A few days ago I was going through all of the magazines in my house and tearing out things I liked. Recipes, home decor, articles. And then I filed them all away in page protectors and put them in binders.
I think I threw away about 35 magazines. I try to do this every year, but I always like to hang onto the issues of Southern Living magazine. When I was flipping through the magazines I found this great article and knew that Hudson would need to see it someday. Because someday he’ll take a girl out for pizza and a movie. And someday he’ll take a girl as his date to a football game– hopefully an SEC football game. And I want him to have an idea of what she may be expecting from him.
I thought I’d share it with all of you to share with your sons and daughters, if you haven’t already.
If you’re not a southerner you may not appreciate it the way I do, but I like it enough to put it on my blog. I like chivalry. I like to think of myself as independent, sure, but I also like chivalry. And I want my son to treat his future wife, girlfriends, dates, and friends the way that we’ve always been taught that a man should treat a lady. Especially in the South where traditions don’t die easily.
15 Ways to Charm Her
Southern Living, July 2009
By Amy Bickers
“Want to impress a Southern girl? Just think “What would my grandfather have done?”
Number one: We still expect you to give up your seat for a lady. On a bus, at a bar, on a train. . . we don’t care where you are. Unless you are at a restaurant and the only lady in sight is the one taking your order, stand up. Now.
On a recent Friday night at a bustling restaurant bar, two friends and I waited for our table to be called. The barstools were occupied so we stood patiently, sipping wine and chatting about the workweek. When a couple nearby stood up, another woman – who had been there less time than we had – swooped in, reaching across us to put her purse on the stool. This isn’t the worst part. It’s what happened next: Her male companion then slid onto the other barstool.
Hang on while I do a geography check. Are we not in the South? If ladies are waiting for a seat and you have a Y chromosome, do you sit down? No, sir. No, you do not.
We know modern life is confusing. The roles of men and women have evolved over the years. As Pink once sang, “Shorty got a job, Shorty got a car, Shorty can pay her own rent.”
But come on, let’s keep some things old-school. My late grandfather- he of the East Texas upbringing, U.S. Navy captain status, and Cary Grant good looks – would never have allowed a woman to stand while he sat. And if you want a Southern woman to love you, neither will you. So, men, here’s a short list of things Southern girls still expect from you.
We still expect you to…
- Stand up for a lady. Actually, this doesn’t just involve chairs.
- Know that the SEC has the best football TEAMS IN THE NATION. Big 12 fan? Hmm, perhaps you should keep walking.
- Kill bugs. Delta Burke as Southern belle Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women said, “. . .Ya know, when men use Women’s Liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for you. Oh, I just hate that! I don’t care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!”
- Hold doors open. This goes for elevator doors too.
- Fix things or build stuff. I once watched in awe as my stepfather built a front porch on the house he shares with my mother. He knew just what to do, cutting every notch, hammering every nail. The project was complete by sunset.
- Wear boots occaisionally. Not the fancy, l-paid-$l,000-for-these kind. We’re talking about slightly mud-crusted, I-could-have-just-come-in-from-the-field boots.
- Take off your hat inside.
- Grill stuff.
- Call us. If you want to ask us out, don’t text and don’t e-mail. Pick up the phone and use your voice.
- Stand when we come back to the dinner table. “Just a little half-stand is enough to make me melt,” my friend Stephanie says.
- Pull out chairs. Wait, that’s not all. Scoot them back in before we hit the floor.
- Pay the tab on the first few dates. “If you ask me out, you pay,” Stephanie says. “If I ask you out, you should still pay.” Listen, guys, it’s just simpler this way.
- Don’t show up in a wrinkled, untucked shirt. Care about your appearance but not too much. Don’t smell better than we do. Don’t use mousse or gel. You shouldn’t look like you spend more time in front of the mirror than we do.
- Never get in bar fights. Patrick Swayze might look cool in Road House, but in reality, bar fights are stupid and embarrassing. You don’t look tough. You look like an idiot.
- Know how to mix our favorite cocktail JUST THE WAY WE LIKE IT. Fix your favorite too. Sit down on the porch (it’s okay if you didn’t build it), tell us how your day went, and we’ll tell you about ours.
We’ll leave the long list to the girl who falls in love with you.
