I know it’s really supposed to be “a case of the Mondays” but it’s Thursday and there’s some wacky stuff going on.
Hudson is going through some stuff. I like to blame teething because I can see those super sharp canine teeth poking through his gums. And his entire hand is always in his mouth. And his nose is dripping like crazy. But maybe teething is just a convenient excuse for the terrible twos?
I know my sweet boy isn’t terrible, but oh my word. I need a break. Or a good cry. Or a pity party.
All of Hudson’s symptoms are amplified because of my pregnancy. My body hurts and my fuse is short. My dogs are getting on my nerves and I need my space.
How much sense does it make that I want to cry because Hudson is constantly having mini-meltdowns? Do I need my own melt-down? (How old am I?)
He is always so happy to be awake in the morning and as soon as there’s a misunderstanding or miscommunication (because even though we try, we can’t understand everything he’s trying to tell us), the day takes a turn for the worse.
Then all of a sudden after sulking in the corner, he’ll come walking back to say, “Mommy, hold you.” And I know he didn’t mean to get upset with me and I don’t mean to lose my patience with him. It’s just part of the family dynamic where we are most hurt by the ones we love the most. I don’t want to see my child act out or disobey me. And the reality that he is not flawless or perfect is hard to take sometimes. But it’s reality and Hudson is learning.
And so am I. Every single day.
I learn my lesson about what battles to pick and what time is appropriate to introduce a new activity. Or what time of day is off-limits for shopping. I know that when Hudson has had a rough day, I need to give him a break and not leave him in the church nursery so I can do what I need to do.
Today I just wanted some help. And some company.
I watched the clock like a hawk until it was finally nap time.
I know this is just a phase and it will pass. I’m irritable and Hudson is irritable and that puts us on a collision course. There are many moments when I just walk away. I walk to the other room to remind myself that he’s only 20 months old and even though I’m irritated, I can’t take it out on him. And holding a grudge against a 20 month old isn’t even a thought in my mind.
These are just little moments and they’re fleeting. But in the midst of a growing belly, stretching stomach muscles, aching backs, teething, cold season, limited vocabulary and life, I’m in need of a good cry. Or a nap.
And so is Hudson.
So I think we’ll both allow ourselves each of those things today.
Thanks for being so honest. It’s good to know that it’s normal to have days (weeks!) like this. Hope the nap/cry rejuvenates both of you 🙂
We are having a day too.
Thank you, thank you for saying EXACTLY how I’ve felt lately!!
I’m so glad to know that its not just Aidan & I but others!!
I hope & pray that things will get better!
I love you
Bless your heart! Saying a prayer for you. You’re a great mom and Hudson is a great little boy, but there is nothing wrong with a good cry…or scream! 😉
You are totally allowed to have your own meltdown! Tears can be so cathartic and healing. Go for it! Then pick yourself up out of the corner, brush away the last few tears, and make yourself a cup of (decaf) tea to relax with.
I smiled as I read because I can relate and I am not pregnant and don’t have a 2 year old! We are out of school for the sixth snow day in North AL and all three kids are unexpectedly home. Wow. It is fun, but wearing me out!!!
Thanks for sharing and being real even when it’s not pretty. Hope your day improves (and Mr. Hudson’s too!)
Oh honey, sometimes we all need a good cry, no matter our age! Hudson is lucky to have a mama like you who understands that this is a phase and that everything isn’t perfect all the time.
I hope th day get better for both of y’all!
xoxo
Hang in there sweet friend!
I’m a firm believer in the value of a good cry…and a pedicure. Sounds like mommy needs some me-time. The next time you drop Hudson off at the nursery, you should skip the errands and just treat yourself.
It is a phase but that doesn’t make right now any easier to deal with. Take a break, get a sitter or go get a pedicure. Before you know it he’ll be able to communicate much better and it will make you both so happy!
Some days are definitely harder than others. And sometimes, there are lots of those hard days at once! I always feel better after a good cry. 🙂 The kind of cry that leaves my face red and my eyes swollen. I hope things turn around for you after nap time!
