We’ve been married for two years now. We’ve had a baby, quit two jobs, and TC started his own practice. Things haven’t exactly been easy peasy and completely carefree. We’ve had a lot on our plates and we’ve leaned on each other heavily to get through each obstacle, challenge, and triumph.
We’ve had our share of snippy moments. I’m passionate, vocal, and loud. I never hold back. If something is wrong and TC asks me what’s wrong, I give him the full story and rarely come up for air. If something is bothering him, it takes a while for me to get to the bottom of it and it takes him a while to open up. He’s agreeable (for the most part) and goes with the flow.
So our communication styles are very different. He’s a thinker and I’m impulsive. And this has led to a few tense moments in our short two years.
But then things get right back to normal and we’re laughing, joking, and going about our day just enjoying the little moments together.
We heard a couple of stories this weekend about failed marriages or marriages that seem to be in in trouble, and the whole time we’re hearing this we kept looking over at each other. And each time I looked at my husband, I loved him even more.
No matter how many fits Hudson throws in a day that put me at my wits end or how many stressful days of work and sleepless nights that TC is faced with, we’re in this together. We chose this life. We chose to love each other in the midst of career, family, baby, mortgages, and crazy cone-wearing dogs. And sometimes when hearing about someone else’s struggles, it helps us stop to think, look at each other, and know that we’ve got it made.
We’ve got it made in the midst of poopy diapers, leaking roofs, old cars that we refuse to give up on, bill-paying, meal-planning, and all of the daily responsibilities.
Long weekends are always so great. I feel like on a regular weekend, the time flies by and between 7:00 p.m. on Friday night and 8:00 a.m. on Monday morning we still have a lot of responsibility. Between taking care of Hudson and the dogs, we have church activities and home maintenance responsibilities. We spend time together, but we’re still wrapped up in the “have tos.”
This weekend we were able to truly relax and spend good time together. We got to see a movie together and cook together and at the end of the day I know that I learned a little more about my husband.
But even without a date night or official plans, it’s possible to get that same feeling while just sitting in your home. As long as you’re doing something together. And you remember to laugh.
How do you keep that feeling alive in the midst of babies, houses, careers, and responsibilities?
Love this so much. We have almost been married for 2 years and it has been tough at times but totally worth it. It has flown by. Many of our best moments are just hanging out at home. 🙂
This post is so sweet! You guys are great together, anyone reading this can see that.
Marriage is a lot of work and compromising by two people who love each other… it’s not always perfect but it is so comforting to know you found the right companion in life who loves, honors and supports you! If it is possible I feel more more love for my husband with every day that passes and every compromise we make for each other.
Great picture of you guys!
WOW!!! I’m not even married and don’t have kids and this really encouraged me Erin. Thank you!!!!! 🙂
First, what a cute picture! Love your dog! We have a black lab and are thinking of adding (or I am trying to convince hubs to add) a golden to the mix.
We have been married for 4 1/2 years, no children but a crazy work schedule (his, I do not have a job 🙁 makes the time we spend more apart then together. It has not been easy, there have been MANY times we both wanted to just throw our hands in the air and say “I’m done”. But like you said, we choose this path, we went in with our eyes fully open to who the other was, we knew that the career path was not an “easy” one, that it meant alot of extra stress and very little pay, alot of nights and days apart from each other but we decided it together. Together we fight but together we also stand. It is really hard some times to see the full picture or to understand why something is the way it is but we have chosen no matter how hard, how stressful or exhausting at the end of the day we are still a unit.
I feel like I could’ve written this myself! This is exactly my husband and me. We are almost at 2 years and had a baby boy 7 months ago. We have gone through a job each and I’ve quit mine to be a SAHM. I love our life together, but you’re right that it takes work and things do get rocky. I agree that sometimes it takes you taking a look at what’s going on around you to appreciate what you’ve got. And sometimes a movie at home snuggled up on the couch is SO much better than finding a sitter, getting dressed (ha!), and spending money. We look for the little things every day and try not to go to sleep mad at one another. It takes work, but it’s SO worth it!
