Two of my favorite bloggers wrote posts this week that caught my attention. Anne wrote a post entitled For the Love of Pregnant Ladies, where she beautifully outlines the thoughtless things that people say to pregnant women. And Jenna wrote a post about the truth of postpartum recovery. If you like a good laugh then you must read Anne’s post. If you like to read about what can really happen after a baby, read Jenna’s post.
A little over a year ago I wrote a post similar to Anne’s where I took your comments and my experiences and created a list of the Unwelcome Things People Say to Pregnant Ladies.
No one wants to hear the bad. Pregnant women have so many things to worry about including their health, the baby’s health, the recovery, the inevitable change in lifestyle, etc. It doesn’t do any good to rub it in or make the worry worse.
On the other hand, there were quite a few things that I never knew could happen to me. I didn’t even know that these things were a possibility. I had no clue that all women are afraid to use the restroom after they have a baby. I had no clue that the hospital gave you ice packs to wear…. you know where.
So, in that case, I appreciate Jenna’s post. Obviously, if you’re a pregnant gal who would rather not know because, let’s face it, it’s scary to read about things that will probably happen to you that you can’t stop from happening to you, then you probably shouldn’t read Jenna’s post. But some women, like me, are addicted to WebMD and like to be prepared for what’s to come.
So here’s the question: are you one of those that would rather be surprised by the icky aftermath? Or do you want to know everything including worst-case scenario details?
In my situation, I appreciated reading Jenna’s post after the fact because it was nice to see someone put the postpartum truth out there. But I’m not sure that I would have wanted to read it beforehand. Where do you stand?
Are you addicted to information? Or would you rather just wait and find out on your own?
I’m split. On the one hand, I really appreciate the honesty of what is to be expected during and after pregnancy. On the other hand, it completely scares the life out of me at the toll that it really takes on your body. All I can tell myself is that the end result must be worth it – because women continue to have babies after their first! In the end, although scary, I’m glad to have the knowledge for when the time comes.
I like to know things beforehand. I google every blemish, bruise, cough, and fever that i or my kids get and often say to my husband something like, “so best case scenario, i had a mild allergic reaction; worst case, I have skin cancer and have 3 weeks to live.”
I did a lot of research when i was pregnant with my first son and loved reading detailed birth stories and post-partum reports, whether, good, bad, or ugly.
I am 6 months pregnant and LOVE to get all the details from my friends who have had kids. I want to know every single thing that happens during childbirth…I mean everything! My friend just had a baby 3 weeks ago and I’m sure I’ve driven her crazy with questions…I’m just very curious:) Now I can’t wait to go read Jenna’s post…haha
I think a happy medium is where I prefer to be. I want to be prepared with basic knowledge of what can happen (think episiotomies, etc) so I’m not panicked if that occurs. I don’t, however, need to know gory details about what (statistically) is unlikely to occur and what I can’t control simply by worrying about it. No need to stay up nights over rare complications! Trust God, trust your doctors and trust your own instincts. But do be prepared!! (Picture me doing the Girl Scout hand thingy…)
I haven’t seen Jenna’s post but I did read Anne’s. I’m addicted to information – I’d rather know a lot than none at all. I think it better prepares you of what’s to come – good or bad.
When I was pregnant, I decided to NOT read any pregnancy books. I got my free copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting from my OBGYN but did not read it. One of my good friends read hers cover to cover and every single thing that could potentially happen during her pregnancy did. Not really but I think you understand what I mean. I was afraid every small pain would send me into a complete panic so it was best I didn’t know. Admittedly I had a very easy pregnancy with no morning sickness whatsoever so if I did have a difficult pregnancy then I’d probably have done more research.
I like the truth… I’m pregnant with my first but have been surrounded by many many pregnant women for a few years now and am thankful for all the horror stories because I now feel like I know just about everything that happens (k probably no where near everything but i feel like i’m close:))
I’m addicted to information. I google and WebMD everything. (Yes, I just made WebMD a verb!!) However, lately, I’ve read quite a few pregnancy blogs and have been SHOCKED at what really happens during & after birth. I really appreciate the honesty (like in Jenna’s post), and am glad to know what might happen to my body in the future when we decide to try to get pregnant. BUT I have to say that it has scared me a little bit. I now know SO MUCH and most of it sounds awful and painful (besides the actual baby part!). I had no idea it was so gory and bad– most moms just stay mum about it after the fact. I’m glad to know about it all so that I won’t be surprised, but I don’t think there’s any way to prepare yourself for it, so now I just have a bit of a feeling of dread.