I definitely need a good cry every once in a while! And, I don’t have kids yet! So, I know that when I do have kids, I’ll need a break every once in a while. It’s just like when you’re in a relationship and you have arguments..sometimes you just need to “blow up” and that doesn’t exclude your own children. Hope you get to feeling better soon! Thanks for being so open!
Sometimes a good meltdown really does help!! Hang in there. You’re doing great!
I’m not there yet (my first is due in May), but I can definitely appreciate your honesty and I’m sure when the time comes, I’ll have moments very similar these too.
This, too, shall pass…
I’m cranky too. Maybe I need to join in on this cathartic cry and pitch my own fit too!
I’m sure when he comes back and says “Mommy hold you” it really does make it all okay. so sweet.
This post hits the nail on the head at our house too! Glad to know I am not alone! Hang in there. It is sure to get better, right?!?!
I feel this way half the time, and my boys are six (and I’m not pregnant)! Then I just heard that Darius Rucker song “It won’t be like this for long.” on the way home from the grocery store and I just about lost it. Every stage feels so long when you are in it, and then you just pop right out on the other side and it’s over. Hang in there!
Let me just tell you, it is all normal. I started to panic when my son first hit this phase. I thought “oh my gosh” what is wrong with me, and then his preschool teacher told me that it is all par for the course. She also pointed out to me that they go through phases: they may have a bad couple of days (or weeks) and then suddenly it will pass but they have met a major milestone (usually related to brain development, language, maturity, etc.). I began to watch for this and sure enough she was right. Now when he is having a “bad” day, week, or even (God-forbid) month, I tell myself that his little brain is trying to expand and reorganize. Granted that doesn’t mean that he gets to do just as he pleases, it was around Hudson’s age that my husband and I really had to start disciplining. Obviously it is up to you and your husband what exactly discipline entails. And just so you know, I got so frustrated the other day that I sent myself to my room, so that I wouldn’t completely lose my cool. It happens and it’s okay.
I am so sorry you are having a day. Naps do help. Sometime they turn my 3 year old back to the adorable girl I know and love! Good Luck!
You have a great blog. I am enjoying following along.
You are so NOT alone. There a days when I feel like my little pumpkin has screamed,whined and barked orders at me from morning until night. I feel so guilty because by the time my other children come from school I am spent and just want/ need peace and quiet but they want and need me present? It will all work out, it is just a phase. At least that is what I tell myself:) Hugs!
I just love your writing. If you were an author I think I’d enjoy reading your books, your words seem very relatable and understandable. I kept reading and thinking that I agreed with you whole heartedly, but then I remembered 1) I’m not nearly as pregnant as you (18 weeks) and 2) my daughter isn’t nearly as close to the terrible two’s yet (13 months). It’s comforting to hear others’ struggles, in a way, so that my own don’t seem nearly as strange/odd/hard!
I feel you! I have two and my eldest is 2.5. He can communicate very well now, but I remember the times of frustration when neither of us could get out what we needed to! Take a bit of time for yourself if you can. Run to Target, hit up Starbucks, whatever. An hour alone is sometimes the best peace on earth, no matter how much you love them.
Being a mommy is hard! Some days we just need a break, or a hug, or a cry…
I am so right there with you! My 18 month old little guy is testing me so bad, and being 8 months pregnant makes it so much harder, I think! Add to that the stress of buying a house and moving and I just want to lay down and sleep through it all! (If only I could actually sleep!) ah…. praying for a good day (or several!) for you guys!
I cried a lot when my 3 yr old was that age! and a lot while he was 2! It IS frustrating, sometimes what helped me was a little reading (an online article) on toddler dev. or discipline- just b/c it helped depersonalize his behavior towards me, you know? (not that you need to read!!)jack was the same way(still is) about once he started getting upset or whiny or whatever, it was really hard to switch gears. and it really is just a phase. I always tell myself that and that it won’t be long before its over and it always ends! hope your day gets better! (you have lots of company though as you can tell from all the comments!)
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. My little girl is only eight months, but she HATES to be put down. She screams like no other. I mean, sweating, screaming, nose running, tears. And all I want to do is go to the bathroom and unload the dishwasher! She cannot stand to be put down, and she has refused to nap for the past TWO days. Wah! Mommies need a break, too! Glad I am not the only one.
