Erin Akin Carroll

Wednesday mish mash

May152013

1. Today is Hayes’s last day of school. I can’t even talk about it without getting a lump in my throat. I have loved his sweet teachers and his little classmates. Every week, three days a week, for three hours a day he has excitedly entered his little classroom, greeted his teachers with enthusiasm and was loved on all morning by these sweet ladies. It was a wonderful year for him and I’m sad it is coming to a close.

2. I’ve been addicted to watching Scandal. The first season is only 7 episodes, and I plowed through them. I’m halfway through season 2 already and I’ve filled up my DVR with new shows this week because I only want to watch Scandal in the evenings. It’s so good!

3. The boys’ birthday party is this weekend, and I think I’m ready for it. I’ve not done a whole lot of crafting, but I have lots of fun Peter Pan props and decorations. I’m just excited for them to have a day to celebrate and play with their friends!

4. My brother has been here since Friday. Uncle Walker is so much fun and my boys just love being around him and playing with him. We’ve gone to the zoo and played in the yard a lot. Even Boudreaux is happy to have him around.

5. We got a cookie cake for Mother’s Day. Is there anything more wonderful than a cookie cake?

6. I loved all of your questions for me, and I’m excited to have some new blog post ideas!

7. I’ve been working a little bit on a loose “summer schedule.” Of course I want the summer to be low key and lots of fun, but I always want to have a little bit of structure to our day so my boys know a little bit about what to expect. I’ve got some ideas for fun things for Hudson and Hayes to learn and play while having fun! And some different ways to be intentional about making the most of our summer.

8. This post is short because I have to go watch another episode of Scandal. I can’t help myself!

because when he's ready, I'm there to listen

Filed Under: boy mom, Faith

May132013

On the way home from church last week, Hudson started talking to us about Sunday school.

Sunday mornings in the car usually involve lots of voices talking over each other. We turn down the music so we can try to pick up on at least one thought from one of the boys. And it’s rare that Hudson just starts telling us a story spontaneously.

I’ve heard from other boy moms that the day will come when my boys will stop talking to me. They won’t open up anymore. The day will likely come when they’ll come back around, but between now and then, there will be a day when they start keeping things to themselves.

We’ve learned with Hudson that it usually will take us doing something with him to get him to talk about his day or to tell us what is bothering him. We’ll work puzzles and he’ll open up. Or we’ll be throwing the ball and he’ll talk about his day. He has used these opportunities to tell us when someone did something funny or when someone hurt his feelings.

On this particular day in the car, Hudson started telling us about his friends in Sunday school. I’d ask him about someone and he’d say, “He’s a nice boy” or “she’s a nice girl.” Very simple.

I asked him about another child in his class that day and he said, “No, she’s not a nice girl.” And I said, “Oh no. Why not?”

And very matter-of-factly, Hudson said, “Because she said I was ugly.”

My heart sank. How could we possibly have a child who is old enough to deal with something like this?

Todd and I locked eyes, and Todd said to Hudson, “Well, what did you say to her?”

Hudson smiled and very innocently said, “I told her that I’m not ugly. I’m a nice boy.”

It was so simple. And in Hudson’s mind, “ugly” means “not nice.” Because that’s how we use the word at home.

I know that I can’t protect him from everything, but when his sweet little voice insisted that he was a nice boy, I started to cry. My heart broke. I was wearing my sunglasses and Hudson couldn’t see my tears, but Todd reached over and grabbed my hand. I’m sure he was wondering what in the world was wrong with me.

I don’t want my boy to have hurt feelings. But I loved his sweet, quiet confidence.

We know that kids say all kinds of things to hurt each other’s feelings, and I know that Hudson will do the same to someone someday, if he hasn’t already.

We’re praying that we will raise brave kids who can face the day and face their peers with confidence.

In that moment, we didn’t get all deep with Hudson. We told him that we were sorry that his feelings had been hurt, but we were proud of him for not fighting with her and for telling her that he was, indeed, a nice boy.

And just as quickly as it started, our conversation ended. Hudson started talking in his funny made-up language that he uses to try to make Hayes laugh, and all the loud noise in the car started up again.

Maybe that day will come when he stops opening up to me. Or maybe it will be just like it was that day, where Hudson runs in to tell me something really important, really quickly, and then he runs out to do more “important” things.

No matter what happens, I’ll always be there to listen.

the reasons I celebrate

Filed Under: Uncategorized

May122013

I have some funny thoughts about Mother’s Day. I know it’s just a Hallmark holiday and it’s not to be taken too seriously. So we don’t really take it all that seriously in our house. There are cards, and my kids’ teachers were sweet enough to help them make some handprint gifts for them to give to me. Those are really the sweetest things about the whole day.