I love this! I remember reading it in Southern Living when it came out, but I’m glad you posted it again for us to read! I like how it’s humorous but oh, so TRUE!
Well said my dear!
This is too cute! My husband actually did many of these things when we were dating and it hooked me in. 🙂
I love this! I’m keeping it for my boys. 🙂
ha! my mom saved this article for my future hubby 🙂 current beau fits the bill for almost all of these, even if he is a yankee, so fingers crossed!
i LOVE this!
Love this!! I’m printing it out and sending it to my single brother! ( well, he has a girlfriend but none of us like her…that’s another story) I’m not from the south but I appreciate and want all of those things too! My husband is from Colorado and his mama brought him up right so he’s pretty chivalrous. I think I just lucked out!
Love this post! So cute! I think this is why I would love to have boys one day, so I can raise them to be sweet young men!
(Although I am sorry to say we are an ACC football team household. So while my future generations will hopefully cheer on our Red & White Alma-mater I will concede that the SEC has a better overall football program)
I love it!
De-lurking to say I loved this article! I remember reading it last summer and showing it to my husband, but I had forgotten about it. Everything on the list is so true! And I agree with you – I can be an independent woman and still expect some chivalry from a man.
I totally agree with all these! Especially #9. Everyone today says “Oh, girls can call guys. It’s modern.” Well not when you’ve just started dating. It really is true but guys love the chase. “He’s Just Not That Into You” is a book every single girl needs to read because it is the truth. Hubs laughs at me because I call it “The Dating Bible”, but I don’t care if he laughs because it obviously worked. = )
Great article – I will have to look for it in my copy of Southern Living – I think it is in a stack on my nightstand!
The other night at gymnastics my two year old (almost three) son leaned over the foam block pit, looks at a little girl who was trying to get out, puts out his hand and says “here I’ll help you”. My heart almost melted. I’m a very independent woman, and I know my mind, but I still think it’s very important that a man be a gentleman. Again though, it may just be a southern thing.
So cute! I love it all, for the fact that I am an Aggie gal, through and through 🙂
This made my heart smile.
All so true! I should save this post too!
We Yankees even like this stuff. 🙂
Yes, I like to wear pants. But I do not like to kill my own bugs.
I loved this article too! (Although as a Texan I have to disagree with the whole SEC thing) I tell my husband all the time that I hope our son grows up to be a proper southern gentlemen one day.
Excellent 🙂
So true! Definitely save this for Hudson. And, like KK above me, I am a Texan. And, while I don’t wear any specific teams colors, my husband is an Aggie (but, he grew up in Baton Rouge, so we root for LSU as well…).
I think these tips are all excellent advice for a man!
Agree with it all… save for the dig at Big 12 Football! I expect more from an author with an East Texas grandpa 😉
I saved this as well, my man was not raised in the South, but he has wonderful “southern” manners, and has showed our little guy the important ones already! I love it when the 4 -y.o. struggles to hold the door for me!
I love this – thanks for sharing!
This is perfect! I’m printing this out to keep for my son and to email to both of my brothers!! Thanks for sharing 🙂
As a Midwestern gal married to a southern gentleman, I love this post. My mister still does 1-15 after almost 6 years of marriage. Although I did have to coach him on #2. He grew up a UNC fan, but he has learned that the ACC is inferior to the SEC.
I love Southern Living but couldn’t remember this article. Then I looked at the date. My son was born July 1, 2009 and I wasn’t spending any time looking at magazines! So glad you printed this. I will be saving it for my son because I agree 100% with all that is said. I’m southern, I’m independent, but I always expect chivalry. Southern men just know “what to do” and I want my son, George, to grow up knowing “what to do”. Thanks for posting.
Erin I know this is off the blog post, but where did you buy or get Hudson’s outfit for his birthday?
I love this, Erin! Hudson is sure to be the perfect southern gentleman when he grows up. He is already such the charmer!!!
Love this! I will have to hold on to this to give to my boys…so glad you posted this!
I LOVE this!!! I’m a single gal still looking for this guy…..fingers crossed!!
I love LOVE this! I married a Southern boy – they are the BEST!