I am about to head over and read both of those blogs because I WANT TO KNOW!!! With only 91 days or less until the arrival of this bundle of joy, I can’t handle the not-knowing:) I’m a freak when it comes to WebMD…I type in every single symptom…I’ll have myself convinced I have a brain tumor or something! My biggest peeve with what people say to me is the pity in their voice like I have some horrible disease or they just feel sorry for me being pregnant during this “hot summer!” First of all, I’m not the first one to do this through the “hot summer” and it is not 1952…I can carry on with my life people!!!
I like to know all the ugly truth. It doesn’t make me feel like I don’t want to have a baby now that I know all that. I’d rather be prepared and aware than shocked and confused. I like that I know what is normal, that that way I’m not thinking that I’m the only one it has happened to (no 4am doctor calls or crying because I’m not doing it right).
I recently just started following your blog and tweets, and I have to say those posts were both distinctly different in their own ways! Wow. I’m glad to know the truth, but I am pregnant with my first child. I’m kind of anxious about the whole have the baby thing. THanks for some truth. It will be good to know what is coming. I hope for a normal, vaginal birth, but at the same time I am scared to death of the whole thing!! Thanks for the thoughts.
I want to know it all, but if we are lucky enough to have babies; I think I will wish I would have stayed a little more clueless. Problem is I have too many new mommy friends that have spilled every last detail so I don’t have much of a choice anymore.
I am nurse so I do not count. I already know all the good and bad. Guess I am out of luck! Ha!
I am somewhere in between. I just had my baby 2 months ago, and I waited until I was past 6 months to read anything having to do with the birth, and tried to avoid other people’s horror stories. When I got to 6 months, I wanted to know a little so I would be prepared, but I didn’t want to get myself really worked up and stressed out over the birth. I did enjoy reading Jenna’s post because it is nice to see that I wasn’t alone, but I would have been scared to read it if I hadn’t already gone through it.
I have been debating making an honest post-pregnancy post like that myself. I have two pregnant friends that want all of the gory details, and I have plenty of them to share… so maybe I will. 🙂
I didn’t necessarily want to know beforehand. I liked having the experience for myself. I didn’t really care, to be honest, about what someone else’s experience was. BUT, after the fact, you better believe I like to be surrounded by people who are honest about it and will talk about it. I especially enjoying talking to moms who didn’t have Csections… only because I never had a Csection either. They have the kind of recovery stories I can wholeheartedly relate to. And the commonality of our stories is something I find encouraging.
I’m not sure. As someone who is TTC, I often think I want to know all the things the can happen and change, but then I read them and consider adoption all the more! I know that sounds selfish, but it’s true. My husband was more than nine pounds and I’m so afraid of the tearing and the other things that can happen to you. Also, I’m pretty emotional already and I tend to obsess about having a clean house. I’m worried this will be hard for me when I’m sleep deprived and can’t shower. 🙂
I totally didn’t know the half of what I would be going through regarding recovery. I’m kind of glad I didn’t know because then I would have been more freaked than I already was about pushing that enormous baby out. Yowza!! 🙂
I’m 8 weeks prego and I think I will definitely read them all. Even though my sister has two little ones, I know NOTHING about pregnancy, birthing a child, or even taking care of one. I actually haven’t ever changed a diaper! It’s completely crazy, I know, but I’ve never had the opportunity. So I need to read as much as I possibly can I think. Even though the details maybe a little scary; I just figure millions of women do it every year, so I can do it too! 🙂
i am a need to know person. there is no way i could go into something like pregnancy without knowing the gory details. that being said, it still scares the crap out of me.
ummm I had no idea about the ice packs for down there! EEEK!