Sometimes it has to be a conscience effort to be still, push aside the thoughts of everything that needs to be done, and just enjoy the moment! It’s SO easy to get caught up in life that sometimes we forget just how good it is! SO glad you enjoyed your weekend!
I love this post! It seems like my husband and I never have any time together between work schedules during the week and household chores on weekends. We are going on ten years of marriage and have a baby on the way so we have a pretty happy little routine that I know will be turned upside down! I am nervous about making time for one another. One piece of advice that I always try to live by is don’t go to bed angry…like you Erin if something is on my mind I hash it out almost immediately. I also remember reading in one of your blogs you try to be in a good mood when your husband comes home. That may sound like a simple thing but I’m sure after a day of no sleep and where my little one has thrown tantrums it might be difficult. Many of my SAHM friends were plagued with the “get me out of this house” syndrome after their husbands arrived home from work. I cannot wait to read everyone’s feedback on this one.
Love everything about this post. I could describe Kevin & I exactly as you did… I’m impulsive and he’s a thinker– which leads to some communication gaps and frustrating moments. But, just as you guys witnessed over the weekend– marriage is tough stuff. It’s not always easy, it takes work, and the grass really isn’t greener on the other side. Every marriage has its strengths, its weaknesses, its good times, and its bad times… it’s how you handle them, and how you treat and respect one another in the midst of it all that either has you celebrating anniversaries or throwing in the towel. I respect you so much and love reading about another Christian mom and wife that isn’t afraid to say, “it’s hard sometimes” but is committed to seeing it through! Have a blessed week.
So sweet! I have heard so many stories lately about people our age who are either divorcing or headed that way. It makes me grateful for my relationsihp and also makes me wnat to work harder to ensure that it is not us headed in that direction. I love this post! And I love you two together. Your personalities compliment each other nicely!
I love this. We’re only at a year and I feel like we have already learned and grown and worked through so much together. I feel so very fortunate that though so many things have gone “wrong,” ie huge, unexpected expenses, deaths in the family, and now a lingering and worrisome health issue, we’ve only turned toward each other and built each other up. I, too, fall more in love with my husband every time we steal a glance across a table and know that we, too, have it made.
To the smug married people! Happy two years!
Marriage can be tough. For sure. Sometimes it’s hard not to get caught up in the little things. Especially hard when you’re still figuring out life with a little one in the mix. I’ve found that when I step back and take a second look at why I’m frustrated or annoyed with my husband, it is usually over something that isn’t very important in the grand scheme of things. 🙂 Funny how that happens. Really lovely post, Erin!
I’ve been married for 7 years and we have 2 kids, a newborn and a 2 year old. Life is always hectic and it is important to make time for each other even when you can’t get a sitter or have a real date night. My husband and I make time together every night after both kids are asleep, even if its just for 30 minutes before they’re up again! What you said about marriage is refreshing, I feel like it’s so common place for people to give up on marriage at the slightest bump in the road. It’s tough and not always fun, but it’s worth it.
Happy Happy Happy 2 Years!
I think acknowledging that marriage is hard is the first step – after all, the best things are rarely easy, right?! I’ve always been a big believer in the concept that while we generally fall in love pretty easily, we have to really work to continue to love… “Love is a verb, not a noun” and all that jazz. Yes, it’s a practical concept – not the stuff of fairy tales – but I also think it’s a romantic one…. much like saying each and every day “I chose you once and I continue to actively choose you every moment, from here on out.”
Loved this post!!
Happy 2 years! Congrats! 🙂
Happy 2 years!!