I totally agree with this article. I have been married almost 38 years to my husband, who is not from the south, and while raised in Los Angeles, Calif. has the best manners of any man I have ever met. Chivalry is not dead. I also think the more ladylike a woman is and the more self respect she has makes her more attractive to a gentleman. I know my 3 single daughters have a hard time finding a man that measures up to the man their father is. Thank you for printing this.
Love this!!! Hudson will be the perfect gentleman!
Love the article! I’ve read in the blog before about how you go through and pull out the things that you want to keep and then get rid of the rest of the magazine. I love this idea. I’d love to see a post on how you keep it all organized, it’s such a great idea!
Couldn’t agree with this more! After 4 years, my fiance still opens and closes the car door for me. Any kind of door actually and it’s sad because none of my other friends’ bfs/or fiances do this for them. My Chicago man was raised right!
#3 is in my top 10 requirements for a husband. One guy didn’t get a 2nd date because he didn’t seem like a “bug killer.” A few days later, I was watching DW and that very same episode was on! It was fate. I am not opposed to killing a bug myself, but if we’re both in the same vicinity of the bug, he better do it.
Good afternoon from Tokyo! We’re southern transplants on a brief tour due to my husband’s job, and I just wanted to let you know your blog is a thoroughly enjoyable read. It’s a constant reminder of what we have to look forward to when we return home. This particular entry was a delight! I remember this list on the final page of SL and can recall thinking how these simple, gentlemanly acts are seldom seen anymore, though always appreciated when they are. Raising my first little scallywag, it was a good reminder of a more genteel time, and the kind of man I hope for him to become. Children learn by example and through love, and as long as my children have both, they should be headed in the right direction. All the best to your family. Enjoy your weekend!
Some of these men are gay, or don’t want to date you (hard to believe, I know) and your selfish assumptions are trite and antiquated. Equal seating for all!
1. What if your son isn’t interested in dating women?
2. I can open my own damn doors. Be courteous to everyone, regardless of the chromosones you happened to get.
Yes, yes, yes! I, too, love my Southern Living magazines and any remaining ounce of southern chivalry. As the mother of a daughter, I hope she meets a man who’s mother has taught him all of these things!
Thanks so much for posting Southern Living’s column from last year. We’re excited to see the blogosphere conversation around what we Southern women are looking for in a man!
A-Men! Pun intented 😉
And “grosssss” can shove it… it’s not that serious.
There is a 1 in 10 chance your son will grow up to be gay! Just saying – don’t know that you should be planning his dating life for him.
Oh for heaven sake’s, people! Erin was just sharing an article she found thoughtful! Lighten the heck up. The article is a basic primer on manners, and can be applied to gay, straight, and all the way in-between. It’s all about treating people well and being kind, traits that some of you should review. This her her blog, her thoughts. If you don’t find them interesting, move on.
Cheers for AbsoluteMom! I think some people were making too much of this blog post. As an Indiana resident and non-SEC fan I still think these are wonderful manners! 🙂 As a mother of 2 daughters, my husband and I will teach them that traits like the ones Erin brought out of the article are what to look for in your soulmate. (That yes, they choose, but I will have a voice in it.) 😉
I LOVE this!! Not only good lessons for the boys, but also so girls know how they should be treated!!
I love love love this!!
love, love, love this!!!!! i wish every guy would read and follow this! 🙂
Love this, good to know I’m not the only one who likes my independence but still wants to experience old fashioned manners 🙂
too funny – i was reading this exact magazine the other day and tore this article out because i loved it so much 🙂
Jesus either you want to be treated equal or you want to be coddled. You can’t have both make up your mind. Now either stand up and prepare to offer your seat to a man or go get me a beer
this is adorable. I just sent it to my best southern friend down in Atlanta. Love you blog 🙂
I’m embarrassed to say that my co-worker from the South has manners like this and it always surprises and amazes me when he does these things. That means the rest of the boys I know have set me up for low expectations of manners, boo! Must keep looking for better boys with better manners, perhaps a Southern transplant? 😉
I file all my favorite magazine pages in binders too!
I love this article-now if only I could find a man that actually does these things!
This is the 21st century. If I can wear pants, vote, get an education, get a well-paying job, go to the moon, run for president, and what have you… you know what? I can kill bugs myself. I am a woman, but that doesn’t make me delicate or helpless.