I don’t take Mother’s Day very seriously until I look at my children. And then I am overcome with emotions about what it means to be their mother. I am the one that is celebrating because Hudson and Hayes Carroll are my boys.

And what an incredible gift that is.

I am not a perfect mother. I lose my temper. I snap at them. I don’t always give them my undivided attention. I could stand to play with them more and there are many times when I wish I could hit a “mute” button at our house.

They are not perfect children. They don’t always obey and they don’t eat all their vegetables. Or, really, any vegetables except green beans. They throw tantrums in public over silly things. But they are my boys.

And it’s when I stop, and look Hudson right in the eyes while he’s grinning at me and saying, “let’s pretend to tickle each other and both laugh” that I see every little piece of joy in that moment. In his grin and his bright brown eyes that are smiling at me. Smiling at me because I’m looking straight at him.

I’m so thankful for his grace. Hudson has taught me the true meaning of grace. As I’ve messed up and as we’ve both navigated this journey together. He’s my first and I’m his only mama. He trusts me and he’s the one that taught me how to trust myself. He made me a mama. I anxiously tip-toed and second guessed my way through so much of his short life. And we eagerly awaited each new milestone, almost in an effort to check the box to move to the next box.

He is full of sweetness. Full of wit and hilarity. And I love so very much that we have inside jokes. I’m not sure how it’s possible that Hudson has grown up so fast, but I am no longer looking forward to his new milestones because I want time to stop.

Then there are the moments when I’m busy folding laundry and watching the news, and I finally notice that Hayes has been running circles around me just trying to get me to look at him and laugh at him. So I look up, and we both give our biggest fake laugh, and I tell him that he is so funny. And he says, “I did it, Mommy!”

Yes, my sweet Hayes. He is the one that got me to relax as a mother. He’s the one that showed me that I don’t have to walk around with tension in my shoulders as I wait for the next new motherhood moment that will challenge me. Hayes is the one that has made us all laugh and lighten up and just enjoy each day for what it is. And we aren’t always anticipating the next big milestone. I’m not second-guessing myself.

I know that perfection is unattainable. We’re soaking up each day in a new way.

Maybe that’s how it always is the second time around.

So, today, on this Mother’s Day, I am thankful for the mama that my boys have helped me to be. And I pray daily that I can grow and show them the way to the Father.

reads for your Mother's Day weekend

Filed Under: Uncategorized, weekend reading

May112013

All of my featured posts for this week are related to Mother’s Day and the love for our mothers and our children. And some of the lessons we’ve learned as mothers and children.

Why Mother’s Day Is For the Birds from A Holy Experience- Goodness, I loved this post. I think one of my issues with Mother’s Day is that it can feel so forced and like such a Hallmark holiday. I truly don’t need a day for my children to celebrate me. It makes some people hurt and makes some feel great, but we all know the truth. And the truth is that being a mother is far from perfect, and no holiday is going to change that. I’m so thankful for His grace and His goodness, to get us through! And I’m so thankful for the opportunity to raise my children that He blessed me with.

The Truth About Step-Mothering from The Things I’m Learning- Anna has the sweetest heart. You should absolutely be reading her blog. She wrote a fantastic post about what it means to be a “step mother” to her boys. I’d love for you to read it.

Mother’s Day Is For Everyone from Courtney DeFeo- I just love Courtney’s heart for moms and for kids. This is a beautiful post about how Mother’s Day may be so hard for some and so joyful for others. And I love the sweet words she wrote to her girls.

When I Think This Mom Gig is Hard from Home With the Boys- Erin wrote a great post about perspective and the ways we can think of other mothers around the world and how we can support them through Compassion International.

So God Made a Mother: When The Giving Tree is Really The Giving Mother from A Holy Experience- Another post from Ann Voskamp this week, but this one just gave me chills. I loved the way she described mothers and the things that mothers do and the ways that mothers give. It’s a beautiful post.

Top 10 Favorite Skinny Mother’s Day Brunch Recipes from Skinny Taste- As always, Skinny Taste has the best low-calorie recipes and this list has all Mother’s Day recipe ideas.

My Advice: Take the Damn Photo from Classy and Fabulous- Sarah wrote the sweetest to-the-point post about why it is so important to just get in the picture with our moms and our kids. Take pictures! You won’t regret it.

Fifty Two Shades of Shay: Blogging from Mix and Match Family- Shay put together a great list of tips and advice from some amazing bloggers. If you are interested in blogging or growing your blog, this is worth checking out. I was honored that she included me in that list.

Coming Unglued from The Averitt Fam- Sweet Jill linked up with us for Build ‘Em Up and I just love her wisdom and insight for how to handle those moments when we come unglued.

The Her Kentucky blog is hosting a really neat link up for you to share your story of Mother’s Day. They’re inviting everyone to share the joy and the sorrow and to simply share what Mother’s Day means to you.

«Previous Page