I’d MUCH rather know all the possibilities versus being super surprised thinking I’m possibly the only person having to experience something. Luckily, I’ve read and heard lots of stories.. and been around a few gals after. So, I’m just hoping for as good as it could be. haha
Out of pure curiosity I read through the “post baby” post and I am definitely now a little freaked out. Who knew!? I guess now that I know these things are out there and people are willing to share them, than I might go searching for the full true story when it’s time.
I did thoroughly enjoy the “what not to say to pregnant ladies” posts. Hilarious that people say and do those things! That is helpful for everyone to read, especially if we haven’t been through this whole Baby process before.
Oooohhh I love this post Erin!! I loved reading everyone’s comments…its nice to know you’re not alone in your thoughts. I love MojitoMaven….it scares the crap out of me!!! I’m almost 6 months pregnant and that has not subsided! I love when women (pregnant, formerly pregnant, trying to be pregnant, never want to be pregnant) share opinions. I want to know every emotional aspect people have experienced, but if one more person tells me I’m gonna be so miserable in August when I’m swollen I might scream. I guess if your information is beneficial you should share, but maybe hold back on the negative comments?
I personally do not want to know “every gory detail” but as time goes on I’m thinking I might should be more educated. I am definitely straddling the fence on this one.
As much as I fear pain, I’d rather know what was going on than have no clue! As a kid I remember a dentist covering my eyes and yanking out a tooth without saying one word to me about it! I was mad, scared, and scarred for life! I just don’t like surprises! And today when we talk so much more about these things it doesn’t have to be such a mystery.
I am definitely one of those people that wants to know everything, even if there’s only a 1% chance it will happen. I like to be prepared and feel like I know what will/could happen.
And as far as unwelcome things say, I couldn’t agree more! While I’m not pregnant and never have been, I got married in September and in the last few months I have been asked on multiple occasions when we’re going to start a family. It was fine at first, but now that we’re trying, I don’t want to tell the whole world. This weekend, I had someone say to me, “don’t you have baby fever?” I know they didn’t mean any ill will by it, but when you’re trying and it’s not happening for you, that’s the last thing you want to hear. I really wanted to say, “yes, I have baby fever, ALL THE FREAKING TIME, but not all of us can get knocked up the first time we try!” Instead, I just politely said, “sometimes” and left it at that.
Interesting question. As I am 2 months from ‘D’ day I am right in the thick of things. I can’t get enough of birth & recovery stories. It’s AWESOME that folks are posting the good and the bad. Honestly before I was pregnant all I thought about was the actual ‘delivery’ and didn’t give a second thought to the recovery. And I didn’t really have that much knowledge about the delivery.
Maybe it’s because I wasn’t paying attention but there are so many things that women just don’t talk about. Unless you point blank ask the right questions – but I’m not even sure what those are! It’s unchartered territory. You hear about ‘the lack of sleep’ during the newborn phase.. but few women talk about those 1st couple weeks. And my questions are more than just ‘when are you able to have sex again’ 🙂
I like knowing what to expect. The more I know the more I feel prepared and ‘ready’. It doesn’t scare me so much as help set the correct expectations. Maybe I’m crazy but I’m super excited about the labor and birth. I’m ready for the ’empowering’ experience. And as for the recovery I look at it like any ‘post op’ or ‘post injury’ – it’s gonna suck for a week or two (or more) and then you’ll be back to feeling like yourself and the ‘pain’ will fade a little everyday. We’ll see how I feel about all this once it goes down for real!! ha 🙂
I have always wanted to know everything. I feel like knowledge is powerful and its also my *duty* to know what to expect and how to take care of myself. There are so many weird things with pregnancy and childbirth, I want to know if something is abnormal. If I should be concerned. I don’t want to be the typical first time mom running to the doctor every few days asking questions I could have had answered if I had just read about it. I’ve found other moms are the best people to give you the gory details you can’t get anywhere else. I’ve learned so much from just sitting and listening to other ladies.
And I write very honestly about my pregnancy on my blog. Many women have found it to be helpful because I tell them things no one else has.