When my 22 month old was teething those canines just a few months ago, I LITERALLY thought there was something MEDICALLY wrong with him! Once those teeth come in, he will be back to his happy self!
Hang in there! My Hudson has his days too! Especially the 2 days I work until 6, as soon as we walk in the door he wants his dinner on the table right then, no waiting!
I feel like you just picked my brain and typed exactly how I have felt this week. I get so frustrated sometimes when Cate cant tell me what she wants and just screams.. the screaming sometimes just hits a nerve in me and I need to take a deep breathe, because the moment I figure out what she is needing/wanting.. she is happy again! I am always here for you to vent to, cry to or just to listen! Know I am always thinking of you and praying for your little growing family! We love you!!! Hang in there! SOmetimes a good cry is just what the dr ordered!
Oh, yes… I’ve had those moments… Just not while pregnant, too! I can only imagine how you must feel. Thank you for being so ‘real’ as you write about the tough moments as a mommy… Because the tough moments are just as real as the sweet moments. All the best to you! xoxo Kiki
I appreciate your willingness to share and for being real. I stay at home with my 15 month old daughter. She is also teething and is learning to communicate things to my husband and I. Most days are very rewarding, but some are frustrating and I am not even pregnant! 🙂
I have my first due in April, but I KNOW I will have these same feelings. Thanks for being so honest, Erin, it helps other moms to know that even a super mom like you has these kinds of days. 🙂
Aw. You know, I’ve always felt like I was “bad” at taking care of children. My sister has 6 kids, and I just never know how she handled the three ring circus going on over there. But this post strengthens my theory that it is never easy for anyone, and those who seem like they are “handling” it are just good at letting it not get to them, or making it look like it’s not getting to them. You are strong for handling it all with such grace, AND having the courage to put it all out there on the internet. 🙂
Try not to fret over the small things.. I think if there is too much pressure to be “flawless” we set ourselves up for failure. I assure you as a mother of 3 girls 14, 10 and 7.. I would trade any day with 20 month old teething, temper tantrum handsome Hudson, for one morning of 3 girls.trying to be “Flawless” walking out the door! LOL! Just remember..this too shall pass
It feels wonderful to hear this coming from another mom. I’m so happy that you’re not afraid to just tell it like it is; you’re so ‘real’ on here and I love it! I just adore your blog all together; it’s very uplifting! : )
-Kelly L. Forbes
Erin- Just be happy that Hudson did not attack/”HUG” another child at LG TWICE today….. soon Emma Bays is going to be banned……
We have our days as well…. I just walk away and let her have her time! I am sure it is hard while being prego…. I am always here if you need help when the new little one comes!
Safe Travels!
You sweet thing….what a helpful thing you did to post this to all the other mommies! And you are absolutely correct in your mention of picking your battles! When my baby had the evil colic and was crying non-stop and my dh was working nights in the ER, I would have to set her down in the crib, go downstairs and I have myself a good cry. And a couple of Oreos. We all have these off days and they’ll pass and motherhood will be sweet again.
Oh dear, I am going through the same thing right now too. Pregnancy gives you little to no extra patience, and that’s hard with an 18 month old! It will get better, and I try to tell myself that I will miss these days (one day!)
🙂
xoxo
Wish I could give you a hug in person!
Ugh, I’m right there with you. So then when I get over my frustration, all I want to do is CRY because I WAS FRUSTRATED! Ugh! Motherhood is TOUGH!
Amen, sistah! Being 9 months pregnant with a whiny, teething 16 month old, I felt the exact same last night. Not my best parenting moment, laying on the couch as I let my little girl wonder around the house tearing stuff up. But today’s a new day, right?!? Thank goodness for excellent husbands who came home and cleaned up after my hurricane toddler AND slept on the couch to give me more room in the bed, so I could be more comfortable and might acutally get some sleep. Thanks again for the honesty, Erin!
My son is 7 now so I barely remember these times. I miss having a little one so much. I would gladly come over and give you a few hours of time to yourself; I only wish I lived closer.
