A lot of people offered unsolicited advice about pregnancy and motherhood and I tried to let a lot of it go in one ear and out the other. One of my mom’s clients, however, offered some unsolicited advice via email and I printed that email off and saved it. She was a new mother at the time and was basically letting me know the lessons that she was learning as a new mom.
These are the things I’ve learned so far. I’m not suggesting that anyone use what I’ve learned, but I’m using this as an opportunity to track my thoughts and using it as a bit of a journal.
You’re on your own timeline, schedule, and comfort level.
Other new moms may have gone out to dinner with their new baby when they were just two days old. Some have been taking them to church when they’re only a week old. It all depends on what works for you. We have taken Hudson to three places: his doctor, my doctor, and my in-law’s house. One reason is because I ended up having another follow up surgery after the delivery and have been put on bed rest except for taking care of the baby. Leaving the house and driving wasn’t an option until yesterday. Tomorrow Hudson will be four weeks old and I think we’re going to venture to a baby-friendly restaurant for the first time. I have to try not to let myself think, “Wow, so-and-so was out with her baby weeks ago and we’re still at home. I hope nothing is wrong with us.” I remind myself that all that matters is what makes us comfortable. And right now I’m enjoying just being home with our baby.
Don’t forget about your dogs.
This has been really hard for me and I’m shocked. Our dogs were the loves of my life before the baby came and they’re still really high on my love list. It’s just so hard because Fiona (the little one) really wants to cuddle with the baby and cuddle with me. She can because she’s small and she’ll fit on the couch. Poor Boudreaux is so big that he just has to sit on the floor and watch. His tail wags really big when he gets close to the baby and I’m so excited about the day that Hudson is crawling, laughing, or walking so he can interact with Boudreaux. Because I’m still recovering, I can’t take the dogs (or the baby) for walks and we’re all just cooped up inside. That will change soon, but I just feel bad for changing the dogs’ life so drastically. They sure do love him, though!
Your life is going to change. Accept it.
The days of checking my Google Reader ten times per day are long gone. The days of responding to an email right when it comes in are gone. The same goes for returning phone calls. I used to seriously wonder why it took my mom friends so long to call me back or email me back and now I know. If you’re not a mom, it’s not a good feeling to know you owe so many people a phone call. Also trust me that you don’t want me calling you back when you’d have to have a baby screaming in your ear. It’s better to just wait with me for a quiet moment.
Your husband wasn’t born with “the instinct.”
This is very true and I’ve heard it’s true for all husbands. Women have a way of knowing what the baby wants or needs while men need to be reminded, “His diaper may need changing.” It’s okay, though. We all have to learn and figure it out our own way.
Your baby is always listening and learning. Talk to him.
I sing and read to Hudson constantly. And I love it. The easiest way to quiet him is to sing softly in his ear and within ten seconds he stops and just stares at you while you sing or read. He knows his mommy and daddy’s voices and seeing that recognition on his face is priceless and wonderful.
Just as Hudson is learning every day, so am I. The mommy job is the hardest job I’ve ever done and there’s never a dull moment. Heck, lately there’s not a free moment. Kudos to all the mommies out there that I’ve unconsciously underestimated. What is the best advice that you would give a new mom?
Sounds like you are doing great! I am sorry to hear that you had to have another surgery, I hope you are feeling better!
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You look fabulous Erin. I’m so happy for you guys and it’s just great to see everyone is doing well.
Thanks for your insight. It is definitely always appreciated 🙂
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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. I love to read opinions from new moms. It gives me the opportunity to think about how I will handle different situations when my husband and I have children one day. I hope you enjoy your holiday weekend with your beautiful family! 🙂
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You look fantastic and so, so happy!!! I thought you were glowing when you were pregnant but now you’re absolutely radiant!
