I have baby fever. I’ve been saying it for weeks. I’m a planner and I’d like to plan for my children to be a certain number of years apart in age. I’d like to plan to avoid being pregnant in the middle of a Columbia summer. I’d like to plan lots and lots of things.
But I learned with Hudson that I can’t plan everything and I didn’t even try to plan everything. And yes, just like with a well-planned wedding day, unexpected things came up that we hadn’t planned. But here we are almost 15 months later enjoying our very happy little boy every second of every day.
And then I wonder, “Do I want to rock this boat? Things are going so well.”
But I also know that I want Hudson to have a sibling or siblings if the Lord blesses us with them. But I will make an extra effort to treasure these very special moments we’re having right now. And not start wishing for something more than what we have right now.
When I was thinking about it, I realized the things that I would worry about if another baby Carroll came into our lives.
1. Sleep. Hudson ended up being a great sleeper, but I don’t really look forward to going through the sleep training process again.
2. Schedules. I have worked so hard to develop a great schedule of activities and fun for Hudson and for me in our daily routine together. I don’t know that I would be patient enough to wait 6 weeks before getting back in to Junior League, choir, exercising, and church.
3. Sharing my time with another baby. I mean this in the best way. Or I’m trying to. I love my time with Hudson and don’t know how I will do when the time comes for me to balance the time between him and his sibling. My dad has told me that he wondered how it would be to love two babies equally right before my brother was born, but he did. And my parents have never shown an ounce of favoritism.
4. Travel. We’re almost at the point where we can think about bringing Hudson with us on trips. Not all trips, but some trips, would be appropriate for him. If we have another infant in our house, we would have to prolong that or leave the little one with his or her grandparents.
5. Money. The inevitable. I want to provide for our family and give them so many long-term gifts. I don’t think I need to explain how expensive babies are, but just how expensive adult children can be is enough to make me want to stop spending my “fun money” and putting it in the bank. {Don’t get too excited, TC!}
So I know that I just need to pray and know that God is going to do what is best for our family and He will continue to bless us in was we may not even realize. But I will enjoy the wonderful things about our family at this moment and stop looking for the next big milestone.
But it is so nice to think about the next sweet baby Carroll to hold and love.
Erin, I say go for it if thats what you & TC want… another child. Coming from someone who has triplet girls and is currently pregnant you never know what you will get. Or if you wait too long maybe you won’t be able to have any more children. My sister waited too long and now they can’t have biological kids…
Becky
I am in the same situation. S is only a few months older than Hudson and I’ve always wanted my children to be only a few years apart. In the end, I know it’s in God’s hands, and I’ll leave it that way. But, I do think about all your same bullet points ALL THE TIME. 🙂
Aw. I know exactly how you feel, Erin!
But as someone once told me.. God is laughing at your plans! Because He has plans of his own.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
I feel the exact same way. Jackson is two and I feel like time is of the essence but, then I feel like things are so easy and perfect now. Hmmm.
Have that baby, Mrs. Carroll. Second babies are easier because you know how to ‘do’ everything. A second baby just falls lockstep into your present activities…you just pack the little angel up and off you go. All the concerns you have are concerns you could have for the next 10 years, because they all matter. But they are omnipresent, and too much time dwelling on them will prolong your family planning. As for loving other children after that very special first one, I think that’s a feeling every parent has experienced. I am telling you that when you see #2, those thoughts will be very far away. Having two very young children is a joy.
Good luck on this very heartfelt decision. This mother of 2 children 2 years apart says go for it!!
I know what you mean 🙂 I never realized how much of a planner I was till I got married. Now, I love Excel spreadsheets and organization and color-coded files. We are thinking about adding a little one to our household, and I’m already worrying about travel plans and issues with schedules and “when is the right time?” I think you and I should just both take some chill pills (and a margarita, ha ha!)
We are going through the same exact thing right now, which is funny since Harper and Hudson are the same age. Our family is so perfect, but sometimes I just feel like I’m meant to have one more!
