What would you do if, say, you were at Little Gym with your sweet, healthy toddler and one of the other little toddlers doesn’t seem so healthy? Actually, he has a wide-spread rash-like situation going on all over his face and body.
He’s playing with the equipment your child is playing with and putting his mouth on things. And then at one point he walks over to your toddler and tries to stick his hand in your toddler’s mouth. The cute toddler with the rash has a mother there, too, but she’s just kind of laughing it off.
I don’t like confrontation and I don’t like to assume anything. Maybe he just got hot in the car? Maybe he’s not sick at all. Maybe he cried a lot before he got to Little Gym and he got one of those crying rashes.
So I just didn’t do anything or say anything. Except I did ask my friend if it made her a bit nervous, too.
What would you do? Ask the parent if the child is okay? Ignore it like the chicken that I am? Or just leave with your child because the whole thing makes you so nervous.
I’ve been checking Hudson today about every twenty minutes trying to make sure he isn’t covered in spots!
Keep your sick babies at home so they can get well and so others don’t get sick. (I know I shouldn’t assume that he was sick, but it was questionable.)
Are there any nurses or pediatricians in the house who can weigh in on this to help me feel better…. or put me in my nervous-mother place?
Maybe he had an allergic reaction to medicine or something totally harmless? I’d be freaked out too and would like to think that I’d ask (in the most graceful way possible) if her little guy had gotten into something?
Surely, Hudson will be fine!
I’d be concerned BUT I dealt with a chicken-pox type rash two weeks ago. It was roseola and the doctor said once the rash hits, the chance of spreading it is gone. The fever hits a few days before. I didn’t take James out for fear of situations just like that, though, where mamas would be concerned! Maybe it’s the same thing!!!
That’s a very frustrating situation. I too would be leary to say something also (don’t like confrontation) but it’s really something that mother needs to hear. You could say it gently with much care and concern not only for your little boy but for the other child. ‘Hope your little guy stays well.
I’ve learned that it’s never good to jump to conclusions and sometimes getting involved with a parent and their child, especially with regard to the child’s well being, can make one seem a little overbearing ALTHOUGH i plan to bathe my child in sanitizer when the time comes. It may just be an allergy, heat rash, or it could be something else that could put you and Hud out of commission for several days. If you see this continuing, I would take it up with Little Gym administrators so they can address the problem directly with their patron.
This reminds me of a time when I had just started my new job and was in the restroom trying to mend a wound on my hand from my new puppy (at the time). A co worker had mistaken this for me not washing my hands and an HR rep at the time e-mailed me that people were concerned I was not washing my hands. Little did they know that I was only in the restroom mending a wound and, at the time, was working another job as a server and washed my hands religiously. You just never know what’s going on with someone.
I’d take Amelia and leave. That would make me a nervous wreck. I think the employees at the gym should have let the parents know that the spotted child was ok to be around. LOL
Now if it were me, I would not take my toddler to the Little Gym with a rash unless I knew for sure it wasn’t contagious. My daughter has had a viral rash before after having a fever that was all over her body and lasted a few days. I tallked to the Dr’s office and they said it was common after a fever but that it was only contagious before she even had the fever and as long as she had been fever free for 24 hours, she was OK to go back to daycare with it. There are also rashes that are allergy related. I am only telling you this to comfort you in knowing there are plenty of rashes out there that are in fact not contagious.
Me being the germaphobe that I am, and having a hard enough time taking my kid to these places even though I do, I probably would have in a non confrontational way asked what he had gotten into to cause that rash.
Hope your little Hud Bud is just fine and doesn’t show any signs of a rash!
Those situations are the worst… Sometimes I’ll say something that acknowledges it without making any accusations of illness (“Oh bless his heart, has he gotten a heat rash, too?”), but it’s never a comfortable place to be in.
I volunteer for our school’s clinic on my off days, and it’s crazy to me that parents knowingly send their kids to school sick… And I mean OBVIOUS things (green runny noses, hacking coughs, chicken pox, HEAD LICE!!, you name it)… When did this become okay?!
I’m one of those mother’s who when worried, voices it. I would have asked her/the child, politely of course, something like “oh my goodness, did you get into some poison ivy/something itchy” or something like that as a segue into why exactly her child is rashy. I’m sorry, but especially if I’m in a place of play that I’m paying for, I’m going to get to the bottom of a something so visible. I realize that sicknesses are often hidden and you don’t know about one until your child is feverish, but if I can see it, I’m going to assume the worst, but ask in a polite way. Some parents just assume everyone is okay with the “kids get sick and you can’t stop all of it” school of thought. I am NOT one of those parents.
