled. So I reached down to pick him up and he held his little arms up for me to hold him. (Holding him isn’t so easy these days as it is.)
I picked him up and just held him. And held him, and held him, and held him. And couldn’t let go. He had his head on my shoulder. He wasn’t crying, but I was. He was just hugging me back, not knowing that his mommy was falling apart right there in his room.
Where did my little baby go? How is he almost two years old? How much longer will he let me hold him? How much bigger will he get before I have to stop holding him because he’s just too heavy for me?
So I had a private little cry in Hudson’s room before I put him back to bed. I whispered to him that I love him and he leaned his head back and grabbed my face with both of his hands and started laughing.
How did two years go by so quickly? And why did those years have to take my baby with them?
I truly believe that each stage is more fun than the one before it. And a lot of the time my tears are because I’m so proud of Hudson and who he has become. But other times, I think back to those first moments and those first days where I would rock him and study every inch of his face, determined to memorize everything.
So, yes, I know I’m hormonal. My body is cranking up to have another baby and the hormones will get even worse for a few weeks. But, oh my goodness, that sweetness and those little tender moments better be around for the rest of my life because there is truly nothing like that feeling I had last night holding my baby boy in his quiet room before tucking him back into bed.
I will always cherish this photo that Tracy Turpen took at the end of Hudson’s 1-year photo session. The feeling of my sweet baby resting on my shoulder is so fresh in my memory every time I see it.
That’s a beautiful picture and a beautiful post! I know I’m not hormonal but I’m here sitting at my desk tearing up over this. Too sweet!
The worst part (to me) is knowing that I won’t have anymore babies and my youngest just turned 1…I wish there was just some way to slow time…even just a tiny bit. 🙂
And I’m crying at my desk. I think I’ve caught your hormones by blog osmosis. Precious, thanks for sharing and I’m so excited for you, Todd & Hudson!
I’m feel the same way as Jenny. I don’t want to have more babies….I just want time to pause so the babies I have will stay this age for just a little while longer.
Well, I’m not hormonal and this post has me in tears! I have a 10 month old who I almost HAVE to rock to sleep every night, and as much as I know I should teach him to fall asleep in his crib, I just can’t let go of it. I know that he won’t always let me do that. I have cried so many times rocking that sweet boy to sleep. There are no words for those special moments we get with our babies.
My little boys are 8 and 10. They both still love to snuggle with me. They are rough and tumblw with their Daddy, but have a special sweetness for me. They are starting to hold open doors, and look out for me which makes my heart swell with pride! You have so much to look forward to as the Momma of two little boys 🙂
Very sweet… and beautiful picture.
What a great post… straight from your heart! Thinking of you in this last few weeks, Erin… I know the next chapter will truly be amazing.
That’s very sweet. Those moments you just can’t replace. 🙂
I’m not pregnant, and tears are streaming down my face after reading that. Funny, I had the same moment with my little 6.5 month old last night. She never, EVER, likes to cuddle when I rock her anymore. Last night, she must have been especially tired, because after I nursed her, I rocked her as usual, but this time she put her head down on my shoulder and sucked her thumb. She fell asleep in my arms for the first time in MONTHS. I cried, and cried and cried…because like you I thought about that exact moment, and the fact that it could be the very last time she falls sleep on my shoulder. I know she is still a baby, but like you said, it goes so so fast….and yes, each day gets more fun, but each day gets a little closer to a grown up version of your *baby*.
I’m with ya, sister. Wrap the moments up in a box. xo
Erin! I teared up just reading this. I feel the same way, and my babe is not yet 7 months old! Time is flying, and every smile and hug tugs at my heart-strings. I can’t imagine my world before him anymore.
I’m crying…
My heart feels the same way about Amelia every time she learns something new, outgrows another size, says something cute. I wonder where my 5 lb baby went and miss it. The days pass way too quickly. I cherish every single moment.