You are in a tough spot and i can completely relate. We got pregnant with #2 when Avery was only 13 months old and it was a little bit of a surprise but it “fit” into our plans of delivering in the summer, kids being 2+ years apart, etc. and the planner in me was thrilled that it was all seeming to work out perfectly. And then we had a horribly sad loss of the baby at 13-14 weeks. I was destroyed and so sad that our plans had gone awry. But God has a way of teaching you that he is in control and things always work out how they are supposed, maybe not in your terms, but in His, and that is whats most important.
You can try to plan it out all day but until you make the leap into actually trying for a baby you never know exactly how its all going to turn out. We are blessed to be 8 months pregnant with another baby and are expecting a little sister for Avery in October! Just let go and let God and it will all work out how He wants it to. Good Luck!
We are expecting our first child anytime now (due 9/20), but I think a lot about when to have the second. I think to myself, “Good gracious! I haven’t even gotten the first kid out, and I am already planning for the second.” I don’t know what it is, but now that we have gotten the “ball rolling,” it is hard not to think about and try to plan your family.
The good thing about schedules it that kids are adaptable, and I bet Hudson would just love and adore his little sibling. I am sure you and TC will make the best decision for your family and what works for your lifestyle!
My gosh, it’s like you just wrote a post about me! I’m having the exact same sentiments about another baby, too. It’s just that with Avalon being one now life is SOO much better than it was when she was a newborn – she was NOT easy, and to be honest, I’m just not ready to go back to feeling so…claustrophobic. And tied down. And TIRED!! I like having my life back again, my body back, and not stressing so much about sleep schedules, nursing, and ALL THE CRYING (haha, both her and me!).
So yeah. All of that to say, I completely understand. Luckily, things are in God’s hands and not ours, so I know that He will only give me what I can handle, including another baby 🙂
My first 2 are 14 months apart… Not planned. My 2nd and 3rd are 2 1/2 years apart… So I’ve done them close together and further apart, and there are advantages and challenges to each way of doing it.
I love that my first 2 (a girl and a boy) are inseparable. There was no jealousy when #2 was born because my daughter can’t remember life without him. And I love that Sarah was almost 4 and Jack was a little over 2 1/2 when Caroline was born. Because now I get to see the joy of siblings who are old enough to understand that they have a little sister.
I think it’s so hard because we feel like we have to plan.. and we feel like we should… after all there are pills and whatnot to ensure that “accidents” don’t happen. And there are ovulation predictor kits and things to ensure that what you have planned DOES happen. And on and on. And so we feel like it’s in our hands, even though we really know that it isn’t.
You’ll probably have moments of “Shoot, I rocked the boat. What was I thinking?” no matter when you have #2. You’ll be pregnant and Hudson will have a week of terrible 2s and you’ll think.. Oh no. You’ll have a newborn and try to tackle pottytraining or something and think… Oh no. But it all works out wonderfully!! Whenever you do it.
We are trying to decide too! It’s so hard to rock the boat but I know that Evie would love a sibling. Did you worry about all of this with Hudson? I did! I am way too much of a planner and little Miss Evie came earlier than planned just like Hudson.
To say that I adore and admire your honesty would be an understatement. My ovaries (and sometimes my eyes) tear up over little ones, but I just don’t know if I/we’re completely ready to take that leap.
Have a fabulous Saturday!
Oh Erin, I feel the same way. Our original “plan” was to have our children about two years apart. Now GG is almost fourteen months and I’m not sure I’m ready for another little one quite yet. Though my friends are all expecting again and urging me to follow, I just don’t know if it’s the right time yet for all the same reasons you mentioned! I have decided to just take a breath and enjoy the now. Things will happen when and as they should.
You’re definitely not alone in this dilemma! My boy is almost 1 and my husband is already hinting around about when we’ll try again. I just can’t imagine it right now. He’s started getting easier now and I, like you, can’t imagine rocking that boat. I’m assuming we’ll start trying again next summer right before he turns two. Then they wouldn’t be quite three years apart, but maybe he’d be able to hit a few more milestones (pottytraining!) before Baby #2!