Let me start by saying that I’m somewhat sensitive to these situations…
My son has bad skin allergies and eczema. He is not contagious and we do everything we can to keep him comfortable and happy. He often looks like he has very bad rash. Please don’t assume that the child is sick or contagious.
Tricky! like others have said, it could have been an allergy related rash, heat rash, etc. that would be harmless to other little ones. In that case, I would have went up to the staff, expressed my concerns, and ask that they clarify the rash with the mother.
I would be the mom who kept him home, or told everyone within hearing (repeatedly) that he wasn’t sick. In your place, I would ask. So what if she thinks you’re rude? Is it worth Hudson getting sick? Or every other baby that is attending or touches what he touched?
I’m pretty nonconfrontational, so I’d probably call the Little Gym and ask what their policy is about sick kiddos. I’d share my concerns and pitch the idea that perhaps they put a little blurb in their next email blast to remind parents to keep their kids home if they are contagious/have a fever over X, etc. (My Little Gym does email blasts… perhaps this is idiosyncratic to our LG, though…) I feel your anxiety, though! In the moment, I probably would have kept my little one at a distance without saying anything. Or else I would have said ‘Oh, poor little guy. Is he ok?’ Ugh. I hate these situations. 🙂 Kiki
My sister has 5 different forms of chronic eczema and growing up she was always asked if she was ok to play on things or to go into pools for fear of contaminating things. I think it’s ok to ask to see what is going on and not to assume that it’s always something bad. My sister got her feelings hurt a lot of times from people assuming and being rude, instead of asking. It’s always great to just ask and to see first!
I rarely comment, but this one hits close to home, so I have to. My son (10 months) has reflux. Because of this he often gets a little choked and coughs. His cough sounds terrible because the reflux causes softening of the vocal cords. The cough sounds rough and similar to whooping cough. I get dirty looks all of the time and have twice been called out of church to get him from the nursery and told my “sick child” can’t be around the other kids. I think we live in an overly paranoid society and I can’t imagine how I’d feel if my child had a more serious illness that caused people to overreact. I know that children with severe skin issues often appear to have rashes etc. That said, my husband’s cousin brought her child with a fever to a family dinner and I told her nicely that she should always keep him home if he has a fever because that means an infection is present. I guess I’m saying every situation varies and with this situation I wouldn’t have said anything. Making assumptions can be very hurtful to the parents and children involved.
Ugggggg, I am anti-confrontational in situations like these… whereas Evs would be all “YO LADY! YOUR CHILD BETTER NOT BE INFESTING MY CHILD WITH IT’S GERMIES!” He is guy who turns around and GLARES at the person sitting behind him the movie theater if they having a coughing attack during flu season.
Like Rebekah said, I will SO be the mom who goes around to all the parents and says “Please pardon my child’s appearance, but he just has a little heat rash… I promise he’s not sick!” Maybe ask one of the instructors? Because surely they have a “no sick kiddies” policy, right?
This reminds me of a recent trip to the grocery store where the cashier had a skin disease that I have NEVER seen before. It was if they had gumballs under their skin. All over their arms, hands, and neck. I’m sure other parts as well but that was all I could see. All I could think about was the fact that this person was touching ALL of my stuff that I would eventually eat. I know it’s wrong and insensitive. I like to think I’m a little more understanding of these things because I work in health care and am usually not bothered by people’s ailments..but I was. I’m assuming the CORRECT thing to do would be “get over it” because that person deserves to have a job and we shouldn’t judge him/her because of a problem like that…but don’t I have a right to be comfortable knowing my food isn’t contaminated with some incurable skin disease? I don’t think this is the same as hiring someone based on race, etc because a person’s race cannot infect me.
It’s a little different situation but still the same..just like the manager of that store should have realized how that person was making the customers feel…whoever is running this place you go should have intervened and asked the mom if the child was contagious..and the mom should have been more sensitive to the fact that even if the kid WASNT that she is probably making others uncomfortable.
I’ve had to deal with a couple of rashes on my son recently. The first one was from roseola, which is not contagious once they have the rash. The other was a mystery one, and with no fever, the doctor said he shouldn’t be contagious. Whenever I took my son out, I made sure to explain the situation to everyone. I didn’t want anyone to think that I was bringing Typhoid Mary around!
What is really scary is that most illnesses are contagious before any symptoms show up. We can all unknowingly spread illnesses we don’t even know we have yet! It totally freaks me out! I always get a little freaked out taking my son to the playground because of it, and I refuse to take him to the play area at the mall. I’m probably just overreacting, I know.
I keep thinking about that Mom- I would be walking around finding ways to tell everyone, “don’t worry, he isn’t contagious” because I would be so concerned about everyone thinking I was being irresponsible.