Tomorrow I was actually going to write a post about fighting fair (which I don’t). But you’re right, we’ve got it made and are so damn blessed and lucky every.single.day!!
xoxo
Gosh, so much I could relate to about this post. I’ve been married for a little over 2 years…no kids, but 3 stepkids. These past 2 years have been so challenging for me…for lots of reasons I don’t have space to go into without writing my own blog post 🙂 Our communication styles are so different as well, just like yours and your husband’s. This has been one thing we’ve really come a long way with. I think the truly awesome thing about marriage is you do know that the other person is in it for the long haul. The commitment “forces” us to work it out. I’ve seriously grown more as a person in these past 2 years than all the previous put together…it feels like! Not only that, but we are such a better couple. Marriage is sweet and I would highly recommend it to anyone 🙂
Wonderful post! My husband and I have been married a year and a half and have had our share of spats and hard times. But like you, the good far outweighs the tough stuff, and I feel like I love him more every day. It feels so wonderful to know I got this one right. 🙂
Happy two years! That is so exciting!
How cute are you two and your doggie? We have a golden too, but he’s red.
We’ve been married 8 years this month and it is definately give and take. I love that no matter what, I can still look at my husband and love him more every day. Even in the worst argument, I cannot ever imagine my life without him. Much like you said. Your post is a beautiful tribute to your marriage and you’ll have many, many more great times ahead! It only gets better 🙂
Fabulous post! A beautiful tribute, and reminder, that there is always good lurking – even if it seems to be all bad sometimes.
Cute photo, and happy 2 years!
I know what you mean. I’m definitely more vocal and quick to get upset, whereas Chris likes to think about whether or not he should be upset, and if he is upset, whether or not it’s worthwhile to discuss it. Such a thinker! We were discussing marriages at church this weekend, too {must’ve been a marriage weekend}, and one of the single guys said he didn’t understand why things like bills and stressors would weaken a marriage. He said that, in his opinion, it should only make people stronger. Chris and I both wanted to chuckle a little and say, “Oh boy – you have NO idea”. I think that when you have 2 sinful, selfish people put together, there are going to be sparks, and not always the good kind, ha ha! Our first 2 years were kind of rough, but the longer we’re together, the more we know each other. We know what sets the other on edge and can tell if we’re heading towards an argument. I’ve learned to be more patient, and Chris has learned to be more open. We love to spend time together – watching movies, taking walks, going out with friends – and have learned to pick our battles. I think that, for us, making sure that we’re on the same page and heading towards the same goals is what makes all the difference and makes it worthwhile 🙂
What a sweet post! I think you hit the nail on the head; you have to spend time together. Sometimes amidst the houses, babies, dogs, errands etc. we forget that as unromantic as it may be, we need to carve out time for our marriage. If it fails, all those other things will become even harder to handle. I love that you said “remember to laugh.” It is the best cure for when things get too serious.
Congratulations, and I love reading your blog. I think that the key is no matter how frustrated, tired, etc. you become you know that you’re in this for the long haul. The difference between a successful marriage and an unsuccessful one is that in the successful one two people decided to stick it out. No marriage is without its “moments”. Unfortunately, we live in a society that says if the going gets tough run away and do what feels good not what’s right. I’ll be married for 7 years in July which isn’t too incredibly long, but in the past 7 years we’ve had our ups and downs and some pretty decent fights. But I know without a doubt that as long as we’re both on this earth we’ll be together no question about it.
So well said. I hate seeing people our age (or anyone for that matter), get a divorce, or even seeing a relationship on rocky ground makes me upset.
I think Kate said it best above when she said you have start by recognizing that marriage is hard stuff. Isn’t that the truth? Marriage has been wonderful and beautiful, but I’ll be the first to stand up and say it’s truly difficult some days.
One little thing J and I do each day (or we try to do), is to go for a walk in the evening with the dog. We call them our “family walks”. Even when I’m grumpy and tired from a bad day and I don’t want to go, these walks never cease to pick me up. Sometimes we don’t want to make the time for our spouse or family because we are so drained, but that time together of just talking and being together is my favorite part of most days.
Beautiful post. Y’all sound exactly like my husband and I! Marriage is tough, but having your best friend beside you each day makes the hard times easier and the good times more fun. Cheers to your first two years and may you be blessed with many more.