Erin, I have always heard that going from one child to two children isn’t that hard, but that going from two to three will rock your world! I have a 12 month old and two school age stepchildren, and I often think it would be easier if they were all closer in age. We have to throw our “schedule” out the window in order to drive carpool, go to baseball practice, and my baby has eaten dinner in his stroller at the ballpark more times than I can count. That said, I love our crazy life, and I am so happy that our children have siblings to love and fight with:)!!
“Travel” was the most difficult part about deciding to try to space ours about 18 months apart. And it has put travel on hold for our family. But totally worth it! And since we are not planning more children (unless God has a wonderful sense of humor and decides to surprise us), we’ll get to the travel stage before too long. I agree with you…enjoy what you have while you can. God already knows His plans for your family. Isn’t that amazing?
On a separate note, I love your home decor style and would like your opinion on a project I have planned for my kitchen. If you get a second, please check my blog…sorry I don’t know how to link the actual post, but it’s the most recent post on there. http://www.erinrohman.blogspot.com
And go Gamecocks!!!!!
We are going through the same thing right now. I thought it would be a lot easier to bite the bullet than it has has been. I just love my time with Emory! I just have to remember that it is in God’s hands. He knows what is best.
You took these thoughts straight from my thoughts! I am prayign for the same things. And I will pray for God to bless you again when the time is right if you will do the same for me. Deal? Ok good. 🙂 I always enjoy reading your blog! Thanks for sharing some of your life with us.
I would suggest you do what’s in your heart. And God knows the desires of your heart. I read your blog everyday and I think it’s in your heart but because you are a planner that’s your safety net. I was the same way. Notice I said WAS (HA!) My kids are 17 months a part and they are inseperable. They play well together. Although it gets crazy for me when loading them up and out of the car when we go places and staying home with two toddlers all day. They have totally changed up my plans but now that they are here I couldn’t imagine it any other way. Now we are wondering should we have another since our girl Madison is 3 and our little boy Shawn Jr. will be two in November. I always wanted my kids to be close in age. Although it’s a decision for you and your husband we as women are the ones that have to physically do the work. So gear up sister and get that second baby cooking. Besides I would like to follow your second pregnancy since I missed Hudson’s. Good Blessings!!
My first, Gibson, was not planned… but an absolute blessing. When he was around 6 months old I started getting baby fever, but neither I, or my husband, was ready for another one that quickly! Once Gibson turned one we immediately started trying for a second and got pregnant the second month of trying. Throughout the pregnancy and even the night before I was scheduled to be induced I thought, what have we done? Are we sure that this is what we want? Of course there was no turning back at that point. But it has been amazing. I have to admit that in the first few months after Chad was born I was wondering if we had made the right decision, but it has been amazing! I have loved having the boys so close in age and now the Chad is one and Gibson is three they are getting along better than ever and starting to really interact with each other just like I had hoped.
I know that you will make the right decision for you and your family. Just pray about it and God will lead you in the right direction.
If its in your mind I truly believe you are ready, and while you’ll still have your doubts ever now and then it really is a true blessing! 🙂 God bless and good luck!
I say go for it sooner rather than later-that way they will both be really fun together! I have twin boys, age six, and we are having so much fun with them now it would never cross my mind to have a baby at this point. In fact, I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant with a girl, and I woke up in practically a cold sweat. Granted, I am 40, so I am in a completely different age bracket than you are. I am looking at it from a perspective of activities, family trips, etc. I think it’s better if they are closer in age. On the other hand, my brother is eight years younger than I am, and he is my best friend-so, I think it works out no matter what. I’m a planner, too, and my husband and I “planned” to have an “only”- we got totally “punked” and I am so glad we did. I can’t imagine it any other way. Enjoy it all- the planned and the unexpected!
when we have our future kids, I want to have them close together, mostly because I actually like the idea of them starting school closer together and also being close enough to still want to play together. I’d like to space them somewhere between 18-21 months apart in age I think any closer than that is crazy! I have a friend, who had a baby in March 2008, then another in August 2009, and just had another baby in August this year… and she definitely has her hands full!