Erin, Thank you for writing this and sharing a bit of reality. I have to admit that I breathed a sigh of relief that you too have days like that. I was honestly starting to think your family and life were absolutely perfect and caught myself comparing Gavin’s development to Hudson’s which is never healthy. Gavin is almost 27 months old, and I struggle with how much I should stress the learning and discipline and how much I should just appreciate the time with this little boy who is growing up too fast and love each minute even if he isn’t doing the “right” thing. Thank you. Feel free to stop by my blog anytime and see what daily craziness is happening at our house! http://jenningsbaby.blogspot.com/
I just wanted to tell you that I went through that with my 22 month old from Thanksgiving to Christmas. He was HORRIBLE. It was a good 6 weeks of that SAME behavior. What was worse is that it happened in front of family bc of it being the Holidays. OMG I was soooo embarrassed. So what did we do? Well what may or may not work for you. We got REALLY strict about the whining and temper tantrums. With the whining, I would say “Mommy is not going to talk to you until you stop whining and use your words the right way” Then I would turn my back and walk away. It worked. Jack did it like 3 times and picked it up pretty quick and the whining went from 90% of the time to 20% it seemed. He still will get started up and now all I have to say is “stop whining please and use your words”. Its doing the trick. I also used time out BIG time with the temper tantrums that were BAD. Most I just would walk away from but the big ones I did time out. If he was testing waters with stuff he isnt supposed to do I would warn him about a pop and then if he did it again, I would pop him. Broke my heart but after 2 days of being super strict he really turned a corner. So do what you think is necessary (after you pick your self up from the reality check of having a toddler not a baby anymore :0) ).
I just recently started reading your blog after a friend told me about it. I am 32 weeks pregnant and not having the easiest pregnancy. I also have a daughter who just turned 3. She is going through the terrible 2’s that have overflowed into 3’s. She REFUSES to potty train, already thinks she is old enough to tell me and my husband what to do, and at times has major attitude problems. However, she also has the best manners and says please and thank you, is very helpful around the house for Mommy, and loves to have us read her books. We have had many days like this lately where all I want is a break, but then feel super guilty when I get it. I think we all go through times like this and need to “vent” it out! So glad I found your site!!!
my son is now 5 yr old & it’s been one of those weeks for us too !!! Every age has their struggles. It’s so hard being a SAHM when you are on your own & just wish you had someone who could come to your rescue just for 10 minutes so you can have few moments of peace !!! Motherhood is the hardest job ever but has the greatest rewards ! Sending you smiles & hugs from one SAHM mom to another 🙂
Wow, very interesting post. I’m trying to figure out how to say this delicately, but I think this is one of those “life happens” moments, so I think I’m just going to say it. In the 20 months that I’ve been reading about your experiences as a new parent, I’ve read A LOT that I completely identify with (“I could have written that about Mia 4 years ago,” that kind of thing), but then there (of course) have been some things that I did not relate to. Specifically, anytime you’ve made any kind of remark like “we’re really working on obedience right now.” Those comments always kind of stopped me in my tracks, thinking, “Wait, Hudson is only ——-teen months old!” The question that has come to my mind on each of those occasions is this: what is obedience in a child that young? My parenting philosophy has always included a caveat about children under, oh, I’d say somewhere between 3 and 4. The caveat being: they’re too little to understand! A blanket statement, yes. But as I’ve watched little ones grow, I have come to firmly believe that they really have almost zero understanding about behavior, obedience, consequences, etc., until sometime in the third to fourth year. Now, you might be inclined to disagree with me. I’m assuming that you believe that children have some natural, basic understandin gof right and wrong, empathy, not hurting others, etc. I also believe that to an extent, because I do believe that each person is born with what I call the Light of Christ, which allows us to have an innate sense of right and wrong. But even given that, having watched my own little ones, I truly believe that that understanding just doesn’t kick in enough to really expect “obedience” until a little later.
This is really super long already, I’m sorry. The bottom line is that when I’ve read your comments about Hudson going through a “phase” or having difficulty with obedience, I just keep thinking that I hope that with time, your perspective will shift a little. I believe that you’re going through the transition that EVERY first time parent goes through: seeing your perfect, angelic, predictable little infant who wants nothing more than to be loved by you, turn into a PERSON, an individual with opinions, a need to figure life out for himself, and a just-barely-developing sense of actions and consequences. It’s hard, I know. But what I believe firmly is that it’s NOT a phase. Unless you call the-rest-of-life-after-infancy a phase. 🙂 Now granted, I haven’t been a mother to teenagers yet. But my extrapolation from my experience so far is that, even though the exact behaviors change, everything after infancy is one phase after another of different ways of learning through trial-and-error, including constantly testing boundaries.