Oh I know that feeling! I will soon have to stop lifting and carrying my son because I have a colostomy and have to be careful not to put too much strain on my abs. And he’s just 10.5 months! I really hope he’ll walk properly before I have to stop lifting him as that would help. But I will never stop holding and hugging him until he tells me to. 😀
oh my. so sweet. the days go by too fast. they grow up so quickly. if i could freeze a little moment in time it would be ideal. this picture is gorgeous.
So sweet!
If it makes you feel any better, Taylor is 7 and a half and he will still insist on me carrying him to bed sometimes. He loves to snuggle and I cherish every second of it. The growing up is hard. It seems like just yesterday I was rocking him and now he’s almost finished with 1st grade.
Great. Now I’M crying!! LOL
you’re such an amazing mommy. your little man is so lucky to have you. i have a little one too and i pray those sweet little moments with them always stay fresh in our memories.
Love this post. You are due sooner than me, but we are so in the same place emotionally with our babies we have at home!
Oh Lord! I’m 38 weeks pregnant and my hormones are INSANE this week. Reading your posts helps me know I’m not alone but they also make me cry! I want to go scoop up my toddler right now and hug her forever.
I had SUCH a similiar moment last week! I was just so emotional the whole evening about Molly growing up (and I’m like you about loving each new stage). She just looked so tall and was saying such big girl things. And I just know that all too soon that little baby face of hers is going to turn into a big girl face and I just couldn’t deal with it! I’ve been feeling very sentimental about her baby-ness.
I’ve been following your blog for over a year. This post bought tears to my eyes. My 17 month old boy brings my heart joy that I never knew existed. I, too, wish I could freeze time for those special moments, hugs, their precious hands reaching for our face. Other times, I wish I could fast forward through tantrums and exhaustion:)
We are so blessed by this thing called motherhood.
You’re so good with words, friend! I love love love those moments (I have a lot of them ;))! I’ve had a post in the works about what a special time bedtime is in our house, I’ll just sit and cuddle Little and we’ll sing, I’ll ask him animal sounds, body parts, and just have amazing face to face sweet time with him, and he would go on and on for forever 🙂 and Hubby telling stories back and forth with BabyBoy, and vice versa/all together, oh that’s half my post ;-). So sweet! And though he’s getting older, Hudson will love having a baby brother and it will be so so sweet to see them together!
That photo at the end is truly precious. My daughter’s at a stage right now where we get all sorts of the snuggles you’re talking about, and I agree, it’s the best feeling when she grabs and holds on tight. 🙂
annd I meant for bedtime here, that is the a snippet of last part of our nightnight routine, as described above 😉 (remember I am not the one good with words :)) anyway, hugs to you and the sweet fam!
I so needed to read this today. I sometimes get frustrated with the spit up on everything and the naps that are shorter than they should be, but before I know it all of that will be gone. Good reminder to try and cherish it all.
Love that pic.
So sweet!!! I’m tearing up right now 🙂
OH my!!! I know exactly how you feel!!! My “big” baby is 3 now and it breaks my heart that she is so grown up. I cherish the times when she wants to cuddle with Mommy. Now that I have a newborn again I am cherishing every moment we have because I know it won’t last forever. And knowing that he is my last baby makes it so much harder. Time is too precious to take these moments for granted.
Oh girl I have been tearing up lately because my DOGS will no longer be my babies once G gets here. I cannot imagine having a two year old and knowing he will no longer be my “baby”. I know how you feel to an extent. = )
I feel the exact same way! My daughter is 2 and we’re expecting our second in June. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone and I am treasuring every single hug and kiss she gives me!
such a precious post, erin!
Sniff, Sniff—Erin! What a beautiful post! I can only imagine the feeling as you prepare to welcome another little blessing. I feel the same way… They simply grow up way too fast!
Erin,
“How did two years go by so quickly? And why did those years have to take my baby with them?” These two questions just touched me so much. We don’t have any kids yet but I have heard these same sentiments from so many friends with little ones. I can’t relate exactly, since I don’t have kids, but I do empathize with you. Beautiful post and beautiful photo.
Oh gosh I don’t know why they grow so fast.. Little Hudson is a sweetie. Love that photo!