I got the “low down” or worst case scenario from many of my already a mommy friends before i had my son and they scared the crap out of me! But in the end i was happy because i was expecting it to be so so so much worse than it actually was. I was very lucky and didn’t have to use the diaper for more than 2 days, and never used the ice packs or witch hazel. Now the hair loss is something someone could have told me about, goodness i thought i was going to lose it all there at one point.
Im 26 and not prego, not married, no where near starting a family ANY time soon. However, I do not like surprises unless they are GOOD. ice packs on your hooha? say what? what’s this about being scared to use the bathroom after giving birth? CRAP. Well, I guess it’s just more birth control information for me to swallow. I am going to look at the blogs NOW. 🙂
I guess I was in the middle on this. I did a bit of “reading” while I was pregnant- but I completely avoided anything and everything related to delivery and the aftermath because I figured I’d be too busy fretting about the ice packs & cold spray, the whole bathroom situation, showering with tender areas… I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the end of my pregnancy at all.
Now that I know it, and have experienced it, I feel a lot more prepared when it comes to having a second child in the future. It also makes me want to drop everything I’m doing and help a mama who’s got a baby under 6 weeks old because I *know* what she’s going through.
i’m the biggest hypocondriac you’ll ever meet so I want all the info! the blogging world has opened my eyes to the “wonders” of childbirth 🙂 haha! thanks for always sharing in a classy way!
The after-childbirth post should be required reading before birth. I had no idea what I was in for and after the 36 hour labor, 4th degree episiotomy and not being able to stand up for 2 days, I wish I had been a little more mentally prepared. I knew it was going to be hard, but I wasn’t prepared for how much recovery it would take.
Of course, it was totally worth it and while I remember telling everyone the next day that Gray would be an only child, I can only remember the good things these days. Maybe it’s natures way to make sure we keep having children?
Great post!! I always like to read about child birth because I want to know EVERYTHING that is going to or could happen. I loved your post about things people say to you when pregnant. I remember reading that when you first posted it and being just amazed at some of the things they’d say. Thanks for sharing!
I am so grateful for the honesty. I read Mandy’s post on OMGMom before Jenna’s post and that was such an eye opener. Like you said I can’t believe women go through this stuff. I would much rather know and be prepared.
I always want to know, and then once I dig and learn, I regret it! I am still trying to decide when we will start “trying” for children, but I’ve been paying SO much more attention to parenting info and maternity info now that I’m married and have babies on the brain. I just recently watched “The business of being born” on my netflix stream and was blown away about the whole process. It was actually really enlightening. I think in the end, knowledge is power. I really appreciated Jenna’s post, it’s actually shocking that people don’t discuss the gory details more often!
I’m a know everything kind of girl, and know that when I’m pregnant someday I’ll ask loads of questions to everyone who has children. Luckily I have a labor and delivery nurse sister-in-law, and GYN mother-in-law for all of those questions I’ll be afraid to ask others.
Oh good God! I just read the post baby recovery post and I was more than a little surprised. I had no clue that all thee things happened. NO CLUE.
But with all that said, I am happy to have read it. When my time comes, I want to know. I don’t want to be left feeling surprised by all the gory details.
Thanks for the link Erin! It’s been really interesting to read peoples responses when they aren’t necessarily directed toward me, you know? I’m glad to hear that everyone appreciated the information AND that I didn’t scare everyone away from having children. My intent is not to make it out as something to avoid, just help others be a bit more prepared than I was!
If you’re feeling freaked out and never want to have children now I urge you to watch this video of my sweet son cooing away and see why it’s all worth it! http://vimeo.com/12271569
I’m the kind of person that wants to know everything!! I’m sure I will have many questions for my mommy friends once that time comes!
I would want to know everything and what to expect so that I could be prepared for it when it happens.
Wow – this is a tough one. When I first became pregnant, I wanted to know everything. I got books, researched the net (to a fault because I ended up on some not-so-true sites, if you know what I mean). Well, long story short, after 4 miscarriages, I had to give up on the reading. Trying to figure out why something was happening was making matters worse for me. So, with Lallie, even though I had months of worry (my last miscarriage happened at 16 weeks), I had to let it go, be at peace that things would be all right and I sold all my books and stayed off the internet.