Looks to me like some of your commenters could stand a week or more in the South. Learn a few manners…
I love this article and this post. I am southern and married to a true southern gentlemen. I think its crazy to assume I am helpless because I stand by and believe that men should be gentlemen. Chivalry is not dead, at least not at my house and I would have been crazy to settle for anything less when I married! As a mother of a sweet baby girl, I will teach her to look for these things in her future (way in the future) husband. One more thing and I’ll get off my soap box: If you are going to post something crazy on a blog don’t use a name like “grossss,” be real. If you are big enough to write be big enough to own up to it!!
First of all, this article was great. And so true for a true southern gentleman. My husband does all these things! Second, some people read way too much into these blogs. People! Erin didn’t write the article. She is just sharing it with us. Please, learn some manners and respect.
Good grief! All of these whiney people need to STFU. Take a chill pill, people! Erin is talking about her values and wishes for her son. Why don’t you all understand that your opinions don’t need to be shared? Along with the list above, you obviously didn’t learn from Bambi, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I’m very much for equality when it comes to housekeeping, waking up with the puppy in the middle of the night (or babies :)), but I still find it offensive when a man doesn’t hold a door open for a whomever is following behind. And the killing bugs part? I hate it! Maybe you all are upset that the men in your life are more feminine than you and can’t kill the darn bug themselves. Maybe?
And for the hundred-thousandth time…if you don’t like what Erin or any other blogger has to say, for the love, stop reading! Sheesh.
I apologize if I seemed disrespectful. That was not my intention. On basic terms, I do agree with you: manners are attractive, not to mention necessary. But it makes me angry when people use manners as an excuse to imply that women are weaker or less capable than men. If a man holds a door open for me, he should do the same other men. And women should do the same for men and for other women. That’s all.
I loved this article, Erin, and plan on keeping it handy for my little man too. Of course, I’ll have to edit #2 (though it very nearly looked like my Big 12 alma mater almost joined up w/the SEC, so… technicalities?).
You know, I have so many friends through my husband who moved to TX from “up north” and they were all so shocked when they got here than men hold doors open for ladies with strollers, that people can politely file out of a sporting event without pushing and shoving, and that smiling at a stranger isn’t met with an indignant scowl, but a return grin.
I know I couldn’t live anywhere but in the South, couldn’t have married anyone but a true Southern boy, and don’t want to raise my son any other way.
Hi Erin! I am a long time reader of your blog but have never commented before, but I just can’t keep my “mouth” shut any longer!! You DO NOT deserve the critism you have recieved for this blog post. This is a wonderful article and a wonderful tribute to your hopes for your son. The fact that someone would from this insinuate that your son will be gay becasue you want him to grow up with class and respect makes me ill. Get some class people! If you do not agree with Erin or don’t appreciate what she has to say there is a little red box at the top of your screen – click it and GO AWAY!!
I love your blog – I feel like I know you from reading about you life everyday! You are honest, witty and so kind. I hope that all these crazies don’t effect you too much and that you continue to share your life with us.
Well said!!
Hi Erin! I absolutely love this post and plan on printing it off in hopes that both my son and daughters gain insight on how to treat (and be treated by) others. Being a Clemson fan, I of course disagree with the whole SEC portion of this post though!!! lol.
The part about holding the door doesn’t always work everywhere. I’ve found that, in NYC, if you hold the door for anyone, woman or man, they are likely first to hesitate, then to proceed sideways or backwards through the door, keeping a sharp eye on you out of fear that the only reason you’d do something so “weird” is to get a clean shot at stabbing them in the back.
I grew up in the south and some of these suggestions make me sick in my mouth.
1. Ugh, don’t stand up for me.
2. Fvck football.
3. Don’t kill bugs, put them outside or just ignore them ffs.
4. Hold doors open if you’re the first to get there. Don’t refuse to go through them if I’m the first to get there and I hold it open. I AM NOT TOO WEAK TO OPEN A DOOR.
5. Fix things or build stuff if you want to. This could also apply to fixing bugs and building kick@ss machines, or fixing dinner and building a good relationship.
6. Don’t wear boots unless they’re rubber boots and you have a good reason. If I wanted a redneck I never would have made that vow never to kiss a man who chewed tobacco.
7. Don’t wear a hat in the first place?
8. Uh? I am not sure why this is important enough to be on this list. It’s like “change lightbulbs.” Everybody does this when it seems necessary and it’s not really a sexy gender thing.