The only advice I can give is to just be yourself. Do what’s right for your life & your son and don’t let anyone tell you any different. While it’s nice to know a general timeline of when others did certain things, it’s not set in stone. Everyone is different and you just need to do what’s best for YOU. It sounds to me like you’ve already learned this and are doing a great job of following it.
I’m so stinkin’ happy for you!!!!!
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Sounds like you’re doing great! Good post. The advice I like to give all new mommies is something I actually had a hard time with when I was a new mommie: “Just remember things get better and it isn’t always going to be this hard.” I remember thinking geez, is this how life is now? I’m never going to be able to do anything for myself anymore. Or, is this kid ever going to sleep? Or, how am I going to get everything done? It gets a little better each day, and you just naturally get used to the new way of doing things. Just don’t get overwhelmed by everything you need to learn and expect to be perfect at it from the beginning. It takes time.
Very wise 🙂 Sounds like you’re being levelheaded about things and doing a great job at keeping your own pace. I can’t believe that you and Kati are both moms! It’s seems like just a few years ago we were all in school, and now we’re grown, married, and having kids. Reading stuff like this helps me look forward to the time when I feel ready to have a baby 🙂
Hi there, I am PIPM’s sister-in-law and she directed me to your site. My husband and I had our first son in February, so I felt so emotional recalling his first few weeks from reading your blog. After a couple weeks, I received a gift from an old family friend who said she wished that I could understand that caring for a baby gets so much easier, so quickly. I didn’t quite understand what she meant, but I will say that I fell into my “groove” around 10 weeks. Everything seemed easier. And you will definitely feel a difference, too. Other mom friends felt this change as early as 6-8 weeks, but it took me a little longer. I just love your sweet pictures! Best of luck to you and your family.
I’m glad you are doing well. I bet its a huge adjustment. I’m excited for all the changes eventually 🙂 Maybe in a year or two I’ll be talking about a new baby 🙂
Hudson looks great, you are doing a fabulous job! At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark Card or Country Song my advice would seriously be “Don’t Blink”. It goes by so quick!
“They’ll be gone before you know it. The fingerprints on the wall appear higher and higher. Then suddenly they disappear.”
– Dorothy Evslin
I really do try and keep this in mind when I am shushing my little guy while trying to talk on the phone,scraping play doh off my wallpaper, or unearthing legos from the vacuum. Cherish every moment!
erin..you are very wise and insightful..keep enjoying your precious litle guy..
What a great photo and I love the advice! It is great to hear this info for those of us who don’t yet have kids. I can’t believe it has already been 4 weeks.
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I hope that you’re feeling better after ther second surgery :(.You’ re doing a great job !!!
Erin u luk wonderful so s the little cuddly guy there.. all the things u said are true.. i also felt the same way wen i had my baby.. but now everything seems easy.. though wat u said is true.. ” the mommy job is the hardest job in the world.. and u ll know it only when u become a mommy :)”
That is great advice, and I hope I remember all of that if I ever become a mom. You look fantastic, the role of mommy suits you wonderfully!!
I love this post, so true. I felt guilty after having my baby that I did not have him at “mommy and me” classes right away like a lot of people I know did. I had to wait until I felt ready and I soon realized it was about what worked for us not what others are doing….
You really do look great! I’m most nervous that my husband might have the instinct instead of me. He has a magic touch with every child he comes into contact with. Me? Not so much.
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You look awesome Erin! You sound like you’re figuring out what works best for you and that’s great. I always worry about the dog vs. child relationship because I love my pups so much! Good to know it tends to work out ok..
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Since I am pregnant with my first I try to listen to everyone’s advice but I definitely know what you mean about unsolicited advice – just ask my OB who got a very worried phone call from me because one of my colleagues told me I’d likely miscarry because I had absolutely no morning sickness! I do try to soak it all in and hear different perspectives mainly because I know our situation could be very much the same or very different. Somehow, we all manage to make it work!
PS – you look gorgeous!