Poor little guy with the rash…
Still, it would freak me out completely. I am horrible with germs. I would probably sweetly ask his mommy if anything serious was wrong to see what she said. Maybe she is concerned, too, and needs to vent??
More likely, I would just take my babies and politely leave.
I am an allergist, not a pediatrician, but I do take care of lots of kids with rashes. And I’m also a mother. If I had felt uncomfortable with the idea that the child might be contagious, I would have just left with my child. While most rashes are not contagious, as moms, we are the best advocates for our children. And there’s really no way to keep others from bringing sick kids out. Always a great idea to wash hands or use hand sanitizer upon entering and leaving a place like Little Gym. And in all fairness, I think all of the other responses above are perfectly reasonable.
Sick kids should stay home but waaaay too many mommies can’t wait to get out and don’t care about spreading germs. I would’ve said something quietly to the teacher who could have spoken privately to the parent in question…
There’s noting worse than someone being sick and being out and about. I HATE when people come into work and are sick. I feel like saying “STAY HOME! Keep your germs away from me!” I think people should keep their sick children home. Can you say something to the staff @ the gym? I think if a parent complains, it should be the job of the staff at the gym to say something to the sick child’s parent(s).
As a person who has had eczema her whole life & spent a great deal of my childhood with people making fun of my skin issues & not playing with me, my suggestion would be to find a way to gently ask the mom. My mom would have been happy to explain what was wrong with my skin, rather than to hear kids making fun of me or their parents not letting them play with me cause I had “a problem”.
oh, i know…it can be so awkward! i was at wal-mart on monday and a snotty-nosed little boy who had hawaiian punch all over his shirt came up to william in the buggy and stuck his dirty finger in william’s mouth…bypassed the feet, hands, face…went straight for his mouth!!! i just about died! then his mom started screaming at him, the little boy was screaming, and i was screaming in my head…just keep your child in the buggy…all in the produce section! HA! i’m preparing myself for another case of the sniffles!
Could it possibly have been a birthmark? It seems most moms would have kept their children home if they had a rash…
I can’t say that all mommys/parents would know better then to take a sick child out but they should!my youngest gets rashes all the time and there from food allergies and even gets rashes when she has an ear infection (something that is not congagtious) and shes allergic to mosquiots, and most plants which is hard to deal with when you live in texas. So I am going to say the best thing to do would be nice and just ask the parents. If a parent came up an asked me i wouldnt mind answering “oh shes fine she just got into some grass today and gave her a rash but, nothing that would harm your child” but to take your child and just run away is rude and uncalled for in my opinion.
I probably would have just left. Recently I was at a birthday party and a friend was there with her daughter, but her son and husband weren’t there. I asked her where they were and she said “oh they’re home with the stomach bug”. Um…no thank you! We left because I didn’t want to risk that they had it, too, but just weren’t sick yet and risk getting it from them!
I think you did the right thing in not saying anything. You never know, but it sounds like it looked awfully suspicious. I would be worried right along with you, especially since the little guy was touching Hudson and things that were being communally touched. I would say that if it happens again, ask the people in charge what is going to be done especially if it’s the same child. However, I am in the same boat with you– if your child is sick or maybe even possibly contagious, keep them home! It’s like when parents send their child to my classroom with a fever. I can’t imagine!
I don’t even think this rule should be limited to tots. If you’re sick, don’t come to work and grime up the door handles, fax machine, and the beloved Keurig. Don’t come to class and breathe all over pregnant me while you ask me what page the case we’re discussing is on. Just stay home, get better, and do yourself and everyone else a favor.
Humph.
I am a CHICKEN too! I would probably take Connor and run outta there! yikes 😛
personally, if it bothered me that much, i would have left. but i am one that doesnt like to assume things as well (esp. about kids). and i also know that i keep myself and my son as clean (handwashing, hand sanitizer after touching anything!) as possible.
i think (im not a dr., just used to be a preschool teacher and now i have a 19 mo old) that most rashes arent contagious after a fever. so its hard to tell if he was sick sick, or maybe he could have been getting over being sick. that is a hard call. my son goes to preschool full time. i only get 3 sick days a year at work, and for school @ $1200/mo, if he isnt “truly” sick, he is going to school. that may be wrong of me to say, but it is what it is. they have a very strick sick policy, but if he has a cough or runny nose, he is going.
also, it could be allergies. my son doesnt have a true “allergy” to anything in particular. BUT if he bumps in to something or touches something the wrong way, he will break out in blotches. same thing happens if he is running around in grass. he has very sensitive skin. he also gets a heat-like rash some days as well.