Of course, it’s different for everyone, but that’s where I am at peace.
This is somewhat related. Last night I was making favors for a baby shower with another pregnant friend who is almost done with her first trimester. Most of our friends who have recently given birth or are preggo are those lucky ones who’s skin glows, and who only gain weight in their tiny baby bumps. My friend was venting about some nurses (she’s a pharm sales rep), who commented on how her “face is getting so full!”, and “I can see those hormones causing you to have some pregnancy breakouts!” She of course, was not pleased with these observations. She is very worried that she will be the one pregnant girl (out of the nine in our group who currently are) to blow up. I think her actually words were “great, I’m going to be the only f-ing fatass”. I know this is completely off topic, but it was funny!
I am the type who would want to know everything. As a labor and delivery nurse I am bombarded by questions from friends and strangers all of the time. I have tons of information to share based on my experiences with a ton of patients. But I’m always afraid of sharing too much. People ask me all of the time about delivery and post-partum, but do they really want all of the gory details from me? It’s definitely a fine line that I try to avoid crossing but sometimes it’s unavoidable.
I really appreciated Jenna’s post. I’d like to know what’s going to happen and that it’s normal and that it’s over at some point. Otherwise I think I’d be afraid something was wrong with me!
I would rather not know, because I usually find the anticipation to be worse than the actually “thing” itself (for me, personally). Unfortunately for my would-rather-not-know preferences, I used to be a labor and delivery nurse and am now a pediatric nurse, so I kind of have been there, seen that; but haven’t yet been there, done that, so I have that crazy scary anticipation because I know exactly what goes on in that delivery room!
This post comes at just the right time. I am pregnant with my first child…due in September. I’ve been avoiding learning about the icky aftermath, but I think I have finally gotten to the point where I am ready to “learn” what will happen…it is a scary thought, though. I’ve also been apalled at what some people have said to me during my pregnacy…particulary comments about my changing shape. I will definitely check out the two posts cited above.
I’m not only not in the process of preparing for pregnancy yet, my fiance and I don’t even know if we WANT children yet (and he’s 33!) yet I’m still obsessed with all the information. I want to know everything!
I think I am somewhere in the middle of this issue – I want to know enough to be informed, but not so much that I am stressed and worried about every single thing that could go wrong. I am going to be worried enough when I am pregnant, I don’t need everyone and their brother sharing horror stories! I read Jenna’s post and was surprised to learn some of the things she had written about her body after delivery.
With all that said, I think people should just be considerate towards the mother. Maybe she asks about the gory details. In that case, tell her what you are comfortable with. Otherwise, spare the details. If she wants to know, she will ask!
I just read Anna’s post about recovering from childbirth and winced a few times, remembering what it was like after I had my first son almost 7 years ago. One thing I want to point out to any first-time moms out there is that each delivery gets SIGNIFICANTLY easier – not just having the baby, but the recovery. By the time I had my 4th son last fall, I was at 100% within 2 days and the weight came off quicker, too. With my 1st son, I swore to everyone he would be an only child because it was sooooo awful but it didn’t take me long (19 months) to be back in there with #2!
I had a c-section, so was always curious what the recovery was like for a vaginal birth. I have to say… it seems tougher than those of us who had c-sections. I definitely did not have to worry about any tears, ice packs.. etc… I still bled like no other for a few weeks, and had issues passing a bowel movement. I mean… I had my stitches removed before I left the hospital! Granted, I was there 2 days longer than most c-section mommies b/c of Bobby being a preemie, but still… Thanks for sharing !!!
I wrote a similar postpartum blog for those that wanted to know, but honestly? not so sure I would have wanted to know. I would never have been able to relax! at the same time, I wanted to know absolutely everything about pregnancy so I guess I’m kind of split…
i’d want to know everything so that i wouldn’t think i was dying, or going thru something “not normal”! yikes!! women are BRAVE.
I saw Jenna’s post and it scared the living daylights out of me. It makes me not want to have kids!! I think I’ve already decided on a c-section and I’m not even pregnant! I don’t want stretch marks, I’m deathly afraid of that. On the other hand I love to know what to expect–yeah I’m nuts 🙂