I have no advice to give you, but all I will say is to love, laugh, and live each and every day how you deem worthy…and know that there are people all around you and all over the world who love you!!
xoxo
Like others, I have no new mommy advice, but it sounds to me like you are doing such a wonderful job. Taking one day at a time is the key to any new change in life, and you are doing just that!! Being a mommy is one of the most challenging jobs in the world and you seem to be finding your own way.
And btw….you look so great in this cute picture with little Hudson 🙂
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Your tips are wonderful, I wish I had read this post while my baby boy was little. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself. I know you are a great mommy, but you can’t neglect yourself either! The pic of you and your precious baby boy is adorable.
Hi,
Love your blog and was looking through some of your old posts and was wondering if you had any tips for using the Canon Rebel xsi? I just got one as a gift and would love to know how to use it better…
Thanks!
ps
Your baby is absolutely precious!
Thanks for this post. I’m going to print it and pull it out once our baby is born. It’s already hard having every woman want to share what her pregnancy was like and the delivery stories are scaring me beyond words….
Any suggestions on strollers??
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Erin, you are precious and so is sweet baby hudson! We’ve been saying lots
of prayers that your adjustment has been smooth and easy! My advice for a new mommy would be to spend special time with your hubby! It’s hard to find the exta time sometimes, but it’s such an important gift for your baby! Enjoy these sweet cuddly days! Love you
I coudn’t agree with you more on all points!!!!!
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I know this is a bit late but I will put in my 2 cents anyways…take time to enjoy everyday. It goes by so quickly, and you don’t want to miss anything. Also, invest in a nice camera and take pictures of the day to day things. I love looking back over our photos and seeing the things my daughter loved at 6, 9, 12 months, etc.
I hope you’re recovering well. It sounds like you’ve got a good handle on being Hudson’s mommy!
i love this post… i love it.. I want to print it off! I love the dog part.. i actually cried the other night thinking about the dogs… bec they are the love of my life right now and I know that has to change and it is just part of it, I just dont want the lil dog to hate me.
My pedi told us it is good to stay away from overly busy places…. so it is good you havent gotten out and about…. i think being on your own pace is great!!
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You have no idea how much I loved reading this!! I will take all solicited and unsolicited advice I can handle 🙂 I will be printing this also 🙂
That pic is OH SO adorable!
It would be so fun to all meet up! I think your advice was well-put. My sister just had her first baby three months ago, and she is definitely still learning and I know their life has changed a lot. She is doctor so she has recently had to learn how to part with him during the day. I will definitely remember these tidbits whenever I start thinking about babies!
Girl, I LOVE the things you’ve listed and you are off to a terrific start! Not that I’m the ‘chairwoman of good mommy awards’ or anything.. But hey..I DID have 4 of my very own and managed to get them all to adulthood still breathing, taking care of their personal needs ( or at least I HOPE! LOL), and functioning pretty well in society. Some of those things you listed, I was still struggling with instead of just coming to terms with..until maybe the 2nd baby.. so well done!
There is an age old saying and even a poem has been written about it that often hangs on nursery walls.. “They grow up soo fast! Enjoy every second!!!” The poem being, Quiet down, cobwebs! Dust, go to sleep! I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep!” Sitting here in my lovely home that until about 2 weeks a go, I shared with not only my hubby and my parents ( I am partially handicapped & my folks are now in their 70s and though they are pretty active still..we decided to sell our 2 homes & buy a big 4 bedroom, 2 bath split plan home, move in together and watch out for each other..) so that we could all look out for each other..( mainly for ME!) ugh.. Also living with us on weekends, was my 25 year old son. He was going to a local Bible college in another town, but goes to church in the town we live in ..so it was just way more convenient on weekends. Erin, it was such a blessing having him here! He was our one child that really fled out into the world..and boy ..did he try out the prodigal son character.. 🙁 🙁 BUT..God used it to bring him back to us! ( thank You AGAIN, Lord!) Saying above that he was attending Bible college says it all! From mosh pits and drugs on weekends to church and Bible training! God is an awesome GOD!!!! Well..he got married on June 20th. He married a beautiful girl, Joanna. She is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I just love my new daughter in love!