I encounter this all the time at Gymboree. I am so careful about germs, (some call me extreme) and I feel that I’ve made a choice to stay home with my child and therefore protect him more from all the germs at daycare. So when there is a snotty kid at Gymboree, I avoid that kid at all costs and if it was a rash or something, I would mention it to the teacher and have them clarify it with the mother. It’s their job to keep the place clean and while a runny nose doesn’t scare off a lot of people, it does me. I’m out of commission for a week or more when the little man has a cold….because I’m the mom that WON’T expose other children to germs. You’re not bad for feeling this way….you’re just trying to protect your child.
That’s a hard one – I struggle with whether or not to send my Hudson to his “school” with things like a clear runny nose, or cough (which last year he had a cough for about 5 months!). I am super sensitive to not wanting to be “That Mom” and expose all his friends, but I also don’t want to keep him home if he’s not sick. If I know he’s not sick, but just has allergies, etc, I am the mom that clarifies to everyone that he is not sick. But being the other mom, you don’t want to, like others have said, assume that the child is contagious and avoid him, but you also don’t want to end up with your own sick munchkin in a few days. I think most moms (especially those that are engaging in mid week playdates with their children) are conscientious of this and wouldn’t bring their child out if they were contagious – probably a generous generalization, and maybe incorrect.
That is a tough situation, and I probably would have gone with my gut feeling on whether or not I should say something. However, I am like you with not wanting to assume and cause confrontation. I would have asked the Little Gym administrations if they knew what kind of condition the little boy was in before saying anything to the mother.
I sure hope he is okay and not spreading germs to everyone else at Little Gym!
I’d like to second Sara’s suggestion above about a possible birthmark. Might be impossible for many you to understand, but some babies aren’t as “perfect” as your precious snowflakes, but they do deserve to play and walk among you. It could also be a non-contagious allergic reaction or skin condition, as was also suggested above. However, I don’t think it’s the responsibility of Rash Kid’s mom to run around reassuring the other hysterical moms at that her child is “harmless.” If it is indeed a non-issue in terms of putting another child at risk, then it’s no one’s business.
If you are concerned for your child, you should always say something. However, you should be descreet and not hurt anyone or embarrass anyone as you never know what is really going on. Perhaps you could have mentioned something to the instructor? Personally, I do not take my children to Little Gym because I don’t think they clean the place very well. I have heard of TOO many little ones getting sick from other little ones at the gym.
Being a pediatric nurse, I come across some very disgusting things at the hospital and am freaked out even coming home to my little guy. As crazy as it sounds, there are indeed some rashes that aren’t contagious (very few, but true). If this were my child though, we would have stayed at home.
I don’t like confrontation either, but perhaps bringing it up casually to the mother might not be a bad thing. It’s kinda like the situation at the pediatrician’s office when kids come up and touch my baby’s hands. Gross!! Don’t touch my kid, especially at the MD’s office!
I agree with some other people who have said that it was that mom’s responsibility to put you at ease. She knew what her child looked like, and if it was nothing, then she should have said something. Or the Gymboree teacher should’ve asked the mom what was up. (I’m assuming this was a class, not just free play). They should have policies about bringing sick children, right?
But all that’s to say, I’m totally like you… not confrontational all the way around!! And even when my kids have allergies but are not contagious, I’ll skip Mother’s Day Out or preschool… classes I’ve paid for… to keep them home to avoid dirty looks from other moms. (I can’t tell you how many times I make parenting decisions based on other moms.)
But maybe, should something like that happen again, you could show concern for her child while asking what the heck is going on… “Aw, poor little guy, look at that rash. Is he sick? “
Tricky situation! I hate confrontation so I would not ask the parent. I would probably do exactly what you did! Plus, with each subsequent kid you become a lot less sensitive to these types of situations. That said. . .
My son has bad eczema / asthma / reflux, and always has a raised red bump rash on his face. He also has a cough that sounds like he has the plague every.single.day. He also throws up about 50% of the time when he eats or drinks. We’ve had a couple people ask us about his “situation”, concerned that they were going to catch something. I was never offended. I just explained the situation, and they are always understanding. We’ve even had parents of other kids in his class at daycare ask the director about the “kid that throws up when he coughs”. So, I would ask if you can muster the courage. If it really is nothing harmless (to others), the mom won’t mind. If it is something to worry about, she’ll feel guilty and never do it again!
I know I am in the minority here, but I also don’t think all germs are bad. My daughter was sick all the time with colds and such the first year she was in daycare. She even had Pertussis (she was too young to vaccinate, and someone else didn’t). But after that first year, she is the healthiest kid there is, and has only been to the drs 2 in the last two years (wellness visits). Her immune system is a rock!