I agree with what one poster said about us all making plans and God laughing at them. I went off BC in October 2009 and when “it” didn’t happen immediately, I bought all the stuff you’re supposed to and started temping. After a few months I was like “this is no fun, and it’s ridiculous” and I stopped. Well, we went on vacation and I didn’t think about ovulating or anything, was sure it wouldn’t happen anyway, and God blessed us with our first pregnancy. It was such a lesson that He knows what we need and when we need it. If you’re feeling led to add to your family, remove any “barriers” (i.e. protection) and see what happens. You never know how long it could take, but one thing is for certain – He will bless Hudson with a sibling when the time is right. Besides, there’s always the totally off chance that the second time will be harder than the first with conceiving, etc. Just like you’re never fully ready to take the baby plunge the first time, I imagine adding a second is the same way.
We women are so funny – always planning! But you know it will all work out when it’s meant to be… 🙂
Man do I feel ya on this one! I’m a planner too and know the frustrations that come with it. The only thing that keeps me going is giving it to God in prayer. I’ll be 26 next month and in my “plans” I wanted to be pregnant by now but we aren’t even close to trying. My timing is not His and I’m trying to be more understanding of that and I’m trying to just be satisfied with where we are now. It’s a challenge though! [ But secretly I say GO FOR IT! 🙂 ]
When we were trying to start a family and nothing was going the way I had planned it I was told the man plans and God laughs.
I think closer in age is good for a number of reasons. First of all, the eldest won’t feel like he is being held back by having to do activities that don’t interest him and are too young for him. I can really relate to this because my younger sister is 8 yrs younger and for the longest time it was hard to do things together (music played in the car, movies, and dinner were always whatever was better for the youngest child). That being said, we are fairly close now, but we never really lived together long since I was in college when she was in elementary school. I also agree that there will probably be less jealousy when the next child is born if the first one is young. I know that might sound silly but going from having all of your parents attention to half of it can be harder at certain ages. It will probably be cheaper in the long run too because you can buy more of the same things in larger quantities or just use existing strollers etc with #2, whereas when my parents had their second and third children the age gaps were large and they had to buy everything again.
This is the way I feel about havning #1!! I am so ready in some ways, but don’t know if we’re really there yet…I’m a planner though, and I hate not knowing EXACTLY when we should start trying! 🙂
When you’re ready I say just go with the flow and see what happens. You’re still young, so don’t feel rushed!
I say go for it! just as you aren’t ever truly ready for the first, so it is with the second. And I think spacing your children more would actually prolong the time to be able to travel, b/c once the baby is born, you have to wait for them to be old enough all over again. And you still have the 10 months while awaiting baby to travel! and all the other benefits of having them closer together as posted above.(and you never know how long actually getting pregnant will take, which is what we are dealing with, hopefully, God will give us another!) GL!
are u prego???
I am a planner too. My husband and I are both teachers, so we wanted our babies to arrive at the start of summer… Apparently God agreed with us. My two are 3 years apart (almost exactly) and I am really happy that we waited the extra year. I saw all of my friends have theirs two years apart and realized that I couldn’t handle that. My youngest was born June 4 and there were many days that I thought, “Gosh, what was I thinking- two!” but at three months out, I couldn’t be more pleased. My oldest was potty trained and fairly self-sufficient, so I felt that helped a lot.
It’s impossible not to have baby fever these days! Seems like everyone I know — from friends to colleagues to random women I meet at the hair salon — is pregnant! I’m a planner, too, and my husband and I have talked to great extent about when we would like to welcome a baby into our family. Of course, as you said, unplanned moments are thrilling and full of happiness (like rain on our wedding day!). Only time will tell …
My friend, My friend. I have the same anxiety! I worry about all the little details. It’s the planner in us! But we just need to relax and enjoy life and all that God has given us/will give us and trust that He knows best and He will only give us what we can handle. But trust me honey child… I hear ya! And i love ya!