But, Erin??? What happened to the 3 years that he had to go to Bible college? Come on! I KNOW it couldn’t be finished already!!!??!!! Someone MUST have messed around with the calendar!
The other example I wanted to give you of this is about my youngest. Robbie was born with some physical problems. It was tough diagnosing because he didn’t fit into any certain health condition. He had low muscle tone and we were told he had floppy baby syndrome. At 6 to 12 months old when most babies hold themselves up to a comfortable sitting on your hip as you hold them, he would just flop forward like a newborn would. He about a year late developmentally because of it. He also had some mild seizures. Any time he got a cold, it would go into pneumonia because he didn’t have the tone to cough hard enough to keep the gunk out of his chest, etc.. He was such a sweet good-natured baby! By that, you would hardly know he was ill. God provided us a very special preschool in the Orlando area that for ‘at risk’ kids that Robbie was able to go to that helped him a lot.
The morning of it that I had in mind was his very first day at the preschool ( and my first leaving him for anything much longer than a church service.) He did very good letting me leave.. sniff sniff.. and I went to the mall to look around and get my mind off of how much I missed my little buddy! All of a sudden walking through the children’s clothing department, I heard a little boy of probably about 2 crying and his mother saying to him, ” I get so tired of you and the way you act, James. I will be soooo glad when you grow up and I can have some to myself again.” My heart just sunk. I didn’t say anything to her, but I thought to myself.. “Lady! Enjoy him while you have him! You don’t understand how fast these days are going to pass and he WILL be gone from you..and you will wish you hadn’t said those things.” Of course, I then remembered all the times I would hear adults tell new parents that same thing! When you are in the middle of the diaper changing and crying and long nights and not knowing just exactly what is wrong.. then the terrible twos and into the pre-teens and then the teens themselves, etc.. You do have a tendency to think that over and over.. From one more middle aged mom to a new mommy, as tears fill my eyes with bittersweet memories.. Enjoy every second! Do just what you are doing by talking to him, singing to him, reading to him! Its so amazing how much and how soon they start learning the things you say and read to them.. But even more, the day will come when he doesn’t fit like he used to in your arms .. right now, its perfect! and it will always be amazing to give him hugs and hold him & have him hold you back, but it won’t be the same as when they are babies and children! So be indulgent about it! Just love him as much as you can! Sounds like you are doing a great job already!
ms lynn
When I was being discharged from the hospital….my little one’s pedi came in for the final “check”. He told me something that has stuck with me…. “Do what makes you and your baby happy. If you have a happy child, you’re doing it right. ” Those two simple sentences have stuck with me to this day. My child will be 2 in August! There were times when I had to remind myself of this. It sure isn’t always easy but being a mother is not for the weak as I’m sure you’re finding out. Most difficult and most rewarding job EVER!
I’m not a Mother but once heard someone criticizing the way a Mother was raising her child and the other person’s responce was “God gave those parents that child for a reason and he wants THEM to raise him.” It made me realize how important it is to encourage parents in what they are doing and how they are raising their children, even if you would do it differently.
You are so right about doing what feels good to you right now and just making sure your baby is taken care of and happy! And remember that each baby will be different and you will have to adjust again and again – that’s what motherhood is all about! Enjoy your baby now while he is so little and not running around getting into everything. I think God makes 18 month old’s ridiculously adorable because otherwise you could get REALLY mad at them and some of the naughty things they do!
Sorry i am just responding. I had our little girl on May 8th. Many people made fun of me because we never left the house for at least 4-5 weeks because 1: she was colicky and cried all the time 2: she never napped 3: she HATED her carseat. All of friends were having newborns and taking them out in 2 weeks and I felt like a crazy mom…but it worked for us. Your little boy is gorgeous!