Of course the golden rule should be if you are sick, and you know it, stay home! Kid or not. There is a admin at work who is well known for coming to work sick, coughing all over the place and being gross! So nasty! I’m with Mrs. Pepperoni – don’t touch the Keurig!
Its seems pretty straightforward to me. If you are not comfortable asking the mother directly, ask a staff person at Gymboree to ask the mom what’s going on with the kid. Second only to your child getting sick from some exposure to a virus, the worst thing that could happen is not saying something and making mom and child feel odd because everyone is treating them differently.
Since my 14-week old, Kate, just got her first cold, I understand your concern. It does not matter if another kid is sick or not – kids should not be invading other kid’s space. Yes, I know they are little, but it seems to me the other mom should have corrected her kid when he put his hands anywhere near Hudson’s mouth! Gross! But I understand feeling chicken because the other day some lady put her hands all over Kate’s face – I was too stunned to say anything. But looking back, I should have asked her not to touch her face… Kid’s get sick, that’s a given, but I like to limit the germs if I can.
This is frustrating. I have a friend who is always saying that her kids have allergies, but I don’t necessarily buy it all of the time. I am the kind of person who keeps my kid home when he’s sick – ALWAYS. I certainly wouldn’t take him to school, or Little Gym, or the library when he’s obviously sick. When other kids are sick, or appear sick, I get very, very frustrated because no amount of hand washing is going to keep my kid from getting sick when he picks up a toy that your sick kid just had in his mouth.
All these answers are so interesting!! I have no clue what I’d do…
I know how you feel:) However Emerson has had a runny nose for like two weeks (teething alergies?? I have no idea)! But I feel like the other mother’s are judging me!! So I can see both sides!
Gross!!! I would have been a wreck! Here’s my thing…if your child isn’t contageous, it’s fine to bring him. But at least TELL the other mom’s, “By the way, the rash isn’t contageous!” haha!!!
i , myself have encountered such situations… i ask parents if their kiddo is sick.. i dont think its rude, but i feel safer knowing..
I would love to think that I would pack up and leave, but realistically, I would probably stay out of fear of hurting anyone’s feelings. And then feel guilty about it. For days.
* I just wanted to say that I have been reading your beautiful blog for a while now, but have only recently gotten the courage to start commenting. Thanks for all of the Mommy advice, home decorating ideas, etc. that you post. As a new mom that doesn’t yet have many mom friends, I love checking in to see what new things you have posted.
I would have been very nervous and worried just like you, but I also probably wouldn’t have said anything because I tend to avoid confrontations about things like that. That being said, my daughter has terrible eczema that oftentimes looks like a rash, especially after she’s been wearing sunscreen (which I put on her all the time because I want to protect her precious skin!) And although I know it’s not contagious, if I didn’t know better and she was someone else’s child, I probably would wonder whether it was a rash and could be spread to others.
Ick! You’d think that child’s mother would have been running over to tell you that you shouldn’t be concerned about the rash because she would have had the same concerns you did had the situation been reversed. (assuming that she was not an idiot who took a sick child out, and that there was a reasonable explanation for the rash) I’m so non-conftontational too, I don’t know how I would have reacted. I probably would have just gotten my kid and left as soon as it was not obvious we were leaving becuse of that kid. Hope it was nothing and you and Hudson didn’t catch something!
Hi erin
As a r. n. and mom of two i would invent an excuse and leave. i think it was inappropriate for her to bring the child as a rash can mean so many things. At least she should have told the group, oh, i am sorry SOn has heat rash or whatever, but it is not contagious….some people have no manners. I am sure it was an awkward situation to be in.
Have to laugh at Mrs. Prepperoni’s “beloved Keurig” comment!! Not laughing at Erin’s predicament! Oh Erin, wait until potty training in public places! Worse.Thing.Ever.
Hope your little guy will be OK.
My best friend used to own a Little Gym. I think she would have the perfect response. I will forward your post to her…
I think I should have reread my comment before i posted it… I so did not mean to come off rude ( MANY MANY SORRY’S) I just ment leaving the situation would be rude without asking, not even implying that you did that. I just wanted to say sorry for not wording that better!
So i will try rewording it better…
I am a over productive mom so I can see how the situation would be upsetting lil rash boy playing with your adorable Hudson but, I think in a situation like this it is ok to ask the parent nicely just so your not worried about your son or any other child catching something. I once took Bella to little gym when her ears where bothering her (she gets rashes from them sorta look like hives) and the staff member did ask nicely if Bellas was ok to play today and if anything was going on with her. If I kept her at home every ear infection we would ALWAYS be at home lol. So in my opinion just ask the parent that way you know your son is safe!