I’m not going to say that I’ve never seen what appeared to be perfectly obedient kids. I’ve seen them, and thought “How do their parents do that?” But you know what? Anytime I’ve actually had the opportunity to ask a parent that question, the answer invariably is “Oh you should see him at home/near bedtime/if he didn’t get a long enough nap/etc.” The point being, there are no perfectly obedient kids. I believe that our calling as parents is to make every effort we can to TEACH them obedience, to TEACH them right from wrong. But what does it mean to NEED to teach them? It means that a toddler has almost no concept of those things to begin with. So teaching is not just a one-step lesson: “Hudson, you need to listen to mommy!” Right? Oh, if we only had to say things to our children once! It is an every day, day in, day out process.
An exhausting one. Ha. Which brings me to the part where I have 100% sympathy for you! I know what it’s like to be pregnant and have an almost-two year old. I just did it not too long ago! And it is exhausting! And you know what? You’re absolutely right: you do need a break, you do need some space. If you can possibly get it, take it! Let your husband know that you need a couple of scheduled times every week when he leaves the house with Hudson and you get to put your feet up and just breathe–no cleaning or work allowed! Or that he needs to stay home with Hudson while you go do simple, relaxing things by yourself. It seems like you’re lucky in that your husband is very willing to take care of Hudson, so take advantage of that! In my experience, taking the step of making it a scheduled, specific time every week makes it actually happen. Otherwise it ends up being “I need to take a break sometime. . .” which is too easy to become something that just doesn’t happen.
The bottom line: be kind to yourself. Both in terms of making downtime for yourself a priority (stay-home moms don’t get sick days, vacation days, or weekends. . .you have to really carve it out for yourself, especially in highly sensitive times like when you’re pregnant or have a newborn), and also in terms of going easy on yourself (and Hudson) when it comes to Hudson’s behavior. Understand that he’s not going through a naughty phase; he’s simply transitioning from infant to kid, and that by definition means there will be bumps in the road, sometimes battle lines drawn, and always a pretty steep learning curve. The key is to not expect Hudson’s behavior to miraculously be perfect in a short amount of time, it’s to shift YOUR perspective about what his behavior SHOULD be at each age, and accept that for what it is. Two year olds aren’t always nice, otherwise it wouldn’t be UNIVERSALLY be called terrible, right? There’s a reason that phrase exists! Oh, and how many dozens of people have said this one to you yet: “I don’t know why they say terrible twos, THREE is WAY worse!”? Has anyone said that? I used to kind of want to punch everyone who said that to me, because I just thought they were being contrary and pessimistic. But uh, yeah. I really hate to be that Debbie Downer, but in my experience it’s been true. Three is maybe even harder than two, and then four and five have honestly been equally challenging, just in totally different ways. Ah. . .parenting. There’s a reason everyone says it’s the hardest job in the world. Good thing it’s also, I believe, the most rewarding! Take it in stride and don’t stress about producing a perfect little obedient prince. He’ll get there one day, just give it the time that it takes.
i am a lurker, but couldn’t help but comment on this post! 🙂
i have an (almost) 20 month old and i am 27 weeks pregnant, too. i can SO relate to this post. in fact, i was in tears reading it, because it just felt so good to know that someone else understands how i feel and i’m not just some mean old mother. i feel guilty when i watch the clock counting down the minutes until naptime or when i look forward to friday because i know she’ll be in school for a few hours, because THIS was my dream – i wanted, begged, pleaded, prayed to stay home and i feel so ungrateful sometimes that i feel this way, when i am, in fact, living my dream. thanks for sharing your heart and for making this momma feel a little more “normal” (whatever that is….) ;0)
So, this was me yesterday.
I could have written every word of that.
I feel guilty feeling this way because my kids are such a blessing but I am so glad I am not alone!
Thanks for your honesty!