Thank you for posting this! I needed to read that other people are sometimes in the same situations we are in at times. It gets so busy at times you forget to stop and enjoy each other. I love what Rachel said about marriage being wonderful and beautiful, but everyone has their difficult days.
Thanks for this great post!
…”We chose this life. We chose to love each other in the midst of career, family, baby, mortgages, and crazy cone-wearing dogs.”
So true. Tomorrow marks 6 months since I walked down the aisle, I was so happy to see this reminder today. 🙂 Have to go give my guy a hug and kiss.
I think having a realistic idea of what marriage is and isn’t makes a big difference. If you know you’re in it together no matter what, you can get through anything with a little work. Great post! I like reading these kinds of posts because they remind me to appreciate my own marriage too 🙂
Practicing the basics in relationships is always important. The hard part is being consistent in the long run. Great post. Also, in my terminology, your communication style is more interpersonal and your husband’s more intrapersonal. My wife and I are opposite. Thanks.
I loved this post…I have been married for 4 years…we have 3 kids and one on the way (a daughter and a set of twins)….this past weekend, our long fun-filled weekend planned with our kiddos plus some couple time while my parents were going to babysit…ended quickly on Friday because one kiddo got fever…then the other…then the other…so with 3 sick kids my husband and i leaned on each other for support for each other and each child and then broke the craziness with laughter and jokes…and flirting 🙂 It is so comforting to have a man that can make any situation better…laughter is truly our best medicine.
I love this post. I wish more people realized what hard work a marriage is. I look at so many of my friends and I think they are just in a marriage for all the external things (vacation homes, cute family photos, volvo wagon, just the right pre school, monogrammed diaper covers) and not the deeper, more important issues. If you don’t have true love and a deep, hard earned relationship you don’t have a thang!
Happy two years!
My husband and I just celebrated our first year, and like so many couples, it’s been a year of ups and downs. We’ve dealt with unemployment, the stresses of every day life, and little arguments here and there. But all in all, I am so glad to have him, and so blessed to call him my partner.
Thank you for posting a reminder that there are couples out there who are making it work. Sometimes it’s a struggle, but it’s ALWAYS worth it! Be blessed!
Great post. Being married and having kids is not easy. You really have to work at that having that great relationship. This post is pretty much my entire life in a nutshell right (except for the dogs with cones–that just made me laugh). I couldn’t have said it better. Everyday I just have to thank God for what he has given me.
yay! Hubby and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years and it has been some of the best years, despite various stressful situations. Each day we go to work and just look forward to coming home to each other even if we’re just going to be chilling at home, cooking dinner & watching tv 🙂
So good of you to do such a post! Thoughts for all couples to consider. Think you and your readers would like my little book “A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage” (Boston Globe #1 pick) — come by and visit @ http://www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com
Continued best wishes!
I really enjoyed this post! I’m 24 and not married, and part of that is because I value marriage so much. It frustrates me when people make vows and “choose this life” as you put it, and then run when things get difficult. So, I’d rather stay single than marry someone who doesn’t value the hard work along with the love and happiness the same as me! I truly want to be married, for all of it, not just the wonderful but the mundane as well. I actually had someone tell me the other day that I’m “getting to the age” of singleness where I’m going to have to accept that I might marry someone who has been married before-and for me, that’s not acceptable. I don’t want to marry someone who at our young age (or any age!) believes that divorce is even an option! When I get married, it’ll be for the long haul, through everything. So, I’m SO glad to hear of married couples who feel the same way, gives me hope that someday that might be me. 🙂
Having come from a failed marriage into my new life with Marty, I can tell you the difference: it’s all about the commitment. I was into my first marriage ’til death do us part, but sadly, my ex was not. He checked out long before the marriage officially ended. It was horrible to have to admit the failure, but I knew that I would put the same amount of energy and love and commitment into my next marriage, if God ever deemed fit to give me one. And He did, and I married Marty KNOWING that he had the same level of commitment. I’ve never even once doubted it, which is totally a huge gift from the Lord, because if there ever would have been a doubter about the success of a marriage, it would have been me! Marty daily, hourly, sometimes even minute-to-minute says and does things to remind me of his love for me and his commitment to our partnership and life together. Even though we also have our moments (who doesn’t?), we are super-quick to erase the tension and apologize or whatever it takes to restore the peace and comfort we have together. This is a hallmark of commitment — never letting an issue set up camp between the two people. And it takes both people to prevent it. Because if that issue sets up camp, then others will follow, and soon there’s a whole wall between the spouses and sometimes, some people are just too tempted to quit and do so.