Once again sorry if my last post came out wrong.
Oh my goodness! I would of swooped cate up and quietly left… Esp if it is hand foot mouth.. which it sounds like it was… poor little boy… I actually might of asked her if her son was feeling ok and I do not like confrontation either!!!
PS.. love huddys halloween costume! so cute
Skype Thursday Morning? Or gmail skype.. love ya
Maybe I’m a bit of a germaphobe and maybe I’m a bit of a stickler for teaching good manners from the get-go, but I’d be a little upset over the boy sticking his hand in my boy’s mouth even if he as healthy as a horse. I think the mom should have told him “no we don’t do that.” Just my opinion though…
It’s never easy when faced with a potential situation that may leave someone feeling embarrased or hurt. This said, we are our children’s advocates. If we’re concerned about something affecting them, and neglect to speak up about it, no one else will do it for you.
Thankfully, you do have several routes you could take.
1.) As a gal who avoids confrontation as much as possible, I empathize with your situation. There are polite, graceful ways to handle your concerned curiosity though. As suggested by another mother, the “bless your heart route” is always safe and shows your own empathy to the other parent. No one could begrudge that.
My son used to have horrible eczema when he was an infant. We thank God that our doctors discovered the cause within a short time and that he no longer does, but it’s proof positive that not all rashes are contagious. As a parent coming from the other end, I think I’d understand if someone approached me in conversation. Id’ like the chance to educate and calm any worries.
2.) If you really just want to avoid the situation altogether, go ahead and quietly speak to the person in charge. There’s no harm in doing this either. You can completely avoid any confrontation and hurt feelings. The mother may have also already explained the situation to them.
I’m sure Hudson will be just fine. These little peaks and valleys we encounter during parenthood aren’t always surrounded by clear-cut answers, but as you clearly have Hudson’s best interest at heart, you’ll make the right call. Listen to your instincts. They’ll always steer you in the right direction.
Warmly,
Elizabeth
I am the chicken who wouldn’t say anything (OUTLOUD: Because inside I would be screaming EEEWWW!) I would have just left and then called Little Gym to ask what their policy was for OBVIOUS rash and signs of illness. The instructor should have addressed the mother.
I most likely wouldn’t say anything, but at the same time I would be a bit nervous. My son attends preschool and I have a friend who has been known to bring her daughter a bit sick. Infuriates me everytime. It is selfish to take your sick to public places. Even when my son is not contagious I keep him home, because he’s often miserable.
I used to own a The Little Gym franchise. I will tell you that most TLG owners and managers are very conscience of health issues and TLG International is constantly stressing the importance of keeping the gym clean. In fact a couple years ago I heard about Swine Flu (before it was H1N1) through the franchise updates, before I ever heard about it on the news. They encouraged heightened cleaning and instructing parents about what we do to keep the gym a healthy place. Most facilities have a detailed daily, weekly and monthly cleaning regiment. I know all of our small hand toys were wiped off between classes precisely for the containment of germs. All that being said children are usually contagious up to 72 hours before they start showing signs of a cold. So you can only control so much and kids will just get sick. Sick kids suck, but in the end they need to get sick in order to build up an immune system. I wouldn’t hesitate to reschedule a kid with drippy green snot. I also had a little boy that had awful psoriasis. The mom brought me a note from the doctor, which I did NOT ask for, she volunteered. She told me to keep it on file and feel free to show it to anyone who requested it. She was and is truly an amazing parent. I feel awful for her because so many parents asked me about the situation, then didn’t understand that psoriasis is not contagious and transferred their kids out of his class. There were some seriously closed minded parents and they made me realize all the ridiculous hatred and misunderstanding in this world. There were also really awesome parents who understood and went out of their way to make this boy feel accepted. I’m not saying that the kid you encountered with a rash wasn’t contagious, I’m simply asking you to hold off judgment until you know the full story. My child also gets non-contagious rashes and I do let her teachers at school and dance know about her issue. I do try and cover it up, but I’m sure there are lots of people wondering if she’s contagious. They can ask me or a teacher, or they can judge me.
I would suggest if it bothered you that much to contact the gym/program manager and/or owner and let them know about the situation. Ask them about their “sick child” policy and if their instructors are trained on how to appropriately address this awkward conversation. Seriously, most owners and managers are more than happy to share information! The gyms also should have weekly staff meetings so if they haven’t practiced in a while, this would be a good opportunity to suggest a role play on how to ask a parent to take their sick kid home.
I do not want to publish my name publicly, but I *think* you see my email, as I have included it. Please feel free to email me directly if you have any questions about how I handled my TLG location.