Oh, Erin..it has been almost nine years to the day that I sat and held my eldest on the cusp of the impending arrival of our second child and had the same exact experience. Holding and rocking my son in his dark room as his fingers entwined themselves around my neck and into my hair was priceless and unforgetable. You will always hold this precious moment close to your heart. I feel this moment was gift to us. As if he needed this moment this too.. before..life as we knew it, changes. I know he won’t remember but I do and can remember the powerfulness of the moment for both of us.
Such a sweet post about your baby. It brought tears to my eyes…and I’m not about to have a baby!! I look forward to the day when I can have those same experiences. Your family is in my prayers as you get ready for baby #2.
I thought this was a sweet post and could totally relate since my toddler is now huge and we have a baby due in june but I was not teary, until I read em’s comments. aaah! I am not ready to be upset/ emotional about this! (I tend to compartmentalize like crazy to cope)
that is a beautiful pic, too. you ahve a great photographer.a
and if it helps, I still hold my baby and he is 41lbs! you will always have that special mommy and son relationship, and you will have a new one with your new baby and will be equally precious. blogging about these moments is such a great way to record these moments for hudson, too. ok, i am going to cry! I will stop typing now!
I’m tearing up and want to go wake up Wyatt and just hold him! I’ve been extra sentimental lately about his growing up myself. God bless these little boys!
This made me cry. I’m not hormonal but I can certainly relate. I don’t think I would chalk this one up to hormones as much as I would to being the mother of a little boy who is growing up.
Erin, my sense is that this is a bit to do with Hudson growing up and not being a baby anymore, and also about Hayes being the baby that is about to come on board…real soon! You realize that the “first born, ONLY one” relationship you’ve had with Hudson is about to change…..forever. Try not to think about that. There’s a precious picture in your future that you should focus on. In a year from now you and Hayes are hugging each other in a similar way that you and Hudson are in the pic above. And then there’s Hudson with his left arm around the back of your neck and his right arm hugging protectively on to the back of his baby brother. Now that makes me tear up!
ekkk.. i know the feeling:( it used to make me sob when people told me before cate was born.. it goes by so fast. Yes it does!
Oh, this is SO sweet.
Bawling.
And I don’t have the excuse of hormones!!
Secret: Because BG is just so busy, we don’t get the snuggle time anymore. So I’ve been known to sneak into her room, pick up my sleeping babe, and just hold her. It’s my favorite and I eat up those snuggles. Sigh.. it goes way too fast.
Erin- I had tears streaming down my face and had to read this post and comments to my hubby. Wow, you seriously described in perfect detail the love of a mommy and child. I look at my 3mos. old baby girl and constantly try to memorize every moment with her and often tear up at how much she has already changed. It takes my breath away how much I love her and adore her. I can only imagine the emotions that go through you as you prepare to share love with another precious gift. Just this AM I started praying over her that she will always snuggle and cuddle no matter how big she gets 😉 Thank you SO MUCH for always speaking from the heart of a mommy…it’s so refreashing to read words that hit home and truly put a voice to motherhood and the blessing that it is.
Whew, that photo just kills me! In a good way, of course 🙂
What a sweet post! And I love the photo of the two of you. I think those sweet moments with you and your son will only continue as he gets older.
That was so sweet…I have done the same…my oldest of four is 3 1/2 and my youngest is 5 months…as every month passes I love his new stage, but I also am sad that before I know it, he will be one, and the “baby” will leave and a little boy will replace him…It is bittersweet to me…I just can’t believe how fast they grow up!!
Tonight…. my little boy crawled into my lap before bedtime and snuggled up. I was sitting in the rocking chair. I just sat there for 30 mins or so after he had fallen asleep. AND ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE! He’s such a rough & tumble little boy… when he chooses to crawl in my lap, I’ll stop whatever I’m doing and just enjoy. I know I won’t have this forever…. enjoying the many blessings that two little boys bring. 🙂
So, so true! My “baby” is 6 and when he’ll let me I still pick him up and have a little snuggle…he lets me way more than you’d think!! 🙂 Time is precious…