9. Calls, emails and texts are all fine. We live in the future.
10. DO NOT DO THIS WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!
11. I AM NOT TOO WEAK TO PULL OUT MY OWN CHAIR. If I want my chair pulled out I will book the kind of restaurant where the waiter does that sh1t.
12. I actually much prefer to go halvsies on the first few dates.
13. Wear what you feel comfortable in because when people are comfortable they look better. SMELL GOOD without regard to how I smell. USE MOUSSE OR GEL if that makes you look good.
14. Yes, actually, I agree, never get in bar fights.
15. And making cocktails is fine.
Overall, though, as a southern woman, I’d tell my own son that this is a bullsh1t list, and that if he finds a bullsh1t woman who insists on his fulfilling all these bullsh1t sh1tballs, he should tell her to fvck off. And for fvck’s sake, if he accidentally procreated with her, I’d home he wouldn’t let her fill his own son’s head with this crap. THIS LIST IS PART OF THE PROBLEM.
Erin, I got so tickled when I saw that one of my IRL best friends had this post up as her gchat status! I commented to her about it, and she said “it just really spoke to her”. Me too- I was so irriated when I didn’t pull out this article. It’s all so true- I love when Hubs makes me my favorite drink and brings it to me on the porch. Of course, he likes when I make him a bowl of ice cream when we’re watching tv together. Courtesy goes both ways, but the article was written by a woman so it just discusses male manners. Maybe some of the commenters missed that, as well as the slightly teasing nature of the article.
Thanks for the interesting post. The post and the comments gave me some really interesting insights. This list doesn’t reflect what I want in a man–to each his own!–but I do appreciate a peek into what’s important to other people and into how passionate people feel about it.
Wow — just read through the comments and I think some folks need to take a chill pill.
Erin, Bravo! I often think the whole world would be a better place if everyone just had good manners. Obviously , we need to start with some of the people who commented. As a mom of 5 , I want to kiss anyone who is kind enough to hold a door for me;0
It is my truest hope that my son grows up knowing how to respect his elders, women and other men. It is now also my truest hope that he does not go to college with “a southern girl”‘s son and does not date any of her future daughters. Love you and your blog Erin!
Im so glad i came across this site because i thought i was missing something on how to impress a southern gal. I am not from the south i live in Jersey. But i have this crush on the cutest blonde blue-eyed southern girl and we have so much in common but for some reason she is not impressed by the gentleman qualities i give her.
Now you southern gals and guys reading this, I am sure you know someone in the death metal scene because that seems to be a popular thing down there. This sweet angelface is into that death/black/grind metal scene. Even dated a band guy. So is there a seperate set of rules in impressing these type of girls as long as it doesnt require sacrificing a pig? lol.
My guess is that because the music is kinda wild, maybe this type of girl likes the tough guy type? I have seen girls be called b***ch in public by their boyfriends and they have no problem with it. I think some girls whether north or south like a guy who looks and acts like he just killed his parents and if youre polite then youre a dweeb. But going back to this particular girl. Can any of you southern folks who know this type of girl give some tips as to how to catch their loving attention?
Most of the women I meet don’t deserve to be ‘charmed’ or treated in the way you describe.
“love, love, love this!!!!! i wish every guy would read and follow this!”
“still looking for this guy”
“I’m printing it out and sending it to my single brother!”
(etc. ad infinitum)
…
“some folks need to take a chill pill”
Yeah.
Southern girl is spot on. Many of these requirements have no basis in anything (wear boots) and others are pure entitlements that are antiquated and actually wreak psychological havoc on relationships when men have to defend “a real man would…” comments from his girlfriend who, incidentally, doesn’t know the first thing about reciprocating the social arrangement and acting “like a real woman”. That is, if a man is supposed to do all of this caretaker stuff, than a woman’s responsibility is to remain attractive. That’s the traditional arrangement, the basis which exists in the evolution of the family structure. Do you women really want to be ruthlessly held to today’s standards of attractiveness to gain the ‘benefits’ laid forth in this article? Whoever wrote this article should think harder before feeling so entitled to demand such things, as most American women will not be able to hold their part of the bargain past a certain age.
So where is the list that describes what the man will get in return?