I think that it’s completely appropriate to say something along the lines of, “Oh, poor little guy! He looks like he has a rash! Is he OK?” to his mom. It sounds like you’re concerned about the child rather than, “Ew! What is wrong with him?!”, and gives the mom a chance to say, “Oh, it’s just heat rash”, or “Oh, it’s just a mild allergic reaction – thanks for asking!” I can’t imagine a reasonable person being offended at that, so if she did get upset, then just chalk it up to her being unreasonable. Little ones are so easily exposed and get sick so much more quickly than adults, especially with the way that they explore their environment (lots of drool!). It might have been nothing, but I think that it’s always better to be safe than sorry.
I understand your concern Erin, but I’m a little disturbed by all the “ewww” comments from some of the readers. As someone with a fairly large and at-time noticeable birthmark, there is nothing harsher than someone assuming there is something wrong with you. Just a little food for thought for some of the commenters…
Use your best judgement Erin. If it’s obviously a rash, then maybe ask a staff member. If you’re unsure and he’s there again next time, it’s probably not anything you need to concern yourself with since the staff has probably made sure it’s nothing contagious.
While I do understand your concern, Erin, but I’m seeing a ton of comments about hand-sanitizers and I just wanted to point something out.
Hand-sanitizing everything you touch constantly is actually counter-productive as it kills both good and bad bacteria. Good bacteria kill bad bacteria and all this anti-bacterial stuff is part of the reason why bacteria are becoming drug-resistant. It’s a survival of the fittest kind of thing.
Another thing to think about is immunity. Our immune systems build antibodies through low-level exposure to germs. The more antibodies we have, the stronger our immune systems and the less often we get sick. Zero exposure to germs = zero immunity.
The single best way to prevent illnesses is to instill good hand-washing habits in your children and also to encourage them to keep their hands out of their mouths and eyes!
It’s also helpful to teach your little ones good hand-washing technique. Hands should be scrubbed and rinsed for at least fifteen seconds. For my little ones, I have them sing the whole ABC song while scrubbing/rinsing to make sure that they are doing it long enough.
Now, I’m not saying it’s okay for a kid with the croup to go around drinking out of everyone’s sippy cup or that kids should be crawling on the floors of public restrooms or something, but I think people go way overboard in the germ prevention department. As a result, they get sick way more often.
Also, as for the little boy with the rash in particular, roseola is very common and not contagious once the rash spreads. Allergic reactions to vegetation tend to peak when the seasons are changing as well and those are also not contagious.
The only thing I can think would be problematic is Hand, Foot, and Mouth. Kids get that a lot and it does cause a rash, but it almost looks like chicken pox (e.g. slightly raised red dots) and most kids are not running around a lot when they have it as it causes flu-like symptoms, fever, etc. I would say that the kid probably had roseola or heat rash or allergies and it’s not something to really worry about.
Yikes. I meant once the fever subsides instead of “once the rash spreads.”
I’m surprised the other mother didn’t say anything. I accidently put one of my son’s sets of pajamas in the wash with our sheets. He was 3 years old at the time so I didn’t think anything of it when I pulled them out of the washer but after he wore them he had an allergic reaction to our detergent. He had a widespread rash everywhere except where his diaper was. We took him to the dr. to make sure and the doctor confirmed it was an allergic reaction. We went out to eat later that day and I felt the need to explain it to everyone so that they didn’t think he was contagious (grin). Maybe just ask the staff to see if the mother told them something. Chances are, if they don’t know they would probably take your concern to heart and double-check with the mother to ensure there’s no safety issue for the other children that go there.
I would have def. freaked out too! My Hudson sometimes has allergic reactions that appear in the form of a rash around his mouth. Hopefully that is all that the little boy had. I still would not have taken him out in public though. But I think that is also a sign of hand, foot and mouth disease so you may want to call the gym and ask if they know if anyone has been sick. Good luck. I hope your cute little Hudson does not get anything!
I would have freaked out! I’m an RN and a complete germ-a-phob due to the fact I see all kinds of contagious things in my line of work. I can’t say that I would have said something to the mother…because, I too, do not like confrontation. I, however, would have talked to the management because it could cause a serious problem if whatever rash this child may have had is all over their equipment. I would have not let Greyson play (sadly) and would have left. I just hate to take a chance on something like that and it irritates me when people are careless and bring their children to things like this when they are sick. I believe in staying home, resting, and not spreading things!