Anyway, great post. And a great reminder to me to be thankful, even minute-to-minute, for the love and commitment I have with my beloved.
I just read some of the other comments and would only like to add that sometimes, divorce happens because of one person’s choice. The other must follow when there’s no willingness to reconcile. Please, Erin’s readers, don’t judge people who are divorced. Things happen and they are heartbreaking and NOT what the person ever wanted. Let’s have the grace (and forgiveness) of Jesus when we consider the lives of other people.
Love the dinning room chairs! They are a very classic shape with a twist of color and design. Oh and the bedroom, heavenly! I fall in love with every home featured in Southern Living for some reason 🙂
Hi! I stumbled upon your blog over at Kelly’s Korner. I COMPLETELY understand the whole balancing act and I, too, feel like it is very difficult. My husband is a project manager for a construction company and drives 2 hours one way to his jobsite daily. On top of that, he runs marathons and somehow finds time to do his training runs at 4AM; thus, he has to go to bed at 8:30PM. I feel like most days, all I say is hello to him. Between working part time, raising two kids, maintaining a home, yard, running back and forth on the tee ball field, we rarely have time for one another. We try to have “date nights” but even those are few and far between but we somehow make it work. We’ve been married almost nine years and have gone through many changes- 2 children, job changes, building a home, moving back to our hometown- Whew! Makes me tired just thinking about it!
Love your post! My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years (in June!) We have several friends getting married in the next several months and we were discussing how many people don’t tell young engaged couples that it is going to be hard at first. We faced many challenges that any other couples face from learning to live with one another along with difficult careers during our first year. God taught us to sacrifice for one another and put each other first. I believe that marriage is truly a sacrificial love. That is the example God gave us and His love is made complete in us. But just like He sacrified, it comes at a price. We must sacrifice our selfish ways and learn to grow into ONE in his eyes. We enjoyed so much celebrating all the “firsts” our first year of marriage, (Christmas, etc.) along the way! We have built a home together and raised a puppy! 🙂 We know that when we do decide to have children our time together will change greatly, but we are cherishing the time we do have together now and trying to make the most of it! We have planned our dream vacation to Hawaii for our anniversary this year to celebrate!
I am curious as to ways others find time to make their marriage first and make time for each other with young children…
I am in the middle of reading a wonderful book, Love and War, by John and Stasi Eldridge that would be wonderful for many young couples who are getting married or recently married to read. It is an honest account of many thoughts and feelings married couples face and how to stand for each other and love each other each day. I highly recommend it!
Thank you for this post. There are moments when I look at my husband and think, “how much easier would it be to just quit right now”. And then, I come back to reality and realize that I did choose this, I chose him and he chose me and we are in this together, and we are in love with one another. Thanks for the reminder!
Great post. Very well said!
Hope you guys had a great 2 year celebration. Life is hard, but I think you just have to decide to make your marriage work. BOTH people have to make that decision. I am so thankful that I married someone that agrees on that point with me.
Oh my word- I’m crying over here reading this… this post is absolutely beautiful! Because of some things that God has done in our lives and our marriage, I’m extremely passionate about this subject. Thanks for posting this and for the reminder that sometimes just “being” is the best thing you can do for your marriage.
Beautifully written!