I think I would have asked the Little Gym employee about it later. (All while I would have been worried and honestly probably wouldn’t have interacted with the child.) However somewhere in my mind I do know that most rashs aren’t contagious. Furthermore, after reading these responses (especially after Maggie and Claire’s) if this happened to me now, I will act differently. We really don’t know whats going on with this child and shouldn’t we trust the establishment to handle the situation with tender love? Ah, this is why I read your blog Erin. It’s good for my mothering. (Or so I’d like to think.)
Thank you to the poster “former lil gym owner.” You post is so well written and puts me at ease with the care taken at lil gym. I had eczema as a kid. When mine was bad it looked much worse than a lot of contagious rashed do. In this situation I would ask one of the lil gym employees if they knew about the child’s condition. I also would just use my instinct. If the child was acting completely normal as if the rash was not bothering him than he maybe just fine. My reason behind saying this is when my son had roseola and the rash came after the fever broke, he still felt lousy. When my friend’s kids had hand foot and mouth they felt pretty crummy as well. Your child will get some crazy things at this young and I would try to avoid the obvious ones, but a lot of times it is going to be a judgement call. The things that you are going to be most worried about Hudson getting are probably going to be the ones that you cannot see.
Erin, having a child is such a big responsibility that you are doing such a wonderful job with. I try to control things the way that you do. I think that if I can just protect my son from anything happening to him then he will be okay. I know that I cannot truely control illnesses, so I always trying to stay one step ahead of any potential accidents. Of course God constantly reminds that I am not in control. 🙂 I think that you did the right thing in the situation, but I definitely understand your concern.
Oh Erin, that may have been one of the funniest posts yet! I would totally think many of the thoughts you had, but I would also feel obligated, as a parent, to let the parents know what’s going on with my kid!
Aidan just got over Roseolia, which is basically a virus that has to run its course. But the end result is that he breaks out into little red spots. I read that’s when the infection is over, its the beginning stages that are very contagious. Maybe that’s what the poor baby had. I wouldn’t take Aidan in public unless I had too!
Long story; short (and something to consider): a friend of mine has Lupus. Without going into all that Lupus is, I will say that is greatly affects the skin. She often gets rashes from “flare-ups” of Lupus. A co-worker once confronted her about a flare-up and told her that she should really be staying home sick when she comes down with a rash. The co-worker went as far as to say “It may not be contagious, but it just looks dirty and it makes all of us nervous.” Needless to say my friend was humiliated. Mortified. Saddened. Obviously, I know you are nothing close to that heinous co-worker of hers, but it does show that the rash could be something totally non-threatening to your child. Maybe that other child as an auto-immune disorder like Lupus? Who knows? I don’t blame you one bit, though, for being a little put-off by it. It’s a sticky situation.
I totally understand why it made you nervous, but I think there is a middle ground where you are not being confrontational, but also getting the information you need in order to make sure you are keeping your child safe. I have found the best thing to do is to make a NICE CONVERSATION with the other mom. Then it’s easy to casually say, “oh gosh, your poor little guy has a rash/cough/ (disgusting) runny nose, was he sick?”. If you say it in a nice way that shows the parent that you are giving them the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t bringing a sick child to Gymboree, they will most likely tell you what is going on. You can then use that information to decide if you want to stay. I’ve done this and learned either a) the child is has a non-contagious ailment that looks/sounds bad or b) the parent really is bringing out their child when they shouldn’t and I can wash, wash, wash to try to prevent us from getting the germs.
My opinion is that if the parent did bring a sick child, it is not your place to tell them that they should leave. That is really for the employees to do, but you can choose to leave, or stay away from the child or douse all of the equipment with sanitizer before you let Hudson touch it.
As another mom to a child that had HORRENDOUS eczema, I am leaning towards thinking this poor baby has eczema. It DOES look horrible. I had to take my baby to a family function right after his birthday (when it was still flaring really badly), and I had so many people ask me what was wrong with him. It made me feel like a horrible mother. Eczema is NOT contagious, so let’s hope that is what this baby had. Right after my baby turned one, we finally found a treatment for him that is working. But believe me, I am a huge germophobe, so previous to my baby having eczema, I would have probably thought the same thing as you.
WHAT- Erin you should have asked the mom what the heck is going on….. I am not sure about LG- I mean HOW DO THEY CLEAN ALL THOSE TOYS AND MATS????????????? It is tons of fun, but you should have run like the wind…….
Well the mom should have said something if her child had such an obvious rash. You would not have been out of line if you asked nicely if the child was ok. My son was at a playgroup one time and this little girl had a rash like place on her feet. Her mom told the rest of us moms it was just from her new shoes and she ended up having hand, foot and mouth. She had fever earlier but her mom failed to tell us that. Needless to say, my 18 month old son got hand, foot and mouth and that was the worst! I was so mad at the mom.